"Seriously, you?" I asked in disbelief as a small purple snake girl slithered into view. "That's... almost painfully obvious in retrospect. Damn it, if I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have been so..."

She dismissively waved her hand. "No need to worry too much. She's a monster, a dragon, no less. A bit of roughhousing is far from uncommon among monster children; she will calm down in a few minutes, and any damage from Angel Halo was undone by the mana I gave her."

"...and she won't harbor any grudges either? Actually, wait, that tendril was mana? Mana is black?"

She nodded. "Pure mana is, though it may take on different colors if it is aligned closely with a specific element." Hmm, I suppose that made sense, considering mana was pretty much darkness made manifest, but it was still odd to see it as anything other than blue due to all the media in my previous life.

"As for a grudge," she continued. "Well, even if she does, it probably won't be in the way you as a human understand them."

"That... is not reassuring in the slightest. By the way, is that glitter in your hair?"

She paused for a moment and brought a hand to her hair. It came back sparkling. "Damn it; I thought I managed to get all of that off! I swear I ought to kick those stupid furballs out of the ca—" Her eyes narrowed at me. "I see what you are doing. You are trying to stall for time while you try to think of a way out of this."

I was barely able to suppress a wince at being called out. "...No? By all means, let's continue our riveting discussion of foxes and all the things we'd do to them."

She stared at me for several long seconds, albeit unfortunately not long enough. "You really lack any hint of subtlety. I am genuinely embarrassed it took me this long to figure out."

I blinked. "It's been like two minutes! That's not long at all; it's way too short! Come on, give me a break here!" I halted, an idea sprouting in my mind. "Speaking of breaks, you had breakfast yet?"

The unfittingly fearsome roar of her now tiny stomach made me flinch. A brief struggle flashed across her face before she settled on a glare. "Do you seriously believe you could distract me with food that easily after I already saw through you? What do I look like, a child?"

...

Her eyes somehow narrowed even further. "Unless your next words are 'I surrender,' I strongly suggest you reconsider."

"Those... specific words aren't really something I'm comfortable saying to a monster," I spoke with a grimace and then let out a startled yelp as I just barely managed to duck under the small fireball that whizzed past where my face used to be. I turned to see a light scorch mark lingering on the cave wall, and with a gulp, I switched my gaze back to a smirking Alice.

"Wrong answer. Now, I am a woman of a word, so we may... postpone the usual results of a surrender; I shall content myself with sweet victory for today. But until then... dance for me!"

'Dance' was a poor word to describe what followed as she unleashed bullet hell on me. Perhaps it was fate or simply the universe's twisted sense of irony, but a more accurate description would be... 'Flail Wildly' as I frantically dodged the incoming barrage. However, through my honed instincts from playing Touhou, I was able to... Oh, who was I kidding? The fact I hadn't gotten hit yet was practically a miracle.

But even if I somehow kept that up, not taking damage would not result in victory by itself, and as it was, I didn't exactly have the leeway to do much else. Those things would hurt for sure, but they wouldn't kill me. If I was willing to take a few hits, I could get close to her, and... then what? Even as much as she was holding back, there was no way I'd actually beat her.

"Isn't it incredibly hypocritical of you to attack me like this!?" I yelled as another fireball got dangerously close to singing my hair.

"Attack you?" She put a hand over her chest in feigned surprise and offense, which quickly made way for a grin. "Such wild accusations. I am merely shooting the walls and floor. It is hardly my fault if you get in the way."

If there were no urgent need to dodge, I probably would have just stood around gobsmacked for a while at how incredibly poor of an excuse that was. "Are you seriously this much of a sore loser!?"

She shook her head, grin still firmly in place. "Not at all. I am a sore winner." She cackled as the number of spells grew even further.

Before long, my luck ran out. Having to watch out for approaching threats, I was unable to pay attention to my footing on the uneven cave floor. My foot twisted as it came down, and I crashed to the ground in a heap.

As I struggled to get back to my feet, I heard slithering coming closer. I looked up to see Alice right in front of me, an orb of flame hovering above her raised fingertip. "I believe this would be a good time to give up," she suggested with a wicked grin.

My gaze dropped to the blackened stone beside me, then back to Alice. That... should have hit me. I let a deep breath run through me, fixing my sprained ankle, and sat up. "You... were saying the truth about not aiming for me, huh? You can still control those after you let them go?"

Her smile faltered and was quickly replaced by a frown. "You can be annoyingly perceptive at times, you know that? Plan B it is, then. Do you remember how I said that a bit of roughhousing was common among monster children?"

After a moment, I reluctantly nodded, uncertain where she was going with this.

