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Part 12: The Nature of the Self
“Tell me, Stranger, who am I?” asks the Seeker the mysterious stranger, as the two companions walk towards the ancient sandstone obelisk. There are runic inscriptions and cryptic symbols etched into it. The mysterious stranger takes a double look, as he recognizes a familiar sign stating:
'You are now entering the land of truth'
“Are you still there?” asks the Seeker, tearing him back into the present moment.
The mysterious stranger sighs deeply. Tired eyes. He takes a deep inhale.
“Are you really ready to hear the answer?” questions the mysterious stranger.
The Seeker looks at the mysterious stranger with uncertainty. They don't know what to say. The Seeker remains silent, as the companions walk into a pine wood forest.
The mysterious stranger continues:
“You ask, who 'you' are... But what even is this 'YOU', what is this 'SELF'? Let us find out first, what this 'SELF' actually is. How it works, how it functions. Let us question the unquestionable. Let us observe the un-observable.”
As the mysterious stranger and the Seeker delve further into the dark forest, they find a decked table with cutlery, plates, fruits and food. Neither the Seeker, nor the mysterious stranger are hungry. They proceed through the forest, leaving the scene behind.
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The Seeker had an eerie feeling, when they saw the table in the forest. As if they had seen this happening in a dream before.
“Where is this Self located,” asks the mysterious stranger the Seeker.
“In my head,” responds the Seeker. “Somewhere within the neural network of my brain cells.”
“Is the SELF then in the realm of the MIND or in the BODY?”
“Both,” responds the Seeker after some contemplation. “The SELF exists within our MIND, which is driven by the energy generated in our bodies.”
“So what is then the 'SELF', within the human mind? Isn't it the entire concept of being a separate identity?”
The Seeker and the mysterious stranger come across a waterfall, that flows into a shallow pond. Fireflies dance in rhythm. Frogs, birds and crickets are playing the symphony of nature.
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The Seeker stares at the pond. They're frozen. Enchanted by a sudden feeling. Déjà-vu.
“The SELF is a complex structure of thoughts,” proceeds the mysterious stranger. “We sustain it, by giving it attention. The Self takes control of our intention. The building blocks of the SELF is our Memories. All Trauma, that have shaped us. All experiences, that we have recorded. As well as all knowledge we have gathered. A bundle of memories, that runs in the background, shaping our unconscious actions.”
The mysterious stranger and the Seeker continue walking. The Seeker remains puzzled by the familiarity of the waterfall.
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“We are more than just memories,” argues the Seeker. “What about the soul?”
“Yes... You exist on several dimensional planes simultaneously,” responds the mysterious stranger.
“But we are not talking about your 'astral' or 'energetic' body. We are talking about daily life. About your unconscious thought patterns, that determine your actions and reactions. We are looking into our own SOFTWARE. We are observing our MIND.
So lets take a closer look at the concept of the SELF. Is the concept of the SELF coherent, or is it contradictory? We say, that our body is the SELF. When we refer to 'I', we refer to our physical body, including nervous systems, fluids, organs, bones and tissue.
Then we also say, that our THOUGHTS are the SELF. Or rather that the SELF is the one generating the thoughts. When we refer to 'I', we refer to all the attributes, all the memories, all the experiences, that the SELF identifies itself with.
So what are we? Are we the body? Or are we thought? Or are we the energy, powering body and mind? You could call the SELF a MIND-BODY-SPIRIT complex. But this is where the complications start. You remember, what we discussed regarding the INNER and the OUTER, the MENTAL and the PHYSICAL?”
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“Yeah,” confirms the Seeker. “The Inner is all that exists within our human mind. The realm of ideas. The Outer is all that exists in physical reality. The realm of matter.”
“And we have concluded, that within the realm of matter all is one, all is interconnected. In the realm of ideas however, exists duality, as a property of our limited human language. Ideas can be contradictory; whereas nature always adheres to universal logic. Ideas can separate; whereas nature is a closed, self-sustaining system.”
The Seeker and the mysterious stranger suddenly stop. Right in front of them, is a giant rock wall. Leading on an elevated plateau.
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The Seeker stares at the massive rock wall and frowns.
