[https://i.imgur.com/5UKE0n4.png]

"-. July 23, 6 ANB .-"

Situation critical, divert fight or flight response to mental simulation, reallocate mental resources to social dynamics modelling, override fear neuromodulators, initiate advance stockpiling of adrenaline, stimulate production of acetylcholine and dopamine and norepinephrine, activate sensory pain receptors, cancel, cross-examine sensory input for abnormalities, illusions not detected, telepathy not detected, hypnosis detected, neutralised, spores isolated, analysed, create inoffensive facsimiles, simulate emissions to give false impression of technique success, metabolize original spores, excise reproduction capabilities from trace remnants, keep for further observation, absorb Hashirama cells, attempt failed, zetsu skin prevents direct contact, assimilate zetsu cells, analyse, metabolise, situation assessed, physical tells obfuscated, time elapsed .42 seconds, what do I do?

Offense was out. It hurt to waste the element of surprise, but having my first fight be against an S-rank supernin was just stupid. Physical hacks aside, all but three of the more overt techniques I'd come up with were still theoretical. Also, Obito didn't travel alone. He certainly wouldn't be dressed up in a perfect Zetsu Substitution if something in the very near vicinity didn't happen to house the original Zetsu. Black and White Zetsu. Tobi. Guruguru. Cheeky little shit chose the gatekeeper for his name, didn't he? Also, he'd go intangible. Not absolutely insurmountable, Obito's technique worked by shifting body parts to the Kamui dimension, yet he still retained sensory input of the outside. Obviously, that meant at least some of his non-physical parts stayed in the real world, meaning he should theoretically be vulnerable to Yin release. Unfortunately, that was the one area where my ability was still complete dogshit. Relatively, anyway.

Infest with Anami? Had potential, but they'd be competing with the Hashirama cells for real estate that was likely already purified, chances of incapacitation were too nebulous, they'd be detected too, even if not detected they'd be absorbed for chakra, I'd need to invade him with my own biomass and keep contact to micromanage or I'd just make him stronger. Grapple. Uchiha Obito. Yeah, no.

For one, looming moment, I seriously considered turning myself into a power circuit. Lightning techniques were increasingly shit at killing people the stronger they got because lethality actually decreases above a certain amperage, but alternating current? 22 milliamps to loosen his grip, 30 for respiratory paralysis, 40 for muscular inhibition, 100 for respiratory block and ventricular fibrillation, exceed 100 and his heart will burst. Chakra reinforcement and grounding would work against me, but I could screw with resistance and voltage all the way up to 200 mA or more just to be sure. I'd feel it but I'd live.

But Uchiha Obito had a little memento from Madara wrapped around his heart that he's just dying to get rid of. And again, there was the matter of his accomplice.

Action plan discerned: dissimulate, defer action and use my Anbu hotline pass later, deescalate.

"So even you don't have an answer."

"Oh no, I definitely do. I'm just surprised, with that heavy lead-up I thought you were going to ask me something hard."

'Ruguru's' hand slackened in surprise, so I took the opportunity to idly drop mine. I carefully didn't sag in relief when he let go.

I looked around. "I'll need someone to verify some numbers for this one. Oy Nara!" I made for Nara Shikaku's direction without waiting to see what Obito would do. "Come on." Yes, come away from the children, that's a good genocidal mass murderer. "You said you wanted hard facts, right?"

"I couldn't possibly impose on the guests." You're imposing on me right now. "Especially during such an occasion. Lord Fugaku doesn't appreciate his time being wasted, or his plans being interfered with." That's some mighty fine projection you got there.

I made sure that my real reaction to his glance in the kids' direction was locked tight inside my mental simulation. "Well that's tough because this is something I've been planning on publishing a study on anyway. Don't worry, it's nothing bad."

"Nothing bad he says," Obito muttered under his breath, then his voice turned mild. "Well, I'm certain it will make a killing."

