Dantin summoned me. “Lithos, Dantin here, Mr. Drakos has been asking for you. I tried to put it off, but he is rather influential and an old friend of yours. He would of course be closer, but he insists on playing that insufferable bridge game, that a robot could play. You of course would not remember, but you and Gregory fought side by side more than once.”
I asked, “Give me a moment to find a form still dressed properly. Okay, I have one, bring me through.”
#
In the hall where the bridge players and chess players gather, a few men were moving naval miniatures on a large table. The ship figures had cannons and the two sides were mostly marked with French and English flags so I guessed it was probably Napoleonic.
The man that Dantin indicated was Gregory Drakos came and hugged me. He picked me off the ground and held me there for a moment before setting me down. “Lithos, you old beggar. I would have never suspected. I told Ursula, you were likely to still spend most of your time at the Fallen Sands, but I am absolutely delighted despite your not asking me first. I am wondering though, that night in Morocco, Ursula wasn’t born yet, but did, we agree on it then? I was drunk the whole week, so I can’t be sure.”
I said, “I don’t remember a thing about Morocco apart from it being in Northern Africa. That’s about it.”
He said, “You sly devil. I could have sworn you were the sober one. In any case, I insist you use my estate in Greece for your honeymoon.”
I smiled, I wasn’t sure if this was a setup or not. I just kept thinking of the movie, “My Fat Big Greek Wedding.” and thinking I should probably watch it before I made any more blunders.
He asked, “I never did get an answer from her. She just kept laughing. How did you propose?”
I thought about it and decided I had to play along to survive this and honestly I could think about it with anticipation so playing dumb and imagining I really was going to be married to the beautiful if potentially violent Ursula wasn’t the worst possible fate by far. If I was going to die by someones hands, I would rather it be quick like Ursula would probably make it, than lingering and painful and ending up with me in a Hell like Bradster would arrange.
“I am more than a little embarrassed to tell you that the proposal for her to call me her husband and me to call her my wife, was buried in a long legal discussion about a way to establish identities in Real that might hold up for twenty-five or thirty years. Possibly the, driest and worst proposal in history, but with Ursula, well, you know.”
He said, “Brilliant. Simply brilliant, How are you managing to set up an identity that will hold up that long without wearing makeup?”
I said, “With a pretend family, and a citizenship where we never even have to set foot in the country. Eventually, I suppose, as the pretend children grow up and we take on the role of them, we end up brother and sister, at least by human records.”
Gregory said, “Well, wife or sister has never been too strong an issue among Daemons, but Ursula is rather modern in her thinking and I don’t think you’ll ever convince her.”
Samuel grabbed my arm, Dalan and Dantin joined us and Dalan asked Gregory, “We can’t hold the wedding here, and what about the bachelor party?”
Samuel said, “Hurry!” as he led me downstairs. He took me to the hallway with the gateways and led me through to London. After exiting the pub and running down the street he slowed. “We were watching your emotions and laughing and then we realized there might be a few issues. Are you really getting hitched?”
I looked at the music store we were in front of and saw my bewildered expression reflected in the window. “I have no idea. I doubt it though. I don’t know if they are pranking me or if I am getting hitched.”
Samuel grabbed my shoulders. “This is bad. Gregory is serious. He’s not pranking anyone. We have to straighten this out. If she who must not be angered finds out, you and whoever this poor girl is, are dead.
I asked, “Darkness?”
Samuel forcibly grabbed me and covered my mouth. He whispered in my ear. “Read between the lines. I’m afraid now. Don’t invoke or distract more important beings than we. Don’t draw their glorious attention to our boring and petty lives.
“You have avoided all other women all these years out of respect and devoted love for one who will never show you any love in return. Yours is the longest and most loyal unrequited love that any of us know of.
“You stay in an exclusive gentleman’s club just so you have little chance of offending the one you are so devoted to. For thousands of years you have kept from even looking at the other gender so that you would not displease the one who cares nothing for you but would make certain that any woman you noticed would be visited with near eternal suffering. That and you would endanger yourself considerably.”
I said, “Darkness arranged this match.”
Samuel backed up from me and looked up at the clouds. “Then we are all doomed.”
