Kyle Anderman stared up at the purple topless girl hovering in the air above him and tried to make the world make sense. This is not easy in the presence of breasts, for anyone who enjoys breasts. It's not even easy when they're covered in a shirt and across the room. Kyle's eighteenth birthday had been a few weeks ago, making things even harder...pun both intended and accurate. When they were about a foot from his face, bouncing softly, pinkish purple and attached to a woman sitting with her legs crossed floating about two feet off the ground it was nearly impossible.

“Hello Master!” The impossible floating topless girl said, making things significantly harder. He forced himself to look away from her, diverting his eyes to the ancient oil lamp that still floated in place on the counter. The one she appeared to have sprung from a moment ago.

No, he told himself. That's ridiculous.

Still not allowing his eyes to stray back to what absolutely COULD NOT be a genie, he forced his mind to think logically. How had he gotten here?

Calm down, he told himself. Think. What happened this afternoon?

~Four hours ago~

The trouble started, Kyle figured, when he heard someone calling for help.

Rolling Hills High School was one of the nicer schools in town, with big buildings and shiny everything, from the semi-real wood on the walls to the gleaming glass doors. Since it was after school there weren't a lot of people in the building, so the sound of Kyle's footsteps on the carpet seemed unnaturally loud.

“So are you coming by tonight?” Evan asked. “New seasons starting up today. A couple of good ones. Red Continuum. Starblast.”

“Nah I gotta work tonight,” Kyle said.

“No wait I know you!” Evan said with a grin. “I know what you care about! Forgotten Garden starts up today too!”

Kyle sighed and looked down at his friend. He and Evan Warnick had known each other since they were babies. They'd slept in the same crib, according to Evan's mom. Over the years they'd grown closer and closer, a friendship bolstered by the fact that they were—well, outcasts wasn't the right word. Outcasts implied someone had actually cast them out, which wasn't what had happened. They weren't shunned or hated, exactly, they were just...overlooked. And their natural instinct wasn't to reach out, so life in Rolling Hills kind of flowed around them the way water flows around rocks in a riverbed.

Someone might have mistaken them for brothers if they had looked anything alike. Kyle was on the tall side and actually had a fairly athletic body. This was not by choice, but circumstances had made him a good runner and he'd even been on the track team for a while until his hatred of crowds watching him made him quit. Evan, on the other hand, looked like he might blow away in a strong wind. He was short and very, very skinny. Unlike Kyle he needed glasses, which he adjusted a little as he stared up at Kyle's face.

“I told you,” Kyle said. “I gotta work tonight.”

“Skip it!” Evan said, waving a hand dismissively.

“I can't,” Kyle said. “I need the money. Besides, my grandpa might be a wacko but he's helped me out a lot. I owe him you know? And I'm probably gonna be in the back, I can watch the premiers while I do inventory.”

“Alright alright fine,” Evan said. “But you're starting to turn into a pretty boring guy--”

That was when they heard the call for help.

“What was that?” Kyle said, moving through the hallways towards the noise.

“Not our business?” Evan suggested, but he followed Kyle towards the lockers where they both saw what they'd been expecting—Danny O'Brien pushing someone around. There was a freshman Kyle didn't recognize huddled at the bottom of the lockers. Kyle didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl, they were just someone small with mousy gray hair and wire rimmed glasses. They were curled up around their backpack, clutching it to their chest as Danny stood over them.

Danny O'Brien was the reason Kyle was good at running. In kindergarten, Danny had been taller and fatter than the other kids. Now as they finished their junior year Danny was taller and stronger than the other kids, a wall of muscle. But whether it came from fat or muscle Danny had always enjoyed throwing his weight around, one of those people who couldn't seem to enjoy life unless he was making sure somebody else didn't.

“Okay yeah,” Evan said. "Definitely not our business."

“We can't just leave them!” Kyle.