"There are exceptions. You wanted me to talk about foxes? Very well, here is a small story for you." She took a breath. "There once was a young snake girl who had lost her mother and was then raised by foxes. Of course, foxes being foxes, most of them were an utter nuisance to her, never leaving her alone with their damnable pranks... but she was never allowed to retaliate."

She idly swerved the fireball on her finger. "The weakest spell she could cast back then was about twenty times stronger than this. If she ever fought back, she would have killed them, regardless of how much fortitude monsters tend to have. Even if she lost her temper, Tamamo, Yao, Nanabi, or a group of five- and six-tailed always watched to ensure no actual violence ever occurred... but, naturally, they saw no issue with 'harmless' pranks. Knowing there would be no retribution only served to embolden those damn brats and trying to get back at them with pranks of her own was a wasted effort."

A faint smirk appeared on her lips. "But then one day, she thought, 'What if I could strike back at them with an attack that wasn't actually an attack, something that left no damage, physically at least.' So she redoubled her efforts in her magic lessons until she had perfected her new weapon... not that she actually got to use it much since they decided to be a lot sneakier after the first time." Her smirk momentarily dropped but then returned in greater force. "But seeing their scrunched-up faces and frizzed tails whenever she did get a chance to use it was ever so worth it."

"Uhh..." I began, distinctly uncomfortable with where this was going.

"Now behold that little girl's ultimate technique... Bandit Lord's Cruelty!"

She raised a hand, and a wave of darkness shot forth. The moment I saw it, I knew it was impossible to avoid. All I could do was close my eyes and brace for impact. A moment passed, and I cracked them back open, tentatively looking around in confusion. Did it fail?

Alice was looking at me with a hard-to-read expression. "That is truly its original name, by the way. I wanted to play Monster Lord; they wanted me to play the bad guy. Damn brats called it a compromise. Well, I certainly showed them a bad guy that day."

"Is it..." I hesitated, almost afraid to ask. "Is it supposed to do nothing?"

"Give it a moment. Know that unlike with the foxes, I take no joy in subjecting you to this," she said, fanning my growing dread.

Then it hit me. Goosebumps broke out all over my body, and I violently hunched over, suddenly acutely aware of the remnants of my breakfast, the rumble of my stomach resembling a war cry. It was like Gnome had decided to lend her aid in their struggle for freedom, and if they didn't find an exit, they would make one. My skin felt like I had just clawed my way out of a vat of decade-old grease, and my other senses were not spared either. It was an experience so utterly revolting it was almost profound in a way.

I tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked sound halfway between a hiccup and a wheeze.

"That first blast should wear off in a minute or so. I have enough mana to keep that up all day without issue, but I would very much prefer not to. Concede on the bet, and we can be on our merry way, and you can do whatever you intended for these little tykes," she offered, her voice in my ears somehow making nails on a chalkboard seem melodious in comparison.

True to her words, the effects soon disappeared, even if it seemed entirely too long, and still left me with the impression I would never feel clean again. It took me another few minutes to finally straighten my back, but when I did, it was with defiance burning in my eyes. Too much was too much.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

"You want to be petty? F-fine, two can play that game," I said, the malevolence in my words somewhat ruined by the way my voice cracked due to the sheer level of residual disgust. "I wasn't going to use this card initially, but screw it. If you don't cut the crap right now, I will tell anything I ever meet that even vaguely resembles a fox that you're afraid of ghosts. Hell, even the one-tailed ones, just for good measure!"

The purple slowly drained from her face until it could almost pass for human. "D-Don't be ridiculous. Why would I be afraid of something that doesn't even exist?"

I merely crossed my arms and gave her an unimpressed look in response.

"...How do you even know that!? Who could have possibly told you..." She paused, realization followed by overwhelming fury overcame her features. "Oh, that cloud-hugging, bigoted, pretentious bitch. I swear if I ever get my hands on her, I will make her regret everything!"

I took a step back from the wrathful Monster Lord. Maybe standing up for myself hadn't been the smartest move after all.

After her outburst, she stared at me, her anger tempered but still very much visible. "As for you, I am afraid I cannot let you do that. Those damn foxes would torment me with that knowledge until the day I die."

Her eyes flashed. "You will forget that I am afraid of ghosts as well as the fact I just used eye magic on you."

I blinked as a strange feeling overcame me, but decided to ignore it for more pressing matters. "And... what are you going to do about it?" I asked with a gulp. I honestly felt foolish for even posing the question, but I was confused as to why she was just looking at me expectantly after making her declaration.

She tensed. "About what?"

"Prospectively telling on your phobia?" I asked more than answered, now thoroughly perplexed. Surely, she wasn't going to just pretend that part of the conversation never happened, right?

