Tree spent every day guarding the tree, and didn’t visit the Snow Bloom Sect. At this point, Gora had seemed to get into fits of crying. Every hour, I’d give him some water, so he’d not get dehydrated.
He’d told me that I cut down the wrong forest, and we’d soon be killed by the Overlord Emissaries soldier. However, Cultivation Wood netted much money for our sect, and countless architects visited refurbishing the red breaking gates, and the small sect house I didn’t sleep in.
No, there wasn’t enough room to sleep in that confined space! Instead, he built me a house with bars, and regularly closed the doors at night to protect me! I felt truly in heaven, being protected by such nice people, and even got to talk to Tree.
Apparently, he had 50 percent certainty his mother would reach the ninth stage either today or tomorrow. He even promised me his mother would give me a preternatural beating unlike any witnessed in history, using the phrase butting heads with me in order to teach me a lesson!
Well, I knew butting heads meant the act of pleasure making, and Apple and I agreed that it’s worth remaining for a few more days. Gora, however, insisted we both not accept any new missions until we’re both in the 5th Heavenly Stage!
Unfortunately, that meant I had to get used to closing my eyes. Did they call it meditation? You had to focus on the Qi in the environment, and pull it into your meridian channels before circulating it, and filling up the little inside valve called your hearts dantian.
In total, I spent a whopping one hour meditating before I got bored! However, for that one hour Tee Tee did nothing but compliment me, and offered me guidance. Did he seriously think he was special?
Afterwards, it became time to go visit Tree, and his Cultivation Wood mother as she slowly began to transform. This, this! This had been worth waiting for. Both me and Apple stood next to Tree as he kept telling us to run for our lives.
Why would I be scared of a tree?
I knew I didn’t cut down the trees with malicious intent, and had a heart of gold! No, perhaps the only person better than me were Apple and Totem, but I’d never tell them such information, avoiding them developing excessive pride beget the greater good!
However, I never expected the tree, as she began to shrink, to be naked when she’d been created. I gave her the shirt off my back before Tree blushed and attempted to cover her. Unfortunately, one finger on Tree’s giant arm dwarfed her body by two to one!
Waiting for the precious butting of heads, I put on the shirt myself, and covered up her rather big chest as Apple squinted devilishly towards me. It was windy, but the way she looked at me seemed like an angry matriarchically progressive hyena about to kill her lover.
However, me and Apple had definitely never butted heads, so I denied this vehemently before standing next to her little evil fairy mouth. Suddenly, she also transformed into a dashing human. Black hair dropping down her shoulders, emerald green eyes, gorgeous leaves draped across her chest! She seemed like the perfect little sister, and I smiled at her as she started squeezing me tightly.
“Is it okay if I hug you?” Apple clearly had a plan.
“You’re not hugging me. Isn’t this attacking?”
“Oh, what counts as hugging you?”
“It has to be more gentle! The more gentle the better, right tree?”
“You guys are ruining the moment!” Tree said, waiting for his mother to feed him, “She’s going to be extremely angry. She’s at least four times stronger than me!”
“I’m not worried,” I told him. I hugged Apple as lightly as a feather and waited and waited for the Tree to finally reveal itself. Of course, I made sure to chop off some nearby Cultivation Wood from the fallen trees in order to make a fire.
Cultivation Wood burned for countless hours, and had a myriad of uses in the Sect. One log set on fire could last two years! I took a measly ten pounds of branches and lit them up using my Heavenly Body to act as a lighter! With the eleventh page of the Seven Paths of the Heavenly Body learned, My body and flint together made sparks!
Lightning up a fire as Trees mother awoke, I smiled at her and welcomed her to the fire. After all, what better place to get warm then by your kindred?
She looked at me with a petrified expression, not what I imagined with someone I’d but heads, before rage started festering in her eyes. I knew the place had become messy from my accidental spree of destruction and madness, however, what else could I do but offer her a nearby set of shrubs that tasted better than fried hog!
Unfortunately, she seemed extremely enraged as I ate the food, so I gave her a branch before she burst out crying again. Such a drama Queen! I asked Apple what’d happened to her, and she insisted it was because my handsomeness had dwarfed her beauty.
Ridiculous!
Most Crazy thing I ever heard.
“You… you killed my daughter!”
