PART 1

Day two of our vacation started well. Without any pressing matters to attend to, we all slept in and then had a hearty breakfast. Our dishes were delivered from the kitchens of the top chefs of the nearest tower and were made using authentic ingredients grown in the Elysium only. Or at least that's what Mensah told me. He also arranged for an impromptu visit to a nearby farming village for us to partake in some kind of traditional spring fair. While it wasn't in my original plans, it sounded interesting enough, and the girls were eager to take a closer look at Elysian culture.

Say what you will, Mensah was consistently dedicated to the whole 'let's kickstart the Elysium's tourism industry' idea. That was… fine, I guessed. Better to be obsessed with something harmless like that than Savir's compulsive scheming.

Speaking of her, we hadn't seen her all morning, and every time I Far Glanced at her, she was holed up in her bungalow. She didn't make any contact with her agents either, I made sure of that, so she (probably) wasn't plotting anything at the moment. Though with her, one could never be sure.

As for the last member of the Elysian Three Stooges.

"We're off, kids! See you in the evening!" Dad-in-law yelled in high spirits and waved to us over his head.

He was in the company of Tsephanyah, Arnwald, and Clarke, so… let's just dub them the 'dad group'. They were all decked out in fishing equipment and in the process of climbing onto a carriage on their way to a certified top angling spot. The rest of us were also invited, but everyone had their own plans, so we divided into multiple smaller parties.

The aforementioned 'dad group' left in high spirits to potentially catch some fishes. On the other side, we had the 'training group', headed by Josh and accompanied by Angie, Penny, and the three mothers. The latter were mostly there because Morgana wanted to see the Celestial training facilities, and the other two were just tagging along with her to chat.

That left the rest of us in the 'cultural exchange group'. While technically I was in charge of this one, it was spearheaded by Mensah. He took care of the details, so we only needed to gather at the same place where we disembarked the day before and wait for our ride. There was still about half an hour until then, so I was hanging out around the beach for the time being and making observations.

Such as the scene unfolding nearby, between the departing training group and my Abyssal sister.

"Whatever happens, be careful! Don't wander away from the group, and make sure you're never alone with that Mensah guy!" Penny insisted while holding onto my other sister's hands, like a nervous mother sending her daughter to college. "I don't like the way he's looking at you. If he tries anything, just knock him out and run, and let Brother sort it out afterwards!"

"It's going to be fine," Snowy insisted, but it didn't stop my Knightly sister from squeezing her hands like she never wanted to let her go.

"Penelope…" Morgana whispered as she stepped up to her and gently unclenched their hands. "Neige can take care of herself. You're worrying too much."

"N-No, I'm not! I just care about Snowy. As a sister. Because sisters are supposed to care for each other!"

"Right." My other sister smiled at her. "You should make sure not to get hurt during training too."

"Ah, don't worry! I'm in top shape!" Penny declared and struck a bodybuilder pose, eliciting a series of chuckles from the group.

"All right, everyone. Please pay attention," Josh raised his voice a bit further back and waved his hand over his head to signal for everyone to gather around him. "Not everyone here can fly, so we'll head out on foot. It's not too far away, but we'll be walking in the open, so make sure you put on your sunscreen."

"I've got spares!" Angie chimed in, holding a small basket full of colourful tubes.

While that side was preparing to set out, the dad group already boarded the carriage and left the shore. The rest of the cultural exchange group was also gathering up nicely, with one particular member drawing my attention right away.

"A-hoy!" Sahi yelled with an ear-to-ear grin and skipped over to my side. "Are we leaving yet?"

"No, not yet," I responded with a steadily deepening frown. From top to bottom, she had her hair in fluffy twin-tails, wore a bright yellow tank top that was tied up at the front to show off her midriff, and denim short shorts along with a pair of bright pink beach flops. "Are you planning to come like that?"

"Like, what's wrong with my outfit?" she asked back innocently, and I didn't know where to even begin.

"I told you that we're visiting one of the farming villages for a traditional spring celebration. They're modest people, so I don't want to give them a culture shock."

She was looking at me like I just told her that the sky was purple and put her hands on her hips.

"Like, come on, Leonard! Don't be a prude! This is totally modest!"

"I can literally see your belly button!" I told her, only for a sudden and curious realization to hit me out of the blue.

Homunculi weren't supposed to have belly buttons, were they? At least, that's what Peabody told me, and he was as close to an authority on the subject as we could find on the island. In fact, now that I thought about it, Pascal was wearing a shirt even when he went swimming, and the class rep never wore anything more revealing than a light sundress either. I imagined they were hiding their lack of navels, but it never hurt to ask. As luck would have it, the opportunity to do that presented itself right away.

"Is there a problem?" armband guy asked as he came over to see what our argument was about.

"Like, listen to this, Paz! Leonard says that my clothes are too revealing to appear in public! It's totally bogus, right?"

Pascal gave her a flat stare and then adjusted his round glasses as he turned to me.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," I stated solemnly, and he let out a soft grunt.

"I will see what I can do about it."

Then, without any prior warning, he picked up the rejuvenated arch-mage in his arms and turned on his heel.

"Eeep! P-Put me down! This is no way to treat your elders!"

"Are you not my cute underclassman?" he asked back in a level voice that nevertheless sounded really cheeky. Meanwhile, Sahi swung her legs so hard it was a miracle her flops remained on her feet, yet at the same time she was also hugging Pascal's neck with all her might.

"Not at times like this! This is totally lame! Put me down!"

He didn't listen to her, and the two of them soon disappeared into their designated beach house. It was only at this point that I realized I forgot to ask him about the navel problem, but he wasn't the only one who could answer me.

"We're here!" Elly, flanked by Judy and Ammy on each side, threw her hands into the air and yelled from a fair distance away, as if afraid that I would leave without them.

All three of them were dressed infinitely more sensibly than Sahi, sporting polo shirts, sundresses, and other staples of summer casual wear.

"Lord Barnabas is coming soon," the class rep told me, and on closer look, I was surprised that I couldn't see her Grimoire Keys anywhere. That is, until she took off her sunhat to use it as a fan and I saw that they were sitting on the top of her head. She apparently gained a little bit of control over their movements over the past few days. Good for her.

"No hurry, we aren't late from anywhere." I waited for them to settle down, and then I casually asked, "Hey, class rep? Do you have a belly button?"

There was a long beat of silence, followed by my dear assistant exhaling a sigh.

