Felitïa breathed in slowly. She held the breath for several seconds, then exhaled more slowly. She did it a couple more times. It was so much easier to achieve a state of calm when the Staff was being quiet like this. If only she weren’t so tired.

In the Room, the Staff loomed overhead, its pearl eyes glowing softly, but otherwise showing no signs of life. It was quiet. Alas, as much as Felitïa liked this, it wasn’t helpful at the moment.

“Nothing,” Agernon grumbled. “No activity at all. It’s like this piece of shit Staff does it on purpose. It knows when I’m trying to study it, and it shuts itself down.”

That was almost certainly exactly what it was doing. He knew it; she knew it. In situations like this, it was just best not to say anything, and let Agernon rant however he wanted.

“Fine. Open your eyes. We’ll try again later.”

Other times, though, it was worth speaking up. “Just give me a moment. I may still be able to make contact.”

“It’s never worked before.”

“Yes, and if we don’t keep trying, it never will.”

“You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?”

“Yes, I know that, but I’m not doing the same thing. I’m actually trying different things.”

He harrumphed. “Fine. Do what you need to.”

Felitïa smiled inwardly. He’d given in more easily this time.

In the Room, the Staff continued to float. Silent.

Felitïa reached out to touch it. She didn’t actually have hands to touch things with in this realm. It was just a place in her head after all. However, she could still touch things in a sort of mental way. She just imagined touching the Staff and she got a mental impression of what it felt like. It was exactly like the Staff in the real world, except bigger. That bigger size meant she could more easily explore its crevices, feel the grain of the wood.

Are you there? she asked as she ran an imaginary finger along the Staff’s length. You call to me at all other times. We just need to understand you, so I can help you. So I can understand what you’re trying to tell me. There’s no need to fight us.

The Staff remained silent.

Felitïa tried to grasp it. She’d never tried something quite like this before. Touching was one thing, but holding? Why should it be any different? Everything she did here was just an interpretation of some mental process. Surely there was something represented by grasping?

She took hold of the Staff and unhooked it from its position in that direction that wasn’t really above her, but she had decided to call above.

It was no longer quite as large. Or maybe it was she who had gotten bigger. Either way, it now seemed comparable to its size in the real world. She held it beside her. Again, she didn’t have a body, but she had a presence that had a kind of location.

Well? she asked.

Felitïa.

Finally.

“That’s it!” Agernon exclaimed. “It’s active! Keep it up!”

What do you want from me? Can you tell me? I’ve remembered some of what you say I have to remember. Is that it all? Is there any more? Please, I need you to tell me.

“It’s gone again. You lost it.”

There was a crash. Probably Agernon kicking something over.

Please, she pleaded to the Staff. Why won’t you cooperate?

The Staff remained silent.

Felitïa opened her eyes.

Agernon was picking up the chair he’d knocked over. He looked over at her and shrugged.

“Sorry,” she said.

“Pheh.” He sat down in the chair he’d just righted. “Don’t worry about it. It was better than we usually manage, and I was able to get a small glimpse of where it’s drawing its power from.”

That was one of the biggest mysteries they’d been investigating. “What did you learn?”

He grunted. “Only that it still seems to be self-generating, and that’s impossible. Except I saw a couple of circuits more clearly. Nothing extraordinary about them, but if I could see them all in operation together, I could probably start figuring a few things out. They’ll have the answer. I know it.”

Felitïa laid the Staff against the wall and sat in the chair beside him. “We’ll try again later.”

Felitïa.

She sighed. “It’s started again.”

“Of course it has,” Agernon said. “I’m not monitoring it. I told you. It knows. The damn thing’s sophisticated beyond anything I’ve even imagined before.”

Felitïa rubbed her temples. “If I could just concentrate better.”

“How’s your sleeping?”

She waited a moment before answering. “Still bad.” She’d been telling others that her sleep was improving. She didn’t want them worrying about her. But there wasn’t much point with Agernon. It was affecting the research, and she couldn’t mislead him as to the reason—not if she wanted this to actually be successful in the end.

He shook his head. “You really need to get help with that. We’ll never get anywhere if you can’t focus properly.”

“And where am I supposed to get help?” she snapped. “Point me in the right direction and I’ll go.”

He slammed his cane on the floor. “Don’t you take that tone of voice with me, young lady!”

Felitïa rubbed her temples some more. “Then stop bringing up the same thing every time. There is nowhere for me to go for this type of problem. There are no mentalists in Quorge. No one with any kind of expertise in this kind of problem. I just have to wait and hope Jorvan is successful.”

“And that’s likely to still be months before he’s back. By then, you could be dead from exhaustion. Or from the Staff having one of its fits and burning out your mind.”

“I highly doubt that’s likely.”

“It’s possible though.” He pointed his cane at her. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

Felitïa pushed the cane aside. “I’m trying, okay?”

“Not hard enough, I fear.”

She stood up. “Gods, how many times do we have to go through this? Every day? Twice a day? Because it’s certainly starting to feel that way.”

“Bah, it’s been at least a week since I last asked you.”