"Wha— Put a finger to your nose!" She ordered with a flash of her eyes.

I could not resist, couldn't even attempt resisting. There was no impulse to struggle against; it just... happened. I didn't even understand what the point of it was, a threat? "Could you... not?" I asked, feeling tremendous discomfort at the idea of my will being overwritten, even for something as small as this.

However, Alice didn't even seem to notice my plea, lost in her muttering. "...Obviously not immune, did the second instruction somehow overwrite the first? Let's try again." Her gaze lit up once more as she called out her demand. "Forget about my phobia!"

"Huh." I blinked and removed my finger from my nose, now realizing what she was up to. "That... didn't work, but why?"

"That's what I'd like to know! How come only that specifically fails?! It makes no sense!" Alice yelled, which was shortly followed by a groan of resignation. "No, if she bothered to tell you, she probably also ensured you would remember."

Except Ilias didn't tell me. Maybe... "Hold on, could you try to make me forget about how my childhood crush went?... all of them, actually, never mind the singular," I asked, choosing memories that certainly wouldn't be missed if it did end up working.

"...Sure," she said morosely, surprisingly not even digging deeper, though she would probably beat herself up over it later.

Another glint of her eyes later, I prodded at my memory, finding... holes. Those events were gone, just like my theory that my former life may somehow be off-limits. I traded one thing keeping me up at night for another that was far worse.

Did Ilias actually tamper with my memory? I certainly wouldn't put it past her to be petty enough to make anything that serves as ammunition against Alice to be impervious. And if she did that, there was probably more. That thought was... terrifying.

...I really couldn't get to Tamamo fast enough.

"So what now?" I asked after a moment of silence.

Alice stopped absently rubbing her eyes and let out a sigh. "I... admit I may have overdone things a little. I suppose I could deign to step down from my position as Bandit Lord... Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Promise," I assured her.

She looked away from me. "I reckon that's it then. This really did not go according to plan whatsoever... Also, just for your information, even if you won the bet, this does not count as you beating me."

I was about to answer when a deafening jingle resounded in my head, making me snort. "It seems something disagrees with that assessment."

Her brows shot up. "No... that cannot possibly have counted!"

"Level twenty now," I retorted with a smug grin.

She groaned, putting a hand to her face. "I really ought to stop giving you free levels like this."

"Oh no, by all means, please keep going," I laughed. "If we do this sort of thing another fifty times or so, I might actually stand half a chance against Granberia in a real fight." That wasn't even necessarily an exaggeration. Unlike the other Knights, Granberia was a pure damage dealer; no tricks, binds, status effects, or even pleasure attacks. If I ever reached the point where I had enough maximum health to out-heal her damage output with meditation, she should legitimately be unable to beat me.

...Granted, I wouldn't even be able to hit her without any spirits to my name once she got serious, but a draw was totally fine. Frankly, just imagining her expression after a human repeatedly facetanks Vaporizing Rebellion Sword was as hilarious as it was painful.

"And merely level twenty!? That is..." Her gaze fell, contemplating her small hands for a moment before she rapidly grew, the transformation undone. "That is probably somewhat justified, though it certainly still feels insulting."

"Why even bother with transforming in the first place?"

She shrugged. "It seemed thematically appropriate, and that form also makes it easier to hold back so I do not accidentally deep fry you."

"Err, thanks for that then, I suppose," I said with an uneasy chuckle.

...

"Hey, boss! Are you winning?" A call broke the awkward silence, and I turned to see four little heads peeking around the corner.

Papi's eyes began sparkling once she saw Alice. "Whoa, it's the Bandit Lord's true form! Hah, you're in for it now, you dumb hero! Beat him up, boss!" Well, so much for not holding a gru— "And then we can play with him until he falls for us!" ...Excuse me?

"Y-You can do it, Shishou!" Everyone, including me, gave Gob a strange look at that. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the vote of confidence, but still...

"She's been like this the entire time! Come on, make him change her back to normal already!" Teeny pleaded.

"I tried to fix her with my own magic," Vanilla said in a disheartened murmur. "It didn't work."

Alice gave the assembled bandits a brief look over and let out a sigh. "I am afraid you are too late. The fight is already over. I quit."

"...Huh?"

"I was... unable to best him while in that diminished form, and while you may not be entirely incorrect with that 'true form' comment, I absolutely refuse to steep to such abominable stereotypes. Only someone utterly devoid of good taste and dignity would still resort to such in this day and age. Hence, I quit," Alice solemnly declared.

The only answer she received was uncomprehending stares.