"Chief. That's sexual harassment."

"In what universe?" I snapped at her and then turn back to the class rep. "So?"

"W-Why's the sudden interest?" she asked back, and I ultimately resigned myself to an explanation. Seriously, why can't anyone just answer a simple yes-or-no question?

"Because Sahi has one."

"Yes, Chief, it's part of a girl's anatomy. I thought we were over this," Judy continued to heckle me, so I did the only rational thing in this situation and mercilessly tickled her sides until she stopped.

Once she was no longer squirming, I handed her over to Elly and faced the class rep again.

"I hope it's not a touchy subject. I was just curious because, you know? There's that whole homunculus business."

"F-For your interest, I do have a navel," she finally spilt the beans, though she sounded strangely indignant about it.

"Okay, just checking."

In retrospect, it made sense. If a homunculus was supposed to fully pass as a human in society, there was no reason why they couldn't have been grown with a cosmetic belly button. If it was possible to alter their appearance, general body structure, or even give them extra limbs while they were in the vats, something like this was probably child's play. One more mystery solved.

While I was mulling over this, Sahi finished changing and returned with a much less skimpy outfit consisting of a t-shirt, proper shorts, sneakers and a baseball cap. They also had one more person in tow, and Lord Barnabas was hard to miss, considering he stuck out of the group like a sore thumb. He was still wearing formal attire, and while he ditched his cape, his outfit was anything but summer-wear.

"Aren't you hot?"

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine," he responded politely, and yet he pulled on his collar at the same time. Was he being cheeky, I wondered. "I'm using temperature-regulation magic."

"Oh, that sounds cool. No pun intended." On second look, there truly was a faint, hazy glow around him, it was just hard to see in direct sunlight. "Can I take a look at it later?"

"I'm afraid it's a spell, not an enchantment." He flashed an apologetic smile and wiped his forehead. "It also isn't easy to maintain it. Without Ley-lines to draw upon, our spells are greatly diminished in potency."

"Right! It's totally annoying," Sahi huffed and puffed, seemingly completely over our previous disagreement already, and muttered a few lines of faux-Latin to summon her magical hands. "Look! Like, this is my limit here! If I tried to summon more, they would totally lose cohesion! I feel totally lame."

"Now, now, don't be disappointed." The dark-skinned arch-mage flashed a doting smile at the girl and bent over to inspect one of the floating hands. "Being able to so naturally maintain a mana construct at your age is already quite remarkable. You shouldn't sell yourself short."

"Hehe! Thanks, Uncle Barnie! You can praise me more!"

"Oh, you rapscallion."

The two of them laughed in unison, completely unaware of the pensive expression on the class rep's face.

"Excuse me, but what do you mean by 'without ley lines'?"

"I… thought that was straightforward," Barnabas told her after a brief pause.

"Yeah, it's such a pain," Sahi backed him up with a huff. "Everything takes so much effort! It's a good thing we've never invaded this place, or we would've been totally wiped!"

"Could you please not bring up such dangerous subjects in the open like that?" Pascal scolded her at once, but she just stuck out her tongue at him without a shred of self-reflection.

On the other hand, Ammy was even more confused.

"But… The Ley-line is right there," she said, pointing at a nearby hill. "It's very stable too."

"Where?"

The three Magi all turned towards the spot, but their expressions only got more and more confused over time.

"I'm afraid I can't sense any Ley-lines over there. Are you certain?"

Ammy nodded at Barnabas, and explained, "I was surprised how evenly distributed and firm the local Ley-lines were when we first arrived. I thought everyone was just holding back because we were guests here, but… Do you really can't sense them?"

Pascal shook his head, while the other two were still staring at the hill, prompting the class rep to look at me. It took me a few seconds to realize she was expecting me to add my five cents, but I had to disappoint her.

"Sorry, but I'm no Magi, so I don't know the first thing about Ley-lines."

"Is that so?" Her tone said she wasn't buying it (even though I wasn't selling anything), and sidled closer to me. She whispered, "And what about a 'destiny' kind of perspective? Do you think this might be significant?"

"Maybe," I granted her with a shrug and pointed at the two marbles sitting on the top of her head. "It could be related to those things."

"Hmmm…"

While Ammy was musing about that, and the Magi were still trying to stare the nearby hill into submission, our small group gained one more member with the arrival of Michael.

"S-Sorry, I'm late!" he sputtered the moment he landed next to us, clad in a military uniform. "Father insisted that if I were to accompany you in public, I should dress properly, but we couldn't find anything in my size, so we had to—"

"No problem, you aren't late," I cut him short before he could work himself up any further. "We're still waiting for Snowy and the kids, and Mensah isn't here yet, so you're good."

"Oh. Thank goodness." The guy let out a relieved breath, and as if just realizing that his girlfriend was standing next to me, he abruptly straightened his back and put his hand on his chest. "So? How do I look?"

He topped that with a cheesy smirk that still looked annoyingly charming on his unnecessarily handsome mug. As for the target of said question, Ammy's expression bloomed into a delighted smile, followed by a couple of soft giggles.

"Very dashing."

"Hehe. You're also really charming today. I like the thing you did with your hair."

"Oh, you noticed?"

Blinking, I glanced at the bashful class rep and couldn't help but wonder what she meant. Her hair looked the same as usual (save for the two magic orb thingies on top of her noggin), so I had no idea what they were talking about. And I prided myself on recognizing changes in hairstyles; they were narrative indicators of importance, after all.

Yet, no matter how much I squinted, I didn't see anything special going on. As such, I had to conclude that it was either some kind of inside-joke, or it was just garden-variety flirting.

"Oh, get a room, you two," I said as I pushed Ammy over to Mike's side, and she frowned over her shoulder at me.

"That's rich, coming from you," she snapped, but then as soon as she linked arms with the guy, she was all sunshine and rainbows again.

Anyhow, since the spot at my side opened up, the girls immediately took it, and for the next ten minutes or so, nothing interesting happened (other than Judy trying to take revenge by ticking me back, but that was neither here nor there). Finally, the last members of our group arrived, with Snowy leading the Celestial kids by the hand. She changed into a sundress since the last time I'd seen her, along with a large straw hat even bigger than the one the class rep was wearing the other day. As for the children, they were back in their little togas again.

"Are we late?" she asked, and Elly responded with a shake of her head. "Oh, good. I thought we were late."

