The next day found me with a crick in my back. My hip hurts something fierce. Not to mention that my left arm had no fucking feeling in it. Too bad there is no Vicodin here. Would love to get drug fucked right now.
Wonder if there is something similar here. If there is, IT WILL BE THE BEST FUCKING DAY EVER!
Walking around like there is a major stick up my ass, I try to get my body to loosen enough so I can do my usual training. Mainly fork to mouth. God, I am so damn hungry.
Tomorrow, I can get all my stuff and finally leave. I am so bored.
Well, I guess I can go look at that damn place that that girl told me about last night. Maybe I can somehow buy them so I can send them all on their way back to their homes?
I just hope they don’t do have those fucking slave brands that I read in those mangas. That would suck major monkey balls. Speaking of magic, I wonder if there is a shop I can go to to see if I do actually have magical abilities. Was in such a hurry to get out of there that I forgot to see the main magic dude to see what I had.
With that in mind, I headed for the magic shops. Hope I don’t get lost. That would be fun as hell, but I don't have the time to go looking for fun.
Looking around, all I can see are nothing but signs that have symbols of what they are selling. I have yet to see a sign of a pointy hat, a shepherd's crook, nor a book on any of the signs. Speaking of which, I have yet to see a single person yet. Its only false dawn and no one is awake yet? This place sucks even more damnit.
I had to find a bloody guard just to find out that I was on the wrong side of the city. So figuring that I could get a bit of exercise, I jogged at a 5 minute per mile pace to the place where the guard told me. And in his exact words “you will know you are there when you feel like insects are crawling under your skin”.
When I finally figured out I was there, instead of the creepy crawling feeling, I just felt like I had to take a dump. A massive dump at that.
So just to piss off the old man yelling out his window, I popped a squat in the alleyway (since there is no such thing as an outhouse in the city). Too bad I have to use the damn cloth that I stole from the inn.
Feeling a few pounds lighter, I can hear the old man yelling something about a god awful smell. Which put a smile on my face. I guess the life of the military still isn’t out of my system yet. We always have fun making other people in the military feel uncomfortable as hell.
That brought back the memories of singing Disney songs in the shower with my soldiers with the curtains half drawn as other military people were trying to take theirs. Good time, good times.
Business taken care of, I head down towards this dude I see dressed in a robe thing. If I truly had to describe what he is wearing, I would say he is wearing his sleeping clothes. I had yet to see a dude dress in a dress that women wear. It looked just like that type of dress.
Getting closer, I can see a girly style belt wrapping around his waist with a small bag attached to it on the side. I can only assume that money or something similar is in there.
“Excuse me. can you help me find the magic shop?” I asked when I get in earshot.
The dude turned around and gave me the picture perfect view of what I thought pompous pricks from all around faces looks like. Turned up nose, hottie look in his eyes, and an air of arrogance.
Can I punch him in the face? Pretty please with a cherry on top?
“I am on my way there, commoner. You may follow me if you wish, but don’t get in front of me. I don’t want to smell the filth that is on you” he practically sneered at me.
Can I punch him now?
“Well thank you, kind sir. May the sun bask in your presence” I replied.
Two can play at that game, ya prick. At least I don’t dress like a fucking queer.
Bristling, he turned and continued to walk all the while spouting nonsense about how commoners should learn their place. All the while walking like there is a stick up his ass saying hello to the silver spoon that is lodged in there.
It took about 20 minutes to get to the place. 19 minutes and 59 seconds longer than what I thought it should have. Wish I had my FN5.7. Then he would see just how much his whining won the day.
Looking at the shop, I can see a butt load of wands, scrolls, and other things that mages like to have through the window. At least that is what I assume anyway.
Walking in, I see a cute brunette sitting behind the counter. But when she stood up, my one-eyed friend did an about-face and retreated. And here I thought she was still young, about 16 or so, but her bulbous frame spoke differently.
“Hello and welcome to the Arcane Shop. What can I get for you?”
Her voice was like that of a cat screeching as if its tail was stepped on. Does anyone have any earplugs?
“I would like to get the next volume on Necromancy, Milady. I have already read the apprentice addition” Mr. Pompous said in a voice sounding like he had a crush on her.
