Macien and Zayla met them at the center of the camp. The cooking fire sat cold and dark, the time of gathering long gone as the end of the night neared.
Lilau and Allak’s hunters were the first to return. The other camps had sent two groups to two different towers standing on the edge between Cat Tribe and Eagle Tribe lands in a three-pronged attack. After Allak relayed what had occurred to Zayla and Macien, the cause of their early return became clear.
“You were as effective as I’d hoped, Lilau Noka,” Macien said with a grin. “Whatever you’ve been learning with that Fokla has worked well, to say nothing of how quickly you’ve regained your fighting ability.”
Lilau detected smugness in Macien’s tone. The weapon master believed her own ability to be no small part in her rapid recovery. Lilau’s head hurt too much to care.
“Indeed,” Zayla said as she nodded. “Our group not only came back far quicker than expected, there’s barely more than a scratch on any of you. A rarity among rarities. Inalia may have a break if this continues.” She flashed a smile before her expression switched back to serious. “But what of you nearly collapsing after the moonstone was destroyed? Moonstones as big as those on the towers can absorb and release massive amounts of essence. Blowing them up with Siphon Bombs has kept my hunters from getting poisoned by the release, but none of them are sensitive to essence. Are you in danger from this?”
Are you a danger to us? Lilau finished in her mind. She grimaced. “It simply startled me. It’s not a problem.”
Zayla’s gaze lingered a moment longer. “Good. All of you get some rest. It will be a luxury that’s hard to find soon.”
The group dispersed with no complaint. If they were half as tired as Lilau felt, there was little question why. Yet, as she and Makotae settled down inside their tent, the remnants of numbness that had dogged her since the attack on the tower gave way to an aching itch in her muscles. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the first guard fall. Her arrow piercing his chest. The light leaving his eyes. She’d killed more animals than she could count in her life. What was so different about killing guards? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t figure out an answer, and with Makotae deep asleep nearby, she wouldn’t get help from him, either.
Lilau closed her eyes. She kept them shut as the first guard died, then the rest, one by one, some by her hand, some by others. She willed it away, pushed it down. When that didn’t work, she simply accepted it until exhaustion carried her into darkness.
*****
There was no chance to talk to Makotae when Lilau woke up. Macien retrieved them well before either were finished with sleep. The heat of the day was ebbing. With it, the next part of Zayla and Macien’s plan went into effect.
The hunters from the other camps, while suffering casualties, had taken down two more towers. All three had been pivotal in draining essence from the Eagle Tribe mountains. The City’s leader wouldn’t ignore such a blow. With the camps’ assaults finished, it was time to disperse.
By the third tent, Lilau wished she’d been injured in the attack. Then she wouldn’t have to help as much. Sweat dripped down her face, soaked into her robes. She drained a waterskin, savoring the light, refreshing taste of cactus in the warm water.
“Hey. Come help me with this!” Radai said from next to a pile of wood supports.
Lilau sighed. “Coming.”
Radai positioned the wooden rods into the shape of a sled, and Lilau tied the rods together with strips of leather. The rugs, and the few objects the tent’s owner had, would go on top. Each tent became its own carrier, to be re-built at their new location.
Radai stayed silent as he worked, face contorted in discomfort as sweat soaked his skin. It was the most quiet Lilau had ever seen him.
Any other time, and she’d relish the silent work. But now she had questions burning on the back of her tongue, and she knew he’d answer them the best he could. “Why the towers?”
“Hmm?”
“Why does the City need towers?”
Radai stopped and straightened, regarding her with a confused look. “Didn’t Macien explain it to you? She’s a cruel taskmaster, but it isn’t like her to send her hunters off without explanation.”
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“She told me the towers siphoned essence from the mountains. That doing so is slowly killing the land. I guess she figured it was enough of a reason.”
“I see. Well, the City runs off essence. Its citizens build, cook, attack, defend, even play using essence.”
“I thought the Cat Tribe couldn’t use it.”
“Not by our own power, no. That’s where the Spirit Tribe come in.”
“The enslaved tribe.”
“Yes.” Radai frowned. “The people of the City force the Spirit Tribe to funnel the essence the towers collect into structures called ‘reservoirs’. The reservoirs are used to charge nearly everything in the City. It keeps the slavers happy and healthy while the Spirit Tribe suffers with barely enough to survive.”
“Why does the Spirit Tribe keep working? Even returning to the land sounds better than a half-existence under someone else’s control.”