“So it's better we get our asses kicked then some rando we don't know?” Evan asked, but Kyle was already moving.

“Hey Danny!” Kyle shouted, stepping out into the hall. The big bully turned to glare at him.

“Get out of here Anderman,” Danny said. “You're not on my schedule today.”

“How do you keep a schedule when you can't read, write, or count?” Kyle asked.

Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I see what you're trying to do here,” Danny said. “You're trying to play big damn hero and get me to chase you instead of giving this idiot what she deserves. I'm gonna give you a chance to--” The apple core bounced off Danny's forehead. Even Kyle was a little surprise he'd thrown it, let alone remembered he had one stuffed in the side pocket of his backpack. There was a moment of tense silence.

Kyle started running before Danny started chasing. They'd been through this a few times before. Danny had literally chased Kyle onto the track team.

“You're dead, Anderman!” Danny roared, chasing after him.

You always make these promises but you never follow through, Kyle thought. He didn't say the quip out loud because he was pretty sure he'd used up all his bravery for the day. Evan wasn't around, which at first Kyle thought was good. Making himself scarce was smart, he couldn't run the way Kyle could. Kyle bolted through the halls of the school, slamming his way out of a side door and out into an alley between two school buildings. He paused, just for a moment as the door closed behind him, and saw Evan coming.

Unfortunately, Benny Gold was coming up right behind him.

Benny had only moved to town a few months ago and apparently in Danny O'Brien found a kindred spirit. Benny had instantly chosen Evan as his target of choice, which was a problem because Evan couldn't run as fast as Kyle could, he didn't have the conditioning.

“Benny's coming!” Evan shouted, passing Kyle where he stood.

“I know!” Kyle said, turning to run with Evan. Behind him he heard the door swing open, and then cursing. Taking a quick glance behind Kyle could see where Danny had followed Kyle out into the alley and slammed right into Benny. The two bullies were now attempting to untangle themselves from each other. He turned back to focus on running, easily passing the huffing, panting Evan.

“Kyle wait!” Evan said. “I'm not a runner man I can't keep up!”

“Just keep your momentum going!” Kyle said. “Here we...go!”

They reached a place where the wall on one side turned into a fence. The fence was low enough for Kyle to grab Evan by the arm and use his running momentum to swing the smaller boy over it. While Evan was still airborne Kyle jumped onto the opposite wall, using it as a platform to launch himself over the fence as he heard Evan hit the ground.

Boioing!

Well that was an odd sound for the ground to make, Kyle thought as he went over the top of the wall.

Boioing!

The mystery was solved when he landed on the ample and apparently quite springy chest of Coach Saunders. The Amazonian woman was over six feet tall, Kyle was a little surprised he hadn't seen the top of her blonde head over the fence before they jumped, but then again he'd been distracted. He bounced off her and landed in the dirt. Coach Saunders was also the chemistry teacher, but she always seemed dressed for her coach's role. Tank top, track pants, windbreaker, red baseball cap was her normal uniform, all on a powerfully built body that hadn't even budged when the two boys slammed into her.

“Oh it's you two,” she said, not even commenting that they'd both jumped over a fence and landed on her. “Actually Kyle I was looking to talk to you before I went home.”

“Let's walk out together!” Evan said. The coach shrugged, and they huddled around her for cover as they walked out into the parking lot. Unfortunately that meant Kyle couldn't escape, and he knew what was coming.

“I want you to come and do track again next year,” Coach said.

Kyle huffed. This was, technically, his final year of high school, but like a lot of kids in town he would be moving on to the state university the high school fed into. It was just down the road, he could see it from the parking lot. Coach Saunders, like a lot of the teachers, taught at both, so if he were to take her up on the offer he'd still be joining her team.

If he took the offer.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“You know that doesn't work,” Kyle sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets dejectedly.

“Only because you get in your own head at competitions,” Coach told him. “If we could just get you over that, you'd be our top runner. You're better than most of my Uni kids.”