“You ate her in front of me! Killed all 9000 of my cousins! Only when you are fertilizer will this world be safe!”
“Hi, nice to meet you! Sorry about your daughter!” What else could I say really? She got dehydrated from the fire, so of course I had to eat her! She tasted better than the spice oregano, and I had bravely had some leaves of her in my pocket.
“You… you’re also too stupid to remain alive!” She didn’t have a name yet, so I definitely should grant her such a privilege.
“Nonsense! I’ve just been raised badly, Boot!” What a great name, Boot!
“You’re a curse of the heavens.”
“Blessing! The goddess told me so.”
“She lied to you.” Boot said, pointing at me with happy eyes.
“No, she didn’t! She even promised to be my lover!”
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Oh really!” Apple erupted, burning flames shot out of her eyes. “What does she look like Gregory?”
“More pretty than anything in the universe.” I didn’t underestimate her beauty.
“I… I love competition!” Apple said out loud! “The fairy of Green Death will never lose!”
“Wait, we’re getting off topic.” I corrected the situation, and patted Boots on the shoulder. “We’re supposed to make love! Let us butt heads.”
“I’ll give you an hour to run!” Boots said, what did that mean? “I don’t need an hour. I’m ready now! Give me everything you have goddess!”
“You’re… you’re going to die if you remain. Are you sure you want to make love?” She seemed to understand what I wanted. Having just read the eleventh path of the Seven Paths of Heavenly Body, with Tee Tee’s guidance, I knew my strength had increased enough to make love!
Butting heads! How romantic!
I lowered my head and activated my Copper Body and began charging towards her as Apple and Tree stood back and watched. Jay even showed up dropping the wood as she fell down and proclaimed “A goddess has risen!”
A goddess may have risen but only to butt heads with me, and as such the love making began! My body sprang to action as I crashed into her olive head with my full force.
However, I heard that love making required your full strength, so I didn’t hold back and pounded against her body! It was these very motions that made for suitable love making! The harder you hit your opponent, the more they’d enjoy the pain!
When my Scholar had taught me the secret of love making, back when Star Dojo hadn’t been destroyed by my fury, I practiced on a dummy for three hours a day hitting it with my head. He told me it’d make me smart, but I didn’t believe him!
He just wanted me to be a lady killer, and boy did Boots recognize my might!
When my head first bumped into her skulls, as we charged like two eloping bulls, she fell back two steps, and I fell back ten! Of course, such a ritual could only be complete with Apple telling Boots to kill me!
She looked at me with chagrin as she rubbed her head. I knew I’d gotten her good when she dizzily shook and fell back on her pretty butt. Bending over to give her a hand shake, however, the love making continued with a gigantic branch growing out of the ground and surrounding me with love!
Boom!
I got sent flying before more and more branches grabbed my arms and legs. My head was perfectly wrapped up in a bun of branches, making it extremely easy to ram my head.
Apple looked at her with an ominous glare, I could tell, and caused a gigantic fireball to appear in her hand before muttering.
“Put him down or I’ll set you on fire!”
“I don’t believe it? Are you a fairy?” Boots laughed, seeming vindictive, but actually being happy. “You realize my power far out matches yours, right?”
“Yes, but I have to kill him! If you kill him, I can’t like him anymore, and I’d have no friends.”
“I also like him mother.” Tree had been so tall we fought underneath his legs. “Please let him live, and repent for his sins.”
“Wait, we aren’t making love?” I got upset and broke out of the branches. “You mean I waited for nothing?”
“You need to stop being such a lovable goof.” Apple ran up to me, and gave me that death grip again. “Now, come on. Gora finally has a mission for us!”
“Lady Boots. Tree.” Their names were genius. “I leave you to your beautiful forest.
I swore something fell when I said that, making the situation awkwardly terrible. Luckily, Lady Boots merely broke down crying out of happiness, and I had enough time to meet Gora as some overly geared men appeared in our pristine little sect.
All the statues had been covered with gold, including the once rotting skeletons, and it seemed like the perfect little fantasy garden for people to visit us and give demonstrations.
Today, we were visited by bounty hunters! They also were worth Golden Heads, but not as many as me and Apple! No, to lower their bounty they said they’d been killing criminals. I didn’t believe how their inglorious behavior could continue on my watch! People should increase their head count and not decrease it!
