There was a figure in front of Angelida’s, sweeping away snow from the afternoon’s snowfall. Bundled in a heavy coat and head wrapped in a shawl, the figure wasn’t recognisable from down the street, but Felitïa could be pretty certain it was Angelida. Either that or somebody working for Angelida. Who else would be clearing the shop entrance?

Felitïa watched for a minute or so. Returning here was still proving emotionally tough. She’d been back in Quorge for a month and a half, and she still hadn’t gotten the courage to come here. Her lack of sleep and general exhaustion had no doubt made it more difficult for her, but she could make all sorts of excuses for not coming out here. None of them changed the fact she should have by now.

Finding Nin-Akna again had been simple enough. At least, she was fairly certain it had. Thinking back on it now, she couldn’t remember it very well. She had retrieved the prayer beads. She knew that. They were in her scrip now. However, she couldn’t quite remember how Nin-Akna had reacted or what she had said. Felitïa was pretty certain the encounter had gone fine though. Nevertheless, it was disturbing she couldn’t fully remember it. This trip was definitely necessary.

At least she remembered what happened next.

After leaving Nin-Akna to her own devices, Felitïa had gone to the Hall of Knowledge to speak to Ezmelda. It was mainly to get advice on who to talk to about analysing the medications.

“Angelida,” Ezmelda had said without hesitation.

“Oh, okay,” Felitïa had said. “Thank you.”

“Are you going to go to her, or should I give you my second choice?”

Felitïa’s mouth went dry. “Sorry?”

Ezmelda smirked as she sat back down at her desk. “Let me see one of those bottles.”

Felitïa handed her one of the sleeping draughts.

Ezmelda removed the stopper and brought the bottle to her nose. She sniffed.

“I didn’t know you were experienced with these kinds of things.”

Ezmelda shook her head and put the stopper back in the bottle. “Just a passing fancy I once had. It’s been years since I’ve done anything with it. I was merely curious how much I might have remembered.” She handed the bottle back to Felitïa. “Angelida commented the other day that you hadn’t been round to visit her. I assume you’ve been avoiding her because you’re not yet ready to face your memories of Elderaan. That’s why I asked if you wanted my second choice.”

“And your second choice is you?”

Ezmelda laughed. “No, that was...never mind. Go see Angelida. She can probably help you. In more ways than one.”

Felitïa had left the Hall of Knowledge in a state of confusion, but that was absolutely due to exhaustion. The walk to Angelida’s had given her time, however, to work out Ezmelda’s double meaning.

She really wasn’t ready to face her memories of Elderaan. Spending all this time with Agernon was fine because that wasn’t at the shop. But even though she barely knew Angelida, the location made all the difference.

Enough standing on the street watching. She strode forward, just as the figure went into the shop. Felitïa entered just as the individual was removing her outerwear.

It was not Angelida, although she was of a similar size. She was a young Eloorin girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen. She turned to Felitïa with a wide smile. “Welcome to Angelida’s! Can I help you?”

Felitïa looked around her. So much had changed. It didn’t even look like how she remembered Angelida’s redesigns just before Felitïa left over a year ago. There were a few familiar things, like a selection of herbs—both fresh and dried, and in a much larger supply than Elderaan had carried—near the entrance. No rats, though, unless they were hidden behind some of the shelves. There were a lot more books than Elderaan had carried as well.

“Ma’am?” the girl said.

Felitïa smiled at her. “Sorry, just reminiscing a bit. I...um…” Pressure was building up in her sinuses and tears in her eyes.

“Are you all right?”

Felitïa sniffled. “Yes, I’m...I’ll be fine. I’d like to see Angelida if I could, please.”

“She’s resting at the moment,” the girl said. “But I know our full stock well, and I’d be happy to help you find whatever you’re looking for.”

“I’m not actually looking for anything. I need Angelida’s expertise on something. If you could just tell her Felitïa’s here, that would be great.”

The girl gaped. “Felitïa? That Felitïa?”