“Yeah but we can't get me over that,” Kyle said. “We tried for two years remember?”

“And I think it's worth trying again,” Coach said.

“And wind up stumbling around the track in front of everybody?” Kyle asked.

“To start with,” the coach said. “I think we really could break you through the performance anxiety, if we gave you enough time. Your problem, Kyle, is that you sell yourself short. So short other people start believing it. This is my car. Look, just think about it okay?”

Kyle said he would as she got in her car and drove off into the town of Rolling Hills. It wasn't a big city or anything but it was large enough it had three high schools. Rolling Hills High School, the only one named after the town itself, had the biggest campus because it had more room. It was just outside of town, half built into the woods.

“I wish she'd stop doing that,” Kyle sighed.

“Trying to get you back on the team?” Evan said. “I mean she's not wrong you're a great runner. Our little escape today proved that. Besides, the athletics program comes with a lot of advantages.”

“I can't believe you signed up for sports this year,” Kyle shook his head.

“Manager for the Senior Girl's Volleyball team,” Evan grinned. “There were plenty of girl's teams that needed managers, you could have gotten in on one too! Maybe try it next semester keep Coach off your back. Come on man, think of the opportunities!”

“And what kind of opportunities have you found, exactly? I'm good. I'm not signing up for a sports team just so I can perv on the players.”

“Your loss!” Eric laughed. “Of course, gotta admit, I haven't actually managed to see anything. They've got better security around the locker rooms than you'd think. I guess the real world doesn't make things as easy for pervs as anime does...”

Kyle shifted, suddenly feeling too tight in his skin. He'd never quite been able to get himself around this aspect of Evan's personality. It wasn't like he didn't sympathize, Kyle didn't have any better luck with girls than Evan did. And alright yes, fine, if he was right there with a hole in the wall to peek through he might. He'd hate himself for it, but he might. He had no illusions of being a saint, or particularly good at resisting temptation.

But Evan...Evan just....

Kyle shook his head. Evan was Evan, that's all. He tried to put it out of his mind.

“Hey!” a familiar voice shouted. “There they are!”

Evan and Kyle turned to see Danny and Benny running at them up the street. Kyle took a moment to mutter a curse. Normally, they didn't bother to stick to the chase. He and Evan had just tensed to run when a shadow fell over them from behind, bringing Denny and Benny up short.

“Oh man Trevor,” Kyle said, breathing a sigh of relief as he looked around. “Am I glad to see you.”

Trevor Lu had only moved to town about a year ago, but he'd been a sensation. Tall and athletic with sharp, east Asian features he'd become the main focus of every girl in school. There was a part of Kyle that wanted to hate him for that, but then came the day he'd worn his Anima Regula t-shirt in school and discovered Trevor was a fellow anime dork. Trevor was...well, Kyle was pretty sure he was a friend, which was a strange feeling. He'd made most of his friends in preschool, it felt...presumptuous, maybe? To think of someone he'd only known for about a year that way. But if he was okay to use the word then Trevor was the first new friend he'd made in years.

“Hey guys,” Trevor smiled. “And hey, Danny and Benny! Want to come and have another of our little chats?”

“Don't you got something better to do, Lu?” Danny growled, but the look on his face wasn't so much defiant as it was frustrated and angry. Like a tiger who saw two helpless lambs through a fence it couldn't break down.

“Nope!” Trevor said. “My day is completely free! So how about it?”

A guy like Trevor was an instant threat to Danny's social dominance at the school, and so it had been less than a week before Danny went to talk to the new guy. You know, show him how things worked. Explain the pecking order and his place in it.

Eight minutes later Danny was on the ground with a bloody nose, Trevor kneeling on his back and explaining (1) that being bigger and stronger than everyone was great but black belts in judo were better and (2) if Danny ever tried that again, Trevor would break something important. Kyle had been in awe. He remembered wishing he'd filmed it.

