"Wisdom is, more accurately, awareness," Elendar said. "Perceptiveness. Information-gathering, rather than mere information-processing."

"I have a doctorate, Elendar. Quoting grade school lessons at me demeans us both," I said.

"Wisdom is at its most useful when attached to Divine spellcasters," Elendar continued. "And indeed, once upon a time, there was a tradition of Mystic Theurges, who blended Wizardry and Clerical magics. And that tradition died out because it didn't work. It is a historically-proven fact that multiclassing Wizard and Cleric is a waste of time that every Wizard and Cleric is too smart to indulge in."

"Yes, I am aware-"

"And yet, not two minutes ago, you opened your mouth and said 'what if they left to become Clerics or Druids?'"

I inhaled deeply. "Elendar. Are you aware that, when you retrain all of your class levels, you do not have to go right back to your original class as soon as you're done with whatever your latest exploit is? Are you aware that a Wizard can retrain completely to Cleric and become and remain a merely slightly sub-par Cleric with a mediocre Wisdom score- but, nonetheless, a Cleric capable of useful and level-appropriate spellcasting?"

Elendar blinked a few times.

"...Ah," Elendar said sagely.

"This is of course a baseless hypothesis," I continued. "I don't know what the stat distribution of doctoral dropouts normally is. Maybe it's a new disease that only takes hold if you succeed a Will save. Or maybe they just got eaten by Mind Flayers."

"As much as I enjoy speculation, I am a high-level Wizard, and we have better options at our disposal," Elendar said, standing up. "My crystal ball should more than suffice to find these missing Wizards, and determine what has happened to them."

"Well, sure, if you want to be boring about it," I said, getting up and following her.

It rapidly turned out that she was not, in fact, leading me to another room, and was instead approaching a cupboard where she kept her crystal ball, and I swiftly sat back down, slightly embarrassed.

"You likely won't need a crystal ball of your own anytime soon, but nonetheless, it bears mentioning," Elendar said as she sat down, the nearly perfectly clear orb of quartz glistening away safely in her lap. "Never leave a crystal ball uncovered."

"Does it open some kind of sympathetic connection that allows magical backlash?" I asked.

"It is a spherical lens that can start a fire if you leave it in direct sunlight," Elendar said.

"Ah."

"Now, give me a name off the list."

"...I didn't say this earlier, but what the hell kind of name is Jackie Smith?" I asked. "So outlandish..."

"Selva, is that one of our missing Wizards or not?" Elendar asked.

"Yeah, Jackie Smith is one of the missing Wizards," I said. "First one we went to visit."

"Alright." Elendar furrowed her brow in concentration, and grinned. "Well well well."

"Oh?" I asked, as an image formed in the crystal ball.

"Someone doesn't want to be found," Elendar said smugly. "I had to pierce through a Nondetection spell. Now, let's see what Miss Smith is up to..."

----------------------------------------

Jackie Smith was fighting another Wizard.

The Magistry quite carefully kept most of the useful texts about using magic in a fight to themselves, and encouraged most Wizards and Sorcerers to maintain a far less bellicose set of spells. Nonetheless, it was all but impossible to stop the dissemination of all magic that was particularly useful in a fight.

"Summon Monster III!" her opponent cast, summoning forth an Earth Elemental.

Jackie smirked; her opponent and their Elemental were standing twenty feet from each other.

"Fireball," Jackie cast.

It was simple math; Wizards got 1d4 hit points per level, and most Evocation spells did 1d6 points of damage per level. The received wisdom that Evocation was useless fell apart in the face of the simple fact that the statistically average result of casting one on a Wizard without some sort of defense was a Wizard defeated in a single spell.

"Lesser Vigor," the proctor cast on her downed opponent. "You've done well, Acolyte. Are you close?"

"That put me over the edge," Jackie said. "I'm ready."

"Truly? You have your Rat Familiar?"

"I do."

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"You are ready to join us fully?"

"I am."

"Then come with me. I will reveal unto you the secrets of the Ur-Priest."

----------------------------------------

"...Well, that was far more sinister than I expected," I said.

"Ur-Priest... I've never heard of such a thing," Elendar said. "It must be truly ancient, or truly obscure."

"It sounds like some kind of divine spellcaster," I said. "And, well. Neither of us has bothered putting ranks into Knowledge(Religion), have we?"

"...no, we have not," Elendar admitted.

"So perhaps, just perhaps, we should go talk to an actual religious scholar," I said. "Clerics have their universities, too, right?"

"They're called seminaries, but yes, there's one in town," Elendar said. "I'm going to try my hand at locating the rest of the names on our list; hopefully I can find some. In the meantime, it's getting late, and you should think about getting some rest. You're welcome to my hospitality, if you'd rather not walk home tonight."

"Probably a good idea," I admitted. "I kinda can't walk home, anyway. I don't actually know where you live, because you've always cast Teleport when you invited me here."

"...Oh dear."

"Anyway," I said, standing up one more time and stretching. "Where am I to sleep?"

"Let me show you..."