“I could have sworn, I have been here before,” mumbles the Seeker confused. To the Seeker it feels, as if there was a long forgotten memory, hidden below the surface of their subconscious. Like an itch in an unreachable area. They are certain, that there is something they need to remember. But they just can't remember it.
“Anyway,” continues the mysterious stranger as he starts climbing and the Seeker follows hesitantly.
“Within the realm of the MIND our ideas are fixed things. They are constant. They are unchangeable. Sometimes we use old ideas to create new ones. We play with our ideas, fragment them, add to them, combine them, but they remain the same thing: A mental image, representing either something physical or used as an abstraction. An idea is always absolute.
We are using the idea as a template to categorize the things we perceive. The tree for example. We use the idea behind the word 'tree' as a template to define what a physical tree actually is. The idea behind the word 'tree' describes a thing with bark and root, twigs and leafs – If you change the attributes, it is no longer the same idea. The attributes need to remain consistent.
Just like we have the idea of the 'tree', we have the idea of the 'SELF'. Just like the idea of the 'tree' is something constant, something absolute, so is the idea of the 'SELF' considered to be something unchanging, something constant.
Now... Is the 'SELF', something constant? Is the 'ME', something fixed? We treat the SELF, as if it were something fixed, something unchanging, something absolute. But... What if the idea of consistency itself is an illusion?”
The Seeker is struggling with climbing. Moving up carefully with every step. This indescribable feeling of Déjà-vu is still prevalent within their mind. But they keep their awareness focused on climbing.
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“What do you mean,” asks the Seeker breathing heavily, as they climb higher and higher.
“Is there any consistency in nature at all?” asks the mysterious stranger, as he waits for the Seeker to catch up.
“Is there anything eternal in physical reality or is everything subject to the flow of time? The physical tree in winter, is not the same as the tree in summer. Some cells have died, others have grown. Neither the CO2, nor H2O have remained constant within it.
So... Aren't all things subject to entropy? Don't all things change in time? Look at the earth geologically. How much did it change since the dinosaurs or since the last ice age? Even in the last hundred Years. Everything is subject to change. The only things, that are constant, are our ideas. The mental objects, that exist within our INNER reality may be eternal, but the physical objects in OUTER reality are fleeting.”
The Seeker and the mysterious stranger are both clinging to the cliffs edge. They simultaneously pull themselves over the edge. The Seeker is amazed by the view, as they stand at the top of the plateau. Snow-covered mountain ranges in the distance. Fields of grass and flowers. The sun is shining vibrantly on the horizon. Approaching night time.
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The mysterious stranger and the Seeker continue wandering through the open field. In the distance burns a campfire.
“Now what is the SELF other, than an idea? An idea we use to describe the mind, the body and the spirit. And because we think our ideas to be fixed, unchanging, consistent, we also consider the SELF to be something consistent. But is it truly consistent?
Don't YOU gain new memories, with each passing day, that change the SELF? Sometimes, the changes are minor, sometimes they make a major difference. But can you say for sure, that you are the same person psychologically, that you were 7 Years ago? Will you be the same person in the next 7 years?
Your circumstances changed multiple times in your life. You always move on and adapt. Your views change, your thoughts change, your words change, your beliefs change. You change all the time. Even your body changes. All your cells are completely regenerated after 7 years.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
And yet... Although the SELF is not constant, we all cling to the idea of it being eternal. Because we know, that when we die, all of our memories will be lost. And when our memory dies, so does the SELF. We are afraid of that. We know, it can't go on forever. We know, the SELF ceases to exist eventually. And yet - We want it to be immortal. We want it to continue.
So why don't we accept the fact, that there is no continuing SELF? That the SELF has never been consistent. That its changing all the time. That we are attached to our memories and therefore afraid of Death. And these Memories will eventually vanish, just like our body and the energy powering it. The only thing truly consistent, truly eternal is AWARENESS.”
The Seeker and the mysterious stranger sit down at the camp fire, warming their cold hands. There is a tent with two sleeping bags. It is a foggy night. The Seeker can barely see anything beyond the camp. They feel how their lost vibes are being regenerated by the campfire.
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“I must admit,” says the Seeker after some time of silence. “It's hard to follow you... I try to understand what you are saying... But... It's like you're speaking a different language.”
“Once you have eliminated the fog of thought,” speaks the mysterious stranger. “Everything will become clear.”