I was about to gesture to them to come over, but then Judy tugged on my sleeve to get my attention.

"What's that?"

She was pointing at the sky, and when I squinted, I could see something rapidly approaching us. After about a minute, I could finally make out the details, and let out a groan.

"Please stay out of the landing zone!"

Mensah's voice echoed over us via magical sound amplification. He was standing on top of a palanquin the size of a small bus, held up in the air by about a hundred burly Celestials, and I would've questioned his safety if I didn't recall that he had wings too. Didn't make him look any less silly though.

At last, our mode of transportation descended onto the flat ground next to us, and the ex-director floated off the top with a bit of theatrical fare.

"Please, step inside, and we'll be on our way!"

Since everyone was rooted in place, it fell on my shoulder to break the ice, so I walked up to the palanquin and hissed, "You're overdoing it," to Mensah.

"With all due respect, Lord Archon, our esteemed guests deserve nothing but the most luxurious mode of transportation Elysium can offer. Don't you agree?"

"No. The most normal mode of transportation would've sufficed, but…" Looking at the eager Celestials waiting for his signal to carry us into the air again, I let out a sigh. "Since it's here already, I guess we might as well board it."

Mensah grinned like a well-fed cat and ushered everyone inside one by one. The interior was covered in red velvet and silk curtains, with rows of spacious seats inside, like an old-timey first-class passenger train car. All in all, it was surprisingly normal. It could've been worse.

Once we settled down, the carriage slowly rose to the air, providing a rather spectacular view of the fields and towers of the Elysium. I've seen it more than enough times from the top of the Migdál, but for most of our group, it was a novel experience. Even the kids, who should've been familiar with the sight, were 'Oooh!'-ing and 'Aaah!'-ing at the windows.

On a side note, said windows didn't have any glass. There was some kind of barrier present, which stopped the high winds from blowing us out of the cabin, but otherwise, the palanquin was open, which made me hold Judy closer to me, just to be safe. Unlike the rest of us (including the Magi), she couldn't just fly off or break her fall in case of an emergency.

After a few minutes, Mensah entered the carriage through one of said windows (once again reinforcing that they were a bloody safety hazard) and after getting his hair in order, he walked over to me and gave me a ceremonial bow before presenting me with a magical tablet thingie.

"I have taken the liberty to make arrangements for you and our esteemed guests, so that you could enjoy your visit at the early kheimónthéra to the fullest."

I had no idea what the last bit meant, but simple logic dictated that it referred to this fair or festival or whatever we were about to visit. The tablet was bothering me more, so I snatched it out of his hand and gave it a closer look. It only made my brows furrow and my mood darken.

"Dolion?"

"Yes, Lord Archon?"

"We aren't doing this," I told him on no uncertain terms, and while his smile wavered for a second, it didn't crack.

"But everything has already been prepared for your arrival, and following the schedule is the most optimal way to experience the festivities among the—"

"We're not here to be 'optimal', we're here to experience the local traditions and have fun. This…" I flicked a finger at the tablet in my hand, making the screen scroll and revealing even more text. "This is worse than one of those guided group tours scummy companies use as a front to sell useless crap to old people looking for a cheap trip."

"I… don't quite understand the analogy, but rest assured that I curated everything ahead of time, and there should be no useless… erm… anything today."

I was just about to get properly annoyed and raise my voice, but in the meantime we were already getting close to our destination, and Elly tugged on my hand to get my attention.

"Look, Leo! It's like a carnival!"

Even from this distance, I could see thousands of Celestials filling the streets of the small farming village. It had less than a few dozen buildings, so such a crowd looked really out of place here. Most of them were gathered on a field near the village itself, where lines of colourful tents and stalls were erected, along with stages surrounded by wooden scaffoldings and various other attractions. Even from this distance, it all looked very… artificial. Like one of those renaissance fairs that tried really, really hard to look authentic, but it was also trying to be a big spectacle at the same time, so it all ended up very performative.

That wasn't want I was expecting, and I was just about to sternly object when Snowy let out a startled cry. By the time I looked over, one of the Celestial kids had already jumped out the window, and the other was hot on her (or his; I still had a hard time telling) heel with a panicked, "We need to do something!"

For a second it looked like Snowy was about to follow after them, but then she realized they were flying, and she let out a relieved breath.

"What was that about?" Judy asked, and my sister seemed just as bamboozled as the rest of us.

"Uuu… They saw the fair down there, and then said something about trumpets, and… you saw the rest."

We landed shortly after that, and by the time I got out of the palanquin, the two little Celestials were already bossing everyone around left and right.

"No, you can't have those! The Lord Archon doesn't like trumpets! He's going to be mad!"

"Put away the flower petals! Quick, before the Lord Archon sees them!"

"Ahhh! No, get up! Don't bow like that! The Lord Archon will scold you for that!"

"Act natural, act natural! Everyone, pretend like everything's normal!"

"No, no, no! No horns either! Nothing that blows!"

Normally grown adults wouldn't have obeyed their every word, yet the flustered crowd was following their instructions like their lives depended on it. Just because they came out of our carriage and were acting like they owned the place. Such a beautiful display of Refuge in Audacity was nearly bringing a tear to my eyes.

"You see, Dolion?" I said and handed the tablet back to the flabbergasted ex-director. "You could learn a thing or two from them."

Offering my arms to my girlfriends, a giggling Elly and an amused Judy took my sides, and we walked down the ramp towards the rapidly changing festival grounds. It was time to exchange some culture.

PART 2

Day three of our vacation. Late in the morning, sitting in a gently rocking boat out in the open sea, I had many things on my mind. Where was the edge of the horizon? Was nature and the wildlife copied over to Elysium from Critias when it was created, or did the Celestials of old have to transport the original populations over? How did I even end up on a boat? Was the local aquatic life even representative of the one in the outside world?

"Brother, Snowy, look! Dolphins!"

I glanced over at my excited knightly sister, and added yet another question to the pile: Were there even dolphins in the waters near Critias? I had no idea, and since we had no internet connection here, I couldn't check either. As such I focused on the question I could answer: How did I end up here?

Long story short, after yesterday's cultural exchange (which turned out to be a pleasant surprise after the initial rocky start), the dad-group cornered me in the evening and I was unconditionally roped into fishing with them. Under the guise of 'quality family time', the rest of the dunning household was also present, thus my excited sister leaning over my left to take a better look at the dolphins swimming near the boat.

