"I understand that it's more or less the order of the land, but... still," I murmured. "I'm not terribly a fan of the fact that, to get to this position of power, we had to take it away from someone else."
"It's more that we took it back from someone else, on behalf of the third party it was taken from," Neloteth said.
"That affects the legality," I said. "That doesn't affect the fact I had to kill someone for this house."
More specifically, we'd had to kill a dozen or so Gnolls, who'd emerged from the unfarmable hills to kill the local leadership and conquer the town, and who had not at all been interested in proper stewardship of the land, knowing they probably wouldn't stay here for long.
The lord's manor, which was now ours by right of conquest, and also the townspeople begging us to stay and protect them, was somewhat rustic to my sensibilities, but it was clearly well-made and built to last, and furnished with the best this town had to offer. It wasn't as comfortable as Elendar's home, but it was more impressive, and also more spacious, with our dining hall being big enough to hold around two dozen people.
"What about the part where you now have a house you get to live in with your girlfriend?" Neloteth asked.
"I wasn't aware I had a girlfriend until just now," I said.
"I've decided we're girlfriends now," Neloteth said, "on account we've been sucking face at least twice a day for the past week."
"Really? I thought you were just being friendly."
Neloteth raised an eyebrow, and I grinned.
"Anyhow, I've enjoyed my time with you too," I continued. "And not just because I enjoy kissing curvy elf druids. I mean, that's part of it, but you're also hilarious and a good conversationalist, and I enjoy your insights on ecology and anecdotes about wildlife."
"You're still not over that fox we found stuck inside a barrel of salt pork, are you?"
"It was adorable and hilarious." I sighed. "God, I love foxes. Nature's forbidden cat-dog..."
"And you're also still mad I wouldn't let you keep it."
"You just don't understand our bond."
Neloteth snorted, and my grin widened.
"So, what's the first feat you're going to take after Natural Spell?" I asked.
"I'm not sure yet," Neloteth said. "I've got a bunch of handbooks from the Magistry, and those are generally pretty well-researched in terms of what does and doesn't work out to being very effective in the field. Sure, they're written for a different context, but..."
"Some things are universal," I said.
"Exactly."
"Right. Well, all those Gnolls were enough for me to get my first bonus feat, so I figure I should start stocking up on metamagic feats to use in conjunction with Anima Mage, which gets really good with free metamagic."
"I've been meaning to ask about that. Why Anima Mage?"
"It's..." I hummed quietly. "...So this is actually a long story. You ready?"
"I don't have anywhere else to be."
"Right. Well, we all know the story, the reason why nobody takes Mystic Theurges seriously. You can only cast one spell at a time."
"Quicken Spell exists."
"Quicken Spell is a +4 metamagic that lets an archmage on par with your mother waste a 6th level spell slot on an instant Levitate. It is not a practical solution to this problem. Anyway, only one spell at a time. The underlying truth is that you can only really use one active ability at a time, and therefore any active abilities you have in excess of that are effectively being wasted. Now, you can set things up to be synergistic, or get ability sets that cover different scenarios... But, because the Wizard spell list on its own covers pretty much all of the ground ever, there isn't much you can do there. So instead, I went for getting a suite of passive boosts, like soul binding, because it never presents me with too many options for too little time. It just passively makes me better."
"Does it actually?" Neloteth asked. "I know enough about soul binding to know that it physically changes people when they do it. Grow horns, or mirrored eyes, or vestigial wings... You, though, you're a perfectly ordinary human. I have never seen you actually use soul binding."
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"Yes you have," I said. "I have two Vestiges- that's what they're called- bound right now."
"Bullshit you do."
"I do! Naberius and Tenebrous!"
"Then where are their signs?" Neloteth demanded. "When I get under your robes, am I going to find tentacles or sores that weep piss or whatever?"
"Have you noticed how I cast a contextually inappropriate shadow this week? That's Tenebrous' doing," I said.
"...Okay, well, fair enough. I'm not going to notice that your shadow is wrong. Nobody is, except maybe a painter. What about Naberius or whatever?"
"Binding Naberius is what makes my voice sound deep and growly."
Neloteth blinked a few times, then tilted her head back.
"...You've gotta be fucking shitting me," Neloteth said, finally. "Your voice is like that because you're possessed?"