----------------------------------------

Sleeping anywhere other than my own bed was frequently stressful, at best being an odd experience. Thankfully, because Elendar wipes her ass with Scrolls of Planar Binding, her guest bedroom was so thoroughly enchanted to be the most comfortable place I'd ever rested my head, I was a little surprised- and disappointed- that there wasn't a conveniently-placed rune to summon a succubus who'd attentively listen to me describe my research while jerking me off and telling me I'm a worthwhile scholar pursuing important questions. You know, just to complete the fantasy of how comfortable this place was. That definitely was not a specific fantasy I had. Shut up. I don't have to justify myself to you.

After my morning routine of preparing my spells, and a fairly heavy breakfast with Elendar, we were ready to visit the seminary.

"Are you certain you got enough to eat?" Elendar asked.

"I stopped in the middle of a fruit tart because I couldn't eat another bite," I said, slightly queasy. "Yes, I am certain."

"Alright..." She pulled out a scroll from her pocket, unrolling it and giving it a once-over. "Teleport!"

We reappeared at the front gates of the city's seminary, where I spotted something that made me snicker.

"Hm?" Elendar asked, before following my gaze. "Oh for-"

The sign- a huge slab of white marble with lettering of black granite- had been vandalized with paint, changing just a single letter to great effect.

"It says 'semenary,'" I said, giggling.

"Yes, I can read, thank you," Elendar said, sighing. "Kids these days..."

We walked down the front path to the main hall, and I looked around, taking in the sights and watching the students shuffle around between buildings, going to this lecture hall or that cafeteria.

"Hang on," I said. "You're two hundred years old. Even assuming elves only start taking notice of the broader world at age one hundred, you've personally watched like five generations of humans grow up."

"This is true," Elendar said, nodding.

"You should, therefore, have personal experience with the simple fact that people as a whole don't actually change that much, and that 'kids these days' is not a legitimate observation, but an announcement that you are old and out of touch."

"Oh, so you'll put ranks into Knowledge(History) but not Knowledge(Religion)?"

"I had a professor three years ago who convinced me of the skill's value," I said with a shrug.

We entered the front hall, and approached the reception desk, Elendar taking the lead.

"Hello, I'm Professor Tanelye from the University," Elendar said. "I'm a friend of Sister Volex's, and was hoping to consult with her on a matter of religious esoterica. Is she available today?"

"Let me check," the receptionist said, flipping through her book of schedules. "Hrm... Ah, it would seem that she is. You know where her office is?"

"I do, yes," Elendar said, nodding.

"And you would be?" the receptionist asked, turning to regard me.

"Doctor Selva Imroth," I said. "I'm with Professor Tanelye."

The receptionist wrote down our names in her book. "Alright. Anything else?"

"That will be all," Elendar said. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome."

Elendar walked off, and I followed her through the stony, arched corridors of the building, our footsteps muffled by a robust yet simple carpet.

"One thing that bears mentioning before you meet Sister Volex for yourself," Elendar began quietly.

"Oh?" I asked.

"She is a tiefling; her appearance may surprise you, and I would take it as a great personal favor if you concealed that surprise completely, and outwardly regarded her as a perfectly ordinary Cleric of nonetheless high status," Elendar said.

"Oh, is that all?" I asked. "My roommate back in sophomore year was a tiefling. They don't surprise me anymore."

"Good," Elendar said. "Still... Try not to stare."

"Oh, please," I muttered as she came to a stop at what was clearly marked as the office door of this Volex woman. "Can't be that bad."

Elendar knocked on the door, before opening it and stepping inside. I followed suit, and saw-

Ah. Okay, now I know why I had to be warned not to stare.

Volex was gorgeous, no two ways about it. Her skin was a smooth, warm red, neatly off-set by her much more vibrantly red hair, and glossy black horns that bore intricately-wrought gold and silver jewelry that was polished until it shone like a mirror.

Rather than a typical priest's conservatively-cut robes, Volex was apparently a devotee of some deity who believed in displaying the majesty of the human form, and as such was wearing a dress which did exactly that. More jewelry in the form of necklaces drew the eye strategically, to the point that the last thing I noticed about her was her face- sharp, well-defined, and striking. Artists would snap their brushes and throw down their chisels and wail, knowing they could never do justice to such a great beauty.

Her eyes shone gold, pupils slitted like a cat's, as she regarded Elendar and I with open delight.

"Well, well, well," Volex said. "Elendar Tanelye. It's been a while since I've seen you. What brings you to my office? And who's this you've brought with you?"

"I'm Dr. Selva Imroth, Elendar's apprentice. It's nice to meet you," I said, surprisingly calmly. Apparently a +8 to Charisma was useful in convincing people that you were not an overly-hormonal twenty year old. "I like your dress," I added casually.

"It has pockets," Volex said with a sharp-toothed grin. "Well! Elendar, I've decided I like this one, and commend you on your skills in producing such a fine apprentice. Now. What can I do for you?"

"We're investigating something for the Dean, and encountered a strange piece of religious esoterica neither of us recognized," Elendar said, taking a seat. "Tell me... Have you ever heard the term 'Ur-Priest?'"