I was just about to tell her to be careful not to fall over, but Snowy beat me to the punch by grabbing the back of her shirt. Since there was no need to intervene there, my attention returned to my fishing rod. No bite. Oh well. Time to go back to relaxing, I supposed. That was pretty much all I could do at the moment. The weather was calm, the waves gentle, and the whole experience kind of mind-numbing.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

…

Why did I agree to this again?

Oh, right. Because Dad-in-law insisted. Speaking of him, Abram was at the other end of the boat, in the company of Clarke, Tsephanyah, and a cooler full of beer cans. I wasn't sure they'd drunk any of them yet though; maybe it was there just for the ambiance. Arnwald and Morgana were nowhere to be seen, so I figured they were below deck. This was a fairly large sailboat, with its own crew and everything, so there was a whole lot of space for us to move around.

It was also in pristine condition, so I couldn't help but wonder if the ex-director specifically prepared it for us ahead of time. I wouldn't have put it past him at this point, that's for sure. Heck, for all I knew, he might've literally shipped this boat (no pun intended) into the Elysium just for us. But putting that aside, I tugged on the line a bit and let the rod back down, ready to lean back and relax… until my sisters came over.

"Did you catch anything yet?" Penny asked innocently, so I shook my head without any reservations.

"None. Nil. Nada."

Snowy tried to encourage me with, "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll catch one soon," but I shook my head again.

"Nah, this is fine. It's all about the experience and stuff."

"Oh. Okay then."

Honestly speaking, I preferred it this way. After all the hustle and bustle of the previous day, just lounging in my folding chair under the shade of the retractable fabric canopy over our heads felt nice. A little boring, but nice.

"Where's mom and dad?" Penny put a hand over her eyes and looked around the deck, as if there were many places where they could be hiding. "Are they down there?"

"Maybe? Should we check?" my Abyssal sister proposed, and the two of them soon left my side to look for our parents.

Or rather… How should I put this… I was happy that the two of them had gotten to the point where Penny could naturally call Arnwald and Morgana our parents. While it was originally just for our cover until the CPS investigation had blown over, it somehow became a self-evident part of our lives. I didn't mind it; if anything, I felt that having a proper family was probably good for my sisters, but as for me…

It was probably because my situation was so different, but I had a hard time internalizing the two senior Knights as anything other than that. I was sure time would fix that eventually, but the fact that I was technically their boss certainly didn't help matters either. My sisters had a much easier time than me in this regard. Snowy always struck me as affection-starved, so she was eager to have a loving family, while Penny was… well, Penny. It clearly worked out for them, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable with the situation from time to time.

Anyhow, since I had nothing better to do, I tried to listen in on the conversation at the other end of the boat, but I could only make out snippets of words coming from there. Of course, I could always just Far Glance at them, but I wasn't that curious. Though again, it was a bit odd that Abram was the one who insisted the most on the whole Dunning family coming along, going as far as to pester me to make sure I would do so as well, yet he barely interacted with me since then. Almost suspicious.

Realizing what I was doing, I sharply shook my head and turned my eyes to the sky. My bad habits were returning because I was in the Elysium, so I had to occasionally remind myself that not every small incongruity was evidence of some hare-brained plan being enacted behind my back. Especially when it didn't involve any Celestials. Well, fine, it did involve one, but Tsephanyah had been on his best behaviour lately, so I dismissed my suspicions and reeled in my line.

The bait at the end was completely untouched, so I adjusted the sinker the way I was taught and threw it out before sitting down under the shade again. Anyhow, where was I? Oh, right. Celestial conspiracies. This reminded me of something, and so I closed my eyes and my point of view soon shifted to the side of Judy and Elly.

The two of them were still back at our bungalow, preparing for a certain meeting. I wasn't too worried about them, but I occasionally still Far Glanced their way, just to be sure, this time catching the tail end of a conversation.

"I still think you're overthinking this," Elly griped, sounding just a tad annoyed. It didn't stop her from combing Judy's hair though, and she even helped her put on her hair bow.

"No, we need to be very clear on this," my dearest assistant argued back, sounding a bit more forceful than usual. "She had shown interest in the Chief, so we have to be firm."

"Don't be silly," the princess dismissed her out of hand and rubbed Judy's shoulders. Or maybe she was just adjusting the straps of her summer dress. One or the other. "Even if she did, the age gap is too big."

"That's half the point. She's dangerous because she's a MILF."

Elly's hands stopped and she leaned forward to look Judy in the eye.

"She's a what?"

"MILF," she repeated without a hint of hesitation.

"What does that mean?"

"It's an abbreviation meaning 'Mother I'd Like to'—" She bit back the last part and shook her head. "Never mind."

"Hey! You can't just leave me hanging like that! Is this one of those tropes?"

"More like a fetish."

"Is that what the 'F' stands for? Fetishize?"

Judy looked at her like she was expecting her to be pulling her leg, but when the princess only got more confused, she gestured for her to lean closer and she whispered into her ear. Even though there was nobody else in the room.

"Oh. Oooh. Now I get it!" my rapidly reddening Draconian girlfriend declared while repeatedly nodding, while Judy let out a sigh.

"You can be so weirdly innocent at times…"

Seeing that nothing of importance was happening yet, I was just about to leave them when someone knocked on the door. Elly walked over and Angie beamed at her from the other side, wearing her Deus outfit already.

"Hi, girls! Are we ready to head out?"

"Give me a second," Judy called out from the room and hastily (yet expertly) put on some lipstick that was the exact same colour as the natural shade of her lips. I had no idea why she did that, but I didn't know the first thing about makeup, so maybe it was important. "Ready. Let's go."

The Celestial girl giggled mirthfully and the three of them soon headed out towards the very last building in the line of beach houses. The one where Savir had been holed up since day one.

"Okay, just so you know, I dunno a single thing about mediating," Angie spoke up as soon as they got close, sounding unusually serious. "I think if I tried to wing this, I'll end up messing up big time, so I'm gonna let Grandpa Deus take the wheel, okay?"

"It's fine," Judy reassured her, and so she closed her eyes for a second. When they snapped open again, her atmosphere imperceptibly changed.

"Let us proceed," Deus spoke solemnly, which sounded strange coming out of Angie's mouth.