“Yeah you'll get yours someday Lu.” Danny snorted. “But I got better things to do today. Come on Benny.”

“I wish those assholes would just leave you alone,” Trevor sighed, his eyes lingering on their backs as they walked away. “And you two assholes need to come hang out more,”

“We don't fit in with your other friends,” Kyle pointed out. “But thanks for the rescue. They're unusually determined today.”

“You'd fit in fine,” Trevor said. “You sell yourselves short, that's your problem.”

“That's what Coach said,” Kyle smiled.

“Look you just don't get it,” Evan said. “It isn't easy for guys like us to make friends. And everybody in town already knows us as the weird kids.”

There was an uncomfortable amount of bitterness in Evan's voice, but Kyle couldn't say he completely disagreed. After all this time, well, everyone knew everybody. And what everyone knew about Kyle and Eric is that they weren't really friends with anybody. A preconception like that was a lot harder to break than Kyle thought a guy like Trevor would understand.

“Well I'd love to stay here and argue,” Trevor said, “but I'm kind of on the run myself.”

“Another one?” Evan sighed. “How many is that this week?”

“It's a lot worse with the end of the year dance coming up,” Trevor sighed.

“Just be honest with them,” Kyle said.

“They don't listen to me,” Trevor sighed. “They just...

“Oh there you are!” A girl said, waving at Trevor—and yes, just at Trevor, Kyle would have bet she didn't even see him and Evan there—around the corner. “Trevor! I want to talk to you!”

She started hurrying in Trevor's direction.

“Gotta go guys!” Trevor said, bolting off down the street. Kyle and Evan slapped themselves back against the school fence to avoid being trampled as the girl stampeded past.

“I wish I had your problems!” Evan shouted in the direction of Trevor's retreating back.

“Hey,” Kyle said, tapping his friend on the arm. “Look.”

A girl lay crumpled on the road. She was resting on her shoulder blades, the back of her neck and her knees on the asphalt, her hips high in the air. The dark maroon knee-length skirt she wore kept her modest, but her gray sweater and the t-shirt underneath it had fallen to reveal her midriff. She looked up at them through thick square rimmed glasses and blinked.

“Kyle,” she said, picking herself up the ground and dusting off, her clothes falling back into place. A trickle of blood ran from a cut on her forehead. “Hello. Do either of you need medical attention?”

“You're the one who's bleeding!” Kyle pointed out.

“Oh?” she reached up and touched her forehead. “It is just a scratch. Thank you for your concern.”

As always her voice was flat, nearly emotionless. This led a lot of people to conclude she didn't care. Kyle and Evan knew better. It was just that Betty Peltzer had always been like that. He and Evan had known her almost as long as they'd known each other, and even as a toddler there had been a fuzzy layer of gray cotton between her and the rest of the world. Together they formed the towns Loser Trio, though Kyle doubted anyone else actually thought of them like that. It was a name they'd come up with for themselves after an anime marathon.

“Chasing after Trevor with the other girls huh?” Evan said. “I didn't think you were into that kind of thing.”

“I was not pursuing Trevor,” Betty pushed her glasses up her nose. “I was walking down the street having just purchased some important research materials...is my bag around here somewhere?”

“Right over here,” Kyle said, picking a brown paper bag up off the ground. It was a little scuffed and torn, but it still held it's contents. It felt like books. Through one of the holes Kyle could see what looked like a green rabbit. Through another....no it couldn't be could it? Wait yes, yes it was, it was an anime girl. In a ball gag. “Uhm...Betty? What exactly is this research for?”

“My project,” Betty said, holding out her hand and staring at him blankly. There was no evasion or guile in her expression. In that moment, Kyle realized she would tell him everything if he asked for details. And in that moment, Kyle realized he was probably better off not knowing.

“Here you go,” he said, handing her the package.