That's the most terrifying thing I've heard all year. "Chin up, man, or am I blowing your cover?" Obito didn't stiffen, and the me of last year probably wouldn't have seen beyond that, but the me of now did see a minute reaction. "I'm not sure how many of you Uchiha the Chief opened this event to, am I putting you in a tight spot? Are you supposed to be on duty, or…?"

Obito slumped slightly. "In a manner of speaking, but I did bring a special gift just in case."

Could he not speak without sounding completely sinister?

My small hope that Fugaku would find a reason to kick him out proved every bit as vain as I expected. Uchiha Obito knew how to simper his way around upper nobility, I guess it came naturally to someone who had to live with all the consequences of being such a personality outlier from the earliest age. Of course, the dōbuku coat he brought for when Sasuke became an adult won Fugaku over as well. I couldn't even blame the man, it was a very nice gift, especially from a lower-rung in the clan. I wondered if it was the real gatekeeper's family keepsake, and if that meant the man wasn't the only person that had been killed today. But who would ever suspect foul play? Konoha was a meritocracy where initiative tended to be rewarded. Never mind the absurd notion that anyone could sneak into this place, this gathering of elite Sharingan, Byakugan and genius ninja within fire breathing distance.

Beware the nice ones is in full effect, I thought grumpily. "Chief Nara, can I pick your brain for a bit? And any input from your two friends would also be appreciated, I was going to wait until I had finalised my conclusions, but this way I can get the closest thing to your unfiltered input on my findings."

"What findings?"

"The net impact of ninja on mankind."

My words had a ripple effect on everyone in earshot, and most of everyone not in earshot. I considered meandering over to the far side of the pond from the kids, it was where most of the gravelly part was. Doodling things for my audience was a stress reliever, but while that would draw Obito even farther away from the kids, it would also draw most everyone else away too. Which would probably be bad. I had no way to know where Zetsu was, but I could guess.

The myrtle, I thought grimly. Where the best view and hostages are.

I ambled over to draw with a stick in the sandpit instead. This way the ninja would be in range to react if things went to shit. The kids were far on the other side of the tree, chasing toys. To my very grateful surprise, Itachi was with them now too, indulgently listening to Sasuke boasting about his future expertise in piloting unmanned aerial drones of total destruction. The other guests kept a polite distance but all the clan heads came closer. 'Ruguru' looked very believably awkward and out of place among them, but not enough to make him leave grabbing distance.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but by my estimates, let's say with a 5% margin of error, the current total force of shinobi ranked chuunin and above amounts to something like 65,000 ninja for the Five Great Countries."

Nara gave a lazy assent that I acknowledged by rote, though inside I couldn't help feeling irritated at my inability to silently communicate the massive threat in our midst. Shisui had taught me some ninja handsigns, but only for basic friend/foe functionality, and Obito would know them anyway. Situation still critical, crisis management impaired by reactionary behaviour, understanding of involved factors insufficient to comprehensively manage risk, solution: apply cyclical model of reflection to determine feasible options.

"Plus the Land of Iron whose active duty force would be of, say, 15,000 samurai, that would make a total of about 80,000."

Assess situation: Uchiha Obito showed up to Uchiha Sasuke's birthday party two years in advance of the Uchiha Massacre time frame. Ignored other guests. Sought me out specifically to set me up for later incapacitation and abduction. Asked me the only question whose answer might pose a risk to his indoctrinated beliefs, the little shit, this was supposed to be my big diversionary tactic while I went and relocated to where the real business is, where does Obito get off reducing my grand plans to measly stalling tactics?

"If we assume that 15% of them are jonin, rounded down for those that wouldn't be assigned teams, that would mean an additional 36,000 genin. Plus roughly 72,000 washouts that passed the academy graduation but failed their jonin test, causing them to end up in procurement, maintenance and administration or what have you. This adds up to around 180,000 active duty ninja."

