Falling through the cosmos I landed on a tin planet, dropping through it to a beautiful face petting the stars with the tips of her fingers. She looked like eight suns combined into one, and had the mannerisms of a true goddess, grabbing me as I skyrocketed through the cosmos as a comet unbridled from its physical body.
“Your sweet face is enchanting. Would you like to join me for a date?” She seemed to shrink in front of my eyes, becoming an angel like fairy glistening in the backdrop of stars.
“I… I don’t remember why I’m here. I have an important purpose, but I lost track of it.” I wanted to really remember my former glories, but all I had in my head were singular memories.
Smiles of people from a place called Earth. A window, set of glasses, a motor cycle, bright lights, and a truck the size of a mountain. I rummaged through my mind before I realized nothing could help me but the fairy guiding me through space.
“You’re a traumatized soul. Tragedy has taken your identity, but not affected your spirit.” She tapped my head causing images to flood in rapidly. “However, I’ll grant you a gift of immortality. As long as you promise to remember me.”
“Why would you do something like that for me?” I had no idea. “Please tell me your name! Tell me how I can find you again!”
“You’re my entertainment. You’re the person I trust the most in the universe. Out of your last 10,000 reincarnations, all of them have been extremely enchanting.”
“Oh, so… I’m the ladies entertainment. Where am I off to this time?”
“You’re off to the one world that only exists once in a soul’s eternity. In fact, you’ll have a chance to be immortal, and refine a soul strong enough to rival even me.”
‘Conceited much?’ I laughed hoping she couldn’t read my thoughts.
“I am, but it’s because I’m literally perfect. I can’t do anything, see, aren’t I beautiful?”
“Yes, you are too damn perfect. However, will I remember you?”
“Because you said that, I’ll give you a fairy!” The lady smiled, waving a wand in my face. “If you keep being so charming, I might make it impossible for you to die.”
“I’m just being honest. You’re the center of the universe, right?”
“Oh! An extra life!” She tapped my shoulder.
“Then how about a system?” I complimented her again, very honestly.
“perfect human body!” then again.
“Most handsome guy in the universe,” then again.
“Blessed by the cosmos? Karmic Luck?! Genius above all Geniuses?!” finally I ran out of compliments.
“Hmmm, I’d make you good with women, but you already have that skill. In the next minute, you will forget me, but I will always remember your charm.”
“Thank you, I’m happy you didn’t make me too broken.” I said, laughing at her charming smile. “Hope the universe can handle me coming after you.”
“Ugh, you know what. Just because you said that, I’ll reincarnate with you!” just like that, the most supreme goddess of the universe decided to join me on my adventure. The stars around us lit up, and we broke light speed before I forgot who I’d been and where I was supposed to be.
I guess that’s how I reincarnated as the Perfect Being. It’s a shame no one likes you when you’re perfect, and that’s why I had so much trouble the first ten years of my life.
….
I remember the first time I picked up a sword, I instantly learned the level one technique called Master the Stars. The master at the dojo thought I’d reincarnated from the Dark Halls of Hell, and righteously sent an entire battalion of soldiers after my family in the Red Earth Mountains.
I remember being snuck out by my mom and dad, and having the luckiest encounter with a set of bandits. They had been saved by my mom and dad when they were fifteen, and were each secretly girls hiding behind town boy clothing.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
When I found out my family died in a horrible massacre, these three became my family, and regularly taught me how to steal using my handsome looks. Even though I was ten, I caused many older women to fall in love with me, and spend money taking care of me, buying me free food and stuff.
By the time this caught the news of King Vale, an old bald bloke, my three bandit grandfather’s died, leaving me with nothing but a journey to the untamable forest.
Of course, I remembered a few words from a goddess in my dreams saying I had the luck of the heavens on my side. If this happened to be luck, I didn’t want to know what would happen to unlucky karmic folks that reincarnated. If I knew reincarnation could be just a hard class in the meta of this planet, I might have chosen just to drift through space, enjoying the burden of feeling nothing and yet not caring.
Still, of course, a family of feral animals were smitten by my looks, and started bringing food to my little hole in the woods, so I spent most of my days petting the animals and tending to the flock.
At that point, it seemed my luck finally turned to gold, and a little fairy floated over to me with endless praises for my animals. She reminded me of someone, but I merely told her that they were mine, and she couldn’t have them.