On a side note, I really wished that when I did the retcon, I had gone the extra mile to give some kind of visual signifier for the difference between Angie and Deus. Maybe an eye-colour shift, or something like that. It would've made telling them apart so much easier… but then again, the whole premise was that they were technically two sides of the same person now, so maybe giving them a clear separator like that would've been bad. I couldn't know, because I threw out most of my memories of the retconning process afterwards. Which reminded me; if I was supposed to do a retcon in the future to put Bel into the present, how the heck would that work out?

It was a question for later, as my attention was drawn back to the scene at hand, where the three girls unceremoniously entered the bungalow. The interior was completely rearranged since the time I had visited the place, mostly so that a plain rectangular table could be wedged into the middle of the room, with nothing but some glasses full of water on it. Savir was already sitting at its long side, along with another familiar face.

"Welcome, O Archon, Miss Sennoma, Miss Dracis," Mensah greeted the three of them from beside the table and gestured at the empty chairs. "Thank you for gracing us with your presence. Please, take a seat."

Judy nodded wordlessly and took the one right in front of Savir. The perma-scheming ex-director was wearing her usual toga getup, but her hair was let down, and she had a slightly more approachable air about her. It was no doubt calculated.

As for Mensah, his presence was surprising, but by no means unexpected. He took a seat next to Savir, while Elly took Judy's side, leaving Angie/Deus to sit at the head of the table.

"I was told my presence was required as a witness to an 'official reconciliation'," she stated blandly, looking just a little miffed. "Normally such trifling matters would be beneath me, but since it involved Polemos's lovers, I graciously accepted your invitation. Pray that you don't waste my time."

"Thank you, Your Grace," Savir spoke curtly and picked up a glass. She took a sip of water, and then exhaled hard, as if what she was about to do took a lot of mental effort from her. "Judy Sennoma."

"Yes," my dear assistant responded flatly, none too enthused to be there.

"Our last meeting was concluded in a rather discourteous manner which, in retrospect, was at least partially my fault. I had failed to properly communicate my intent."

"So I've heard."

Hearing her blasé words, Savir's brows twitched a bit, but she overall retained an amicable expression.

"If you're already aware, it makes things much easier. Put simply, I did not wish to antagonize you in any way, and so I wish to put the misunderstanding behind us."

"One side has clearly expressed her intention," Angie/Deus spoke up and glanced at Judy. "Let's hear what the other side has to say."

My dear assistant levelled a dispassionate stare at Savir.

"I stand by what I said back then. If you want us to start over with a tabula rasa, I have three conditions." She paused for dramatic effect and leaned in a bit. "First, you won't approach me again with ill intentions. Secondly, you won't try to entice Leonard, either directly or indirectly. Thirdly—"

"You—! I mean, Miss Sennoma, I would never!"

Completely ignoring her interruption, Judy continued without batting an eyelid.

"Thirdly, you show proper remorse over your actions. These are my conditions. Make of them what you will, but don't forget…" She inclined her head forward, which made her imperceptible frown a bit more akin to a proper glare. "… I will not tolerate any attempt of weaselling out of this."

Savir was visibly taken aback by how aggressive she was right out of the gate, which resulted in Deus interjecting once more.

"The second party has clearly stated their terms and expectations. Does the first party have anything to add?"

"No, Your Grace," Mensah spoke up in a hurry before Savir could get a word in. "If anything, I only happen to have a personal question I would like to ask the—"

"Shut up, Dolion!" Savir hissed at him and then flashed a practised politician-brand smile at my girlfriends. "Miss Sennoma, as I have already told you, I never had ill intentions towards you. It was all a misunderstanding, and I never tried to… erm… entice Polemos. Again, it's just a…"

"Misunderstanding. Sure," Judy cut in. "What about the third condition then?"

"I…" Savir stammered and squinted at the stoic Angie/Deus, and then back at my girlfriend before she finally gave in, and spoke like she was under heavy physical strain. "I… apologize for my… inappropriate conduct during our last meeting, and my… inability to convey my intentions. I'm…" She took a deep breath, and finally squeezed out, "I'm sorry."

"… That's not very convincing," Elly spoke up for the first time, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. "Back home, if someone made a faux pas of that caliber, they would profess their apologies on their hands and knees. Usually after getting beaten up first."

Her stray comment made Eris's expression blanch. Judy, on the other hand, slowly shook her head.

"Listen, Elly. We're in Elysium right now, so we unfortunately can't resolve things like that. As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do."

"Right, but what if we do take her to Rome? I-I mean, home? Isn't the portal leading back to our backyard already operational? No one has to know."

"That does sound tempting, but…"

"I'm sorry!" Savir suddenly jumped to her feet and exclaimed, starting the man sitting by her side. "It was all my fault! Please don't make this even more humiliating for me!"

My girlfriends levelled a pair of mirthless gazes at the ex-director, and Elly ultimately shrugged with a soft, "At least now she sounds a bit more genuine."

"Agreed."

The short beat of silence after this was soon broken by Deus lightly clearing her throat, and saying, "Can I assume that with this, the second party is satisfied and will seek no further retribution?"

"Mostly," Judy uttered flatly, so Deus turned to Savir next.

"Does the first party swear to uphold the conditions set by the second party from this day onwards?"

"Yes." Savir finally sat down again and adjusted her toga. "I promise to strive to do so."

That wording made Judy's brows imperceptibly descend again, but in the end, she let it go with a whispered, "Close enough."

"Very well." Deus clasped her hands and hummed a few notes to get a fancy light effect going. "In my power as the official witness, I now declare the grudge between the two parties officially resolved."

"Wait, that's it?" Mensah blurted out the moment she finished speaking, sounding downright flabbergasted.

"We were promised ice cream for playing along with this farce, and it's awfully hot in our official garments," Deus answered flippantly and stood up from her seat. "Let's go."

My girlfriends also rose to their feet and were ready to leave, but Mensah wasn't finished.

"Wait! Before you go, can you at least tell me what the deal is with Eris's noooaaaah—?"

Before anyone could respond, the female ex-director quite literally kicked him over along with his chair.

"Dolion, I swear if you bring my nose up one more time, I'll strangle you!"

Ignoring the bickering duo, my girlfriends and Angie wordlessly left the building, looking both relieved a rather pleased by a job well done. I had to say, I didn't expect them to break out the old good-cop-bad-cop routine, let alone with Elly as the bad cop, but it was surprisingly effective. I made a mental note to give them some head pats (and potentially other services) later.