Assess location: private clan grounds, open area, minimal cover, overall security compromised to accommodate individual arrangements of visitors, increased individual risk management opportunities, reduced overall risk management options, most weaponry secured outside the party venue, defence and counterattack capabilities impaired in case of decapitation strike, evacuation prospects uncertain, coordination prospects uncertain.

"I've not had the leisure to research the smaller hidden villages, but I'll throw in a conservative estimate of their combined force being around 50% of the total from the Great Five, leading to a total of 300,000 ninjutsu or equivalent users in all the known world."

Assess the people: elite nin are high risk low reward targets, Naruto and clan heirs represent overabundance of easy hostages, elite nin potentially provide several lines of defence to self, Uchiha Itachi is best and only line of defence for children, Uchiha Obito can walk right through every last one them at any time.

"In the very worst case scenario, this would be the absolute highest number of military casualties in a hypothetical Fourth Ninja World War." I scrawled 300,000 in the sand. "The factions would collapse and dissipate well before such numbers are reached, obviously, but this is the worst case scenario."

Examine actions: Published science and lore made my pen name memorable, impact on village politics made my real name memorable, rehabilitation of Uchiha Clan in direct contravention to all Madara-adjacent plans involving eyes and petty vengeance. But I wasn't going to take blame for the actions of evil, and even if I did it wasn't that simple. The Akatsuki were already active, having Konoha's best all in one place opened opportunities elsewhere in the village (Naruto), all the little heirs in one place opened opportunities here (also Naruto), and Tobi was always involved in the Uchiha Massacre not just through direct contact with Itachi, but also, for 'unknown reasons,' with Shimura Danzo. Fact: Shisui is with Kakashi, Anbu, and the Hokage himself somewhere out behind the Hokage Mountain right now

"Civilian casualties are a bit more troublesome, because it's a lot harder to track how many people die from disrupted trade, disasters, assassinations of key businessmen, bank heists, pillaging, sabotage and general collateral damage."

Potential outcomes: abduction, interrogation, torture, death, experimentation. Mine if Obito isn't exposed, potentially. Mine and probably others if Obito is exposed but not subdued successfully. Abduction of Naruto for Akatsuki agenda. Abduction of clan heirs for leverage or trade. Destruction of Uchiha goodwill, Konoha internal strife, potential crippling of Konoha's military structure, unspeakable body horror to degrees depending on whether or not Orochimaru is involved in this somehow as part of Akatsuki or Root. Or both. Or neither.

"That said, by my calculations it takes an average 10 people to afford one shinobi, during wartime when missions dry up and funds are otherwise strategically hoarded. So, if we lump those people as part of the logistics train, that means the potential collateral casualties would be of up to 3,000,000, for a total of 3,300,000 lives." I wrote WW4 Potential Maximum Carnage and 3,300,000 next to it in the sand. "So, rounded up, that's around 0.13% of the combined world population."

"Quite the numbers you got there," Shikaku grunted. "But yeah, it would never get that high, the factions involved would collapse long before then, even if they lose their sanity and refuse to sue for peace."

"Because you're ninja, yes. Based on past wars, the casualty list would likely be at most 80-85,000." I drew in the sand. WW1 – 26,000, WW2 – 40,000, WW3 – 57,000, WW4 – 85,000, the numbers stared up at us judgingly. "That would be around the point where all the elite fighters are removed from play and attrition begins to exceed the factions' ability to retain gains."

Establish goal: freedom above all, survival, for self, for nephew, for hosts, for fellow guests, discouraging subsequent attempts is secondary, neutralising Obito a long-term third.

"Now, I assume that I don't need to go into war causes and how it doesn't take ninja to start one, or something silly like that."

Shikaku threw me a sharp glance, so did Hiashi, but my eyes were on 'Ruguru' so I saw the moment his sheepish act faltered. I almost missed it before he returned to being distressingly credible, but I'd seen it. "I'll defer to your better judgment, doctor."