Kudos man, kudos. I still wouldn’t want to be anywhere near that thing. What is she anyway? Jabba the Huts wife or something?
“What about you sir? What would you like?” she asked while batting her eyes at me.
I hope there is a trash can nearby.
“I just want to get myself check for magical attributes. I just arrived in town yesterday and wanted to relax before coming here” I explained trying my best not to jet stream vomit at her obvious attempts.
The noble douche snickered at me, while the lady just nodded with looks of pity.
Where is my M16A4 when I need it?
“I see. Well, let me take care of this fine gentleman, and I will take you into the back where the owner is. He can help you better than I can.”
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Thank all that is holy for that!
Form the hour-long time the two dimwits were talking, I am starting to guess that he was the only one who could relieve her of her stress. Since I doubt anyone else would do so. I know I have standards that are pretty low, but not that low.
Just when I was getting ready to barge into the back just to get away from these two, the dude left. The woman smiled at me, but this time, it is a bit forced. I can tell she does not want me here. Especially since she probably thinks I am a beggar or something.
Waving a hand to tell me to follow, I followed her past the counter three paces behind. Don’t want to cop a feel.
As I follow her, I can see that this place is lived in from all the personal effects that are lying around. More feminine than masculine. It was only the last room on the left of her straight lined home that the only male, a wolf-kin of some sort, is chained to the wall with enough room to get to the bathroom. Which is the door across from his.
The man who has haunted eyes as if he has lost the will to live stands in the middle of the room looking down. From the way his clothes are worse than mine, I can tell he has lost more than that.
“Rufus! Check this man’s affinities! Then go and clean the bathroom since you no doubt soiled it by now!”
“Yes, Madam” Rufus says in a hollow monotone voice.
Turning to me, he says in the same hollow voice “please come and sit. Would you like the door open or closed before we begin?”
Looking into his eyes, I can see that he does not want the fat bitch to see him work. So I stated that I would like my privacy. And that I don’t want her to know what I have.
Nodding his head, he closed the door and led me to the table on the far side. On it is a clear crystal fucking ball. How cliché can these people get?
Sitting down, he has me place my hand on the ball. Doing so, my hand felt like a suction cup. I tried to lift my hand, but it refused to move as if the damn ball just puckered up and sucked for all its worth.
Red, gray, white, yellow, blue, and green all appeared in a techno dance across the ball.
“Fire, Rebirth, Light, Earth, Lightning, and Nature are all your elements. And since you have declared that you do not wish no one to learn of your elements, your cost is 15 gold coins” Rufus stated.
I knew he was full of shit since the door leading in said 5 gold to be read, and 9 gold for silence.
Thinking that he just wanted to save money to buy his way out, I gave it to him with the following warning quietly: “you have best be doing what I think you are doing, or the madam and I are going to have some not so friendly words. I highly doubt I need to worry considering the position I believe you are in.”
Now that I know what my elements are, I head back to the front and ask for a Magic for Dummies book. And to my surprise, that is practically what she gave me. It is the beginner's book on how to get acquainted with the magical stuff.
Buying it, I head for what looks to be the park. Sitting down on one of the many benches that pot-marks the area, I start to read the book.
The first few pages tell of the history of magic, or what they believe is the history of magic. As well as what they expect the elements to correspond with for certain types of emotions. That had a few chapters worth by itself.
The next area of the book talked about how to harness the powers that be. Such as certain types of exercises that might help, certain mental training that will help funnel the energy, and so on.
Then the book talked about how to make the elements bend to your will. I was three quarters through the book when I realized that a fucking 2-year-old child could do magic if someone taught them how. It was all based on our own imaginations!
HAIL TO THE INNER CHIBI BABY!
I am so going to be seen as a child with a bigger body. But meh. Women already see us men as such anyways. Why change now?
Just as I was about to throw away the book, I thought about something I saw in the crystal. Turning to the page concerning the different colors, I looked up pink, silver, and lavender. I have no clue why I would have such girly colors, but whatever.
Pink so happened to be for flesh magic, as in biology. Silver is for metal. And lavender… well, lavender is for something I doubt is wanted in this prejudice place. Simply put, I can knock up any female I fancy regardless of race.