“Maybe? Probably, I suppose. I can’t imagine too many other Felitïas get talked about around here these days.”

“She said you might come by. I’ll go get her immediately.” The girl hurried to the door to the back. At least that and the sales counter were still in the same spot. “I’m Feena by the way,” she called back as she disappeared through the door.

“Nice to meet you, Feena,” Felitïa muttered to the empty room.

While she waited for Angelida, Felitïa began looking around the shop. The rats really were gone. Felitïa kind of approved of that. She’d always felt a little wrong whenever she’d sold one of them. Terrible images of what the buyers might do to the rats always went through her head, but they had also been one of Elderaan’s best sellers.

Either Lon or Nesh scampered across her shoulders. She couldn’t tell which, and that was frustrating. She used to just know which one was where—based partially on the way they moved, but also on their mental presences.

Apart from the rats, the inventory was fairly similar. There were only so many ways to put a magic shop together. There was a shelf full of thin wooden rods. Some were just plain solid cylinders; others were carved with designs. None were long enough or thick enough to be staffs. Many were about the right length for a cane or short walking stick, but none looked balanced right, and none had handles. Felitïa had no idea what they were for.

A throat clearing alerted Felitïa to the presence of others. Gods, if she weren’t so tired, she would have noticed them sooner. She turned around.

Angelida stood there, Feena just off to the side. Angelida was looking older than Felitïa remembered despite it only being a year. She was hunched over, supporting her weight on an elegantly carved cane. That was the main thing making her look older, Felitïa realised. She hadn’t had the cane before. The rest of her looked much the same—particularly the same mane of grey curls. Her yellow-brown skin was a bit mottled with age.

“Felitïa, dear, I’m so glad you finally came round.” Angelida smiled broadly. She motioned to Felitïa to come closer.

Felitïa approached. She wasn’t sure how best to greet Angelida. They didn’t know each other well, and from what little time they had spent together last year, Angelida had never seemed the hugging type. She had come across as a straight-to-business sort, though that might have been to hide her own grief at Elderaan’s death.

Angelida turned as Felitïa approached. “We’ll talk in back where we can be comfortable. Feena, be a dear and prepare us some tea. You can close up the shop early today.”

That cleared up the greeting question.

Feena curtsied. “Yes, ma’am.”

Angelida moved surprisingly quickly for someone with a cane, though perhaps it only seemed that way since Agernon was the only other person Felitïa knew who regularly used a cane. He tended to walk slowly. Angelida’s cane was certainly much quieter than Agernon’s; the bottom looked padded, so it didn’t clack the way his did.

Felitïa followed her into the back, past the kitchen into what was originally Felitïa’s room and later Elderaan’s when he could no longer manage the stairs. It now had a couch along one wall and a couple chairs facing it. Paintings hung on the walls, and a fur carpet lay on the floor.

Angelida made straight for the couch and dropped into it. She motioned to the chairs. “Have a seat, dear.”

Before sitting down, Felitïa removed her cloak and scarves. She hung them over the back of the chair, then sat down. “It’s good to see you, Angelida. You’re looking good.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Angelida leaned forward and squinted at her. “Whereas you look terrible.”

Felitïa sighed. “I suppose I must. I haven’t been sleeping well. Not for...months.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s actually what I came to see you about.”

Angelida sat back. “Really? Not to talk about Elderaan?”

Felitïa shrugged. “Well, it’s part of why I came here. As for Elderaan, I...I’m not sure.”

Angelida’s eyes narrowed. “I see. In that case, let’s start with the sleeplessness. I have a few things in stock that might help, though Feena could have helped you with those.” She tilted her head. “She said you wanted my expertise. I’m not really an expert on insomnia. I would have thought Agernon would know more about that.”

