Routine is a strange thing. Nights fall and turn into days, only for the darkness to swallow them once more, until suddenly what had felt strange and alien yesterday seems as if it had been there from the start. I had always found peace in my imposed solitude, yet, only months later, not being accompanied by a steady source of bickering and laughing leaves me feeling empty, the passing of time flooding away years routine like it has done so many times before. Kara learns to hit his targets, Aary manages to change her form, a master calls for his doll to play.

“I have an announcement to make”. The man who spoke those worlds, gray hair, skittish manner, is half concealed behind the door, as if shielding himself. From the assembled crowd of Niilans fighters rings out snickering and laughing each time the man moves or tires to speak. A broad-shouldered woman makes eye contact with the man and a sudden move forward. The servant flinches. The snickering grows more numerous. Eyes darting around the room, he squeezes thru the narrow gap between doorframe and door, as if opening it any further would send us rushing towards him: “The master wills this massage to be announced: Niilan son of Kieran, holder of the blintlant estates and mines, was granted the honor to participate in the hrô tournament”. The hallway falls quiet in an instance. “The tournament will take place five months from now. The chosen participates fights will be reduced in the meantime and extra rations will be granted. The ones receiving this honor are: 263 Sjilin, 549 Njra, 845 Aary. I’m going to die.

The girl turns to Enya: “What’s that tournament about?”

“I’m so so sorry”, he says.

“What is it? Why would you say that?”

“Ten masters are required to enter three participants each. They fight against each other in an over multiple weeks spanning tournament until only one combatant is left.”

“No” the girl looks around her, meeting faces turned, avoiding her gaze, “NO! That can’t be…”.

Alinta begins to laugh, glaring at me with unbridled glee.

The doomed girl turns towards Kara: “There’s no way I’ll win”

The servant hurriedly slips out and shuts the door. We’re going to die. Enya has drawn the panicking girl closer to him. Kara stands still, as if time had frozen.

Groups begin to form: Around the girl, around Sjilin, hurriedly retiring to the sleeping chambre or whispering in a barely adjusted volume about this new fate of ours. I draw back.

“NO”, the girl screams. Her small little form fighting against Enya’s grasp with all her might. For once, those empty eyes of hers are almost blazing with furry; “It’s not fair. There’s no way I’ll win! IT’S NOT FAIR!” Then her gaze drills into me: “There’s no way I’ll win against you! WHY YOU?! …I can’t win..I can’t..I won’t survive this.” I should have turned, should have left the scramming girl behind me. There’s nothing I can do. Instead I say: “Neither of us will”. Then I finally escape the suffocating tunnel. Behind me the girl begins to weep. I’ve never heard her weep.

Five months left. We’re going to die. No, we’re not, she won’t let us. I can’t. Five months. The sun had vanished behind the mountain peaks hours ago. Cold night air whispers of tales beyond the walls. The perfectly manicured vegetation is draped in the stark contrast between the shadows and glistening moon light. I’m going to die. I wander up to one of the garden walls. They’re small and fragile, could never keep anything out. Small stones, neatly cut, a bright cream-color that seems to draw in the moonlight itself. On the segments near the pavilion delicate carved flowers join the real ones, an artificial scent hanging in the air even now as the night has set in. It’s a garden made by and for those who never understood the true beauty of nature. Five months left. I’m sorry. I don’t want to die. At the most secluded part of the small garden I jump onto the wall, letting the shadows hide me from the world. That’s the reason I come up here, not the plants or pathways that wave thru them, but the night.Five months. Here the dark blanket is not only hiding in corners and narrow hallways but smothering the entire world. And in this endless sea, peaking thru between the hanging clouds, I can see the stars shine. Mom looks beautiful tonight. I don’t want to end up like her. I reach out, as if grasping the air before me would bring me closer to the star twinkling behind my fingers. The color of my skin is almost bleeding into the night sky behind them, full, dark, cold, like rushing water in a ravine. I close my eyes, letting the cool breeze pass over my skin, taking deep breaths, trying to ignore the feeling of suffocating. We’re going to die.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here before I hear a voice. “You up there?”. My body reacts before I do, hands morph into claws, teeth into fangs as I launch towards the sound, aimed for the silhouettes throat. Then I freeze. Before me stands Kara, arms raised to shield his face. Even now I still can’t hear that child’s footsteps until it’s too late. I shake my head in some semblance of annoyance, jump up onto the decorated garden wall before transforming back into human form.

