Chapter Twenty: And now for the weird stuff.
“Holy shit.”
I opened my eyes to the site of The Whisperer. I was lying on the spongy floor of my character creation room when I first transformed. The blackness of the infinite ceiling was above me. She stood a few feet back with something in her hand. It looked like…
“Are you eating a shrimp cocktail?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I love these things.”
“But you’re not real.”
“Neither is the shrimp cocktail.” She tossed the glass aside, and it vanished into the grey mist surrounding us. She sucked the sauce off her fingers before continuing. “That’s a bit of a hurtful thing to say, by the way.”
“What just happened?”
“You just got bombarded with an ass-ton of divine magic. So much that it almost killed you. So, you bounced back here. The time dilation is still in effect, so you’re not lying on the floor in the tavern…Yet”
“Who?” I asked. “Who bounced me back here.”
“You did,” She smiled and offered her hand. “It’s a reflex thing. You just got hammered and will be going through some major changes in the next few seconds, and you need to sort it all out.”
I took her hand, and she helped me to my feet. She is a part of me, so I guess I can trust her.
“I’m not going to have to do Wheel of Races again, am I?”
“No, nothing like that, just a couple of things.” She waved her hand, and my stats appeared. “You got kissed by a god. Quite the event in one’s life. It handed you twenty thousand XP.”
She seemed to do some mental arithmetic. “Let’s see, that will move you up to level nine.”
“Level Nine?”
“Looks like. You will need to sort out the attribute points, plus a new class, and…” she stopped momentarily.
“What?”
“You have been given a new class and job from the Unnamed God.”
“So, I don’t get to choose then.”
“Nope. And it’s not the sort of thing you get rid of either.” She waved her hand, and the Class portion of my character sheet appeared:
Classes:
Rogue: Level 3
Rogue Jobs:
Assassin: Level 4
Priest: Level 1
Priest Jobs:
Cleric, Church of the Unnamed God: Level 1
“I’m a Cleric in the Death Church?”
“It would seem so.” The Whisperer nodded, looking up at the stats. “We’re going to roll this out in an organized way. Attributes first, and then we can start reviewing all the new stuff. You have eighteen new points to distribute.” She made every part of my sheet disappear, except for my base attributes:
Base Attributes:
Strength: 11
Dexterity: 20
Spirit: 7
Charisma: 18
Intelligence: 18
Endurance: 7
Luck: 12
I had a look at what I had. I needed to add to my core stuff, but now I also had to deal with magic apparently, and my spirit was sorely lacking, but then, so was my Strength and Endurance. Luckily, I had enough points for an overhaul. I moved points into everything except my Intelligence and Charisma, my two highest attributes. I dumped four into Strength, two into Dexterity, and six into Spirit. After that, I boosted Endurance and threw a couple into Luck. I looked at them and was happy with what I had:
Base Attributes:
Strength: 15
Dexterity: 22
Spirit: 13
Charisma: 18
Intelligence: 18
Endurance: 11
Luck: 14
I wasn’t a powerhouse yet, but all my stats were over ten, so I have no complaints there.
“What’s next?” I asked The Whisper, who was standing by, filing her nails patiently.
“Let’s have a look at your new Cleric Spells.”
Black Rain Level 1
From the realm of the dead, Black Rain falls in the form of razor-sharp, obsidian bullets for one second per level of the spell. Each pebble can cause between 6-10 pts damage and will penetrate magical armor and defenses.
Activation time: Instant. Range: twelve feet. Cost: 50 EP. Cool Down: 4 minutes.
Time Dilation Level 1
A gift to the Unnamed God from the Goddess of Time, and thus, granted to his faithful followers, Time Dilation Stretches 1 second into 3 seconds, plus 1 second per spell level. Caster may move freely and interact with the environment but cannot cast spells during the dilated time.
Activation time: instant. Range: Self. Cost: 35 EP Cool Down: 1 hour
Shield of Draining Level 1
Using the hand of the Unnamed God, the spell will, when activated, drain HP from any attacker and channel it to the shield in the form of magical essence. The draining rate is 5 HP/Second until the shield deactivates or is broken.