The Seeker feels a sudden tiredness and crawls under their sleeping bag. They yawn and close their eyes. As the Seeker falls into a deep slumber, they enter into the realm of Dreams.
Hours pass. The moon and stars move through the night-sky. As the sun is dawning in the east, the Seeker suddenly awakens from their dream. Their eyes are wide open. They need to take a look around them, before remembering where they are and how they got there.
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“I just had the wildest dream,” shouts the Seeker excited at the mysterious stranger, as the morning is setting. “I don't really remember much... But it was like... I lived an entirely different life... I had a different name, looked different, behaved different... And there was this technology... This rectangular device, that could project images, sounds and words...
I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out... On this strange rectangle I could read everything that was happening to me and you... All the conversations, that we have had, were written on this strange device... I don't remember the details... But it had something to do with the color 'Red'...
It felt so real... I can't even tell anymore, if I am awake right now... The forest, the plateau, the land of truth... Is that all real? Or is this also just a dream? Am I the Seeker dreaming a human life? Or am I a human dreaming the Seekers journey?”
The mysterious stranger listens attentively to the Seeker. “What was your name in the dream? Try to Remember. It might be important!”
The Seeker looks confused. “My name was... My name... My... I don't remember...”
“Then what else do you remember of the dream? Tell me every little detail.”
The Seeker suddenly has a blank stare. All memory is lost.
“What dream?” they ask with genuine confusion on their face.
“Never mind,” sighs the tired mysterious stranger, as they get up from the campfire. “Let's get going.”
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As they continue on their journey through the pathless land, the Seeker and the mysterious stranger come across a river. The Seeker spots a bridge not far in the distance.
“Have you ever meditated?” asks the mysterious stranger the Seeker. “If you did meditate before, you must have noticed at some point, that you are not the thinker of thought. You have seen, that you aren't the Thought either. Because when you meditate, you inevitably find out, that you can decide, whether you pay your attention to your thoughts or not. You can observe your thoughts, as they come and go. Like clouds in the sky. What does that tell us, about the nature of thought?
If thoughts arise by themselves and there is no one who controls the thought, that means, that all thoughts are just moving in accordance to patterns. Every thought tries to grab your attention. That's why you listen to thoughts, that you personally find interesting. But here's the catch: You are not the creator of the thoughts. YOU are the listener of thoughts.
Yesterday we discussed, how the SELF is a complex structure of thought. That it exists within the mind as an idea. And now we see, how YOU are not your thoughts. YOU can't be your thoughts, if you are able to give attention to your thoughts. That means, that thoughts come and go automatically. So YOU are not the thought, YOU are the awareness of your thoughts.
Now you aren't your physical body either. You can shift your awareness to a certain body part. You can focus on your legs. You can feel your arms, your head, your nose. You can direct awareness through your body, wherever you want. You are not your physical body, you are the awareness of your physical body. You can even astral project, leave your body in a near death experiences, in deep meditation or by using certain substances...
So you are neither the body, nor are you the thought. And yet we say, this is the SELF. We say this SELF is the controller of your body and the controller of your thought. We say this SELF is constant. We say the SELF is separate from its environment. We say the SELF exists independently. Do you understand, what I am pointing at?”
The Seeker suddenly stops walking, as they are struck by a sudden revelation. An open jaw. Eyes wide open. They feel a wave of energy rushing over their entire body.
“It doesn't make any sense,” realizes the Seeker. “The SELF has never made any sense at all!”
The Seeker starts laughing. It feels, as if they had finally gotten a joke. Everything seems so clear, all of a sudden, so lucid.
LEVEL UP!
LVL 7: Wisdom permanently increased
+ 5 Wisdom
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The Seeker and the mysterious stranger approach the giant bridge, while the Seeker still feels the rush of this warm energy. Over-confidently, marching towards two men guarding the bridge. Identical twins, wearing the same armor. One of the brothers bears a striking mustache on their upper lip.
“Stop right there traveler,” speaks the mustache guard. There is a medieval dialect in his voice. “If Thou intend to cross the bridge of confusion, thou must first solve our riddle.”
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Suddenly, the Seeker is again haunted by this weird feeling of Déjà-vu. Just like yesterday, when they saw the waterfall and climbed the wall, they can't shake off the feeling, that this has happened before.