“They’re given no means to do so. Not quickly, anyway. Some try returning to the land, but they die slow, agonizing deaths as the slave masters do their best to keep them alive.” Radai’s eyes darkened as he crossed his arms. “It’s a powerful deterrent.”
He looked away. It seemed she’d finally found something he wasn’t willing to talk about. Had he seen it firsthand? Perhaps it was the reason he’d become an outcast. Lilau couldn’t say, and despite her curiosity, she didn’t want to him to elaborate. “I dreamed of those I killed in the tower.”
Radai’s gaze jerked back toward her, eyes going wide.
“Even when I’m awake, I see the first guard die over and over. He was about to kill Allak. I saved Allak from a threat, so why does the memory follow me?”
It was no lighter a subject than torturing slaves, yet it was one she felt she needed Radai’s advice on.
Radai gaped at her until her mood soured. She was about to tell him off when he finally responded.
“You’ve never killed anyone before?”
Lilau frowned. What kind of question was that? Did she look like a hunter of humans? “No. I kill animals to eat, to survive.”
“But never a person? I just figured with how bad of shape you were in when you got here, that you were familiar with being attacked by people.”
“I am.”
“Oh.” Radai’s brow furrowed. “Well, if the guard was your first human kill, it makes sense it would bother you. I think taking any life, at any time, should come with a little sadness.”
“Why?” While she’d killed many animals in her life, she never felt sad. Grateful, relieved, but not sad. Lilau couldn’t remember her first kill, though. Maybe it was different?
“Well, you’re taking a life. If you hadn’t come along, it would have stayed alive. Done more. Been more.”
“You have to take life to survive. Every animal must. It’s the way of things. Why be sad about it?”
“Why, indeed? The guard was a threat. Not to you, not yet, but to someone you cared about enough to protect. One died so another could live. Why be sad about it?”
Lilau sighed. She regretted having asked about the memories. Now she was getting a headache, and he still hadn’t answered her question.
“All I’m saying is if the guards’ deaths are bothering you, perhaps you’re not as accepting of the ‘nature of things’ as you thought. Or maybe you’re just not used to it and soon you’ll be cutting people down with the ease of hunting hares.” Radai shrugged and went back to throwing rugs. “Come on, let’s finish up here. If Macien sees us slacking, we’ll both have more to regret.”
*****
The moon hung low. The sweat on Lilau’s body had long ago dried, the stale, sour smell reminding her of how long it had been since her last bath.
None of the others in the caravan smelled any better as sweat mixed with the musk of goats, cats, and wolf. Lilau wrinkled her nose. She’d never wished for a breeze more in her life.
Each Great Cat and Makotae carried behind them a tent-turned-carrier, dragging it across the dusty surface of the desert as they plodded along to their destination.
Lilau’s conversation with Radai still burned in her mind. Were her troubled thoughts caused by simple inexperience?
Dangers must be dealt with, Makotae told her. Handing your life to those who want to take it is true weakness. You are strong. You always have been.
An old memory, long buried, bubbled to the surface. She hadn’t killed a person before the guard, but Makotae had. Did it bother you, then? To kill Zan?
No. Zan strove to kill you his entire life merely because you existed. Such creatures should be cut from the living.
Zan’s death hadn’t bothered her, either. She’d been relieved. His actions had fueled the attacks against her, and with his death, the villagers had left her alone. It wasn’t the same, though. The guards, as far as she knew, weren’t like Zan.
But they do hurt and kill for their own comfort, if you believe those in the camp.
A niggling doubt rose. Lilau wanted to believe Radai, even Macien and Zayla, but people lying to her wouldn’t be new. What about the Great Cats? Do they agree with their riders?
Sort of. They say they refuse to Bond with those in the City because of the things the people do. They only approach those who turn their back on the City’s ways.
Lilau went quiet. Among the Wolf Tribe, Bonding happened naturally. There was no choice among the Beasts or people. At least, that’s what the Elders taught her. If a Great Beast could refuse based on a person’s actions, it certainly explained a few things.
The prickling under her skin eased. Perhaps the guards were not merely people forced to do a job. If the outcasts left by choice, couldn’t all the Cat Tribe in the City do the same?
A cry pulled her eyes up. A bird larger than Makotae shot across the sky. Rainbow colored flames covered it in place of feathers, streaking down its delicate head and neck to the tip of its flowing tail. Lilau’s breath caught. A Fokla. The first other than Narasten she’d seen in the desert. She watched it until it faded from sight, leaving sparks in her eyes.