Activation time: Instant. Range: Self or any target. Cost: 20 EP Plus 5 EP/Sec. Cooldown: 30 seconds.
“Holy shit.” I just grinned: Obsidian shotgun, bullet time running, and a life-draining shield. Thanks, God of Death.
“Okay, Cool,” The Whisperer said. “All spells are linked to Intelligence, Spirit, and Luck and will increase those traits as you advance them. Each new spell adds a plus-two boost. Remember that you must stay in The Unnamed God’s favor to recover EP now.”
She waved a hand, and my Attributes updated:
Base Attributes:
Strength: 15
Dexterity: 22
Spirit: 19
Charisma: 18
Intelligence: 24
Endurance: 11
Luck: 20
Adrenaline Points: 320/320
Recovery: 5 pts/sec
Essence Points: 323/323
Recovery: 5 pts/sec
Vitality Points: 2946/2949
Recovery: 5 pts/sec outside of combat.
I looked up. Wow, my Vitality just shot up. I can now take real damage and be okay.
“And now for the weird stuff.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re The Champion of the Unnamed God now. You have a few gifts to unwrap.”
“Let’s do it.”
Fear of Death
Cast the fear of death. All affected targets in the area will become paralyzed with fear for ten seconds. Higher-level targets can resist and or partially resist and suffer different levels of the effect. Targets may be picked as a group or individuals.
Activation time: Instant. Range: twenty yards. Cost: 0 EP. Cool Down: 1 Hour
Mark of Death
The sigil of the Unnamed God adorns your body and soul. This divine magic shields your character sheet from those who seek your secrets. All gifts of the Unnamed God will be hidden unless you choose to share them. All adherents of the Church of the Unnamed God are required to help the holder of the Mark of Death.
Activation time: None. Range: Self. Cost: None. Cool Down: None.
Eyes of Death
Using the eyes of The Unnamed God, you can see the life of every creature or being in the area. No wall or barrier will block your vision.
Activation time: Instant. Range: 30 yards. Cost: 12EP/Sec. Cool Down: 30 Seconds.
Kiss of Death
Unknown.
Activation time: Unknown. Range: Unknown. Cost: 0 EP. Cool Down: Unknown.
I winced a bit at a burning on the underside of my right wrist. Actually, it was a shot of extreme burning cold. I flipped my hand over to find a small tattoo of a skull adorned with a masquerade mask. A small notification popped up in my vision as I looked at it.
HIDE? YES/NO
Yes, I thought. The tattoo faded and vanished, but the notification remained if I focused on the underside of my wrist. Cool.
“Okay then,” The Whisper said with a grin. “Love the time we spend together.”
“Um, Yeah,” I said.
“Watch your head.”
MINOR CONCUSSION.
YOUR MOVEMENT WILL BE 25% SLOWER FOR THE NEXT THREE MINUTES.
-25VP
You have passed level 10 Strength.
Powerful Strike Level 1 Unlocked.
Powerful Strike Level 1
Powerful Strike will apply 3x damage to any successful melee attack when activated.
Activation time: instant. Range: Self. Cost: 79 AP Plus Cooldown: 47 seconds.
You have passed level 10 Spirit.
Essence Management Level 1 Unlocked.
Essence Management
All spells will now use 15% less EP to cast.
You have passed level 10 Endurance.
Holding Breath Level 1 Unlocked.
Holding Breath Level 1
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
Breath can be extended up to five minutes in exchange for AP
Activation time: instant. Range: Self. Cost: 150 AP Plus 15 AP/Sec Cooldown: 10 minutes.
You have passed level 20 Intelligence.
Target Lock Spell Level 1 Unlocked.
Target Lock Level 1
Cast a mark on any living target and be able to track that target using your internal navigation. Target will be aware of the lock. Target can be tracked for 40 min/level of spell.
Activation time: 5 sec. Range: Single target within line of sight. Cost: 125 EP Plus 5 EP/Sec. Cooldown: 5 minutes.
You have passed level 20 Luck.
Find Hidden Spell Level 1 Unlocked.