“No, you asked me two days ago.”

“I did not!”

Felitïa put her hand to her forehead. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to find Corvinian so we can do something productive.” She walked from the room, her hand shaking by her head.

In the kitchen, she stopped and leaned against the wall. Agernon was right. She did need help, but there really was nowhere to go. This wasn’t natural. She was sure of that now. For her or for Nin-Akna. But she couldn’t figure it out. There was no trace of mentalism magic doing it, and if someone was attacking her telepathically, she couldn’t sense that person. There were no other mentalists in Quorge—not openly, at least. She and Elderaan had been the only ones for as long as she’d been here. There was no one to suspect, and no one to turn to.

But it really was getting bad. It wasn’t just that she was losing focus or that she couldn’t concentrate. She was getting short-tempered. Just now with Agernon was a good example of that. She was forgetting things; she was reasoning poorly. She wasn’t quite having hallucinations like Nin-Akna, but every now and then, she thought she saw something at the edge of her peripheral vision.

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Worst of all—something she hadn’t even let Agernon know yet—her lack of focus, her inability to concentrate meant she could barely cast spells right now. It took monumental effort to cast even the simplest spell.

About the only thing she could still do effectively was construct the Room in her head. That took very little effort and it was the only thing that gave her even a hint of focus.

She needed help.

She needed it desperately.

And there was absolutely nowhere to turn.

Felitïa took a deep breath and tried to gather what focus she had for the moment. What was she doing here anyway? Oh yes, she’d used looking for Corvinian as an excuse to get away from Agernon. Where was the boy anyway? Probably his room. Where was his room again?

She sighed and took a few more slow breaths.

Right. Corvinian’s room. It was in the cellar, and the door was just off the kitchen. That was why she’d come this way.

Nin-Akna’s and Corvinian’s voices were clear as soon as Felitïa opened the door to the stairs and started down slowly.

“No, you need to keep your legs just a little bent. Like that. Be relaxed, but alert. Stiff legs are easy to knock out from under you. And don’t hold the knife like that. You’ll stab yourself.”

“I was just trying to keep it out of your way while you showed me.”

“Yeah, but you don’t want it where your opponent can grab it and use it against you.”

“Oh hi, Felitïa.” Corvinian backed away from Nin-Akna, hiding a wooden dagger behind his back. “Uh, we were...um…”

They were in the centre of the room, away from the barrels, crates, and shelves against the walls. Corvinian’s room was through a door off to the side.

Nin-Akna turned to face Felitïa. “Before you say anything, Felitïa, he deserves to know how to defend himself.”

Felitïa stopped at the bottom of the stairs and leaned on the wall. “He’s only nine years old.”

“Ten in just a couple days!” Corvinian said.

“And that’s old enough to learn how to defend himself,” Nin-Akna said. “In Ninifin, he would have started training by now if he was to be a warrior when he grew up.”

“We’re not in Ninifin. Also, who says he’s going to be a warrior when he grows up?”

“What if I want to be one?” Corvinian said.

Felitïa closed her eyes for a moment. “Corvinian, you’re nine years old. You—”

“Almost ten!”

“You’re ten years old. You’re too young to make these decisions.”

‘You’re not my mom!”

She sighed. “Of course I’m not your mom. I’ve made no claim to be your mother.”

“Then why do you always tell me what to do? That’s all anyone does. You, Agernon, even Akna.”

“That’s because you’re nine years old.”

“Ten!”

“Right, almost ten. Whatever. You’re still...you’re still…” She shook her head, tried to clear her thoughts. “You’re still a child, and you’re in my custody for the time being.”

“I don’t get to do anything I want. It’s all make tea, cook dinner, stand over there and don’t move. I just want to do something I want to do for a change!”

Felitïa scratched at the wall with one hand and clenched her nails on her other hand into her palm. She scrunched her eyes. “That’s enough, Corvinian! I’m trying to help you, okay? We all are. We’re trying to find out more about you so we can protect you from the Darkers who are after you. So quit complaining and do as you’re fucking told!”

“I hate you!” Corvinian stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door.

Felitïa slid down until she was sitting on the floor against the wall. Gods, what was she doing?

Nin-Akna was starting at her. “Seriously, Felitïa? What the hell was that?” She shook her head. “You’re a wreck. I’m going to go talk to him, calm him down. Then we’re going to have a serious talk.” She stormed over to Corvinian’s door and banged on it. “Corvin, it’s me. I’m coming in.” She opened the door, stepped in, then closed it again behind her.

Felitïa buried her head in her hands. Gods, what was she doing? Yelling at him over such a small thing? Using that sort of language? She rarely used that sort of language with adults, but he was just a young child. She should apologise—

“You need to apologise to him,” Nin-Akna said.

When did she get here?

Nin-Akna was sitting on the stairs beside Felitïa. “He’s hurting, Felitïa. That was...that was…”

Felitïa sighed. She must have blacked out for a few minutes. That was happening a lot these days too. It was perhaps not surprising given how exhausted she was. It could be annoying when it happened, but at least it was a little sleep. She got so little other sleep these days. She closed her eyes and tears fell. “That was unacceptable of me. I’ll go apologise to him in a minute or two. I need to gather my thoughts, make sure I don’t do it again. I’m not well, Nin-Akna.”

