“-. October 22, 5 ANB .-“
“-. Sarutobi Hiruzen, Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaf .-“
“In conclusion, the Uchiha Clan’s so-called ‘Curse of Hatred’ as coined by the Second Hokage has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Though founded by Tobirama Senju and ostensibly given entirely to the Uchiha as a sign of trust and good faith between the Senju and themselves, the Konoha Military Police has instead become the white elephant through which the Uchiha Clan is being alienated. This is further exacerbated by a variety of ancillary factors: building the police station next to a prison, the lack of involvement by the Uchiha clan in countering the Nine Tails’ attack, moving the Uchiha Clan grounds to the outskirts of the village instead of inward during the rebuilding, and the visceral fight or flight response experienced by humans to the threat of mind control – which the Uchiha habitually resort to, even outside those rare cases where they have to act against other shinobi. This is coupled with the perceived lack of mechanisms for appeal in case of police overstep, as those handling the appeals are the same, either literally or figuratively, as those committing the perceived abuses to begin with. Based on the statistical trends laid out previously, an irreversible breakdown of Konoha-Uchiha relations will most likely reach the tipping point in as little as a year. Therefore, a fundamental change in policy and practice is urgently required, both to break the ‘abuse privileges’ narrative that has resulted from this monopoly on punitive force, as well as to provide alternative vectors of interaction through which the optics of the Uchiha Clan may be rehabilitated. The following are the scenarios most likely to occur according to current projections, with recommendations given to hopefully prevent them, or failing that mitigate the consequences.”
At his signal, Crow paused the video that Hiruzen and this expanded version of his council were still not done picking apart despite having already watched it eight different times during their closed-room discussions, with abundant pauses and rewinds during each. His old teammates Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu, Root Commander Shimura Danzo, Jonin Commander Nara Shikaku, even the head of the Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force was present, Morino Ibiki. Hiruzen had also chosen to always have Uchiha Shisui among the Anbu on duty for these past four days, as an unofficial liaison with the Uchiha Clan head. Uchiha Fugaku’s attendance during the first day had almost devolved into a screaming match between him and Danzo, before the former stormed out in disgust. Sarutobi was honestly surprised Fugaku had requested to be present for this ‘final’ ‘evaluation’ of Masanari Hanzo’s ‘scientific thesis,’ despite his so very personal stake in the issue.
Shikaku sighed gustily and rested his chin in his hand. “That this man is not a shinobi is a damned tragedy.”
“Are we still sure he isn’t?” Fugaku grunted, pointedly not looking at Danzo.
“We’ve investigated thoroughly. If he’s a ninja, he’s both the best and least effective damn spy in all of written history,” Ibiki replied. “Also, I disguised myself and ‘ran into’ him the evening after. Said I saw him coming out of the Hokage Tower and asked him what it was like to be a civilian inside. The man looked at me like I was insane for thinking he wouldn’t make me – even though I fooled experienced ninja with the same trick and half the effort. He then told me, very seriously over his armful of copper thread, magnets and rubber bands, that he wouldn’t know because he was too busy potentially signing his own death warrant in service of ‘defending his doctoral thesis in political science.’ I didn’t even have to fake my laughter, I thought him seeing through me was just a lucky shot in the dark, that his self-awareness was an act, after all, what kind of doctor is that?”
“Isn’t he though?” Homura mused. “He identified the symptoms, diagnosed the disease, investigated the subject’s medical history and provided treatment recommendations.”
“Quite,” Ibiki agreed. “Seeing as the man has literally invented an entire new scientific field just for this, I figure he can title himself whatever he wants.”
‘Entire new scientific field’ was putting it mildly. It had taken three hours for Masanari Hanzo to finish ‘defending his thesis’, five more for him to flag under their questions about his methodology (which came with a stack of papers even thicker than the thesis itself, and that wasn’t even counting the appendices, whose collective volume exceeded everything else combined), a night-long closed door Council session just to understand the procedures used, three days for them to go over it individually, an entire week for them to discuss it in council, and now they were trying to figure out where to go from here.
Not very successfully.