“Thank you,” Betty said, tucking the brown paper and suspicious books under her arm. “As I was saying, I was just walking home when Trevor ran past. I said hello, but he did not appear to notice me. He was quickly followed by that girl, and I found myself stampeded...”

“You need to be more careful,” Kyle said.

“I do have an unfortunate tendency to get wrapped up in my thoughts,” Betty admitted.

“Hey Kyle,” Evan said. “Isn't it getting late? I'm gonna head home. You should get to the shop.”

“Oh yeah!” Kyle said. “Sorry, I gotta go.”

“No problem,” Evan said. “See you later.”

“Wait!” Betty ran after Evin. “I...I...”

Kyle resisted the urge to stay behind and see how things worked out. Betty didn't need that, and curious as he was he didn't feel like being nosy. Instead he headed on towards his grandfather's antique shop wondering if today would be the day.

Sadly, no. Betty caught up with him a moment later, the corners of her mouth turned slightly down. Which on anyone else would be miserable sobbing in the street.

“Chickened out again, didn't you?” Kyle sighed.

“I am not good at personal interaction,” Betty groaned.

“Look you guys are made for each other,” Kyle said. “You're super smart, he's super smart. You like the same shows, you're both enormous perverts...”

“I am slightly offended by that assertion,” Betty said.

“I saw some of the cover in your bag,” Kyle pointed out.

“Oh but those materials are for my project!” Betty said. “It is actually quite fascinating...”

“Don't change the subject,” Kyle said. “Just ask him out already! The dance is a perfect opportunity!”

Or at least Kyle thought so. He didn't really go to dances. But the school was absolutely covered with posters for the Spring Formal Dance, and it was classic right? Boy and girl go to the school dance? A million eighties and nineties movies couldn't all be wrong.

“I understand that strategically your suggestion would be the best choice,” Betty said. “But I am having a great deal of difficulty putting it into practice.”

They had almost reached the shop by now, marked a hanging wooden sign with gold lettering that read “Ardman's Antiques.” It was a three story building, part of a row of three story buildings. Most of the buildings on the street had one business on the ground floor and another on the second, but the antique shop actually had living space up top where Kevin had lived for the past several years. He turned away from the building to look at Betty.

He wished he'd notice she was beautiful earlier.

Betty probably didn't think of herself as beautiful. The big sweaters and simple skirts were the kind of clothes people wore when they weren't thinking much about what they looked like. And there was the extra layer of having known her since they were both kids. But her round cheeked face was beautiful, underneath the glasses and the bland expression, and once he'd started thinking that way he'd noticed even those baggy sweaters couldn't completely hide everything she had underneath...

He shook the thoughts out of his head. The truth was he hadn't noticed her at all, hadn't thought of her as a girl, until the day she told him she thought she was falling for Eric and asked him for advice. And being jealous of that was...wrong. A betrayal. One of his closest friends wanted to be with his best friend, and it would be unfair to make them unhappy just because he was lonely.

Kyle pushed the door open and led them into the store. It was a big space full of junk, really. Old junk displayed on tables, or resting on shelves, or displayed in little glass cases. Kyle didn't understand why people kept buying it, but they did. Sitting behind the desk at the back of the room was his grandfather, a skinny balding old man in a baggy shirt.

“Well I'm not exactly in a position to give dating advice,” Kevin said. “But you two are my best friends, I'd love to see the two of you happy together. And I know for certain Evan has no idea any girl is interested in him. But it's never going to happen if you don't talk to him.”

“Yes. I have perhaps been inefficient in making things clear to him.”

“You mean you haven't been making it clear to him at all.”

“I cannot deny that,” she said with a small frown. “I suppose it would be best for me to go and let you work. I will see you tomorrow at school.”

“Yeah. See you.” He waved goodbye and headed for the desk.

Okay, Kyle thought in the present, still putting the pieces of the day together. So far so good. Hanging out with Evan and Betty, run in with Danny. Normal.

How the hell did we get to flying topless women again?