“No kidding.” Nin-Akna leaned her head against the wall. “Neither of us is well, Felitïa. I’ve been saying so for months. Something’s wrong. It’s not natural. Look, I accept that lack of sleep does weird things to your head, and maybe my hallucinations and your lack of control are because we can’t sleep properly. But something’s stopping us from sleeping, Felitïa. This has gone on too long.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“Do you? You deny it most of the time.”

“Because I can’t find what’s doing it! There should be some trace of something, and there isn’t! So what the hell do you expect me to do?”

Nin-Akna glared at her. “Maybe start by doing what you said just a moment ago. Gather your thoughts and calm the fuck down.”

Felitïa lowered her head into her hands again. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think it’s worth doing all this research anymore, Felitïa. Not the studying at the Hall of Knowledge, at any rate. We’re not getting anything out of it in our state. You asked me to bring you the same book three times yesterday.”

Felitïa chuckled. She vaguely remembered doing that.

“Agernon can keep doing his work with Corvinian. Both of them can sleep, at least, but we should be limiting our involvement. We’re too...stressed.”

Felitïa snickered. “That’s putting it lightly.”

Nin-Akna shrugged. “Just trying to be diplomatic. Maybe if we just do relaxing things for a while, stop worrying about everything, maybe we’ll be able to sleep.”

Felitïa looked up at her. “You think so?”

Nin-Akna shook her head. “Not really, but at least we might be a little stressed.”

Felitïa smiled and nodded. “Anita tells me you’ve been avoiding her recently. Can I ask why? I would have thought spending time with her would be relaxing for you.”

Nin-Akna looked aside. “I...uh...I may have had a hallucination and done something stupid and now I’m too embarrassed to talk to her.”

“What did you do?”

Nin-Akna continued to look away. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Okay. You should talk to Anita, though.”

Nin-Akna finally looked back at Felitïa. “I will. Eventually. I just need a bit of time, that’s all.”

“I could talk to her on your behalf if you want. You know, just set things up for you. You don’t have to tell me what it’s all about.”

Nin-Akna smiled. “That’s nice of you, but it’s all right. I’ll deal with it on my own. Should do it soon, I suppose. She had a dress made for me for the ball on the thirty-second.”

Felitïa smiled. “She told me about that. You should probably show up for that.”

“Yeah, I probably should. So, um…” Nin-Akna looked away again, and shifted her weight on her legs. It took her a moment to say any more. In her exhausted state, Felitïa wasn’t getting much emotion from her or anyone. “When you talked to Anita, she didn’t mention anything about what happened?”

Felitïa shook her head. “Just said you’d been avoiding her.”

“Okay, so she didn’t mention… That’s good.”

“She didn’t say anything that would embarrass you. Whatever you did is between you and her.”

“And you can’t…?” She pointed to her head.

Felitïa laughed. “Even when I’m well-rested, it doesn’t work that way. I’ve told you that. At the moment, I’m lucky if I can tell the difference between happy and sad.”

“Okay, that’s good.” Nin-Akna shifted positions again, and looked straight at Felitïa. “Oh, to hell with it. Felitïa, I took your prayer beads, tried to use them, had a hallucination that Anita was Chica, and tried to kiss her, and...gods, I never should have taken the prayer beads without your permission.”

Felitïa stared at her. “My prayer beads?”

Nin-Akna nodded. “You know, the necklace with all the amethysts on it?”

Amar Padara’s prayer beads! The ones he’d given her! “I completely forgot about them. You took them?”

Nin-Akna looked at the wall. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I’ve been using them anyway.” Maybe it was appropriate to be angry at Nin-Akna right now, but she’d just had an idea. “Where are they now?”

“The prayer beads? Uh…” Nin-Akna grimaced. “I think Anita has them.”

A touch awkward, but easily dealt with. Felitïa stood up. “Okay, then let’s go to the palace. Time for you to make up with her.”

“Right now?”

“No time like the present,” Felitïa said.

“Aren’t you going to apologise to Corvin?”

“Shit.” Felitïa put her hand to her forehead. She was so out of it right now. “Right. I’ll apologise to Corvin first...wait, Corvin? Oh right, your nickname for him. I’ll apologise to him first, then we’ll go to the palace. Think about what you want to say to her. I’ll be right back.”

Felitïa walked over to Corvinian’s room and knocked on the door. She had no idea how well prayer beads would actually work. After Amar Padara had given the necklace to her, she had forgotten about it. There had been too many other things on her mind.

“What?” Corvinian called from inside.

“It’s Felitïa. Can I come in? I just want to talk. Not yell.” But if the beads did work even a little, maybe she could use them to help focus her thoughts.

“I suppose,” Corvinian said.

Felitïa opened the door and went in.

If she could focus her thoughts, maybe she could finally get through to the Staff.