The introduction of the ‘thesis’ amounted to just over ten thousand words all on its own. The man then provided ‘background’ in the form of an extensive ‘literature review’ covering every fact about the Uchiha Clan history and Konoha Military Police that wasn’t restricted or classified. The man then dedicated fifteen thousand words just to the description of his methodology, the scope of which even Danzo found, quite frankly, intimidating. A ‘quantitative research of police action trends' using pragmatist philosophy’ based on a ‘statistical analysis of verdicts and appeal outcomes between the 745 - 739 AS period.’ Except that statistical analysis was actually six different kinds of statistical analysis, four of which nobody in that room – or elsewhere – had ever encountered before. Masanari Hanzo seemed to have come up with them himself, and even included extensive documentation on the procedures and calculations, altogether exceeding the actual final content of the thesis itself.
There was something called ‘analysis of variance,’ another named ‘Finn rank correlation’ after his odd pen name and ‘explained’ as ‘a nonparametric measure of rank correlation showing the statistical dependence between the rankings of two variables’, a positively torturous descent into Yomi called ‘polynomial regression analysis’ (that came with almost as many pages as everything else combined just to illustrate the mathematics involved), and a fourth procedure called a ‘prescriptive analysis’ full of more graphs and charts than all the others combined ‘in service of guiding future decision-making.’ Masanari ‘confessed’ that one of these methods actually belonged to someone name Carl Gauss who died long ago. It did not appease anyone. At all. It had taken Hiruzen an entire sleepless night to understand. A success matched only by Shikaku, before the man rubbed his tired face, burst into laughter and loudly proclaimed that he was stealing all of it. Ibiki needed two days, but at the end of which he also declared the same as Shikaku soon after.
Feeling vengeful, the Hokage, Ibiki and Shikaku had pulled up their sleeves and meticulously checked all the man’s numbers. Good news, they found errors. Bad news, they only spotted those errors after painstakingly inputting what little they could of the data into their computers, which civilians didn’t have access to. Worse news, fixing those errors only made Masanari’s results and conclusions tighter and his many tables and charts look even more damning.
And then after the ‘quantitative’ part of the ‘thesis’, as if to show pity to the poor sods who couldn’t keep up with his calculations, the man also devoted some thirty thousand words to a ‘qualitative thematic analysis of unstructured interviews’ with ‘an ad-hoc sample of Konoha’s citizenry’ on ‘the perceived impact of the Konoha Military Police on the social dynamics involving Uchiha clansmen.’ Which came with their own appendices in the form of yet another stack of papers, this time filled with transcripts.
Wrapping up everything was a ‘metanarrative discussion’ of the ‘trends’ and ‘themes’ in the context of the official laws, regulations, decrees and statements given by the Hokage Tower relative to the Uchiha Clan, versus the latter’s official responses ‘as published in the Konoha Sage journal since the first issue to the present day.’ An itemized list of all excerpts used was included in the ‘bibliography,’ alongside the extensive list of books consulted and cited throughout the paper, complete with author name, title, date of publication, and volume or issue number where relevant.
Typewritten, formatted and ‘referenced’ to ‘standard’ with matter of fact, vicious factualness. A standard Masanari himself had set and was already being followed on by others, according to reports from Konoha and elsewhere.
Civilians have no less pride than shinobi, it seems, Hiruzen pondered somberly. But they don’t draw it from violence and death.
“I don’t suppose we have any better idea of who the man’s been talking to?” Fugaku was looking at Danzo quite pointedly now. Danzo ignored him. Fugaku grit his teeth.
“He was very conscientious about protecting his sources,” Ibiki answered instead. “I know he’s not a ninja, but I still want him in my department.”
“You can ask,” Hiruzen allowed. “And only ask. No coercion. Either way, I doubt he’ll agree.”
“Don’t bother,” said Danzo, the first thing he had said all day. “He is too soft.”
You mean his moral values are too strong, Hiruzen thought as the others reprised prior talking points for the nth time. The ‘thesis’ preceded its conclusion with an extended tract about research ethics and how the complete redaction of all names, dates, verbal tics, demographic details, and all other ‘personally identifying information’ – literally everything that could possibly help identify the people who obviously didn’t know where their talks were headed – was insufficient ethical rigor. Because it apparently wasn’t enough to satisfy the principles of ‘anonymity,’ ‘confidentiality’, ‘beneficence’ and ‘non-maleficence’ if the research lacked ‘authenticity.’ Which, in this case, was apparently undermined because the ‘primary data collection’ was done without the participants’ ‘informed consent.’
Danzo beheld Hiruzen with his lone, gimlet eye. “You cannot mean to follow the lead of this man.”
“Doctors are in the business of healing,” he deflected. “Will we begrudge a man for trying to heal nations instead of individuals?” Konoha was not technically a nation unto itself, but Hiruzen could easily imagine the man setting his mind on even wider horizons.