POTENT SHOTS FOR THE WIN! HALLELUJAH!
Wonder how twin fox daughters with my personality are like.
Shuddering, I can only think of my grave if I ever have a fox-wife that gave birth to those hellions.
I am a playful sadist, not a masochist. So I can only shudder in horror at thinking about such a feat. Hope they have their mother’s personality. That would be for the best. Yeah…
Clearing my head of those disturbing thoughts, I head for a good place to practice when my stomach finally bitch slaps me. It is almost noon, and I had yet to eat anything since I woke up.
Following my nose like any good hound dog, I mean male, I bought me what looked to be a skibob of some sort. Smelled good as hell, so I bought 30 of them.
When I told the seller, he just looked at me like I was crazy. I couldn’t argue since I knew I was crazy. I mean, have you ever met a man that wears bright pink speedo shorts without a shirt on into a corner store before? That’s me.
Not to mention that I ate all 30 of the treats in less than 10 minutes.
Patting my stomach now that it is happy, I head back to the abandoned part of the park. Here, I went through my imagination like wildfire.
First and foremost, I adjusted my body. Any male that has the ability to change how they look will adjust his package. Any who say otherwise is lying out their asses.
So, I adjust my already impress 8” size to a 12”. Followed by the family jewels. Can’t have those peanut size compare to the anaconda. That was followed by the potency.
Now we’re talken.
My secondary task is to heal my internal injuries. That hurt like hell since I did not think that I had any metal left in my body. I only now knew that since shards of shrapnel from the mortar rounds and rounds I was hit with came right on out of me. Fuck did that hurt.
Then I finally got around to fixing my eye. And since I kept it as a reminder, I left it as is and gave myself sight again. I had to slam my head into a nearby tree just to stop myself from ripping it out, but it was well worth the pain. Too bad I have to keep it closed. To much sensory input for my brain to handle right now. I will need a hot babe to help me with the brain expansion part.
Yes, I know. A male with a proper brain size. Scary.
Note the lack of humor in that. Just because our brains are the size of our nuts don’t mean that we can’t have good ideas once a millennium.
Next element I try is fire. I couldn’t get it to work, neither any other element after that. Pissed beyond belief, I just said fuck it. So I took a break instead.
Since it was getting close to sunset, and I was near something that looked like it had stakes driven into the ground, I decided to do some martial arts movements that I was taught back before I joined the military.
These movements, for some crazy odd reason, always helped to calm my mind, help my heart rate return to normal, and relax my body. To this day I have no clue why. If someone jumped out and said that I was here to save the world, I guarantee I would have committed first-degree murder right then and there.
So here I am, moving through the moves of Tia Chi like I have done a thousand plus time now. Not thinking of a single thought. But instead of staying in a single spot, I was moving to every single stake that is here. All 36 of them on this 6x6 squared off area.
It was only when I was about 30 minutes into it that I felt something happen. Instead of questioning it like I normally would have, I just let it happen. Before I knew it, I had a flaming sword that changed into a lightning whip. Then the earth began to rotate as the floral began to move in a hypnotic sway.
Even the metal began to create patterns with smooth bends and twists. That followed with Light slowly increasing giving the area a reverent feel to it.
All that happened for the next few hours even after the sunlight fully left the sky as the moonlight took over. With the moonlight, however, the flowers began to glow an eerie light that somehow made me feel right at home.
Since I did not like this feeling, I stopped. What male would ever admit to feeling he is at true peace with a bunch of flowers around him?
Looking down do to something pulling on my pant leg, I see a flower pointing one of its petals at me like someone flipping me off.
Bitch!
Harrumphing like a petulant little girl, I turned an marched out of there. Heading straight for this slave place.
I really hope I don’t see red when I get there because I already saw what that type of life did to my niece after my sister sold her out. Starting when she turned 9 years old. I had to be hauled off by several people when I blacked out. The only thing I remember upon waking is holding my niece whose eyes held no life in it what so ever.
So I pray that I don’t see that happening there. If they are, they have better pray that someone can stop me. But from what I see, I highly doubt it.
I can only pray that there is a first time for everything.