Find Hidden Level 1
When cast, all mechanically hidden doors, compartments, objects, or traps within the target range will be revealed to the caster for one minute. Does not function with anything hidden magickly.
Activation time: 10 sec. Range: 30 feet. Cost: 93 EP. Cooldown: 1 minute.
Stars swirled in my vision like tiny galaxies mocking my pain. At first, the sound in my ears resembled a distant waterfall. Gradually, though, it resolved into chattering voices and bursts of laughter.
I was flat on my back, sprawled across the tavern floor. Above me, wooden beams framed the ceiling, and a toothless, bearded face leaned too close for comfort. Seriously, what was this guy's definition of personal space? Nonexistent.
“All righ’ there?” he slurred, his breath carrying enough ale fumes to ignite a bonfire. It was what—eight in the morning? And this guy was already half-pickled.
“Yep,” I croaked, opting not to move. Life was a bit much at the moment. My head throbbed like a war drum, and my vision was still hazy. Notifications flashed in the corner of my sight like an overzealous carnival, and I was pretty sure one of them had mentioned concussion.
Sighing, I flicked open my inventory, retrieved a minor health potion, and downed it in one gulp.
Groaning, I hauled myself to my feet, wobbling slightly as the floor steadied beneath me. I stooped to pick up the stool I’d sent flying and shoved it back into place. I grabbed Sick Stick and stuffed it into my storage with a wince. I gave the room one last suspicious glance before stumbling toward the exit.
No clue where I was. Zero enthusiasm for figuring it out. I dove into the nearest cab. I just wanted to go home to the inn that I called home to.
“Crying Jester,” I mumbled as I shut the door. “Know it?”
The driver grumbled something that sounded vaguely affirmative. Good enough for me. I sank into the dimly lit compartment, grateful for the darkness. My brain was rattling in my skull, and I swear, I could feel my teeth as they shifted back into place from the healing potion, and I wasn’t eager to add sensory overload to the mix.
As the cab rumbled down the cobblestone streets, I closed my eyes and let the motion soothe me. Well, as much as anything could soothe me at this point. I opened my character sheet, figuring I could get a grip on something I could control.
Character Sheet: Regan Summer
Half Human, Half Urban Elf Level 9
Height: 4 feet, 10 inches Weight: 97 pounds
Hair: Pink Complexion: Imperial Urban Fair
Origin: Earth
Classes:
Rogue: Level 3
Rogue Jobs:
Assassin: Level 4
Priest: Level 1
Priest Jobs:
Cleric, Church of the Unnamed God: Level 1
Base Attributes:
Strength: 15
Dexterity: 22
Spirit: 19
Charisma: 18
Intelligence: 24
Endurance: 11
Luck: 20
Adrenaline Points: 320/320
Recovery: 5 pts/sec
Essence Points: 323/323
Recovery: 5 pts/sec
Vitality Points: 2946/2949
Recovery: 5 pts/sec outside of combat.
Skills/Spells:
Acrobatics Level 1
Appraisal Level 1
Black Rain Level 1
Arcana Level 1
Dagger Level 3
Disarm Traps Level 1
Face in the Crowd Level 1
Grappling Hook Level 1
Lock Picking Level 1
Little Things Level 1
Misfire Level 1
Negotiation Level 2
Nudge Level 1
One and Done Level 1
Parkour Level 1
Pick Pocketing Level 1
Powerful Strike Level 1
Shield of Draining Level 1
Short Bow Level 1
Short Sword Level 1
Sleight of Hand Level 1
Sneak Attack Level 3
Stealth Level 2
Time Dilation Level 1
Weapon Throwing Level 1
Racial Skills:
Night Vision
Hide in Shadows
Internal Navigation
Gift of Tongues
Divine Gifts:
Mark of Death
Eyes of Death
Kiss of Death
It looked good on the surface. I was leveled up to nine, which was great. But it was because I got kissed by a God. I was only leveled as a person. My skills, which I would have used to level up, were still down where they were yesterday. I wasn’t sure how to deal with the imbalance except to moderate my expectations. I needed to grind. Grind hard.
