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Book 1 Chapter 22

"I know exactly where the Teapot of Eternity is," Lucifer said. "But. I also know what you want it for, and if you're going to actually get what you want out of this... I cannot, in fact, just tell you where it is. For one thing, you wouldn't be able to get the Teapot with just its location."

"Fair enough," I said. "So, where's my first step on the journey to becoming strong enough to get the Teapot and accomplish my dreams? Stay here for the full year and a day offered to me as a guest before setting out on my own?"

"Oh, hell no," Lucifer said. "No, your first step will happen a lot sooner. And it won't happen in a temple. You've gotta get out more, bitch. See the sights, meet new people. Be yourself, except less of a shut-in who goes two and a half years of a pandemic without catching it simply because staying inside was your plan anyways, and more of a person who goes to the market every now and again."

"How the fuck did you-"

"Okay, I'll level: I can't actually see shit in your world. But I can see what you remember, so..."

"...Huh."

"Anyhow. The more mana you give me, the less of mine I have to spend, so the more helpful I can be," Lucifer said, fading into shadow already. "But, that help cuts down on how long I can spend here. Make friends, touch grass, and spread your wings!"

Lucifer disappeared, and I sighed.

"You know..." Rachel said.

"I do not know, please elaborate," I said.

"Speaking of wings, I did see a silhouette like a dragon passing overhead the other day, while I was training," Rachel said.

"Ah, yes, the dragon," Kara said, nodding.

"What fucking dragon?" I asked. "Okay, look, I probably should've asked when y'all brought up elves, but- is it not just humans as the sole intelligent species on this planet?"

"Well, no," Kara said. "Er. Kind of? Depends on your definition of species; dragons and elves and demons are all capable of interbreeding with humans. But, it should be mentioned, that this dragon is not actually a dragon. She's a Black Flame merchant with one very well-developed spellcasting ability that is incredibly rare, but whose strange appearance and merchandise make her very unsuccessful in the marketplace. Nobody at the Temple has been fool enough to try her potions with outlandish claimed properties."

"Well, she sounds interesting," I said. "Is there some sort of schedule for when she comes in? Or do I just keep watching the skies and then run into town to the marketplace whenever I see a dragon?"

"She comes into town once a month," Kara said sheepishly.

"Ah," I said. "Well, she flew in recently, so-"

"And she leaves in the evening, only staying for a few hours, as she likely cannot afford lodgings in town," Kara said.

I sighed.

"Well," I said. "I might as well head down to the marketplace and familiarize myself with the place. See what's for sale, meet new people, all that jazz. Just in case Lucifer, in not mentioning a dragon, did not actually intend for me to meet a dragon."

"She did say to spread your wings, which you quite visibly do not have, but which a dragon quite visibly does," Rachel pointed out.

"She also said I need to get out more," I said. "So, unless anyone's got a compelling argument for how else I should be spending my day-"

"Kissing me," Rachel said.

"...That is a compelling argument," I mused. "But... no, we can do that after I get back from Kotor. Kara, do you-"

"I have plenty to do with my studies," Kara assured me.

"Alright, well, Operation Touch Grass is a go," I said.

"Grass is far more common on the grounds of the Grand Temple than in the rest of Kotor," Kara pointed out.

"It's a euphemism," I said.

"How much do you want to bet that this draconic potion vendor's so-called 'strange appearance' will not prevent her from being a beta exemplar who simply dresses strangely, and also provocatively?" Rachel asked.

"That's a sucker's bet," Kara said. "There's no chance at all that Lucy, in being told to go out and meet new people, will not find yet another pretty face to suck the soul out of."

"Your faith in me is reassuring," I said.

"We may as well start making up our minds as to whether we should add her to the polycule when Lucy inevitably drags her home by the boner," Rachel said. "Personally, I think that having a Beta Exemplar would be nice in the event one of us decides they want children, as that way none of us would have to biosculpt ourselves."

"See, I was thinking that it'd be a nice thing to do, letting her cut her losses on her very unsuccessful potion vending, and maybe let her study some actual alchemy at the library," Kara said.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Alright, alright, I get it, I'm predictable," I said. "I'm a sucker for a pretty face and some fat knockers. Can we please just get going now?"

"Oh? Lucy thinks we're spending too much time talking shit?" Rachel asked. "My very own Lucifer Morningstar, expressing such a sentiment?"

"This is what it's like for everyone around me, isn't it," I said.

"I'm glad you've finally noticed," Rachel said.

"Alright, well, you can snipe at me on the way to the market. Let's go."

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I found precisely nothing that interested me enough to buy on that trip to the market, and nobody who really struck a chord with me. So after an hour of meandering around, Rachel and I went back to the temple, and I intermittently sulked about it for another month while we waited for the dragon bitch to return. It wasn't a wasted month, really; Kara was a doctoral candidate in mechanical engineering for whom fucking around with my motorcycle and also some other engines was legitimately productive behavior, and in my latest cross-country trial- accompanied by Rachel- I'd managed to get this goddamn bike up to an average speed of sixty miles an hour, with a top speed near eighty, and we'd taken a day trip to Jet Manor, where we ate lunch with the Marquis, exchanged pleasantries, and then rode back to Kotor before it was time for dinner.