And because I'd seen it, it could very well mean the opposite.

Action plan updated: deescalate, deescalate, deescalate.

"Now imagine if there weren't ninja. You're the daimyo and your military is made up of regular people. What's more, the bulk of those troops have been too busy contributing to the economy to join anything resembling a professional military organisation. This means force of arms is capped at whatever a normal civilian can do. Even with the best conditioning and a cheap and easily trainable theoretical weapon capable of replicating, say, an elemental gun technique, the cost for one soldier would still be ten people. Except none of them are capable of killing a hundred or thousand people by themselves anymore, the troops all have parity. The numbers skew a bit in theoretical scenarios where bigger, heavier weapons are invented using conventional technology, but the scale does not compare. So you don't have 300,000 ninja with a 3 million-strong logistics train, you have three million troops each with their own requirement for at least 10 additional people. So the full military muster would be of around 33,000,000. Pretty bad, right?"

There some manner of silence that I couldn't judge reliably. Ninja were pretty inscrutable when they were too wary of making assumptions about what I said, which seemed to be most of the time now. I drew 33,000,000 in the sand.

"But then I realised that I also needed to adjust these number for attrition. Because you don't have elites that can carry the entire war through anymore, no medical ninjutsu, no storage scrolls, no treetop travel, no super stealth that can enable major objectives to be destroyed behind enemy lines and cut years off the conflict, nothing. Just a dozen or two million boys languishing in trenches, falling by the tens of thousands to mad charges and typhus and gangrene and starvation from logistical failures the entire time." Clawing their eyes out as chlorine gas burned their lungs and melted their faces off. "I took the liberty of running some numbers. I don't have the materials on hand, but they will, of course, be available when I publish my findings. I won't speculate on how a theoretical Fourth War might look like. But I did manage to figure out a fair approximation of the casualty numbers for the prior three."

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I drove the stick into the sand and wrote.

WW1 – 26,000 -> 26,000,000

WW2 – 40,000 -> 40,000,000

WW3 – 57,000 -> 57,000,000

There had been dead silence before, but this one was even deeper, and its flavour was somehow entirely different.

As well it should be. It wasn't quite the 85 million of World War II on Old Earth, but that number was perfectly on point with the Fourth War and its 80,000+ active troops I'd seen play out in technicolor in another life.

I hesitated to turn around, lest I find more condescending scepticism than consideration, never mind what Obito might do. I wouldn't blame them if they did, it was, quite frankly, an incredible contrast. Especially when you considered that the total world's population, by my estimate, was lower during WWI here than it was during WW1 on the Old Earth, but had since grown to exceed the Old Earth's population of WW2. It was around 2.5 billion right now, by my most conservative estimates. Forget baby boomers, those huge savings on virile young men led to some good, uninterrupted population growth even during the wars, and there was no shortage of labour either. It was enough to make up for the world still lacking cars, somehow. Or trains. The ships were pretty shit too, god, how the hell am I going to find the time to fix everything?

Still, I'd like to think I've acquired some credibility by now.

I looked at the children, being as casual as I could about having the myrtle tree in my sight. They were engrossed in watching Sasuke finally pilot his helicopter off the ground for the first time. I weighed the risk of being noticed versus the potential benefits of a new experiment. Deciding to risk it, I sent the Anami a set of new commands, ran a couple hundred simulations to figure out the right process, then replicated the radar-like function of Hiashi's Byakugan as best I could with my own bioenergy. My brain took a bit to figure out how to translate the returning echoes, and I certainly wouldn't achieve anything resembling sight-like precision without a few good days to refine the technique, but for a first try it was an extremely valuable proof of concept.

I didn't find shit.

Either I'm wrong about Obito not acting alone, or Zetsu is literally invisible.