Then the chat came:
Unnamed: Ah, so, uh, how’s the head?
Regan: Bell’s still rung.
Unnamed: Mm, yes, yes, well—drink lots of fluids, you know, and, uh, maybe get some protein in there. Very important.
Regan: Are you my dad now?
Unnamed: Oh, no, no, heavens no! Just, uh, just a little friendly advice, you see—for my, uh, champion, of course.
Regan: Now that I’m your champion, will you be chatting with me all the time?
Unnamed: Oh, no, no, I’m, uh, not really a, you know, hands-on type. Very, uh, laissez-faire, let’s say. But I, uh, just wanted to, mm, let you know that I’m here, you know, if you, uh, need me.
Regan: Cool. Thanks.
Unnamed: Yes, yes, of course. Have a good day, mm, and, uh, make good choices.
The carriage was dark, warm, and only gently rocking. I could feel myself getting sleepy. The knock on the head may have been worse than I thought.
DEBUFF:
DROWSY.
YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EXTREME DROWSINESS. CONSCIOUSNESS CAN ONLY BE MAINTAINED USING AP. AP DRAIN 35pts/sec.
Adrenaline Points: 225/260
Adrenaline Points: 190/260
Adrenaline Points: 155/260
Adrenaline Points: 120/260
I blinked at the notification as the carriage ground to a stop. A bar appeared in my vision, draining rapidly. I watched the ominous sight of my dwindling AP. Fantastic. I was now sitting in almost complete darkness, save for the faintest sliver of light filtering through the tiny window.
Gotta hand it to them: making someone drowsy was a solid strategy for kidnapping. Less likely to fight back, but in my case, less likely to panic. Thanks, guys, I guess.
I needed some time. I jumped into my inventory, grabbed an AP potion, and chugged it down, feeling the bar refill as the haze in my head began to lift. But it was just a little. My hand went to the door handle. It wasn’t locked, but instinct told me trouble awaited on the other side.
The drowsy feeling lingered, clouding the edges of my thoughts, but at least my AP pool was back in business. Time for clarity. Time for Eyes of Death.
Time to unwrap one of my new gifts: I cast Eyes of Death.
The world shifted as the spell took hold. The darkness of the carriage became irrelevant, replaced by ghostly, glowing outlines of every living thing nearby. Two horses in front, shifting uneasily. Rats scuttling in the walls. Insects, both crawling and buzzing. And below me? Something else. Strange, unsettling shapes moving just under the surface—likely in the sewers.
More importantly, the threats. Outside the carriage, six figures surrounded me. I could see three on each side, tense and ready to strike. Behind the carriage, two more. One of them had his hand raised, casting the spell that was keeping me drowsy. A debuff. Great.
My AP and EP bars were draining steadily now, ticking away precious seconds I didn’t have. I didn’t keep many AP potions on hand and ran out of options. Grimacing, I downed another one, leaving me with just one more potion and about eight seconds before my lights went out, and these bastards had me at their mercy. Not keen on being the helpless one.
I switched off Eyes of Death—a luxury I couldn’t afford—and quickly grabbed an EP potion, guzzling it down before bracing myself. No time to overthink. If they wanted trouble, trouble’s what they were going to get.
Time to unwrap present number two: I cast Time Dilation.
WHOMP!
I cast Time Dilation for the first time. A four-second timer started counting down in the lower right-hand corner of my vision, just above the map. Everything seemed to freeze as the AP points began to trickle rather than pour down, and sound seemed to travel on a delay. I felt like I was underwater.
4
I summoned a steel dagger into my left hand. It shimmered into existence, slower than usual, and nearly slipped from my fingers—not ideal. With my right hand, I popped the latch on the cab door and darted out, my movements feeling strange and disconnected like I was ahead of my shadow.
3
Three men stood waiting outside, black hoods and red scarves marking them as the gang members from last night. My god did mention this could happen. I was so out of it that I didn’t even notice that an asshole on the other roof followed me. Guess I had this coming. I was outnumbered eight to one. I couldn’t afford to waste my advantage.