“He’s a good doctor,” Felitïa said, “for physical injuries and illnesses. He’s not really good at things with the mind though. But I was…” She fumbled for her scrip and pulled out the three bottles. “I was given a sleeping draught. Lord Belone’s wife offered it to me. It was made by an apothecary who’s been treating her husband. He’s been… I don’t know if I’m actually supposed to tell others this. It’s certainly not something they want spread about, but Lord Belone has been quite ill the last couple months and he just seems to be getting worse. Anyway, my...uh...my tiredness...that is…” She paused and put a hand to her head, took a moment to uncloud her thoughts. “Sorry. I’m so tired, I have trouble staying focused these days. Where was I? Right. My tiredness is making me paranoid, I think, and well...I was hoping you could analyse the contents of the sleeping draught. Make sure it’s safe. Also, I have a bottle that had a dose of another medication the apothecary has been giving Lord Belone for his illness. It’s used, but there should still be traces that could be analysed. I just can’t help getting the feeling...like I said, it’s probably paranoia, but…”

Angelida held up her hand. “Let’s take this one step at a time. Pass me one of those bottles. The sleeping draught. I’m afraid I don’t know much about matters of the mind, but sleeping draughts are entirely about the body.”

Felitïa leaned forward and placed one of the sleeping draughts into Angelida’s outstretched hand.

Angelida sat back and popped the stopper, then sniffed the contents. “Mm hmm. It’s a sleeping draught all right. I’d have to do some tests to be precise, but it’s a strong one. Definitely stronger than anything I sell here.”

“Is that dangerous?” Felitïa asked.

“Not if used in moderation. Overuse could cause a dependency, I suppose. The main issue is a dose this strong will knock you out fast, and it’ll be hard for anyone to wake you for several hours. I prefer to prescribe milder doses that make you drowsy. Still, in your case, drowsiness is probably not enough. I’ll do some tests to be sure, but I think you can safely use these. Now the other.”

Angelida reached out and handed the bottle back, taking the medicine bottle from Felitïa. She removed the stopper and sniffed at this one as well. “Hmm. Odourless. I’ll need to do tests on this one. That said, you’re almost certainly being paranoid, Felitïa. Folith nobles tend to have more than enough money and security to ensure their doctors don’t poison them.”

Felitïa nodded. “I know. I’m just…”

“Suffering from sleep deprivation and paranoia. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I thought…” How much should she tell Angelida? She hadn’t thought about that before coming here, though she should have expected her condition would draw such a question. “I don’t know what I thought. I just...can’t sleep. Not for more than a very short time.”

Angelida stood up. “I think you should take that draught tonight. Hopefully, it will give you some much needed sleep. It will also give me time to analyse the traces left in this other bottle. Come talk to me in a few days when you’re better rested.” She walked back to the door, motioning for Felitïa to follow her.

Feena came into the room, carrying a tray with a tea pot and a couple of teacups.

“Felitïa is leaving sooner than expected,” Angelida said to the girl. “But you and I can share the tea, Feena dear. Just set it down on the table over there, and I’ll join you after I’ve seen Felitïa off.”

Feena curtsied. “Yes, ma’am.”

Felitïa stood up, but her eye caught on Angelida’s cane, still resting by the couch. She looked over at Angelida, who was standing tall and not hunched. “Angelida?”

“Yes, dear? Hurry up, please. You need proper rest.”

“Your cane,” Felitïa said. “Don’t you need it?”

“Not at the moment. I have some arthritis in my knee. It comes and goes.”

“Oh, right.” Felitïa walked over to join Angelida, who led her back through the kitchen and into the front room.

Angelida opened the front door. “I hate to seem rude, my dear, but you are in no condition to be out at the moment. You need sleep and you need it desperately. Can you make it back to the palace?”

“You know I’m staying at the palace?”

“Yes, it’s pretty common knowledge. Besides, you also told me.”

“I did?”

Angelida nodded. “Yes, just before you passed out.”

“I passed out?” Not again.

Angelida shook her head sadly and sighed. “Just for a minute, but yes. I’ve a mind to send Feena with you, just to make sure you make it there.”

Felitïa shook her head. “That’s kind of you, but I can make it on my own.”

“Very well, but no dallying.”

“I’ll go straight there.”