Fact: the white zetsu predate Kaguya's sealing, which means they predate Hagoromo Ootsutsuki giving chakra to mankind, which means Zetsu… doesn't have a chakra pathway system. Fact: every white zetsu is a former human. Fact: the Shinju works by mutating native species into bizarre plant zombies despite the material and energy cost involved. Inference: the Shinju requires the mutations for something. Fact: humans naturally possess organs for connecting to the collisionless sheath of the planet (natural energy), though lack of use and misuse leads to calcification (senjutsu petrification writ small). Inference: it stands to reason that the zetsus' true role is to syphon up the real prize – natural energy. Fact: Kabuto needed Yamato's Hashirama cells to give white zetsu strength worth a damn, suggesting that zetsu biology is incapable of accumulating power, perhaps explicitly designed to only absorb and deliver it onwards. Which made sense, whatever upgrade options you kept in reserve for a hypothetical war against future invaders, you didn't want your power batteries to be able to escape before then, never mind defend themselves. Conclusion: Zetsu doesn't have chakra, he directly manipulates what trace amounts of natural energy exist in his body at any given time. Observation: natural energy is undetectable to everyone but sages.

Alternative hypothesis: Zetsu is the result of humans changed to better feed the Shinju with Yang energy, which would have the same effect on the Byakugan as the Anami – he absorbs it. Addendum: depending on what Zetsu uses to cast techniques, and whatever weird shapeshifting thing he does to merge with rocks and earth and random trees, any chakra system or equivalent could be so weak and dispersed as to be undetectable to radar-like systems anyway. The fact that Obito had to play delivery boy for his spores probably meant Zetsu wasn't right beneath me, but that still didn't preclude him being nearby.

Tentative conclusion: all the above are true and I just wasted all my time on trying to do the impossible because the universe is an asshole.

…

No.

Nothing is impossible, I couldn't conflate pathos with logos and still call myself a scientist, I lacked experimental evidence for whether this was a case of inadequate tools or inadequate use of existing tools. Unless zetsu possessed some ridiculous ability to generate false signals and actively alter the feedback for every single sensor technique under the sun, constantly, automatically and unknowingly, his technique should still be a passive form of camouflage. For the Byakugan, he would have to be absorbing energy so that he didn't show up among everything else being picked up. Reflecting nothing as opposed to all the signals returning to the Byakugan from around and behind him. Forget not seeing the forest from the trees, it was about not seeing trees from the forest.

… Adjust experimental parameters, limit distance of scan to just within range of the myrtle's bark, loop procedure, gradually increase range, observe anomalies for every millimetre of added depth, deviations in reflected energy imagery will disprove null hypothesis – found you!

As ever, I was completely right about everything.

Fuck my life.

Finally, I turned to face my audience.

They looked… astounded, almost. Disbelieving. Shocked, even. But not of me. Not even of my numbers. They were shocked to learn their entire way of life might not, in fact, be inherently evil. Huh. I wasn't going to complain about them having self-awareness though. It was ironic, that the people responsible for 85% of all murders in the world were also the ones responsible for that total being just 0.1% of the murders that would have happened if they never existed. But by the same token…

Konoha's shinobi have a surprisingly unflattering view towards their chosen way of life. It was actually kind of ridiculous, blaming yourself for everything bad in the world was just self-importance, so was the belief that you're the only one who can solve everything. I mean, look at me, I could make nukes, but why the hell would I do that? Shinobi were infinitely more charming weapons of mass destruction, and they were also susceptible to autonomy and morality. The number of shinobi with morals superior to those of the nobility and other figures of influence was historically much higher than the number of backstabbing basement dwellers.

At least they weren't dismissing my research out of hand, what a wonderful consolation prize in face of death and ruination-

"That's it?" 'Ruguru' was not looking pleased. At all. "Forgive me for being blunt, sir, but your best answer to the world's greatest philosophical question is a bunch of zeroes?"