My foot hit the cobblestones, and I went straight for the leftmost guy. I slashed at his throat, the dagger cutting through cleanly. The world moved so slowly that it felt like slicing water rather than flesh.
2
I switched the dagger to my other hand and struck the middle thug, following through with the third. My movements were deliberate and efficient. No hesitation. Blood hung frozen in the air, suspended like raindrops caught in a still frame. I didn’t stop to look. I was already moving toward the back of the cab. Two more stood there, waiting.
1
I barreled into the left man, my momentum sending him off his feet. His short sword dropped as his body started to rise, a harsh landing awaiting him when time resumed. Pain erupted from my shoulder; it felt like I was ramming into a side of beef. Without pausing, I drove the dagger into the caster behind him, the one responsible for that drowsy debuff clouding my thoughts. I made sure the hit would stick, not messing with a magic user.
My brain screamed one command: Get to the street. Ten yards. Just ten more yards.
WOOSH!
Reality snapped back into full speed. Blood sprayed from the first three as they crumpled. The one I’d sent flying hit the ground with a painful thud. The caster collapsed where he stood, dagger still in his chest. The chaos was instant, jarring. And so was the sudden shift back to normal time.
The disorienting crash of sound and motion threw me off balance, and before I could steady myself, I tripped and hit the ground. Hard.
Lying there, I sucked in a breath and tried to shake off the lingering dizziness. Clearly, Time Dilation worked. I just needed to stick the landings.
DEBUFF ENDED:
DROWSY.
Pandemonium erupted, which worked in my favor—I needed a second to get back on my feet. The guy I’d body-checked was rolling on the ground, grunting and thudding in an almost satisfying way. The caster? He just crumpled straight down, and a death notification popped up in my vision, flashing a gratifying amount of XP. Over on the right side of the carriage, the three men clutched their bleeding, gurgling throats, weapons forgotten. Good start.
The other three on the left side? Still fixated on the unopened door. That wouldn’t last.
Pain radiated through my entire body. Slamming into that guy hard enough to send him flying had cost me—my left shoulder screamed in protest, and my knee was a raw, bloody mess from the tumble onto the alley stones. Grimacing, I forced myself to stand—no time to bother with a healing potion. I still had three-and-a-half bad guys to deal with, and my priority was simple: get out of this alley.
I pumped my little elf legs as hard as they’d go, sprinting for the street. I didn’t dare look back; survival was forward, not behind.
THUMP!
If I didn’t know before, I definitely know now: crossbow bolts make a very different sound from arrows when they hit flesh. Specifically, my flesh. The one that slammed into my right ass cheek had a distinct sound. It was a meaty, awful sound that I’d never forget.
The pain that followed? Immediate and all-consuming. It dropped me to the ground like a sack of bricks, my head bouncing off the stones for good measure. I rolled to a stop just a few feet shy of the busy street. So close, and yet so far.
I lay there for a moment, stunned, my entire body on fire. I could no longer ignore the injuries; my body was making sure of that. Through blurry vision and tears, I spotted the remaining three thugs charging down the alley toward me.
Dying didn’t cross my mind. Fear and pain were doing a fine job of monopolizing my thoughts.
Desperately, I reached for the bolt sticking out of me. It was slick with blood, and my shaking hand couldn’t get a grip. The men were getting closer. I wasted precious seconds fumbling for a health potion, finally activating it. The liquid splashed into my mouth. I gagged, almost throwing it up as it went down. Things were hurting, and I was already considering getting a new pair of pants.
But I had more significant problems. Like the angry guys were barreling toward me, and the crossbow bolt still lodged in my ass.
“Just kill her!” The man on the ground yelled through his own pain. “Shoot the fucking bitch again!”
The men stopped about fifteen feet back and fanned out, and the one with the crossbow had already reloaded and was taking aim. I inhaled deeply, trying my best to focus through pain and healing. My mind was foggy, possibly the effects of time dilation, getting shot in the ass or bouncing my cranium around on the cobblestones.
I locked my eyes on the crossbow just as the guy pulled the lever and cast Nudge. I couldn’t exactly say how or why I picked the spell, but the effect was good enough: the bolt shattered against the cobblestone just to the left behind me.