Angelida stared at her a moment. “Well, go on then. I’m getting cold, and that does a number on my arthritis.”

“Yes, of course. Sorry.” Felitïa hurried out and Angelida closed the door behind her.

Angelida’s voice came from within. “Feena, bring me my cane!”

Felitïa trudged through the snow back towards the palace. That had been an odd meeting. Why had Angelida pushed her away so suddenly? Was it because of her blackout? Probably. She was showing concern; that was the logical conclusion. Wasn’t it?

Could she have had some other motivation? Something she hadn’t wanted Felitïa to see or find out? That was a logical conclusion too, wasn’t it?

No, that was the paranoid conclusion, she told herself.

And there was the matter of the cane.

No, that was being paranoid, too. Angelida’s explanation made sense.

Angelida was right. She needed to sleep. Desperately. She’d already known that, but it seemed more definite now somehow. She’d take the sleeping draught as soon as she got to her room and got changed for bed.

No, wait. She should get the other bottle to Nin-Akna first. What if Nin-Akna wasn’t in the palace, though? Should she wait? It might be better to wait until tomorrow to give it to Nin-Akna. That way, Felitïa could test it tonight to make sure it was safe first. Yes, that was the best idea.

She hoped it was the best idea.

She really had little idea which ideas counted as good and which counted as bad anymore.

* * * * *

Getting back to the palace and her room went quickly. In fact, by the time Felitïa was sitting on her bed, ready to lie down, the sleeping draught in her hand, she barely even remembered the walk. She barely remembered changing either, but she was just in her night shift now, so she must have changed.

Lon scurried across her thigh. She picked him up with her free hand, and held him up to her face. “Ready for me to actually get some sleep?” She waited for him to reply, but he said nothing. Not that that was surprising. “You really don’t care, do you?” She put him down again, beside Nesh who was staring quizzically at her. “You don’t care, either, do you?” The two rats scurried across the bed together.

She looked at the tiny bottle.

No time like the present.

She popped the stopper out, lifted the bottle to her mouth, and tipped it.

The total contents amounted to just a few drops. It had a sharp taste, not really sour or sweet, but definitely bitter. She swallowed quickly and put the bottle aside. Then she lay down, rolled onto her side and got as comfortable as she could.

Then she waited.

Hoped sleep would come.

Someone banged on her door.

“Felitïa?” It was Nin-Akna. “You in there?”

She wasn’t sure what to do. If the draught worked, she should fall asleep soon.

“Felitïa? You in there?”

Felitïa sighed and called out, “Yes, come in!”

The door opened and Nin-Akna slipped in. “You’re in bed.”

Felitïa propped herself up on an elbow. “I know it’s still kind of early, but I’m just so exhausted, and I’m not functioning properly. I have to try to sleep.”

Nin-Akna closed the door and walked to the bed. “I can understand that. Wouldn’t mind doing it myself.” She stopped and picked up Felitïa’s scrip. “Did you take the sleeping draught?”

Felitïa sat up. “You know about that?”

Nin-Akna began searching through the scrip. “Lady Siba said she gave you one for me too. Just like you to hoard them both to yourself and not tell me about them.”

“No, Nin-Akna. It’s not like that. I wasn’t sure if you were here, and I thought I should test one first. Make sure it was safe.”

Nin-Akna took out the second sleeping draught. “Fuck you, Felitïa. You eavesdrop on me, you hide this from me.”

“Eavesdrop? You...you...know?”

Nin-Akna sneered at her. “You’re pathetic, you know that? I don’t know why I ever liked or trusted you.” She tossed the scrip at Felitïa, spilling its contents about the floor and bed.

“No, Nin-Akna. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking straight. I…”

Nin-Akna stormed back to the door. “No more excuses, Felitïa. I’m done with you. I’m going back to Ninifin. Try to stop me and I won’t hesitate to kill you. Have a nice sleep.” She flung the door open, stormed out, and slammed it behind her.

Felitïa sat in the bed, watching, quivering.

Dear gods, what had she done?