“I suppose the matter is simple then,” Homura murmured, which got meaningful silence from around the table and a weary sigh from the Jonin Commander who was glaring at Hanzo’s frozen image on the screen. The man did not appreciate all the sleep he missed.
“I disagree,” Danzo said severely. “We are ninja. We do not simply accept information without verification.”
Shikaku slouched in his chair. “Except everything is easily verifiable since it all comes from public sources and common knowledge in the village.”
“Nevertheless, I move to have him detained and subjected to a Yamanaka mind dissection. The matter is far too sensitive to risk.”
“No,” Hiruzen said mildly, ignoring Danzo’s glare. “Neither he nor Inoichi warrant such duress.” Or mental crippling.
“You cannot tell me you are ready to ignore all these… incongruities. There is nothing in the man’s background that accounts for his-“
“Impressive skillset?” Shikaku interrupted where even Hiruzen’s old colleagues were too hesitant. “You yourself said Root has been keeping track of his comings and goings ever since his second publication and never saw him dig anywhere he wasn’t allowed, why are you only raising issue now?”
Danzo’s one eye stared flatly at the other man. “Nothing in his file accounts for any of this… intelligence gathering expertise.”
“Masanari Hanzo, Age 28, civilian, occupation: electrician, handyman and occasional inventor of toys and, only very recently, the odd ninja tool with built-in electrical functionality,” Koharu read, before putting the very thin folder down. “We’ve seen similar changes in life paths for many after the Kyuubi attack, with much less blatant trauma. The shift in interests can easily be explained by the tragic loss of a family to entertain and provide for.”
“You are making excuses for him now as well?”
Hiruzen shook his head. “I will not begrudge a man his competence-“
“Then you should begrudge his arrogance and presumption.”
“-Especially when he revealed it to me fully expecting the very motions you are setting forward right now, Danzo. That’s why he asked for amnesty pre-emptively, which I will remind you was granted.”
Danzo’s eye narrowed.
“That man is a brave citizen of this village risking his own life to prevent the greatest tragedy Konoha may ever see. By your own admission, his conclusions are credible enough to push for crippling interrogation. By your own admission, he’s done nothing suspicious other than not being a ninja.”
That’s the Root of it, isn’t it old friend? He embarrassed you. His intelligence gathering embarrassed you. Really, he embarrassed all of them, a mere civilian. And none of them could wash the insult away without literally destroying the research and killing the man as well as everyone else in the room.
The atmosphere chilled under Danzo’s mood.
Hiruzen did not back down. It was hardly unreasonable for a civilian to fear overstep, especially in light of laws like the Kyuubi Taboo which the man had broken at several points during his ‘defence.’ Particularly while summarising the section on ‘potential sabotage by missing-in-action Uchiha survivors or defectors subverted by enemy factions.’ Fugaku had been offended at the insinuation, but a reminder of Madara’s late life was as quelling as ever.
Hopefully Danzo would not take this personally like everyth-
“And what of the sensitive secrets he has stumbled upon? Are we to suffer those as well in his defenceless hands?”
There had been one and only point when Hiruzen almost lost his composure and nearly had the man arrested, despite having signed off on the pre-emptive amnesty. Masanari Hanzo had accurately inferred that Naruto was the Fourth Hokage’s son, based purely on his appearance and the fact that Hiruzen had ‘chosen the soft approach to inculcating the Will of Fire philosophy’. The man dared question his intentions towards Naruto – the words had cut surprisingly deep – in the same breath that he pointed out how Naruto was publicly ostracised and vilified since before his pranking days, despite his close relation with Hiruzen. Which was apparently ‘clear evidence of a conflict of interests on the matter so great in scope as to dictate the conduct of the entire Ville Hidden in the Leaf, from the lowest civilian to the highest ninja.’
That was bad enough, but the man had also deduced Kushina’s identity as the previous Kyuubi jinchuriki based on Minato’s known relationship with her, his choice of vessel, and the timing of Mito’s demise right after Kushina’s arrival to Konoha. Then, as if half of everyone on the other side of the stands wasn’t itching to have him permanently silenced already, the man went and theorised sabotage by third parties during Kushina’s birth. Based purely on the superlative sealing expertise of both Naruto’s parents, the vitality of the Uzumaki, and the lack of Kyuubi rampage during Mito’s own childbirth.
