Chapter Thirty-Five: IT’S BETTER TO BURN OUT, THAN FADE A WAY!

How could I keep from smiling? My world was on the brink of exploding in a fury hotter than a billion red-hot suns. Souls shredded like confetti; virgins defiled; empires reduced to ash; the forces of darkness rampaging through my city and laying waste to the whole continent; couples breaking up because, well, one’s a murderer and the other’s just a tad too rapey. I’m sure I missed more tragedies there. My grand experiment in Nya, that epic journey full of promise and adventure, was about to end in glorious, catastrophic failure.

The irony? I could just hop the wall and disappear, and nobody would fucking know. For all the importance I thought I had, skills, levels, this delusional sense of importance was all bullshit. I was just as insignificant here as I ever was back home. I could vanish into the ether, and the world would keep spinning, blissfully ignorant of the fact that I even existed.

I closed my eyes. I counted down from ten to one in my head and opened them again. I couldn’t help but smile. I was still standing in the cell, naked as the day I was born. My body was covered in blood and filth from getting my ass kicked in some of the finest and worst parts of this city.

Everything was spiraling. How was I, little Regan Summer, supposed to stand up to the might of an Empire? How could I stand toe to toe with Titus Sybo or a Magistrate who could control my mind? How could I let them destroy Heather and enslave a nation? Why the fuck was it me that had to deal with this?

Yep, still smiling. Fuck. Right now, as I tried to focus my thoughts and devise any plan to actually take on an army of evil, the same mind-blowing conclusion came to me every time: Nothing. I stabbed people. That was what I did. I was good at it. I could sneak around, do some jumping and cartwheels, and throw out some witty one-liners to try and cover up a lifetime of insecurities with self-deprecating humor.

The cell block was deathly quiet. I closed my eyes again. I imagined my room at home. I remembered every detail of the house I grew up in and walked through the hallways and rooms in my mind. For twenty-six years, I lived there. Over a quarter of a century of life, I could pack all that experience into a single afternoon in this world. I had loved, lost, talked to gods, and danced across the rooftops of an impossible city. I felt my body get torn apart, only to have it stitched back together again. I fought monsters and hung out with death. I had him in my chat. Everything about Murder World was supposed to grind poor little Regan Summer into pieces. But for some reason, I needed the murder world. It made me strong, powerful, and beautiful.

I was afraid, though, of this fight. It wasn’t fear of failure. Not really. I knew failure was a real possibility. Hells, it was a guarantee. I understood it like we were old friends. I had a whole world where I did not achieve any goal I set for myself.

It was more like I spent twenty-six years of my life standing in line for the most incredible roller coaster in the universe, and I just fucking got on. I wasn’t ready for the ride to end. Not today, maybe not ever. But as strong as I’d become, as much as I’d grown, I could still feel the edges of my limits pressing in. It would never be enough.

Le Sigh.

I pulled a pair of black stretchy pants out of my storage space and dropped them on the stone floor. I searched through my inventory, but all my armor was toast, and Faedan had my robes. I found a loose-fitting black cotton top, a belt, and a pair of soft soled boots that I picked up way back on day one. I don’t know why, but just tossing them on the floor made me feel good.

I pulled out Silent Night and Silent Passage, admiring the magical steel as they glistened in the dim light, and dropped them on the pile. I had Sick Stick, too; it felt like an old friend. I tossed it on the heap with the rest of the stuff. There was a rapier, several other swords, a couple of maces, and a dozen other sharp objects, half of which still had dried blood on them. Everything went onto the pile of weapons, ropes, hooks, and tools of the trade.

I don’t know why I was dropping everything down. I could put them on and do something with them or leave them behind and do something else. Maybe this cell was something like a sacrificial altar, a tribute to the gods to say: Fine, take your shit back! I looked at the pile of clothes and crap. I thought about something I said to Jinx about leaving home with nothing but a pile of laundry.

A zero-sum.

Fuck you, Murder World. Fuck you, Magistrate. Fuck you, Titus. Fuck you, Granvul. Fuck me.

Maybe Nya did grind me up into pieces. But so did Earth. I was beaten down to almost nothing in my old world, even though I never faced anything worse than a messed-up Grub Hub order. But here, I had to fight to stay alive.

I flexed my little elf hands and looked at them. There was the scar from the fight on the road. Heather healed the wound, but there will always be that scar. The guy who made it said he would break me into a thousand pieces, but he didn’t. I was scared but held a sword I could barely use and fought someone I had no business fighting. It was stupid, but it was an easy decision to make. I lost that fight. And I came back. I learned from the experience, and the next time I stood against someone, I made sure I was the one who walked away.