I kept watching them for a while longer, but nothing interesting happened afterwards. Mensah and Savir continued to argue without getting anything done, while the girls made good on their promise and treated Angie/Deus to some ice cream. I was just about to consider Far Glancing at someone else when my attention was drawn back to my body by some movement.

"How's the fish?" Arnwald asked as he set a folding chair next to mine. He was following Tsephanyah's example and put on some stereotypical angler clothes, though I had to say, they looked infinitely more natural on him.

"Not very hungry," I jested and tugged on the fishing rod. "Nope, nothing."

"Hmmm… Maybe you're using the wrong bait. Do you want me to give it a look?"

My first reflex was to ask since when he was an expert, but then I realized that he had at least one day more fishing experience than I did, so I shut my mouth and reeled in my hook for him to give it a look.

"So, khmsnkh…"

"Excuse me?" I blurted out along with a sideways glance, but Arnwald just continued to clear his throat.

The thing is, I could've sworn that he started to say 'So, son…' before getting a coughing fit, which was a bit odd. But then again, maybe it was just my imagination.

"I wanted to ask… if you're having fun," he squeezed out at long last. It… made me scratch my head.

"For a certain definition of 'fun', sure," I admitted and gazed out at the horizon. "I like the peace and quiet here."

"Yes. It's very peaceful," he echoed me, sounding subtly uncomfortable. It was almost like he was having performance anxiety, which meant…

"Ah!"

The moment I looked over, my sisters and Morgana retreated behind the cabin door leading to below decks. Why were they watching us from a distance like that? No, here's a better question: why were the rest of the dad-group also watching us while pretending to be drinking beer, even though their cans weren't even opened yet?

"What about you?" I asked back while keeping an eye on the onlookers. "Are you having fun?"

"Yes," he responded reflexively, without any pretences, but then his eyes clouded. "Or rather… this kind of experience… a fishing trip, with family. It's something I thought I would never get to experience." In the meantime, he continued to fiddle with my bait and let out a conflicted sigh. "Until very recently, I considered that I would end my life like my predecessors did; in the line of duty, with only my fellow Brothers and Sisters to remember me. The prospect of a family is…"

He was lost in his thoughts for a while so I prodded him along.

"Overwhelming?"

"That… wasn't the first word that came to mind, but indeed, it is overwhelming."

Meanwhile, I kept an eye on Morgana and my sisters, and they continued to pretend they totally weren't observing us. As for the dad-group, they lost interest for the moment, because Clarke hooked a fish and they were stumbling over each other to help, but I was sure that as soon as the excitement was over, they would turn their attention to us again. Suspicious.

"How should I put this…" Arnwald continued to mutter at my side, piling grain balls onto my hook. "I have never expected to get the opportunity to be a father, let alone so suddenly, but…" He inhaled deeply and looked at me earnestly. "… if possible, I wish to live up to the responsibility and be a proper father to the whole family."

Oh. Oooh! Okay, I think I was finally getting what all of this was about. All of a sudden a lot of the circumstances around this fishing trip started to make a lot of sense. Now, how to respond to him tactfully?

"You know, Arnwald," I started, trying to sound as neutral as possible. "I appreciate what you're doing. Penny and Snowy deserve to have a proper family, and I'm glad to see that you're providing a positive role model to them. That said… considering our situation in particular, I'll probably never be able to call you 'father'."

"Is that so?"

"Not without lots of silly air quotes, at the very least." I chuckled, then let out a sigh. "I do like what we have now though. The Dunning family is… cosy. It just feels right, so thank you for being a part of it."

"I… I will strive to do my best," Arnwald nodded intently, and I couldn't help but notice Penny whining in the background. Something about how I 'took control of the conversation', or some such. Morgana and Snowy were already placating her though, so I figured it would be fine.

"Can I still refer to you as 'son'?" the man next to me suddenly asked, and after a long beat, I shrugged.

"Sure. When we're not on official duty."

"Naturally."

With that, he handed my bait and sinker back to me, and I unceremoniously cast it out again. Arnwald stared the plumb hitting the water surface with a plot, and then suddenly perked up.

"Would you mind if I set my rod up over here?"

"No, of course not."

"Good." He flashed a thin-lipped smile at me and turned on his heel, only to return just a few seconds later with his fishing rod and the rest of his gear. "All right, son! Let's catch something big for dinner!"

His voice was still a little strained, but he was trying hard, so I couldn't help but smile.

"Sure. Let's do that."

This would've been a good opportunity to add a cheeky 'dad' at the end of my response, but I was serious about what I said before. I would probably never be able to consider this man, with his silly side-burns and earnest personality, my father, yet he was certainly part of my family now. And if you asked me, that was good enough. I could only hope he shared my opinion.

PART 3

Day four of our vacation.

With most other outstanding issues (read: the ex-directors) successfully resolved, and everyone being sufficiently relaxed, it was time to break out one of the biggest beach episode tropes there is: beach volleyball.

Hm. Maybe I should've used an exclamation mark there. Beach volleyball! It would've sounded much more exciting that way. Not that it was boring, by any means. Pretty girls jumping around and playing on the beach in their swimwear was a sight for sore eyes even at the worst of times, and considering we had all of our 'main characters' gathered here, we had no shortage of pretty girls.

"Snowy, it's yours!"

"Got it!" my Abyssal sister called out and jumped into the air for a spike.

Angie tried her best to catch it on the other side, but she was just a bit too late, and ended up landing on the sand without anything to show for it.

"Point!" the class rep declared on the side, hiding from the sun under a large parasol and acting as the referee.

"Aw, shucks," the Celestial girl grumbled even as her boyfriend helped her up from the ground. My sisters shared and energetic high five in the background. "I could've reached it if I used my wings…"

"Hey, no wing talk!" Penny exclaimed on the other side of the net. "It's an unfair advantage, right?"

She was looking at me for some reason. I thought they already resolved this argument before they started playing, but I nodded along all the same.

"I know, I know. That's why I said 'if'!" Angie sulked, making Josh chuckle even as he dusted the sand out of her hair.

"Take it easy. It's just a game."

"You didn't take it easy when you played with Leo," she argued back, and my friend conspicuously averted his eyes.

"This and that are different. It's tradition."

I had no idea why he put it like that, but it was technically true that us competing in team sports have been a recurring thing, so I couldn't quite argue. In any case, one of the many Celestial 'volunteers' catering to us at the beach returned the wayward ball to the court, so the two teams got ready for the next round.