And then, to add injury to insult, the man afforded barely a page to speculating on the potential aims of such a third party, the intelligence gathering capabilities – or insider knowledge – needed to know when and how to strike, and the likely abilities required to overcome the Yellow Flash – including space-time manipulation that, notably, none of the Uchiha still in the village actually possessed at the time. Instead, the man moved on with a brief ‘but this is beyond the competence of this researcher to speculate and beyond the scope of this thesis besides’.
Ibiki had smiled.
Hiruzen hadn’t.
That at least half the Konoha leadership needed a mere civilian to spell that out to them was absolutely galling.
“To be quite honest,” Nara Shikaku suddenly said amidst the tension. “The fact that Masanari expects Konoha to punish good service instead of rewarding it has me wondering where we failed.”
Fugaku pounced immediately on that oblique shot against Danzo, starting a whole new rush of arguments. Hiruzen left them to it and looked grimly at Tobirama’s portrait. Did you know this would happen? He looked to the Fourth’s frame next. What didn’t you have time to tell me, Minato?
“Lord Hokage,” Koharu called just as the tension was about to snap into shouting like they’d barely managed to avoid since that first, disastrous afternoon at the start of this mess. “What have you decided?”
I want this man on my staff, Hiruzen groused internally. He might actually know what peace looks like. A vain hope, but it was nice to dream. “There is hardly anything to say that has not been said and re-said. What remains is to determine how the relevant parties act on this information.”
Hiruzen looked at Fugaku then.
Fugaku tossed Danzo one last glare, frowned and pursed his lips as he looked down at his copy of the Masanari Treatise. Glancing at the page, Hiruzen saw it to be the much debated and controversial ‘Predictions’ section.
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Hiruzen turned the pages on his own version and skimmed the words for the dozenth time. The scenarios most likely to occur according to current projections. Alienation. Defection. Exodus. Aggressive action. Bloody counter action. Internal schism. Violent schism. Coup d’etat. Failed coup d’etat. Pre-emptive decapitation strike. Failed decapitation strike. Consequences the same in all cases, different only in the degree of severity. Moral failure for Konoha, moral Failure for Uchiha, diplomatic failure for both sides, loss of life, collateral damage, unrelated casualties even if the Konoha Military Police does not take advantage of its position to hold Konoha’s general populace hostage, all scenarios will foment worry among other clans about being similarly suppressed and purged. Total war unlikely to conclude without survivors that will harbour resentment and betray Konoha to other factions, will eliminate the Sharingan as an asset and/or let hundreds of sharingan eyes to fall in the hands of bad actors, loss of major strategic deterrent will invite overstep by independent actors and any clandestine organisations seeking to fill the vacuum. Total war will lead to either Konoha’s destruction or a complete Uchiha Massacre, butchery of countless men and women and children, worst case scenario, avoid at all costs.
Study limitations: the thesis perspective may be influenced by the researcher’s personal bias that ‘all costs’ does not include ‘moral costs,’ as there are no moral costs, only losses. Disclaimer: this researcher does not presume to dictate Konoha ninja policy or culture.
Hiruzen looked from the binder to Fugaku. He wondered what the man was thinking. He wondered what it said about himself that he didn’t instantly dismiss the possibility that he would ever order such a thing. He wondered what it meant that he was nonetheless determined not to push things to that point but a random civilian still believed it might happen. Just a year into the future.
Finally, Fugaku lifted his eyes from the binder. “I want to talk to him face-to-face.”
Hiruzen barely suppressed his relief and carefully did not look down at the ‘Recommendations.’ That was not a refusal. “Then it’s a good thing I took the liberty of summoning him for an appointment today. In fact, I believe he has been waiting for over ten minutes already.” Hiruzen pulled the crystal ball out of his drawer and activated it, focusing his intent on the public half of his office.
The image and sound cleared just in time to show Masanari Hanzo not even trying to hide his disgruntlement as Naruto talked his ear off while crawling up and down the Hokage’s office looking for magic scrolls. “-gotta be some around here, there’s no way there aren’t, the Old Man never leaves me in here on my own, that’s gotta mean he left something for me, believe it!”
“On my own, he says, what am I, a ghost?” Hanzo deadpanned, slumping in his chair. “What did I do to deserve this? I get the waiting, it’s a standard power play, but why did he have to drop you on me too?”
“Hey! What’s your problem!?”
“You’re my problem, weren’t you listening?”