A small girl took my hand and winked at me. “I absolutely love weddings! I am so looking forward to toasting the groom!”
She smiled, “I don’t mean toast as in zorch, so you can relax, Samuel. Besides, I’m taken. Eat your hearts out. Again, not literally, but you can never ever have me and will have to settle. See?”
She waved her diamond ring in front of Samuel. Then all the light in the area faded away and all we could see was this beautiful little girl in a summer dress smile and then the smile shifted to a forced smile. “Don’t mess up this wedding Samuel. Your the best man so keep it together, capisce?”
The light returned and she looked at the music store. “Now would be a good time for both of you to get me some prezzies. Who knows we might even play music together after the first dance! So get yourself nice instruments too. Would I be cute in gogo boots playing an organ or should I be lead guitar?”
Samuel said, “I will purchase whichever keyboard thou dust consider best, Thy divinity. Of course thou wouldst be the apex of beauty no matter what thou didst choose. Lithos, you know guitars, obtain what you consider most perfect.”
I crouched in front of the girl. “With or without iron?”
She said, “So considerate. Iron is fine!”
We stepped into the shop and she pointed at a resonator guitar. “What if we all played guitar together? Forget the keyboard, get at least four of the guitars, two for me, cause my husband plays too! Thank you so much, you are both such sweet dear men. Oh look, what is that?”
We looked into the back of the shop and when we looked back the little girl was gone.
Samuel went to the counter and pointed to the guitar. “Eight of them. Two gift wrapped.” He paid cash and gave them a card so they could deliver them.
#
As we stepped out of the shop two women wearing long dark dresses joined us. “Gentlemen, please accompany us so we can best expedite this wonderful occasion.”
We followed them to an entryway to a closed building and a gateway slid across the ground. One of the ladies lead us through the gateway.
#
On quartz cobblestones arranged in circles and half circles there was a fog obscuring all but the presence of trees a short distance from us. The gateway closed and the lady looked at her wrist. A glowing tattoo of a symbol for invoking summons appeared. “Lady Dimgloom, Lady Postdawn summons thee hence.”
The lady that had stayed behind appeared beside her. “If thou wouldst Lord Lithos, order the fog to abate.”
I looked at Samuel and then up at the fog and asked, “The fog to abate?”
The fog receded and a tree lined walkway to a romantic castle with pennants and balconies appeared.
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Lady Dimgloom clapped her hands together. “It’s perfect!”
Lady Postdawn said, “And it’s a knock-off by one of the Artist known as Ben’s students. Canst thee even imagine what a real one would look like?”
They ran to the castle.
Samuel asked, “Do you know these ladies?”
I shrugged. “The voices maybe. At the time, I was drugged and in rat form. My eyesight was bad and I was restrained but I think I might have seen them in the distance.”
Samuel asked, “You were a rat?”
I turned into a rat. The smell of basil, catnip, roses and sassafras hit my nose. There was a distant hint of jasmine, radish and oregano. I wrinkled my nose. There were other spicy scents I couldn’t identify and I remembered two more scents.
I turned back into Lithos. “Yes, they were there.”
From up at the castle entrance, Lady Postdawn shouted, Lord Lithos, we needest thee to invite us in and extend the invitation at least to the end of clean up after the wedding is over and the guests have left. We need to be able to visit, explore and reside in the castle.”
I walked up with Samuel, “Lady Postdawn, Lady Dimgloom and Samuel, thou art all invited to visit, explore and reside in this castle until the wedding is over and the guests have left.”
Samuel asked, “And how about after, I am well, a rather old friend of yours.”
I said, “If this is, indeed a real wedding and Ursula and I are really being wed, then no, I don’t think Ursula and I will want any guests or friends present for a little while. I will be sure to summon and invite you afterwards though.”
Lady Postdawn and Lady Dimgloom pulled open the doors to a large entryway to an enormous and grand hall.
Lady Postdawn and Lady Dimgloom went to a table at the side of the entryway and started transforming and setting down boxes, papers and folders.