I mean, I still didn't get it up above first gear in the city, and it was only really able to accommodate two people, but Kara was having fun with it, and so was I; her enthusiasm was infectious like that. Or maybe I was just gay. Anyway, I didn't have infinite resources, and neither did my host, so requisitioning a whole carriage and all the materials I'd need to retrofit it into a proper car for more than two people should probably wait until I actually needed such a thing, instead of potentially wasting valuable resources on what amounts to a vanity project.

"Alright," I said, as we walked into the marketplace, after a nun had come to tell us that the dragon had been sighted. "Let's find ourselves a dragon, girls."

"I'd say she shouldn't be hard to find, but this place is packed, today," Rachel said.

"This is the monthly peak, when commerce is flowing the fastest," Kara explained. "It's a good time to be in the market... if you've got something people want."

"What is it about her potions that're so outlandish, anyhow?" I asked.

"They claim to give absurdly powerful effects," Kara said. "A plus ten bonus to Learning for one month. Mana potions that'd refill twenty thousand mana per ounce. Outlandish claims that every child knows are impossible, too good to be true."

"Huh," I said. "So if she was selling more low-key, believable potions..."

"Admittedly, those would not sell terribly well either," Kara said. "Much of what potions do is either niche enough to be worthless to most, or something that healers can do much more cheaply and reliably."

"Poor her, then," I muttered. "...Is that- oh, it has to be."

Standing there, in front of a crude, weathered, and beat-up looking display, was a very, very striking woman. Like, freight train right between the eyes striking.

Atop her head was long and wild flame red hair, with a pair of gently-curved horns swept back from her hairline and keeping the mess out of her smoldering red eyes, while also contributing to a mild impression of aerodynamics. Her extremities past her elbows and shins were intermittently scaled along a gradient, with her hands and feet being very draconic-looking, with talons and plates of burnished, satin-gleaming red.

At her core, though, she was a beta exemplar with a particularly pretty face, her curvy build accentuated by a tattered red dress whose neckline had been torn to accommodate her larger breasts than the previous owner, as well as to, possibly, try dazzling customers with cleavage- made more eye-catching by the metal pendant necklace she wore, whose pendant hung just at the upper edge of said cleavage. The dress' skirt was torn up both sides, leaving a tattered flap in the front and two in the back, that one having been torn to accommodate her tail, hanging low to the ground and slowly swishing back and forth. The back of the dress had been torn open from the top, as well, to accommodate her wings- themselves just absolutely bristling with magic- leaving her dress holding together in the back by about three inches of fabric, which showed signs of crude and desperate patching to stop rips from progressing any further.

She radiated sex appeal... but also, desperation. Nobody was paying attention to her, and she clearly knew it. She noticed us approaching, and flagged us over, looking nearly ecstatic as we turned to make our way over.

"Welcome, welcome, to Volex's Amazing Potions!" the dragongirl declared once she decided we were in earshot. "I've got mana potions, stamina potions, healing potions, skill potions, transformative potions! And if I don't have it, I can brew it, right here and now!"

"How's business?" I asked.

Her smile faltered a little. "S-still getting off the ground," she said, her smile now much more clearly forced. "Your patronage means a lot to me- in fact, I'll throw in a discount, for such a conscientious customer!"

"I see, I see," I said, nodding. "So, you're an alchemist?"

"The best in all the land!" Volex declared, puffing up with some genuine pride. "I was taught by a reclusive wizard and then by an ancient elvish master, and with that, I have reached the rarefied heights of [Alchemy, Level 100]!"

"Really, now," Kara said, clearly disbelieving.

"How else do you think I make such wonderful potions?" Volex asked. "If... only I could make wonderful profits, as well..."

"Tell you what," I said. "I'm Lucy; and while I'm aware that this right here is your job and all... Well, the fish just aren't biting. So..." I fished out a few gold coins, minted and enchanted by the Grand Temple to be tamper-proof. "Would this be enough for you to take a break and come have a chat somewhere else, let me pick your brain a little?"

"Holy- for that much money I'll quit my job and have your babies," Volex exclaimed. "Yeah. Yeah, that's enough for me to give you anything I've got."

Rachel and Kara both cleared their throats while looking meaningfully at me.

"Please pardon my friends, they've got a bit of a respiratory problem that's been quite stubborn," I said, ignoring my girlfriends as Volex disappeared her stand back into her void space. "Anyway, Kara here is an actual nun, whereas Rachel and I are guests at the Temple of Kotor. Would you have any problems with going there for our chat?"

"I'll go wherever you lead me, boss," Volex said, resolutely.

Ohhhhh man this is gonna be so uncomfortable until she feels secure enough to tell me to fuck myself.

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"Here, eat up," I said, putting a big ol' bowl of hot noodles and soup in front of her. "I won't have a guest going hungry under my roof."

Volex ate ravenously, slurping down the noodles without a care in the world for how hot they were. Fire could not kill a dragon, after all. Once she'd gotten all the noodles in one continuous swallow- stop wiggling your eyebrows at me like that, Kara!- she moved on to the rest of the toppings: three softboiled eggs, split in half; four slices of thin meat and mushroom stuffing wrapped around each other in a spiral and then roasted solid; and a lot of thinly-sliced scallions.

The whole bowl was empty in about four minutes, and Volex leaned back in her chair with a blissful look on her face, and a hand on her stomach.

"Now," I said. "This elf who taught you alchemy." I sat down across from her, steepling my fingers and leaning forward. "What can you tell me about her?"

"Oh! I can take you to meet her, if you want!" Volex said.