“But I didn’t do anything!”
The man lifted his head from his hand to stare at Naruto incredulously.
“Oh come on, that was last week and I said I was sorry!”
“Kid, you apologise and hope that maybe the other guy will forgive a harmless mistake. Destroying my only cart, desecrating my family’s remains and breaking into my own home to almost kill me isn’t an honest mistake, it’s at least four cardinal sins piled on top of each other.”
Naruto opened his mouth, closed it, crossed his arms, turned his back on the man and sullenly dropped on his behind on top of Hiruzen’s desk.
Far from being moved, Hanzo quietly sighed and leaned back to enjoy his moment of peace.
Hiruzen frowned, unable to suppress his disappointment. He’d hoped that putting them in a room together would… Ah, but he was starting to understand that Masanari Hanzo had a fundamentally different perspective than the rest of them.
“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” Naruto muttered, notably not disputing the rest.
“I know kid,“ – Naruto perked up – “but that only makes you even more of a menace, you do realize that right?” And now Naruto was deflating like a balloon. “Oh, don’t give me that look, my kids were ten times cuter than you and it never worked for them either.”
Naruto balked in outrage. “I’m not cute!”
“Exactly.”
“Gah!” Naruto shrieked, shaking his fist. “You suck!”
“Do you even know what that means?”
“It means you’re a poopy head!”
“Okay, so you don’t know, thank goodness.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!”
Hanzo winced and rubbed his temple. “Kid, I can already see you there. You don’t need to keep yelling at me.”
Somehow, that struck Naruto mute.
The man huffed, crossed his arms and dropped his head, clearly hoping against hope to doze off.
Hiruzen was struck by the sight. We’ve been abusing your goodwill, haven’t we? They’d been doing that all that time, come to think of it. They made him hold his presentation the same day he was let out of the hospital with instructions to take it easy. I’ve been holding a civilian to the same standard of fitness as my ninja. But the man made it so easy…
“Nobody else does,” Naruto muttered just as Hiruzen was about to end the view.
Hanzo grunted like an honorary Uchiha. What a disturbing thought.
It only emboldened Naruto. “Nobody else sees me. I don’t know what they see when they look at me, but it’s not me! They’ve been glaring at me since forever! Well, now they’ve got a good reason! I’m sorry you got caught up in it but I’m not sorry I did it, so there!” Naruto was more perceptive than he let on, if only- “I wish I at least knew why they hate me so much.”
“It’s nothing you did, kid.”
The mounting levity around Hiruzen abruptly vanished.
“What that supposed to mean-wait, you know what it is? Tell me, tell me!”
Hanzo recoiled from the face of Naruto that was suddenly there. “Safe distance, safe distance you menace!”
“That’s so mean!” But Naruto backed off. Just enough to swing back and forth on his heels and- “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-“
Hanzo glared and Hiruzen was just about to signal the Anbu when- “It’s your hair, alright?”
… Eh?
“At least that’s part of it. For some people. Relatively speaking.”
“Stop using big words like I’m an idiot!”
“Kid, you’re blond.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Look, kid, I’m only telling you what other people told me alright? Other people will have other reasons and-”
“Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-“
“Not until you stop nagging.”
Naruto, with visible effort, stopped talking. He still swung back and f-
“That means stop with the swinging too, you brat!”
-orth no longer. Hiruzen was honestly impressed. Now if only he could trust a hope that the man wasn’t going to stretch the terms of his amnesty, he might-
“Anyway, Uzumaki are redheads-“
“Like you?”
“Naruto!”
“Sorry, sorry!”
Hanzo opened his mouth-
“So like you?”
“Yes, like me, but I’m not-! Gods kid, you complain people ignore you and then don’t even listen to me when I don’t?”
“Well so-rry!” Naruto huffed then withered under Hanzo’s glare. “I mean I’m sorry. I’ll listen now.”
Hanzo glared for so long that even Hiruzen thought he’d just drop the talk in disgust. “Look kid, I’m going to use simple words so even a dumbass like you can understand.”
Naruto puffed out his cheeks but did his best to keep quiet. He almost succeeded.
Hanzo scoffed, then looked at Naruto and spoke. Very slowly. “Uzumaki are redheads. You’re not. The Uzumaki are all dead. You’re not. As such, some people resent you for living when the ‘real’ Uzumaki they actually knew and liked don’t.”
The silence in the Hokage’s office was deep and as damning as everything else Hanzo had revealed in those two weeks.