Back in my old home, that would never happen. There were no real fights. There was no need to be brave, face down enemies, or even face my insecurities. I didn’t need to fight, so I didn’t. I just sat in that fucking room, getting soft. I was wishing I was more than I was. I didn’t have people that I loved who needed me. I didn’t have anything worth fighting for. I didn’t need to win because there was nothing to lose.

But that was Earth. This was Nya. I didn’t have the luxury of being unimportant. I had to fight, but this wasn’t the fight I would win. I stomped my bare feet on the stone. I would lose. I would die. There was no path to victory tonight. If I ran, just hopped the wall, and left this place behind, I would have sacrificed a person I loved for the privilege of a few meaningless years of existence. I was going to lose, no matter what I did.

Twenty-six years is more than enough time to be alive. I picked up the black pants from the pile and pulled them on. Fuck it. They don’t get to leave me to die in a cell in the fucking tower. They don’t get to sacrifice my friend. They don’t get to do whatever the fuck they want. Not in my fucking world.

In my fucking world, people like that get their asses kicked. I have to stand between them and the rest of us because there isn’t one else who can do it. And gods be fucking damned, if I can’t stop them, then this ain’t my fucking world. I’ll just move on to the next one.

After putting the clothes on, I pulled the items back into my inventory. There was something else there. Under the poncho, I almost missed it. It was a little purple velvet bag, not something of mine. I opened it up and had a peek inside. Cool!

The lock on my cell was child’s play. Locks were easy, at least. I hummed to myself for the three seconds or so it took to pick it up from the inside. Before I knew it, I was vaulting up the stairs two at a time to the next floor, which was not easy with my little elf legs. At this point, I was sure the city guard had withdrawn entirely from the tower, so I wasn’t worried about getting caught.

They were all there, just as Steadman said, and they were all sad and gloomy.

I tossed the bag to Jinx. He caught it and fumbled a little awkwardly.

“I have something to say.” I addressed the group quietly. I couldn’t help myself and belted the rest: “IT’S BETTER TO BURN OUT, THAN FADE A WAY!”

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Jinx chuckled. The rest just looked at me like I was nuts. He was in a cell with Kev; Eric and Gem shared the one opposite them. It was the standard issue of prison shackles and poncho for everyone, and I got to see way more of Kev’s lower body than I had seen before, and oh yeah, that would be a mistake I would be happy to make. Focus your mind you little freak!

Jinx pulled his storage bracelet out of the bag and clicked it on. He held up his shackled hand. “Not a whole lot of good with these on, love.” He handed the bag to Kev, who dug a ring out and slipped it on his finger.

I smiled and got to work. First, the door, and then I pulled off Jinx’s and Kev’s restraints.

I did the same for the other two, and in less than thirty seconds, I was kissing and embracing Gem. She felt good. Oh, so good. Everything about her was perfect: the arms that were strong and could hold me tight; the lips that were soft and gentle no matter how hard we pressed together; and her smell that was like nothing I had experienced in this world or the last.

We came up for air after an awkward throat clearing by Eric.

“They have Heather.” I pulled away from Gem, and she equipped her armor. While the other three just stood in a circle around us. “They figure a virgin purity priestess is the perfect vessel for a summoning.”

“Titus cut down Faedan,” Eric said. “Right in front of us.”

“What about Leoleth?”

“She got away.” Gem smiled. “But not before spiking Ramon through the eye.”

“My Girl.”

“Where do we go from here?” Kev asked, sliding up next to Jinx. He was clad in his leather armor, and his helmet with the ears cut out.

“Not really a ‘we’ thing.” I said, air quotes around the ‘we.’ “I’m going to rescue Heather. Or, more precisely, die trying to rescue her.”

There was a quiet moment when the group started to process what I said. It was Eric who spoke up first. “I don’t suppose not dying in a futile rescue attempt is something you considered?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I crunched the numbers. Titus can probably kill all of us with just his little finger. Plus, the Magistrate has branded me as her slave and can control my mind and body. Plus, the Red Hooks will be there, I’m sure. Not to mention, the bulk of the Imperial Legion she has direct control over will be between us.”

“She’s a magistrate,” Jinx said. “She ain’t no general. Legion ain’t ‘ers to control.”

“Let’s be real,” Gem said. “Every Imperial with a sword will be there, and if the Eumenia tells them to attack us, they will.”

“This is a no-win scenario,” Kev said glumly. The group grew silent for a moment. They were where I was a few minutes ago in my cell. It was something that I would have to let them work their way through.

“It doesn’t matter, Kev,” Gem said. “Heather is one of us. We can’t let her soul be decimated by these mother fuckers.”