You'd almost think the omnicidal maniac didn't want to consider that the ninja world might not be unambiguously evil. Never mind better than the alternative. Which it was. "Of course not, there's much that can't be reduced to mathematics, problems to iron out of the system. 'The system is still young' isn't going to last as an excuse much longer. Prejudice, exploitation, slavery, forcing your own family into slavery – that's a big one – and we can't forget about the whole 'child soldiers' thing of course." I shrugged as mildly as I could without meaning it. "Personally I'm annoyed with the ridiculously askew technology levels, but you asked me specifically to show how the Hidden Village model has impacted mankind, so that's what I did."

"How can you speak so lightly of-"

"Mind your words Ruguru," Fugaku intervened, looking very displeased. "I have tolerated your imposition at my sufferance. Do not think that extends to my guests."

"Of course, Lord Fugaku, I apologise," Obito said falsely. "You're right, it's pointless to discuss this further. The good Doctor here is correct. Even just by the ideals that Senju Hashirama sought to achieve by creating this village, Konohagakure has failed in every meaningful way."

I should've brought my spanking cane.

"That's enough, Ruguru!"

I mean, Naruto never forced me to use it but it clearly has a role to play in this world.

"On the contrary, Fugaku, your clansman makes a fair point," Hiashi disagreed, walking imperiously to join Obito in looking at me severely, Uchiha and Hyuuga standing side by side, united in purpose to screw over all my efforts to deescalate this situation, fuck them both very much. "I, too, would appreciate clarification as to what the good Doctor is insinuating."

This is because I keep doing things out of order, isn't it? Garage before the car, motorcycle before the bicycle, aircraft before a measly car, the most ridiculous superpower hacks without even a paltry training montage, this was the universe's vengeance, wasn't it? You'd think this world's weird technology and geopolitical dynamics meant the cosmos would appreciate me staying on theme, but apparently not. The universe was so up to its eyeballs in ass-backwards, it was bending over sideways to set me up for mutually assured destruction against the dumbest simp in the world.

Not that I was full of myself or anything.

"Ethos, logos, pathos." Being able to understand all three was basic rhetoric, being unable to comprehend more than one was mental deficiency, but refusing to acknowledge logos when practically spoonfed was just sad. "I acknowledge that you have honoured me by not dismissing my words out of hand, but I believe facts stand just fine on their own. As for the last, I'm afraid there are certain practices, familial or not, that I will never view anything else than contemptible." I met Hiashi's white eyes squarely because no, I didn't approve of him and his. "The Cycle of Hatred isn't driven by vengeance, but by the pettiness of the incompetent and mean-spirited."

'Ruguru' twitched.

"Such a bold thing to say." Hiashi didn't overtly react at all, not even a microexpression out of place. "You are directly challenging the views of our greatest philosophers, you realize. Lord Hashirama, Lord Third, Jiraiya of the Sannin, even the Fourth Hokage himself."

This is the turning point in my life where I'm supposed to compromise on my very factual principles to appease the petty and mean-spirited, isn't it? Yeah, no. "I will not go back on my words." Not unless they're factually disproven, obviously.

… Huh. I thought my lifetime's milestone would be at least a bit paradigm-shifting.

Note to self, double check that Naruto understands the proper difference between honour and pig-headedness.

"I see." Hiashi pulled his hands from his sleeves. "Then there is but one last thing I have to say." The Hyuuga clan chief dismissively turned away with a dramatic whirl of his robe. "You are within the range of my divination: Eight Trigrams Two Hundred and Fifty-Six Palms!"

"URK!"

I gaped.

"Two palms!"

"HURK-HN!"

"Four palms!"

"HN-GHA-AH-AGH!"

"Eight palms, sixteen Palms, thirty-two palms, sixty-four palms, one-hundred and twenty-eight palms, two hundred and fifty-six palms!"

I watched in shock as Hyuuga Hiashi gentle fisted Uchiha Obito two hundred and fifty-six times in just 2.56 seconds.

When-what-how-

Crash!