“Good job. Now you can talk.”
“But… but that’s not fair – and what’s even – I have a clan?!”
“Neither was it fair when you broke into my home and nearly killed me.” Naruto collapsed like felled by an arrow through the heart, the man was not letting that go, was he? If only it wasn’t such an apt distraction. “Also, you’re not living it up like royalty even though the last two Uzumaki were practically princesses.”
Naruto jumped back to his feet, eyes sparkling. “We had princesses!?”
“As such, certain people think you’re a bastard.”
There was a stunned silence. On both sides of the crystal ball.
“But I don’t wanna be a bastard!” Naruto whined, falling back down to his knees dramatically. “They made me do it!”
“Like I made you almost kill me?” Naruto punched the floor even more dramatically, is this what his grandson was going to be like? Hiruzen wished his daughter luck if- “Not that kind of bastard. A literal bastard. Kid with no legitimate parents, born out of wedlock, spawned on the wrong side of the sheets, etcetera.”
Hiruzen met the eyes of those around him with every bit as much incredulity. It couldn’t be so easy to-it couldn’t possibly have been so easy all this time, could it?
“… I’m a bastard?”
“Never saw your birth records so I can’t say,” the man masterfully avoided saying a single lie. “But you’re blond instead of a redhead, you live off the village dole instead of literally anything else, and you’re so obnoxiously loud that I have literally spent the last ten minutes wanting to kill myself.”
“Why are you always so mean to meeeeeeeee?”
Hiruzen ended the technique before Masanari Hanzo went and really made him feel like a fool.
And now he got to enjoy the awkward silence with just the shinobi elite, how wonderful.
It was Shikaku who broke it, and the smirk he sent the Hokage was as self-deprecating as it was insolent. “The man just can’t stop embarrassing you, Lord Hokage.”
“So it would seem,” Hiruzen groused. “If it pleases you, Fugaku, we’ll go meet him now.”
“It would please me very much.”
“After you then. Everyone else, dismissed. Though please leave the man be for now. We’ve crowded him enough, I think.” And I don’t want to think what he’d do to embarrass one of you next. He met Danzo’s gaze on the way out. Again.
The moment they walked in, Naruto invaded the Hokage’s personal space with a literal deluge of where and what and how and “Why didn’t you tell me I was a bastard, I can’t believe it!” and now he had to explain to a hyperactive child that no, he was not a bastard but it was important that nobody else know that because of reasons only grownups can understand. Hiruzen truly envied Fugaku in that moment, but he supposed he brought this on himself.
“Mister Masanari.”
Hanzo stood. “Chief Uchiha, please forgive me if I don’t meet your eyes.”
“I understand the sentiment.” Which said nothing of his tolerance for it. “But this is the Hokage Tower. There are elite Anbu watching us. I am not permitted to inflict genjutsu unprovoked in this place.”
There were indeed Anbu and… yes, Danzo had used their access passages to take a spot behind the fake wall.
“… I suppose we are only ever at the Hokage’s mercy.” The man met Fugaku’s eyes.
Hiruzen wondered not for the first time why this man’s words cut him so easily. “Crow, get Naruto home please.”
“But-NO, NOT AGAaaaiiiinnnn-!“ Naruto’s voice faded into the distance before the window shut, re-activating the sound trapping arrays.
“I’ve some questions about your treatise,” Fugaku said once calm returned.
“I’m sure there’s nothing in there that you haven’t all thought about yourselves,” Masanari demurred. He wasn’t even playing coy.
“No indeed,” Fugaku said dryly, not saying what they were all thinking.
The fact that a mere civilian (and not even the only one) could talk so frankly and insightfully about something of that magnitude based entirely on public information was a slap in the face of each of them and the village as a whole. Shikaku was right. If a mere civilian could pin all that down without any skullduggery, what the hell had they even been doing with this village?
“I have only one question about this... treatise,” stated the Uchiha Clan Head. “When you spoke about ‘clandestine factions’, what specifically did you have in mind?”
“… Lord Hokage, I don’t suppose my amnesty’s still short of its expiration date?”
Oh dear. Hiruzen barely countered Danzo’s hostile will burst before anyone noticed it. Why did I let Fugaku get my hopes up? “… I’m willing to extend it to include today, notwithstanding anything… self-incriminating, let’s say, about acts committed outside this period.”