“Fuck!” He yelled and started to reload. The others looked at him with just enough hesitation for me to roll over and get up.
I started hobbling away down the street, plenty of blood leaking out of me after using what I guessed was the world’s slowest-acting healing potion. The pain was next level.
A new world of chaos came into being on the street as I scrambled like a Hollywood zombie, complete with moaning and groaning. People scattered, knowing the kind of trouble from getting involved in fights that weren’t theirs.
I gave the bolt another yank and, this time was rewarded with an all-new kind of pain as it tore away, yanking newly healed flesh with it. I hit the ground again as my right leg lost all strength. To my credit, I did manage to stay on one knee. My body was still healing, but fuck me and fuck the world, that was a motherfucker.
I pivoted, facing the alley. I pulled out my bow, but my hands shook so badly that I dropped it. So, I pulled out another cheap dagger—I had about ten of them—and just squatted there, clenching it in my hand as tightly as I could.
“You think you can just walk away?” The leader said, coming around the corner.
His hood and scarf were pulled away from his face. He was human, dark-skinned, with long braided hair wrapped around the top of his head. His forehead had what looked like a scar pattern, dots and lines connected, reminding me of a constellation or something like that. Oh, and he was furious.
“You rob us. You kill our people.”
“Yeah…” I muttered through the pain as I looked at him. “You’re a bunch of pussies.” I don’t think anything that stupid had come out of my mouth before.
He could tell I wasn’t going anywhere. The others emerged from the alley and took up positions behind him, and he held his hand back at them, having them stand down. The street was pretty much cleared. Even the carriages and wagons were abandoned as people made for the indoors.
“You owe us a body.” He said, coming closer. He moved confidently but cautiously, his sword out. “And it’ll be yours.” He grinned at me menacingly. “Take Her!” he shouted, and his three men rushed forward.
Time to unwrap present number three: I raised my right hand and cast Black Rain.
The description described it as a rain of sharp obsidian bullets. That’s not entirely accurate. The image of rain in one’s mind is something that falls from above. The spell is more like a spray, but the name Black Spray sounds like a case of explosive diarrhea, so I have to hand it to the Unnamed God for a better name.
A cone of obsidian bullets sprayed from my open hand at the three men charging at me, and the effect was one of the most disturbing things I had ever seen. The closest guy’s head was gone. It was not chopped off, just gone, like red mist gone. The two dudes behind him were pelted with bullets the size of peas, like a shotgun blast. Yeah, they were dead too. Or at least it would be soon since they were on the ground, bleeding out.
The ground was showered in blood. Like it was Dancing in the Rain, but with blood. The leader guy was shielded mainly, but he was head to toe in it and just stared at me, mouth wide open.
“So,” I said, mustering all the strength and snarkiness I could. “Still want my body?”
Yeah, he fucking ran. He split back into the alley and was gone like The Road Runner in a cartoon. I was still hunched on one knee, struggling to breathe. The healing potion was doing its job, but I was beyond drained. AP points or not, this was a morning. And it wasn’t even over yet.
“Don’t Move!”
Ah, shit.
I turned my head just enough to see them: city guards. Two had crossbows trained on me, another two were advancing with spears, and one—probably the leader—was charging up the street with her sword drawn.
“Token!” the swordswoman shouted, her voice sharp enough to cut stone. “Now!”
I sighed, pulled the silver token from my inventory, and let it clatter to the ground. Raising both hands in surrender, I stayed crouched on one knee, too tired to care about the dramatic display of compliance.
“What the hells?” one of the spear guys muttered. His wide-eyed stare swept over the carnage around me. The bleeding bodies. The alley was painted in various shades of “oh no.” Yeah, buddy. Welcome to my world.
“You’re under arrest!” The swordswoman barked when she got up to me. Her boots slipped a little on the blood.
“For what?” I asked, still in snark mode.
There was no answer. Not a verbal one, anyway.
There was, however, a brief moment of pain as the sword lady brought the hilt of her signature weapon down on my head.
The world went blank. Again.