Lady Postdawn said, “First off the left side will be for the Dark Fairies guests and the right side will be for the bride and grooms guests. Here are the lists, and here are the invitations you chose. Don’t worry, we are quite skilled at making sure that to Darkness, it will all revolve around her as the most important part of the wedding, while still allowing for Ursula to feel that it is all about her. We have been managing these off and on for nearly forty years so we expect it work out perfectly that way with the usual blunders, comic interruptions, incidents and tender moments all recorded on camera.
“Try to keep up and play along so Ursula doesn’t detect the planning behind all of this.”
Ursula summoned me. “Lithos, Ursula here, you wonderful man/Daemon. I’m not allowed to let you see it, but the wedding dress is wonderful. Oh, gotta disconnect. So much to do. Love you!”
I started getting scared thinking of Usula in a wedding dress. I took deep breaths and thought about how violent she could be and how easily she could kill me. A little calmer I kept slowly breathing in, holding it and slowly breathing out.
Lady Dimgloom said, “This Fairyland is a wedding gift from Bell, Darknesses husband. Expect this to be announced on several occasions since Darkness wants to make clear to everyone how wealthy, generous and powerful her husband is. Try not to be offended when some of it makes it sound like you couldn’t have possibly lived up to the Dark Fairies standards and how superior her husband is to you. It has caused a few issues in the past, and we would rather this all run smoothly.”
Lady Postdawn leaned in and whispered. “Your bachelor party and your intendeds hen’s night out will sadly be canceled for reasons we have to keep quite so those reasons don’t fail. With you know who involved those parties are really best forgotten. Just have a quiet moment at your club and count your blessings. We don’t want anything to interrupt this so we are rushing the process.”
I asked, “Some of the weddings had issues?”
The ladies exchanged a nervous glance.
Lady Dimgloom started opening a large envelope. “Forty years, is, at least in mortal time a good career run. You would expect us to see a few ups and downs. But we really try to make everything work out. After all, we have managed hundreds of weddings.”
She took out pictures of several previous weddings. I looked at embarrassed moments. Moments of fear and happy lives. The ladies fanned out the pictures. Some of the smiles in the pictures looked forced.
I asked, “Did Bell give all of these couples Fairylands with castles?”
Lady Postdawn said, “Isn’t he fabulous, generous to a fault and ever so rich?”
Looking up at the vaulted ceiling above and wondering how anyone could afford such a thing, let alone hundreds, I asked, “So he has given away hundreds of these?”
Lady Dimgloom said, “Well when things don’t work out, Bell ends up regifting them to another groom. But this one is brand new!”
I made a nervous smile. “So I give this back if the wedding fails?”
Lady Postdawn said, “Oh, no, Bell is truly generous. He said to his lovely wife, “If a groom has been forced into one of these potential nightmares and has to hide out the rest of his life, he needs a safe and decent place to take refuge.”
I asked, “If the groom needs to hide?”
Lady Dimgloom said, “Well Darkness only chooses strong women for her matchmaking. Very strong women.”
Lady Postdawn nodded. “And determined.”
I asked, “So how many of these Fairylands has Bell given away? And what would make Bell take it back?”
Lady Dimgloom smiled, “Seven so far! Don’t worry, as long as some remains of you can still be recognized and able to use it, this Fairyland will always be yours.”
I looked at the six sets of pictures spread out on the table and considered that Samuel was looking more and more accurate with his fears.
Lady Postdawn said, “We need to focus on planning. The wedding is only ten hours away.”
I looked at Samuel in panic.
#
During a break in the planning session, where everything had already been decided, Samuel and I explored the castle. There was too much to take in during the short time we had. Several floors up we walked by an open archway to a balcony and stopped. A short handsome man was standing on the balcony looking out at the gardens spread below.
Samuel nudged me. “I though that you decided who could be here.”
The man turned. “Right this way. Wind pick up to twenty-three knots, North by North-West.”
A reverberating whistling started.
The man gestured for us to get closer. “Samuel, Joshua, good to see you both. I’m Bell, Mumsie’s husband or as you should call her, Darkness.”
I recognized him from a coffee shop I used to regularly go to.
He said, “Josh, I don’t want to lose you, so when you invite your lovely bride-to-be to the castle, or anyone else for that matter, make sure the invitation stops the moment they pull a weapon to attack you.”
Samuel asked, “Why would they attack him?”