“Right,” Hanzo muttered. “In that case, I can only say that I earnestly hope you weren’t actually trying to keep it a secret.”
Fugaku’s eyes flickered imperceptibly between Danzo’s location and back. “This ‘it’ being…?”
Hanzo looked back to the Hokage uncertainly. Hiruzen sighed. Ordering silence or anything else would make Hiruzen incriminate himself, and if a civilian had somehow found out, what point even was there? “Please speak freely.”
“Right, so… my wall.” What followed was a thorough description of Masanari Hanzo’s basement shelf rack, the wall behind it, a tract on the material physics involved in the rusting of nails, and everything that didn’t make sense about the whole thing, after which Hanzo finally finished with “-and so I’m really hoping the ones who clearly had the wrong idea about me have had their orders clarified. While I understand that village security is important, I hope I’ve sufficiently proven I’m working for rather than against it by now. I’d appreciate if I could live without the uncertainty of whether or not I still have a sword hanging over me, if you get my meaning.”
Why don’t I have a harder time believing this is happening? “… You know what, Mister Masanari, I’m not sure I do get your meaning. Please elaborate.”
Hanzo looked at him worriedly. “You know… them. I couldn’t say what you’d even call them, The Spooks? The Anbu’s Anbu? The cleaners, the stealers, the nin-that-must-not-be-named, you know the ones.”
Fugaku casually walked around the office, incidentally stopping to lean right against the wall that Danzo was hiding behind. “That’s quite the theory.”
“Yes, it truly is,” Hiruzen carefully didn’t let his mood slip. “Quite the leap to make from just that suspicion, however.”
“Suspi- Lord Third, at least half the village knows about them.”
Fugaku was suddenly holding Danzo’s wall in place with his chakra-coated foot. Hiruzen hoped the man was just being overcautious. “... Describe your thought process.”
“… I guess? Even the blackest of Anbu have days off and can be contacted by their family through official channels, however delayed. So when academy students or genin get recruited only to vanish off the face of the earth without such official channels being available, parents tend to notice. They also tend to notice when they’re being stonewalled through said channels for literally the rest of their lives. The lack of non-disclosure agreements is another glaring sign. I hate to say it, but when the occasional baby shinobi goes missing in action, don’t be surprised if the parents assume it was the nin-who-must-not-be-named instead of the official story.”
Oh, how it must burn Danzo that he didn’t eliminate this man as he clearly wished he’d done now. “I suppose those assumptions are reasonable, however unsupported.” How far past my boundaries have you gone, Danzo, if the general population can see through you now? “Is that all?”
Hanzo looked to Fugaku now. “I’m sorry to cause offense, but this policy of inserting certain high-status children into Anbu for the express purpose of propaganda does its own part to convince people that Anbu aren’t the real Anbu.”
Fugaku crossed his arms with a glare. “Are you questioning my son’s competence?”
“I’m answering your and the Hokage’s question. Don’t kill the messenger, please.”
Fugaku grunted, irritated but not murderously offended. “… You say the civilians all know about this?”
“I don’t know about all, but a lot of us, yeah. Were we really not supposed to?”
Did he really just ask that? “Mister Masanari… if such an organisation existed, and if I, the Hokage, was unaware of it or did actually tolerate its existence, why would you possibly assume it wasn’t supposed to be a real secret?”
“Well… because it’s treated like one of those polite fictions only you lot are allowed to be coy about? In my experience, people generally treat it like the Jinchuriki Taboo but… well, there was never an actual decree about it. Which makes sense if it’s rogue or a secret among black ops secrets, not mentioning it is the done thing, obviously. But this ‘let’s abduct people and hope they don’t notice’ approach has an expiration date, and it must have passed ten or twenty years ago at this point. It’s the fatal weakness of any clandestine faction with high turnover, everyone knows that.”
Everyone knows that, repeated over and over in Hiruzen’s mind. Everyone knows that, everyone knows that, everyone knows-
“If the nin-that-must-not-be-named only recruited from Anbu it wouldn’t be so obvious, but they don’t. So we try to keep mum about it up until we’re overwhelmed by panic or grief. Or, well, booze. Then we commiserate.”
“And yet,” Fugaku said silkily. “Despite it being such a sprawling crisis as you claim, not one complaint has passed my desk.”