This wasn't even the only volleyball court we had. A bit down the shore, closer to the beach houses, the adults had their own net set up in the sand, with Lord Barnabas serving as their referee. On one side, we had Morgana and Arnwald, while on the other, we had Abram and Emese, locked in a heated match. Knights against Dragons; a tale as old as time.

I had no idea which side was winning, but Judy's parents were loudly cheering for my Draconian inlaws, so I had a feeling they were in the lead. Funnily enough, despite being the primary advocate of this event, Sahi was nowhere to be seen. Last I checked, she was taking a dip in the sea with Pascal, but I didn't pay too much attention to her. I've already set up the nets, meaning I've done my part, and it wasn't like they would go anywhere. Sahi could play any time she wanted while we were here, so there was no rush.

As such, I continued to lounge on my sun-bed under the shade of my parasol, with Elly blissfully sunbathing near me. We already played a match against the childhood friend couple (we won, obviously), so now she was recharging her batteries for the promised rematch in the evening. Of course, not all of us had sporty orientations, but everyone managed to find a way to relax and entertain themselves. The class rep would continue to act as an umpire, Michael was trying to make some mocktails for the parents with the help of some Celestial 'professionals', along with…

"Gwyneth, you absolutely have to try this one. It's perfect for a hot day like this."

"Why, thank you!" Judy's moms smiled and took the glass offered by the Celestial woman, the latest handiwork of Mike and his group. "You're so considerate, Eris."

"Don't even mention it," Savir responded with a smile of her own, looking eminently self-satisfied. "We're friends after all, aren't we?"

The two of them chuckled in unison before Judy's mother focused on the volleyball match again, and Savir froze up when she realized that I was looking at her. It only lasted for a second though, before she gave me a 'I'm more innocent than a newborn lamb' kind of expression and turned around to return to Michael's group.

I didn't exactly know how to feel about that, but Judy didn't raise a fuss about it so far, so I refrained from intervening for the time being. That said, I had a faint inkling about what she was doing (and more importantly, why she was doing it), and if my hunch was right, it was just plain hilarious. Trying to befriend Judy to use her as a shield against me, only to fail so monumentally she was now trying to befriend her mother as a shield against her had the kind of poetry to it that I couldn't make up even if I tried.

But speaking of my dear assistant, she was also nearby, and as one of the 'less sporty' members of our group, she was staying away from the entire volley ball business and focusing her attention elsewhere. Namely, the two Celestial kids.

The three of them were sitting on a thick, blue-and-white checkered blanket laid out on the sand, with a matching parasol hanging over them. Her hair was tied up into a simple ponytail for once, and since we weren't planning to do any waterside shenanigans today (due to various circumstances I'm too embarrassed to talk about), she was wearing comfy shorts and a loose dark blue blouse for a change. As befitting the picnic-style setting, the tree of them had a food basket next to them, yet the middle of their little circle wasn't filled with plates but notes written on detachable notebook pages.

"In conclusion," Judy spoke nonchalantly and picked up one of the papers. "What does the Chief dislike the most?"

"Scheming!" the kid on the left (she was probably the girl) declared with a hand raised.

"But only when it's against his people!" the boy (I presume) added, and after a long beat, Judy nodded.

"Yes. What else?"

"Ceremonies," the first kid continued enthusiastically. "Pompous ones, with fanfares."

"Also, the Lord Archon doesn't like when people kow… kow…" the boy stammered and shuffled the notes until finally finding what he was looking for and let out a relieved breath. "Kowtowing! He doesn't like that!"

"Like when people bow and pray to him," the girl added, and Judy once again let out a satisfied hum.

"That's right. And what kind of people does the Chief hate the most?"

The two kids glanced at each other, clearly considering this a trick question, and after a while the boy tentatively asked, "S-Scheming ones?"

"We already said that!" the girl whispered frantically, and when Judy didn't respond, she shuddered and visibly wracked her head over the question. "Uuu… Is… Is it people who want to be friends with him, but not really?"

"Ah, right! That's a good one!" The first kid picked up a page and hastily scribbled on it, only to pause and ask, "But… aren't those just schemers too?"

"It's fine. Both are good answers," Judy told them gently and then raised a finger. "Now, here's the bonus question: what does the Chief like the most?"

"Oh, that's easy!" the girl exclaimed with a giggle and pointed at her. "Lady Dormouse!"

"Ah, Lady Princess too!" the boy hurriedly added, and while Elly was pretending that she wasn't paying attention, I could hear her trying her best to stifle a delighted giggle.

Meanwhile, Judy let out a thoughtful hum and turned to me.

"Chief? Can we take them home?"

"For the last time, no. We're not adopting them." Glancing at the children, I also added, "Sorry kids."

"N-No, O Lord Archon!" the girl exclaimed and nearly bowed to me by reflex. "We couldn't even hope for such an honor!"

"R-R-Right!" the other child backed her up by repeatedly nodding, but my dear assistant wasn't paying any attention to this and was deep in thought.

"Elly?"

"Yes?" the princess sat up at once and raised her sunglasses.

"I convince mom to adopt one, you convince Emese to adopt the other. Deal?"

"Oh! I always wanted to have a little brother!" the princess grinned with glee, and I could only sigh in mild exasperation.

"Cut it out, you two."

"I'm not joking," Judy insisted and clumsily hugged the children. "Or are you planning to abandon them after we go back home?"

"No," I denied emphatically. "They're my Chief Reminders now, so I'll look after them, but I'm not going to adopt them into the family."

It's already gotten too big, too fast, to the point I was still wrestling with it, so I wasn't going to start adopting more new members any time soon. Seeing that I was adamant about this, Judy clicked her tongue and finally dropped the joke (or at least I sincerely hoped that she was joking) and turned to the kids on the blanket.

"Listen up. The Chief is weak against children, so make sure you pester him a lot about giving you preferential treatment, okay?"

"We wouldn't dare!" the boy burst out in horror, which my girlfriend completely ignored and continued to coach them about how to act cute around me. I had a feeling this was a misunderstanding started by Elly, but I didn't have the chance to correct it, because the volleyball match ended in my sisters' favour.

"Match!" Ammy declared from her makeshift umpire seat, and Penny jumped with joy and hugged Snowy without any reservations!

"Yay! We did it! Sister power!"

"Y-Yay?" my Abyssal system had a hard time matching her energy, but tried her best. Meanwhile Josh crossed his arms on the other side of the net and exhaled a long sigh.

