Never before had the summoning chamber been so crowded. Royalty, nobles, knights, magi, and others of various races stood shoulder-to-shoulder, encompassing an intricate summoning circle carved straight into the bedrock. Everyone knew this ritual was critical. Whether by blind luck or fate, the thousand-year wait for summoning a hero had expired just as the kingdom reached its darkest hour.
According to legend, the summoning would succeed on the first attempt, without fail. As the magical ritual completed, the millennium-long countdown toward a new summoning would begin. Of course, none of that would matter if the kingdom’s new champion failed in his or her duty to triumph over the forces of evil. The circumstances were oddly similar to stories of the previous age, when a hero led the forces of mankind, dwarves, elves, and others against the races of darkness.
The Chief Magus turned toward his king, one of several in the chamber. His swaying gray beard and creased forehead were capped by a tall pointed hat. “Sire, we are ready.” His voice cracked slightly due to the significance of his words.
The king did not respond immediately, so everyone turned to face him. One of the magi supporting the ritual audibly gulped before the king finally spoke.
“You may begin. Summon the hero who will guide us to victory.” As his gravelly voice finished echoing off the stone walls, the chamber went oddly quiet considering the dozens of people present.
The Chief Magus broke the tension with a slight nod, and breathing could be heard again. He barked instructions to his assistants, who shifted left and right until they were equally spaced around the summoning circle. A knight helped the Chief Magus down to his wrinkled knees as the remaining magi similarly lowered themselves. They each placed their hands at dedicated spots on the summoning circle’s periphery where curved lines joined at pictorial glyphs.
“Remember!” the old man cautioned. “The flow of mana must be balanced! We will work our way up slowly. Match my output.”
A slight hum resounded through the chamber. At first, the summoning circle looked no different, but after about a minute, it emanated a faint white glow. Several of the observers took a step back as soon as their eyes registered the change. The hum grew louder as well.
“Just like this! Slow and steady!”
Not wanting to break their concentration, the magi focused entirely on the task at hand: energizing the summoning circle. They were too focused to nod or grunt as they obeyed the Chief Magus’s commands. Just a few minutes after the ritual began, the circle was nearing its peak output, glowing brightly.
“Good! Hold it there! I’ll begin the incantation!” The Chief Magus took a deep breath. “At the conclusion of our millenarian wait, we receive our hero of chiliastic hopes. They will lead us to the Promised Land once again. The reward for our faith is a thousand-year utopia. The gods smile upon Their children and present us with the key to our future.” He raised his voice to a shrill yell. “Behold the miracle before us! Now! Pour the rest of your mana in all at once!”
The circle flashed even brighter, forcing everyone to cover their faces. By the time they lowered their arms, the hum was gone, and the circle’s glow had retreated. Their eyes raced all around the circle, searching for the hero who should have appeared just a moment ago.
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After a few seconds, several people gasped. Others moaned in astonishment. Yet others simply froze, unable to move a muscle.
“Where…” The Grand Magus’s voice trailed off, but everyone heard him. “Where is the hero!?” The summoning circle was empty, but the old man got an idea and looked up toward the ceiling of the chamber. Unfortunately, nothing looked any different than it had before they started the ritual. The cave below the royal palace looked just as he remembered it from half a century ago when the Grand Magus visited it for the first time.
“Grand Magus… just what has happened?”
“Sire, I—I don’t know! We… we did everything correctly! I swear it! Isn’t that right!?” He swung his arms wildly, gesturing to each of the magi who participated in the ritual.
Some magi nodded gravely, others vocalized their agreement, and the rest remained motionless.
The king did not accept that answer. “Then WHERE IS THE HERO!?”
“I…”
“Without the hero, we’re doomed! Grand Magus!”
By now, several others of the most influential people in the room were joining the king’s calls for the Grand Magus to explain himself.
“Sire, it’s said the summoning may only occur once, but since it—“
He was cut off by a sudden sound. Everyone turned toward the thud they just heard at the center of the summoning circle. It was small, but everyone could see what had just arrived out of thin air. A brown lump sat on the floor.
Once again, the room became so quiet it was doubtful anyone was even breathing. All eyes were focused on the item that had just arrived. The people nearest, especially those with sensitive noses, suddenly pinched their nostrils shut and turned their faces away.
“G—Grand Magus… What… Is… That?” The king gradually raised his hand to point at the lump.
“Sire… It is… I believe it’s… Perhaps manure?
Several people fled the chamber entirely, although the king kept his feet planted where he stood.
“Grand Magus, explain the significance of the summoning ritual yielding manure.”
“That’s no manure…” a knight cut in. “Sire, those aren’t animal droppings, I dare say. If anything, they’re human in origin…”
The king lost his patience. “WHY IS THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMONING CIRCLE? DO THE CONTENTS OF THE HERO’S BOWELS PRECEDE HIM!? WELL!?”
The Grand Magus attempted to explain. “That is… possible… Sire. Perhaps due to some incredibly unlikely confluence of events, the—“
“HOW DO WE SUMMON THE REST OF THE HERO!?”
“I… I don’t know… We could perhaps try again tomorrow once our mana—”
“I see. Captain, take the Grand Magus and the other magi who participated in the ritual somewhere private where they can give this issue some more thought.”
“Yes, your Majesty.” The knights escorted a dozen magi away.
The king began the impossible task of reassuring his allies that everything was under control.
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Liam was cursing his own stupidity. Why did he think that was a good idea?
He retraced the last few hours while sitting on the toilet in the master suite of the house he was renting from his father. He had no plans, so he agreed to an online gaming sessions with his friends. The only ones online weren’t very good at this particular real-time strategy game but he didn’t mind. There were various cooperative team games they could play.
But nooo. They insisted on taking turns playing him one versus one. To make things challenging, Liam decided to at least give them a handicap. Seeing how he had recently turned 21, he decided to do a shot every time he won a game, evening the odds. Eventually, one of his friends would take a game off of him.
He got so drunk it wasn’t even funny. “Man, they all suck,” he complained to himself as he clutched his head, swearing he would never do anything like this again. By some miracle he had kept the contents of his stomach down, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stand back up from this toilet. At least he didn’t have anywhere he needed to be the next day.
Finishing up his business, he lifted his body slowly and limped back to the bedroom. He was so out of it that he’d never noticed the lack of a splash back in the bathroom.