Or mine, but then again how much reach does Danzo have if-
“Because we’re not allowed to complain?” Hanzo’s tone, damn him, was as unhappy as it was resigned. “We all knew what we were signing our kids up for when we moved here. Or we thought we did. It’s not like we have input on whatever ‘strategic benefit of one genin’ means, or get to see how that compares to our other contributions to the village. We tell ourselves the village just claimed its due earlier than we expected and try to move on with our lives, praying we’ll hear from our children again someday. Those who can’t cope with that leave. Or kill themselves.”
And that, Hiruzen thought bleakly, was the most damning thing Hanzo had said since he first met the man. Has the spirit of the Will of Fire truly been perverted to this degree?
“How did this not filter up through the ninja grapevine?” The man asked when neither of them could find anything to say, sounding every bit as baffled as Hiruzen felt. “Our outdoor venues aren’t exactly segregated. Then again, it took me five years, and in the end I only got my say because Naruto happened to… well, whatever’s been going on with my damn wall.”
“This is all I wanted to know,” Fugaku suddenly declared, pushing away from the wall and making for the door. “I’ll be back to discuss plans at your pleasure, Lord Third. We’ll explore options on our end until then.” Hiruzen’s heart leapt, was the man actually agreeing to-? “I think I’ll look into this matter as well, and try to find out how many of those families who left actually got to where they’re going. Personal interest, you understand.”
Hiruzen’s heart promptly sank down again. You just had to end on a sour note, didn’t you? Damn that man.
The door opened and closed, leaving the Hokage and Hanzo alone with only the Anbu and Danzo’s hidden presence for company.
“So,” Hanzo said. “Am I being executed?”
“Mister Masanari.”
“Yes, sir?”
“You are dismissed.” The man was too surprised to move. “Rest assured, there are no outstanding orders for your elimination.” Surveillance was a different matter, but Hiruzen really just wanted to have someone else doing that for a change. Say for the next year or three. “We have looked at your findings very closely and will take what measures are necessary. You will be called at a later point to discuss compensation, but for now please go with my appreciation for your diligence. And for your patience. I know this has been stressful for you, especially so soon after a hospital stay.”
“This has been a breeze actually.” Could the man stop being a contrarian for one min- “I was ready for several years of scrutiny and weekly interrogation when I started this, assuming I didn’t get lobotomised or tossed into a black hole somewhere by the nin-that-must-not-be-named.” Again with the - what kind of village did this man thing he was running here? “Instead, I got to prepare my thesis in peace and got to defend it in a setting where I could actually delude myself into thinking my bigger stature compared to all of you actually made a difference to my survival prospects! Thanks for that. By your leave?”
If only you knew how deeply your self-awareness cut. “Go.”
Finally, Masanari Hanzo left him in peace.
The wall slid open. “Hiruzen-“
“Not now Danzo.”
“This situation cannot be left to-“
“Danzo,” said the Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. “I never pardon the same sin twice. You know that, don’t you?”
“… Yet your advance pardon allowed this man to commit the same sin over and over in the course of mere hours.”
“Are you here to request a few for Root’s deviances? Because I must say I am quite keen to learn all about them now.”
The silence almost broke under its own weight as their wills and chakra scraped against each other.
Finally, Danzo inclined his head – barely. “I suppose it is called common sense for a reason.” The man withdrew. From the room and, soon, from the tower entire.
You’ll never stop twisting the spirit of my law, will you?
Despite himself, Hiruzen had Crow bring him the thesis. Looked at it for a while. At the ‘Recommendations.’ Minimize the use of mind control. Move the Uchiha to the inner village for more consistent contact with the general populace. Recruit Hyuuga shinobi for more operational flexibility. Recruit Inuzuka for tracking and forensics. Consider the use of Yamanaka auxiliaries. Shared leadership on rotation between the three clans. Membership to ideally be opened eventually to any law-abiding applicant of relevant skills regardless of background.
Hiruzen barely saw the words anymore. All he could think was that he couldn’t believe Konoha was a place where citizens could only do good in spite of him and his Shinobi. He didn’t want Konoha to be a place where people talked to him believing he might order them executed at every moment. That madness was for the lawless, for Rain, for the Village of Mists, not here.
He got up from his chair and went to the window. Looked at the Hokage monument. Looked down at the people going about their day. Somewhere among them, there was a large minority, perhaps even majority, of civilian people who understood how he and his shinobi worked better than most genin. Yet the invisible divide between them and the ninja was so large that nobody saw fit to recognize that, never mind report.
Konoha’s citizens are no fools at least.
The thought wasn’t as happy as it used to be.