"That's two for two. We're on a losing streak."

"Don't worry, pal! We'll get them back!" Angie patted his back, her enthusiasm burning as brightly as ever. "We'll totally mop the floor with them in Skyminton!"

Despite her best efforts to cheer him up, Josh only looked at her with a profound sense of skepticism.

"Penny can't fly."

"Then… erm… we're gonna beat Leo and Elly!"

"… Do you mean our volleyball rematch, or that 'Skyminton' game you've invented? Because I'm not sure Leo's flying either."

"Argh! Stop nitpicking!" the Celestial girl roared and literally jumped on his back, catching him in some kind of clumsy wrestling choke hold.

"H-Hey! Cut it out! We're gonna—!"

That sentence was probably supposed to end with 'fall', because that was precisely what they did, and they even rolled on the sand before coming to a halt. There was a long beat, with Angie somehow ending up sitting on top of Josh, and then they both ended up bursting into laughter. It was nice to see them being close like that. Was this the same kind of warm, fuzzy feeling that the others were talking about whenever I was flirting with the girls after we started going out, I wondered.

Unfortunately, the cosyness of the scene was severely undermined by my wincing, as the two of them being covered in sand like that brought back some rather unpleasant recent memories, which I would've rather forgotten as soon as possible. As such, I turned my attention to my sisters, who made their way over to Judy's side at some point and were intently listening to the lecture she was giving to the kids.

When they noticed that I was looking at them, the four of them looked awkward at first, but under Judy's encouragement they all marched over to my side, giving me a foreboding feeling in the process.

"B-Brother?" Penny spoke up first, clasping her hands in front of her chest and giving me a kind of proto-puppy-dog stare. "We won, so… will you praise us?"

Even as she said that, she was turning beet red, and when nobody else joined, she pumped Snowy with her hip.

"Ah, y-yes," my Abyssal sister belatedly followed her up with just a little bit of a stutter. "Penny scored the winning point, so you should praise her."

"No, that's not how it works! It was a team effort!" Penny argued back with unnecessary vehemence, while the kids audibly gulped in the foreground.

"Lord Archon, p-please praise us too!" the boy finally squeezed out, and the girl soon joined him.

"Y-Yes! Lady Dormouse says we deserve praise! And Lady Dormouse is always right, right?"

"Right!" the boy doubled down, and then a moment later, I had four pairs of expectant eyes staring at me. Six, if we counted my girlfriends.

"Oh, fine," I grumbled and got up from my sun bed, only to then immediately lean over and ruffle the heads of the Celestial children. "You've been working hard, so you deserve some praise. You're good kids."

The two of them looked at me with eyes wide open, as if they couldn't believe it worked, but by then I was already standing tall again and swiftly reaching out towards my sisters.

"A-Awawa! Nobody said anything about headpats!" Penny protested, but I was faster.

"Too late, kiddo!" I exclaimed victoriously and vigorously rubbed the top of her noggin. "Consider yourself praised." My other hand was ruffling my other sister's hair, though in her case a bit more gently. "You too, Snowy. Good job."

"Hehe." She grinned at me like a well-fed cat, which was always a heartwarming sigh, but then Penny finally retreated from my reach and ran away with a 'Hauuu!', making my Abyssal sister blurt out an alarmed, "Penny, wait!"

Snowy sent me an apologetic glance and ran after her, and the kids followed suit for some reason, as if on autopilot.

Seeing that she was left alone, Judy began to indifferently pick up the notes scattered in front of her, while Elly remained on her own sun bed and had a hard time keeping her giggles in check.

"See?" she squeezed out between two fits. "I told you Leo's weak against children."

"Is that what this was all about?" a new voice joined our fray when the class rep approached me, and for once I wasn't surprised. Maybe because her presence became more 'solid' even since she awakened as the Conduit of the Grimoire (or because we were out in the open, one or the other), but she hasn't been appearing in my blind spot as often as of late. She was looking at us critically from under her wide-brimmed summer hat and her gaze ultimately settled on me. "Are you going to have your rematch with Josh and Angie right now?"

"Nah. Maybe later in the evening," I responded at once, and the princess also agreed.

"Right! During sunset, illuminated by the red setting sun! It will look much more romantic that way!"

"What does romance have to do with volleyball?" Ammy murmured, but then soon ignored her own question and glanced around the beach. "If we're having a break, can you tell me where I can find Michael?"

"Last I'd seen him, he was over at the mixing stand with the celestials in the black-and-white uniforms."

"Mixing stand?" she repeated after me, and I shrugged.

"Well, it's not exactly a bar, now is it?"

Her eyes narrowed, and she followed my line of sight towards the spot near the adults' volleyball court, and she soon followed it up with a soft harrumph.

"He better not be drinking any alcohol, or I'll give him an earful."

"I don't think they have any, but you're free to check," I said offhandedly, but then a moment later I also added, "In fact, why don't we head over now?"

"Plural?" Judy chimed in from the side, looking me right in the eye.

"I could use a change of scenery, and I'll heckle Savir a bit while I'm there."

"Understandable. Have fun."

With her blessing, and accompanied by Elly's continued chuckles, I joined the class rep as we walked over to the other court. Yet, after just a couple dozen steps, I couldn't help but notice that she slowed down. I matched her, curious, and she immediately gestured for me to walk closer to her.

"Hey, Leo?" she whispered. "Talking of romance… you've been walking around the shore with Elly and Judy after dark, right?"

"… Yes," I admitted, feeling just a bit self-conscious.

"Did you… find any nice, secluded spots around here?"

"Some. Why?"

She slowed down even more, and whispered even quieter, to the point I had to fully concentrate on her to make out the words.

"I was thinking about making some… summer memories with Michael."

"Oh, I see." Nodding, I gestured towards a stony outcrop about a hundred meters down the shoreline in the other direction. "There's a pretty nice place over there. Great for stargazing and other stuff, just…" Now it was my time to lean closer and whisper, "If you're planning to do anything more intimate than that, I would advise against it."

My suggestion seemingly caught her off-guard and she awkwardly mumbled, "W-Why's that?"

I let out a dramatic sigh, and told her. "The sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere." A long pause later, I echoed, "Everywhere," with extra gravitas, and then added, "Ask me how I know."

She didn't. And it was best we left that (and my ill-fated impromptu tryst with Judy last night) at that. Let's just say that it was a learning experience, and wasn't that what youth was (allegedly) all about?