Last night I didn’t get much sleep, this night I won’t either. It has been a long time since sleep came easy to me, yet still, my spinning thoughts have taken away even the bit of refuge it still offered. Five months left.

Part of me had always taken solace in that unknown. The humans can hold command over my body, my life, but they would not command my death: That was mine to control. In the end I would go down because of my own skills, not a decision of theirs. Now even that had been taken away. I nock, spinning thoughts still trailing me like a shadow. Five months left.

“How are you feeling?”, I ask, masking my anxiousness as concern.

Niilan sits where he always does, head slumped forward, staring at the richly ornamented wall across him. Pathetic.

“Sit”.

I kneel before him, head lowered, waiting. Pain explodes, my head feels light for a moment before I tumble to the side. My arms, stretched out to cushion the fall, give in and I hit the floor. Drops of blood stick to Niilan’s heel and trickle down onto the polished wooden floor.

I enhance the dark circles under my eyes: “Forgive me.”

“You should have come the moment you heard the announcement!”

“I did not want to intrude so I waited for you call... I hardly slept because of my worry for you”.

“Was that so hard?”, he brushes away the hair that has fallen into my face, “why couldn’t you have said that in the beginning? Now there’s blood on the floor.”

“I’ll send for someone to clean it. Or would you like me to do it.”

He shakes his head, then he grabs me by the face and forces my head to look up: “I raised you well”. Kill him. Flee. Niilan grins and kisses me.

“It’s unfair you know. We just had a little feud, nothing big, no reason to enroll me in that fucking tournament.”

“Maryln?”

He nods.

“Enya’s arm is broken, soon you’ll be out of the picture too. What am I supposed to do? They’ll laugh me out of any respectable meeting.”

“Enya’s arm is healing well. By the time of the tournament it’ll be whole again.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, we both know you might as well be dead the moment the combatants list for this year goes up. Especially because I can’t place you in any meaningful battles until the tournament. No, I must do something else. I still have the other wildling. I’ll send him. He’ll just have to make his debut before you are discounted. I won’t seem as weak.”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“You’re cunning”

He grins again. “Yes, yes that’s how I’ll do it. And I’ll send that new girl as well. I must be fast, they’ll fight in 2 days, there’s still a timeslot open. The planers still owe me a favor.”

“May I voice a concern?”

He waves his hand, head already somewhere else.

“Wildlings are difficult, as you know. The problem is often not with their skills but minds. I suspect the boy will do better if he has time to prepare”

Niilan sighs, rubbing his hands against his Temple: “Fine. He has a week”.

I make myself smile as I gently place a finger on his lips. Even as he kisses me, I can still taste my own blood.

-

When I open the door to the training chambre that night Enya is standing there, candles lit.

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you yesterday”, he says.

I walk past him without a reply.

“I want you to talk to me. Please”.

“I’ll go see Aary in the morning.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I look at him, shake my head.

“Njra, please, there has to be something. We can change this, the tournament…” he pauses, “…everything.”

I stop. My body is pulsating with pain, my lip has begun to swell up. Make him stop. He can help. He can’t. Five months. Their screams are so loud I struggle to comprehend Enya’s words: “You know when you said that I could talk to you about my shit. Please, let me help you too!” He sounds like wall of glass is separating him, the world, and me.

“No”

“We can…”

“Enya please, tomorrow I will be fine, just give me tonight.”

He nods, finally, and leaves. I fall to the ground. Five months. I’ll be dead in five months.

-

In the morning I go find the little girl, doomed like me. She has changed, even in the short time since the announcement. Her eyes have fallen in, thru the dark circles her yellow irises aren’t beautiful, like molten gold matching the golden hair, but look sickly and dazed. They’re darting around the room, then lock onto me. She’s silent again, observant, hollow, the way she was just a few weeks back.

The girl looks up: “I didn’t mean what I said back there.”

“You did. It’s fine”

The three of them sit in a circle, empty wooden bowls next to them. Without a word Enya scoots to the side. I sit down. I smile. It’s a sad smile, reserved. A smile that, I hope, will make her feel at ease: “There’s a lot of time left until the start of the tournament. And we still have fights until then. Let’s focus on winning those. Aary, I will continue to support you. We don’t gain anything by letting humans divide us.” For a second Enya’s eyes narrow. The girl hesitates before nodding. I turn to Kara as well: “Both of you will have your first fight a week from now. It can’t be pushed back any further.”