"...As such," she continued after receiving no real reaction. "I am no longer your direct superior and cannot interfere with the right of the victor. If he wishes to sell, kill, violate, or eat you, I am afraid he is free to do so."

I grimaced. Alice used the same string of words in the game; I was reasonably sure I knew what she was doing and could appreciate teaching these girls an important lesson... but did she really have to implicate me as the bad guy to do it!?

As could be expected, the bandits started crying uncontrollably once Alice's words sunk in.

"He's going to wash our brains to eat them later and use our bodies as puppets!" Teeny wailed, morbid fantasies running wild. Only making Papi and Vanilla sob harder.

Gob, on the other hand, took an uncertain step toward me. "Y-you wouldn't actually do that, right Shishou?" She wasn't crying just yet, but the peer pressure was clearly affecting her.

"Of course not!" I vehemently denied. "...Also, why Shishou?"

She shyly pressed her fingers together, her eyes alternating between me and the ground. "Since you said I wasn't supposed to call you Master... is that no good either?" It seemed like telling her no at this point would crush her feelings.

"I... fine, if it makes you happy." I sighed. This entire side quest had been way more troublesome than it had any right to be, and I was tired of arguing. I raised my voice to address the other girls. "Alice here was fibbing about the brainwashing to make things harder on me. I promise I won't do anything bad to you. How about we put all this aside and have lunch? You girls are hungry, right?" I was answered by five stomach growls, one of them significantly louder than the others.

"Breakfast," Alice immediately corrected. "I am not skipping a meal because of a reason as insignificant as what time of day it is."

"...Right, breakfast it is then." If there was going to be any point I would argue with what little mental energy I currently had remaining, it certainly wouldn't be this one.

"D-don't fall for it; he is only trying to fatten us up!" Vanilla yelled, though she was clearly tempted. She was probably trying to convince herself more than her fellow bandits.

Unexpectedly, it was Papi who spoke up in my favor, along with another tummy rumble. "If I'll get eaten anyway, it might as well be on a full stomach."

"...You know what, good enough," I decided. "Let's get out of this cave for starters."

----------------------------------------

-Meanwhile, in Promestein's Lab-

A girl with long blonde hair in a blue-white dress squished a teddy bear against her deceptively petite-seeming body. "I feel like someone said something terribly rude about me."

"Is that so? I have heard of the phrase 'whispers on the wind' before. Could it be you have found another use for Zylphe?" Promestein asked, neither averting her hands nor eyes from the project she was working on.

"Oh, I'm afraid I have yet to take the time to enjoy your toys. I have been bad-mouthed quite a bit in my time, so I eventually began to develop a feeling for it."

Promestein scoffed. "If that was the only requirement for such an ability, I feel I should have unlocked it myself long ago.

"Fufufu, I am afraid there is a rather considerable difference between a tyrant watching for whispers of rebellion or relishing the lamentations of the oppressed and a bookworm bullied by her peers."

Promestein ceased her tinkering and turned to her uninvited guest, Black Alice, with a frown. "Did you need something, or have you only come to harass me during work?"

The Eighth Monster Lord's lips curled into a smile even as her eyes narrowed into slits. "Why yes, I wanted to ask you about that liquid in the incubation pods you use for your chimeras. Would it be possible to compress that into easily swallowable pellets and produce them in significant amounts... say a few ten thousand?

Promestein thought for a moment before tentatively nodding. "It would be possible, though it would drop the efficacy considerably; there are reasons why I made it a liquid to start with. Would you give me an answer if I asked why you need them?"

Black Alice giggled ominously. "You see, I was out on a stroll the other day and found a most wonderful gift basket that one of my relatives left me. It's a little locked, but that will resolve itself in time. I could open it prematurely, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it?"

"...Needlessly cryptic as always. Very well, you can have your pellets, provided you actually give me some workable feedback on the artificial spirits for once. You are the only one who not only has combat experience against the real deal but is also capable of using all of them, even if not simultaneously."

"Fufufu, alright, I will play with your toys, though I won't make any promises about not breaking them. And once I'm done... maybe I will pay a certain fake a little visit; courtesy demands as much." And with that, Black Alice vanished.

Promestein slumped in her seat. She was grateful to the former Monster Lord for releasing her from imprisonment, but dealing with her was incredibly tiring. Not to mention that her ulterior motives for doing so were so thick their diameter would be sufficient to choke a Kyoryuu.

Her interest in working on machinery had been thoroughly soured for the moment, and her other projects needed some time to progress. Perhaps it was time for a field trip to clear her mind. She had been meaning to grant the little necromancer a gift. Even if she wouldn't be inducted into their order yet, inquiring minds deserved to be nurtured.