Ever have a day wherein you get assaulted by an armored knight while minding your own business?

Well, neither have I, until now anyway...

Chapter 1- Broken potatoes

"Okay, calm down, sir..." I carefully attempt to dissuade the armored man from attacking me. 

The person inside the suit is still pointing their blade towards me, staring at me from under the faceplate of their helmet. As for me, I'm still holding up my hoe carefully in front of me, so I can at least (somewhat) defend myself.

Where the hell are the guards when you actually need a them!? I started to panic while my assailant  steps forward VERY slowly.

I back away at the same pace they move forward,, currently making this a stalemate. 

The armored person then suddenly shouted out "Food! Give me food!" In a commanding,yet desperate tone.

"If that's all you wanted then you should have just asked!  ten gold for a potato." I reply in a somewhat relieved but firm tone.

The knight became dumbstruck and furious,"Give it to me now!"

I shrug my shoulders "Hey, no money, no potatoes."

The armored man swung his sword sideways and cut the air "I'm sorry but I'll just have to take it then!"

I immediately jump sideways narrowly avoiding the blade, though my side was still grazed.

"Guards! Help madman on the loose!" I scream trying to attract attention and help from others, though it seems no one heard it.

The knight then swung towards my direction, though I ducked under the swing. It seems that the armor is making their strikes sloppy, though of course they may just be really hungry.

As I duck however, pain from the graze somewhat fazes me, a burning sensation starts to make the small wound more painful. "Damn!" I exclaim while I dodge more swings from the mysterious knight.

With each swing of the knight's sword, I get more and more fatigued. I dodge most of them, but I still get grazed by the madman's flurry.

In a stroke of luck, I parry the knight's sword and reverse our positioning, putting my back towards my small farm. I try to smash the knight's helmet using my hoe, but he dodged it in the nick of time, though my strike still grazes the helmet's side.

The knight then continued his rapid attacks, once again putting me on the defensive. 

As I move around, my wounds become more and more painful, the burning sensations become more unbearable, though as I the thoughts of giving up appear in my head, I notice that I have backed into my fields.

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The flurry of poorly aimed attack start hitting some of my potatoes. Paying no heed to this the knight continues to attack and destroys even more.

"Damnit, I can't let my crops get damaged!" I mutter to myself and as I quickly go on the offensive.

I swing my hoe's edged part towards the knight, but it was easily parried. I was able to back step  the counter attack, but because of that, the sword hit one of my potatoes.

The fact that the knight destroyed many of my crops enraged me even more than before "You're dead!" 

With renewed vigor and determination from my rage, I rapidly swing my hoe. Some of my attacks connect but they mostly bounce off the knight's armor, though with every successful hit I land, he staggers and his armor dents ever so slightly.

As I unleash my righteous fury upon the potato killing bastard, I stumbled slightly, allowing the knight to regain his composure. 

I try to swing my hoe at him once more, but he instantly counters, cutting the handle of my hoe. As the metallic end of the hoe drops to the ground I throw the remaining wooden handle in my hands at his face.

He was obviously not expecting that, so he moved slightly to dodge before noticing it was simply a distraction. 

"Eat this asshole!" I shout as I grab one of the scattered potatoes on the ground and throw it towards him at full force making it splatter all over his face plate. 

With his vision is hindered, I reclaim the metallic end of the hoe and use it to strike the knight's head.

Even with his helmet, the force of the impact definitely shook him. I strike him once more and he staggers back and falls onto the ground, as he falls however, he swings his sword into the air unfortunately hitting one of my arms.

My right arm is completely cut off,and is sent flying from the force of the blow. I stare at it in disbelief and faint before the pain could set in.

My last thoughts before I feel my body impact the ground is simply,

Wait, did I seriously just loose my arm in the first fucking chapter?

Well at least I "won" the fight, I think.......

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[Author's notes]

Wel here's chapter one and unfortunately the last chapter.... Just kidding, Please inform me about any grammar mistakes, and please patiently wait for more potatoes(chapters). 

Sorry for the short chapters by the way, Hopefully the length will also improve as I move on.