Unfortunately, I’d never seen a fairy mad before, and had no idea magic existed in this world. I’d heard of reclusive cultivators, but getting attacked by a meat eating fairy really surprised me. After a few hard battles, where I used a stick to try and stop her magic, she ended up eating my pet bunnies and causing me to venture to the temple on top of Lord Mountain.
Up in the tip of Lord Mountain, not a single person remained. Apparently, a plague had wiped out everyone, and all that remained were bones. I secretly suspected I’d caused this in some way, by my so called divine luck, but I also happened to be the only one to live on this precipice for more than four years.
I’d never felt so damn confused in my entire life, but I at least enjoyed the unfettered winds, and beautiful scenery. The trees were all falling over, and nothing remained green, but the lava raining down the mountain made me feel right at home.
I actually wished for it to one day reach the village, but it ended up surrounding me and leaving me with a hole and no way out. Of course, because of my so called karmic luck, it rained deep fried birds, many of my old friends, and I had no choice but to eat them.
I swore if I ever survived, I’d show this world who’s boss, and sure enough I did survive. For three years, I discovered how slow lava can move, and how beautiful the waves of lava can be. Even the ugly trees were gone at this point, and villages for mile had been wrecked.
I literally remained the only person alive for hundreds of miles, and I enjoyed it as more and more bird skeletons piled up, filling up the land so much that I could barely walk without seeing something dead and cute.
Finally, I realized a small house existed underneath a pile of soot and drying lava. I conquered my fears of dying and crawled into that narrow space with my chin held high! Nothing could get in my way of discovering my destiny! Not even the plank falling towards me head at this moment!
Whoosh!
I dodged the plank and the little screws that tried to skewer me to the floor. As this was happening, I kept wondering if a person could have too much luck. The goddess, which I vaguely remembered, said she’d give me all these great abilities, but all I received was trouble from the heavens.
I’m guessing there was such thing as too much luck, and sure enough I don’ think the universe had rules to deal with someone like me, so it just kept trying to kill me. Luckily, part of the universe seemed to be on my side, and it regularly caused odd occurrences like a small hole in a valley of death.
Stepping on the skeleton of a dead lady, poor soul, I finally discovered a small book called the Seven Paths of Heaven Body. I eagerly read the first ten pages of the book, and legitimately felt stumped. I didn’t learn it instantly? Something had to be wrong with the information in this book!
“Heh, you thought life would only give you lemons right?” A strange voice said, appearing behind me. “However, no one in history has learned the Seven Paths of Heaven Body! Reading even the first page causes men and women to die horrendous deaths.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Really, didn’t I have that already? “Now, please leave me alone and let me read. You don’t want to be my friend!”
“Oh, like something bad can happen to me, kid! I’m a totem! I couldn’t be destroyed if the heaven’s struck me with lightning!”
“The heavens,” I had enough of them, “They give you lemonade and turn it into lemons.”
“You’re demented kid. I’ll give you that!” The totem on the desk laughed. “Now, tell me! How many words in the book did you see?! 100 – 200?!”
“50,926. However, I’m still stuck on 50,927…” I’d lost all hope in my intelligence.
“You’re… you’re kidding! Pick me up, then, and turn to page 11.”
“Sure,” I picked up the red, white, and green totem that had my favorite creatures that had been brutally murdered by the vehement fairy of meat and death. I turned to page 11, and the little totem seemed generally shocked.
“You… you aren’t human. Kid, run for your life. It’s about to get real bad.”
“How could it get bad? I already killed all of Lord Mountain’s nearby villagers. What else could I destroy besides myself?”
“kid, you might just destroy the world in a few hours. Go over there and put me in the corner. I don’t want you taking me with you!”
“Don’t worry! We’ll be fine!” Like that, me and the totem became best friends. For all eternity, we’d be compadres, and I finally didn’t have to be lonely anymore.
However, the strangest chill started spreading down my bones as the volcano that had been spewing lava stopped its river of death and destruction. I could only suspect I’d caused an Ice age, or a nuclear winter, because the volcano had been constantly erupting for so long.
Luckily, I took a warm coat from the dead worshipers on the Buddhist Temples doorstep and made my way along the death filled roads of our changing world. It seemed like a great day to get started with my journey!