"Possessed is a reductive way to put it, but yes," I said, nodding.
"What do you sound like normally?"
"Like this," I said. "Binding Naberius is normal for me. And binding Tenebrous will likewise become my new normal, because simple math suggests that Tenebrous grants me a full 2,880 Turn Undead uses per day, and I needed that in order to take Divine Metamagic: Persistent Spell, so I could actually use the Persistent Spell feat I took at 6th level."
Neloteth blinked again.
"...Holy shit," she whispered.
"I know, right?" I sighed, and leaned back in my chair. "Hrm. Wonder how Volex and Elendar are doing."
----------------------------------------
"...They're through," Elendar said, discarding the now-worthless scroll of Gate. "Are you ready for the next part?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," Volex said. "But... should we really have left them out of this?"
"Yes, I absolutely think that we should have left them out of assassinating a public official," Elendar said. "Ur-Bishop Isanix... There's no way that isn't Councilor Isanix." Elendar frowned. "And why don't you people think to change your names when you disguise yourselves?"
"Egotistical assholes who think one weird trick is enough to propel them to godhood don't always respect other people's intelligence," Volex said.
"Surely you're not saying that all Succubi are terrible at espionage, right?" Elendar asked. "Just that this particular gaggle is flawed in this particular manner?"
"Well..." Volex sighed. "The thing you have to keep in mind is that, ultimately, Evil as a cosmic force is self-defeating, in the sense that every individual who qualifies as Evil, without exception, is also a person who just kinda sucks. Chromatic dragons are individually powerful, but collectively have not been a concern to most states even before the Pact of Red Faith because they are fundamentally incapable of cooperation and waste all their time and energy fighting each other for dominance. The armies of the Nine Hells and the Abyss have been slaughtering each other constantly in the Blood Wars, an ideological pissing match over the correct way to be Evil.
"And the Ur-Bishops are so absolutely certain in their own control over everything they care to that the notion that their plans could fail or be disrupted by a cunning foe simply never occurs to them. Even if we walked up to Isanix's front door and told her we kicked Lurk's ass and she's next, she would internally assume it's some complex plan to force-feed her XP that Sythaney or Aellajyx had failed to tell her about.
"They're dangerous," Volex concluded. "They're powerful, and clever, and utterly unrestrained by any scruples beyond self-preservation. But they're also just the slightest bit pathetic."
"Pathetic?"
"Four Succubi, the most masterful infiltrators and social operators the Abyss has to offer, and you found their operation because high-profile Wizards were going missing and they didn't think to cover it up," Volex said. "Their goal is apotheosis, not world domination or anything specifically objectionable. With the Pact of Red Faith in place, there isn't much that our society could or would do to stop them if they decided to openly start their cult. But they didn't, because they are assholes who don't care what anyone thinks, and assume that anything worth wanting is something they'd have to take by force.
"I mean, look at me! I lied to you about who I was for five years, and despite that personal betrayal, I am alone with you and still have my head attached to my shoulders, because I'm not a fucking idiot who has pissed you off by, say, assassinating your daughter and yourself, and then trying to kill your apprentice! I just- it's- rrrgh!" Volex clenched her fists, growling in frustration. "I hate them, Elendar. I should hate them for their cruelty and their exploitation, and I do, but more than that, I hate them because they're bad at this. I hate them because they're incompetent, because my association with them makes me look bad. I hate them because, more than mere Dark Lords rising to take another crack at world conquest, they're a mess I helped to make, that I now need to clean up, because I'm apparently the only one of these idiots who understands how to not piss off everyone in their immediate vicinity!"
"You turned Lawful Good because you thought they were idiots, not merely monsters?" Elendar asked, quietly. "Volex, I... I value our friendship, but considering everything that's happened recently, my trust for you is running quite thin."
"I know," Volex said, deflating like a balloon, shoulders and head slumping. "I... I've been an idiot too. I shouldn't have lied to you. I should've just... bitten the broadhead and told you. I'm sorry."
"Well, if you have any other revelations you've been keeping from me, now's the time to come clean," Elendar said.
"...I met your daughter at an orgy, not the library."
Elendar inhaled deeply. "I've changed my mind. Stop talking completely, or I'll turn you to stone."
Volex nodded silently.
"Now. Let's go assassinate a politician."