Uchiha Obito flew by me so close that he ruffled my impeccably groomed beard before he smashed hard into the ground and rolled to a stop in a twitching heap.

"What-WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, HIASHI!?" Fugaku thundered from the very edge of the fifteen meter-wide area that everyone but me had suddenly vacated.

Yes, Hyuuga-san, explain to me this utter bullshit, what the hell is the Weirding Way doing in this universe, how does this qualify as an eye power, what even are doujutsu anymore, it's completely – Yin-Yang release space-time taijutsu!? Hyuuga-san, explain! Explain!

"I will freely admit your disguise is perfect."

… Oh.

"Even my Byakugan was completely fooled."

Oh no.

"There is no warping indicative of a disguise ninjutsu, your features and you chakra are certainly Uchiha, and even your affectations are on point, I dare say they may well be your natural mannerisms. However, your control of your microexpressions is not as precise, in particular when it comes to your gaze."

Oh no no no no no, Yemo, I need you!

"Your left eye does not consistently match mood and words. I've seen such incongruence before, but only in individuals that have lost one."

Suspend mental simulations, divert cognitive resources to homeostasis maintenance, consolidate autonomous cell functions, consolidate anami gestalt, insulate against chakra pathway system predation, occlude, descend into the earth, extend underground towards principal, plasmodial slime configuration.

"Since this village was created, only eleven Uchiha Shinobi with awakened Sharingan were ever reported missing in action. Three were women, two were in their middle age by the time of the Fourth's election, retrieval missions accounted for three more, and one vanished at sea. That leaves two names."

Close Gate of Death, close emitting tenketsu, release adrenaline stockpiles, suspend mental inhibitions.

"Of the last two, one was never retrieved, and the other had his Sharingan missing. It would not be impossible that a foreign infiltrator would be foolish enough to think they could steal their way into this place using stolen Sharingan. But there is no divergence between your eye chakra and the rest, and it is a chakra I see quite regularly in this village, albeit in a man who is not Uchiha at all. Isn't that right, Uchiha Obito?"

Open all Gates!

Uchiha Obito's laughter was drowned out by the boom of my sudden departure.

The air exploded, the myrtle lost half its trunk as I punched through it, zetsu flew screaming amidst chunks of wood from the tree and the roots that had suddenly burst from the ground ahead of me in a bid to ensnare the children.

"U-uncle!" Naruto cried in shock as a vine managed to yank him off by his foot and away just barely before my charge was prematurely halted by the furrow I dug in the ground.

I came to a stop just in time to shield Hyuuga Hinata from a spear of wood with my gut.

C-close gates, re-open tenketsu, don't shut pain down completely, f-fact: I haven't figured out whatever bullshit lets ninja yank the pedestrian and unconscious around at super speeds without inertia snapping their necks.

"Hahahahaha," Uchiha Obito cackled from everywhere and nowhere as the zetsu shell collapsed inwards where he had fallen, hollow and deformed.

"Kiba!" "What the-" "Chouji!" "Who is-?" "Hinata!"

A sudden motion, then Uchiha Itachi was standing just outside the apparent range of Zetsu's technique with Sasuke and Ino behind him

"Look at yourselves, oh proud shinobi. Just when the least among you is about to prevail through words where all prior action failed, you go and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the eleventh hour." The shaken parents snapped out of their shock and ignored Obito's monologue in favour of extracting the other children. All but one. "And now you lie abandoned, Sir Hanzo, you see? This is why this world cannot survive."

I glared at the masked ninja sitting on a terrified Naruto with kunai at his neck and a foot on top of his head. Beside him, the surviving two thirds of Black-and-White Zetsu painfully righted themselves and sent me a glare. The pain in my gut grew. I grit my teeth, grabbing tight with bloody hands onto the timber digging into my muscles.

Initiate mokuton analysis.

"Nobody move or the kyuubi brat gets it."

New action plan discerned: assisted suicide.