“Can we stop that from happening?” Kev said. “They kill her, and we will die watching them do it?”

“Then we fucking die!” Gem bellowed.

“Hey,” Jinx said to the group. “Turn that shit down a couple of notches.”

“Seriously,” Kev said. “Turn what down?”

“This is Nya,” Jinx said.

Eric looked at him, his hands out. “What does that mean?”

“The try means something,” Jinx said.

“It doesn’t mean shit,” Eric said. “We need to do more than try.”

“You don’t know her as well,” Kev said, looking at me. His little orc eyes looked like they were a thousand years old. “Heather would do this for us. She would sacrifice her soul for any of us.”

“Yeah, well,” Eric said. “She’s an idiot. It’s a bullshit sacrifice, I like living as much as the next asshole, but her dying just so that we can run around killing monsters, drinking cheap booze, and fucking? What legacy would that be for someone who sacrificed her immortal spirit for us?”

Eric looked at Kev. His face was still. That was the argument I had had with myself. Only I didn’t have Eric to say the vital shit out loud.

“But hey,” Eric chuckled darkly. “I don’t want to die…”

“Me neither.” I finally chimed in. “I came from another world and landed here, where I could live a life that I never thought was possible, and I was just starting to get good at it.”

“Maybe we don’t have to,” Kev said. “It’s a ritual. All we have to do is disrupt it.”

Jinx looked at me. He had the slightest trace of a smile on one side of his narrow, cricket-thin mouth. “There’s more than one way to measure success.” He stepped up and put his hand on my shoulder. “I told ya I was with you before, and I’m with ya now.” “We need to save Heather,” I said.

“We’ll do that.”

“Okay,” Kev said. “We all in agreement?”

“Yeah,” Eric said. “But I’m only in if it’s a stupid plan. Those are the only ones we come up with that seem to work.”

He stepped up and kissed me. It was unexpected, inappropriate, and completely out of place.

“For luck.” He said. I pulled him in and kissed him back.

“Don’t go and return that luck I just gave you.” He chuckled.

I threw my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as possible without draining his VP. I wanted to hang onto him, to all of them. Despite everything awful right now, I felt lucky.

“Not the hug!” he groaned with a smile, tilting his head back. “Anything but the hug!” I chuckled at our inside joke.

“Don’t suppose,” Kev said, impatient with us. “That there is a way we can do this without dying?”

“I suppose there’s a way we could.” Gem stepped over to me and put her hand around my waist. She put another around Eric.

“We need a strategy.”

“Right now, I’ve got nothing,” I said.

“Maybe we should walk and talk,” Jinx said.

We moved cautiously through the stairs leading down. I was confident the place was abandoned. There wasn’t anyone around when Steadman led me out earlier, but the rest of the crew wouldn’t be as optimistic as I was. I said a silent word of thanks to Chainbeard. He was good to his word that the City Guard would stay out of my way.

I knew one way out of the tower, but it would lead us straight to the front door. Even without the guards around, it seemed like a bad idea to walk out of the main entrance for the whole world to see, so that meant cutting through the courtyard and leaving via the loading dock, which I got tossed out of the other day. That shit was scary. It would be a disaster if Titus or Eumenia were around, but I didn’t have to go anywhere near that office to get out.

We came through the service entrance onto the loading dock. Me, Gem, Eric, followed by Kev and Jinx. All of us looked more than a little disheveled.

The morning sun warmed my face, its rays shooting straight down the alley. The world was awash in color, the red stones glistening with morning dew, the government buildings rising around us like the canyon walls. Not a soul within sight. It was a moment of peace that we all seemed to hold onto, knowing that it was fleeting, that shit was going to get really real, really soon. But fuck all, this was going to be a moment that the world was gonna just be, I don’t know. Nice?

“Well,” Eric smiled. “That was easier than I thought it was going to be.”

“Where do we go next?” Kev asked.

I sighed. At this point, I was just a cheerleader. Jinx had more experience with doing Nya shit than I did by far. They all did.

But all eyes were on me.

“’ k,” I said. “The fallback point.”

“Temple of the Unnamed God.” Eric groaned. “My day just gets better and better.”

“He’s nice,” I said with a smile. I winked at him and gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “I could make you all clerics in the church if you want.”

We passed government buildings, crossed Circle Boulevard, and stomped through green spaces. It was quiet except for the birds chirping and the breeze blowing through the trees as we walked past them. No one was talking. The group fell in behind me, fanned out, and took up half the street. Everyone was on high alert for obvious reasons. But there wasn’t anything to fight right now. No minions of evil, no muggers, no monsters, just us.

It was like the world was empty.