Hence, when I saw that one of them was a beautiful girl who reminded me of Uncle Benny, mind you he liked to be called uncle not aunt, I drew out my sword in order to teach her the lessons from my past!
The main lesson I learned from Uncle Benny was to never put all your coins in one pocket! I made sure to keep one set of coins on the left, and one set of coins on the right, causing me to jingle as the brunette bounty hunter glided towards me.
It turned out, according to Gora, these people were in the Ascended Heavenly Stage, and the first one at that! When you entered into the Ascended Heavenly Stage you could float a few inches off the floor! I’d never been more determined in my short life to commandeer such a valuable skill with hard work and dedication! I even promised Gora an hour and a half of meditation in my cell! Such a lovely place to sleep, I had to show it to the brunette vigilante!
She used a skill called Harpies Arrow, yes, the perfect word for her a Harpy! Even though she didn’t have wings like the creatures in our Lore, she had feathers on her jacket!
As a lover of animals, I made sure that during the fight I’d take her feather jacket off, and I even butted heads with her to show my appreciation and love! The scholar had really taught me well, and Harpy girl burst into a rock a few meters away.
I didn’t hit her, only showed her love, promise!
As for the two other bounty guards, code name Evil and Good, they slowly held up their hands and started shaking by the rose gilded gate. However, they’d daringly given me a girl to love, so I had to punish them with all my might!
As my first burst towards them, however, Apple merely appeared in front of them before round house kicking one of them to the shadow of the moon. The other one, Evil, began begging on the ground as I walked up and grabbed his hair, to help him see me of course!
“You’re a bounty hunter, right? How much does such a job pay.”
“I… I didn’t mean to insult you great one! However, isn’t that a dumb question?”
“No, it’s not dumb!” Apple agreed, holding a fire ball in front of his face. “I’m curious too!”
“It… it pays you per the number on the Wanted listing… See? This is your picture Mountain of Death? Please don’t HURT me?!”
“You’re going to have to die though.” Apple patted him on the head. “Maybe in 200 years it will happen, but you’re going to fall.”
“Wait, are you going to spare me?” He had hope, and I looked at the Wanted poster. However, thinking for my sect, I called Gora over as he watched nervously in the background. He seemed guilty, and gulped as he came over. What exactly had he done? I had to find out the truth!
“Gora, do you know these gentlemen?” I had a hunch, a big hunch.
“Never, never seen them in my life!” He sounded nervous, like I’d kill him nervous.
“Really? I thought a bald man gave us this location?”
“You mean jay, or me, or Mark? I cut Marks hair just a few minutes ago!”
“You’re clearly him,” The bounty hunter laughed. “He’s the reason we’re here. He wanted to give you guys a proper burial.”
“Well, isn’t that sweet. He wanted to train us!” I patted him on his head. I forgot he was balding, and had a receeding hair line!
Jay, on the other hand, walked up and slapped him in the face. Some sort of drama seemed to be brewing, so I put down Evil, the bounty hunter, and daringly asked for his real name.
“My name is Heather. Don’t laugh, alright! It’s a guys name where I’m from.”
“It’s a cool name,” Apple smiled. “Now, do you want to die, or help us catch criminals?”
Heather gulped and laughed, of course he wanted to die, right? Nope! He actually started teaching us the ropes as old Gora took a vacation and had his sister watch the place!
His sister happened to be from the 15th ranked Sect on the Heavenly Ranking Board, and she literally flew in from the sky! Only people after the Ascended Heavenly Ream could fly, and they were called Two Heaven Cultivators! I had no idea why the naming conventions were so complex, but I merrily welcomed her as Gora took the Sects money and ran off.
When I saw him in the future, I’d definitely thank him in a profound number of ways! Regardless, me and Apple had already finished our daily lessons with Heather, and Tree even came to visit with his mother.
It seemed like my life had finally taken a turn for the better. His mother wanted me to teach me the true pinnacles of morality! When I heard that some people were evil, and some people were good, my mind was beyond blown! However, Apple, on the other hand, seemed particularly focused on staring at me today. I knew I was handsome, but it was hard to handle her beauty tempting me to fight her at every turn!
Anyways, Boots, she accepted my nickname for her with a frown, really went to town on us before some strange people showed up in our sect. Couldn’t I have a day of peace and quiet!