Bell said, “He’s an impostor. I know you want your friend Lithos back, but Josh turning into Lithos does not make him Lithos. Just a friend with a lot of similarities and the body. He will never become Lithos. He’s your friend, yes, but he doesn’t have a membership in the Fallen Sands and right now, Bradster is explaining reality to Ursula’s father, Gregory and soon enough Gregory will decide that you are not the right match for his daughter but since he doesn’t want to alienate his daughter by killing you personally, he is going to have to become creative.
“The problem is, that in this area Gregory is very creative and I cannot guess his next move. My life is at times complicated, and I really can’t stop this wedding, and your life would be even more complicated if my wife didn’t get to attend it. Since Gregory will try to make certain you are not married to his daughter and he doesn’t want to be the one that said no to her, you don’t dare go near her or the Fallen Sands.
“Since you really don’t want Usula dedicating her life to hunting you down, you need to explain all of this to her as soon as you can so that she can eventually make sense of it. Summon her, but don’t go to her and don’t bring her here.”
Samuel asked, “What became of Lithos?”
Bell said, “I am still researching the cosmic coil, but by my best guess, he was overdue for reincarnation and is probably a human infant in Niger. Beyond that I would not dare to venture a guess and that is a fairly bold one based on limited knowledge.”
I asked, “Are you really giving me this Fairyland?”
Bell nodded. “I take care of my people. You are one of them. In case of the unlikely success of your marriage, you can do the happily ever after thing here. I got a slew of Fairylands when they were set up to take care of heirloom garden varieties and isolate them from other heirlooms. As long as you don’t decide to re-purpose the gardens the Fairies here should remain safe enough and even a bit protective of you.
“If your marriage falls through, then consider this. A Fairyland that you can expel people from, and bar entry without permission is a safe place. Since this Fairyland has maids, gardeners and cooks delighted to maintain things, is the perfect place for you to set up a network of gateways and form a rather exclusive club.
“I would be happy to become a founding member and I think Samuel, Dalan and Dantin would love to have a change in scenery and become founding members. Since their membership in the Fallen Sands is dependent on Lithos’ membership, sadly they will be needing a new place soon. They know the ropes, pitfalls and required forms to establish and maintain a club so it might work out quite well.”
Bell smiled. “Keep it a gentleman’s club. Let me help review new members. A lot of the staff are going to be female and Fairy, so we don’t want the type that would harass the help.”
A small lady dressed as a maid said, “Unless they are discrete and the lady has expressed an interest in being harassed.”
Bell said to her. “What did I say to thee about remaining invisible and silent?”
She smiled. “Oh, Bell, I love it when you reprimand me.”
Bell pointed. “Go make sure the place is in perfect shape for the wedding.”
The Fairy looked at me. “Isn’t he the best!” She ran of and faded from view as she ran.
Samuel asked, “What should I do?”
Bell said, “First off, get with Dalan and Dantin and get your belongings, all of them into the vault I am going to lead you to. I will also set you up as a lieutenant under Joshua so you can manage the weather, time and exclusions when Joshua isn’t around.
“Joshua, set up a few gateways downstairs and get with Ursula and hope that timing and luck are on our side.
“Sadly, Darkness doesn’t try to manage relationships that are going to work out easily. She always tries the impossible and ignores the odds. She doesn’t play small lotteries with easy odds. When you talk to Ursula, just come clean and tell her everything. It’s your only chance. Not a great one, but there you have it.”
Bell led me to an area downstairs that was set up for gateways and then continued down another set of stairs, leading Samuel to what I suspected was where the vaults were. I tried summoning Ursula between setting up gateways. I had five set up on the Fairy side when Ursula answered.
“Yes love?”
I asked, “Can I call you, ‘darling?”
Her melodic laugh put shivers down my spine. “Of course you can, you can even call me your little bear.” She giggled. “Oh sorry, Daddy is calling.”
She disconnected. I set up one more gateway and tried to summon her again. It didn’t go through so I summoned Dantin. “Dantin, This is the man who would be Lithos, but thinks that ship is sailing fast. I am sorry things have not worked out and I can’t really be Lithos.”
Dantin said, “Your the closest thing we have. We are about to go through the commons so we will summon you later when we know a bit more about what is going on.”