“Since when are you so jumpy?”

“Sais the boy who snuck up on me”

“You know full well that I wasn’t trying to be stealthy”

I tap next to me: “Come up. And next time give me a heads up. This would have ended worse for you than for me”. He transforms, flies up, turns back.

I had hoped to be alone. Just for today. Just these few hours. But as the boy settles down next to me, glancing up at the stars, I push my own dread and worry down and I make my body act out the emotions that my heart cannot.

“How is Aary?”, I ask.

“Bad. She… I tired, I can’t help, I only make it worse. Enya’s taking care of her. Look: I wanted to go check on you. I’m really sorry”

“What for?”

“For this”

“It is hardly your fault”

“How ... How are you feeling?”

“Fine”

“The thing you said. That there’s no way for either of you to survive this. Did you mean it?”

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“Yes”

“But that can’t be! Right? You’re the best fighter down here. By a long shot. And you’re placed so high on the ranking. I’m sure you’ll be alright”

“No” I look at him, “The trainers chosen for the tournament are required to place their highest ranked. The chosen trainers tend to be those who’ve done a bit too well for themselves, to knock them down a peg. Either Delyth or Aisha will have been chosen for sure. Maybe even both. I won’t survive this”

“But I need you…”

“No”. I press the boy against me. “No, you will do just fine without me. You’re strong”

Slowly the clouds creep across the horizon. One light at the time the bustling city falls into darkness.

“What’s it like having a mother?”, the boy asks.

“What?”

“I never knew. You had one, right?”

“What makes you think that?”

“The way you act. You must’ve learned it form somewhere.”

No

“I had a mother yes. A long time ago”

“How was she”

“She was very kind. She used to tell me stories: About the past when nothing stood between us and the heavens, about when the phoenixes domain was still here on earth. And about the stars.”

Kara looked up at those little points of light in the endless expanse: “The stars?”

“When a shifter dies, their soul transforms one last time into a bird of fire: wings as vibrant as glowing embers, eyes indistinguishable from the sun itself. They will fly up, far far away, until, from down here, all we can see is their blazing light. There they will join their loved ones and watching over us until it’s our time as well. At least that’s what she told me”

“And? Do you believe her?”

I look up as well, lay my gaze upon the hundreds of million little dots: “I’m not sure. I have never thought about it in terms of truth or fiction. My mom thought it was real, so it just became the way I remember her.”

The boy looks up: “There’s so many stars standing alone. They must not have had anyone. They look lonely. I’d be the same as them. You know, before I was captured, I didn’t even know there where others like me. I thought the world must have made a mistake, that it forgot to decide what I was”, he looks down, “I never had parents. Well, I guess I had, someone must’ve given birth to me. But I don’t know them. I was raised by crows, at first. But they realized I wasn’t theirs as soon as the transformations began. Then there were some badgers, foxes and a deer. But soon they were gone too… Do you miss the wilderness?”

“I don’t know. I can barely recall it”

Liar

“I do. Every day. This life isn’t what we’re made for, I just know it”

“You’re right. But it is of no importance”

“Out there, things can be cruel too. And harsh. But you don’t have to be conscious during it. Nature is simple to figure out. Morph into the form you need, let your instincts make sure you survive. Don’t think”.

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

“I never really survived in the wilderness. My mom and I had a cave. And there I waited until she came back”

“And one day she didn’t come back?”

“No. She always came back. Eventually. She died protecting me”

“How?”

“I was stupid. Stupid and naïve. Those stories she told me, so many of them were about my father. I cannot really recall his face; I was too small when he disappeared. One day mom just came back alone. She never talked about what happened, but she wasn’t the same after that. And she would always look up at the sky and talk to him. And one day the stupid little girl decided she wanted to go see her father. So I took all I had in me and transformed into a phoenix: I thought, if I just flew up far enough, I could find him. I did not know about hunters. And well, a bird like that is easy to spot. My mom heard my screams and came. I never saw anyone fight as hard as she did. Till the very end”.

“She must have really loved you”

“Yes. She did. And I only realized it once it was too late. That day I promised her to survive”. Five months left.

The boy has pressed himself closer to my chest. It’s hard to say if it was to comfort me or himself.

“You know, all of us need a reason to keep going. Maybe yours could be to find someone to join you up there, in the sky.”

“That’s depressing. But yeah maybe.” The boy smiles.

Rope, laced with silver stings, pressing down on her, burning into flesh. The girl was a bird of fire, strong and wild. And she was a daughter too. In a few minutes, she will be neither. Her head soared, vision blurry from pain and disorientation. She could no longer feel her right wing, the sound of her own heartbeat drowning out the voices of the humans around her. The girl cried out. She cried out in pain, she cried out in terror, and as that dumb little bird frantically tried and failed to right herself, she cried out for her mother too. Her screams, some loud, some silent between her desperate gasps for air, rang out, again and again. Only as the sky itself darkened did she stop. Above her, above all of them, soared a bird, blocking out the sun, crying out for her daughter as well. Then it plunged downwards, transforming into a massive rust colored beast almost on impact, towering before the small caravan, leaving no time for even the hunters to react. Their cheerful amused voices switched, barking out orders, taking commands as bloodcurdling screams started to fill the air. The beast lumbered forward, sending attackers flying, at least the fortunate ones. Those who weren’t had slumped over, their screams joining the mismatches chorus of pain already surrounding all of them, bloody hands pressed on wounds. One man, face laid bare to the bone by her mother’s claws, had toppled over, the woman next to him held her core, trying to keep more of her guts form spilling on the floor before she went limp. Years later, even as all those details had begun to blur, as the form of the beast had been lost to time, her mother’s eyes, the all-consuming rage in them, was still burned into the girl’s mind. She cried out for her mother again, her shrieks drowned out by the noise around her. Her mother was in pain, she could see it. Several spears, silver tipped, sticking out of her side, even as more and more of the humans toppled over. “We can’t capture the beast. Kill it!”, the command the rang out, louder than the others, even as neither mother nor daughter could understand. She fought hard, that little girl’s mother, harder than the girl had ever seen anybody fight. And yet, with each lumbering step towards her child, she lost blood, lost a bit more power in her claw swipes, a bit more of that sparkle in her eyes. Still, the furry in them never waned. Another human screamed, as he was launched into the air, before abruptly stopping as he crashed into the ground. A sickening crack rang out and the body went limp. More spears pierced the beast’s neck, then her flank. Her mother’s eyes where now fixed onto the girl, each of her steps weaker still. The girl begged for her mother to flee. And for her own rescue, even as she knew neither one was plausible. First her mother’s left leg gave in, then, as she struggled to right herself, the right. A woman charged, sword stretched out for the killing blow. Her screaming was cut short as the beast pushed her blade aside and crushed her skull between her fangs. When her mother finally fell, unable to stand up once more, she was only inches apart from her daughter, still entangled in that weighed down net. There the girls mother died, spears sticking out of her flank, her legs, her neck, her eye socket. She had had beautiful eyes, gray like storm clouds, like the stones sticking out in the snow-covered mountains, like the mist that engulfed the forest after a rainy night. Now it was filled with blood. The girl had been born with blue eyes. Today would be the last day she had them.