The Seeker is staring intensely at the guards mustache, while his lips are moving. Not paying attention to any of his words.
“Your mustache is fake,” shouts the Seeker at the bearded guard. Pointing with their index finger. With full force, the Seeker rips off the mustache from the guard's face.
The guard screams in pain. He is horrified. The Seeker looks confused at the strands of torn-out hair in their hand. Skin is still attached to the hair roots.
“Why the hell did you do this,” screams the guard in anguish. His upper lip is bleeding, half his mustache missing. The Seeker is speechless. They don't know what to say.
The beardless twin is holding his brother in his arms.
“How dare you hurt my brother without any reason?! This mustache means everything to him! Do you know how much he sacrificed only to keep his mustache? He lost his job as a lawyer! His wife abandoned him! Even his firstborn child renounced him.”
The Seeker tries to apologize.
“Oh my God... I am so sorry... I was certain, that this is a fake mustache.”
The guard with half a beard is coughing blood.
“Do you think, that I am just guarding this bridge without any reason? No! This is my punishment, because I was brave enough to be different. They told me I was crazy! They told me, I bring shame to my family! And yet... I was ready to accept the consequences, as long as they allow me to keep my beard. It is the only thing, that sets me apart. The only thing, that makes me special! If it weren't for the mustache, my name would just be Guard #2... But with this mustache, I became the mustache guard! Woe me! Now I am nobody! I have lost everything. Be cursed, vile Seeker. Be cursed.”
The mustache guard takes his last dying breath. Life fades from his eyes.
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The Seeker stands motionless. Unsure, how to react.
Holding his dead twin in his arms, Guard #1 turns their face towards the Seeker and shouts with watery eyes:
“I have contained my rage for as long as possible but I shall unleash my fury upon you, like the crushing of a thousand waves. Begone, vile Seeker, begone from me!”
The mysterious stranger and the Seeker silently cross the bridge. Not a word is spoken. Until they get to the other side.
“This is not my fault,” mumbles the Seeker quietly. “People don't just die because they lose their mustache...”
“Anyway,” continues the mysterious stranger. “Whatever just happened... Let's just agree to never talk about this again... So... before this random encounter... Where did we left off?”
“The SELF,” reminds the Seeker. “It doesn't make any sense. It contradicts itself. It can't be located... It's an illusion... It doesn't exist.”
“I wouldn't say it doesn't exist,” argues the mysterious stranger. “It does exist, as an idea. As a complex thought structure within our mental plane. Like a program within a software. But it doesn't exist as something physical or graspable. Even as a mental object it is still pretty much nonsensical and contradictory. So we can conclude, whatever the SELF may be, this is not what you are. This is not who you are. Because you are beyond such concepts. Beyond such limited labels. Beyond words and thoughts and images.”
They cross a field of high grass and walk into the edge of a pine forest. There is a pine tree, which is surrounded by four stone statues of warriors. There are runic inscriptions engraved in the bark, glowing like hot iron.
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“But the question remains,” insists the Seeker. “Who am I then? If I am neither thought, nor body, nor SELF... Who am I?”
“Don't you see?” asks the mysterious stranger surprised. “This question in and of itself doesn't make any sense. Asking 'Who am I' is meaningless, because there is no 'ME', nor 'I'. Because the very way we label things is wrong.
When we discussed, how 'WE ARE ALL ONE', we concluded, that even though we perceive things as if they stand for themselves, everything is connected. We understood, that our limited concepts and labels represent reality inaccurately. This also extends to the the very concept of SELF. It's something that Humans have invented.
What if our fragmented perception, our labeling, our image-making is exclusively human? Does a tree have a mental concept of SELF? Does an animal have an Ego? Just like we have it, built on memories, driven by thought, sustained through language? If there are other civilizations out there, can we know for certain, that they have developed this same Sense of Self as a mental object? On earth at least, as far as we know, we are the only surviving species that evolved to have a SELF-image...”
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The Seeker and the mysterious stranger, leave the tree and the statues behind. They continue walking through a pine wood forest. There are totems everywhere throughout the forest. Made from bones, blood, sticks and hide. Remains of broken walls and ruins are overgrown with moss and vines.
“I still can't wrap my head around it,” admits the Seeker. “What am I now...? Am I nothing? Or am I everything?”
“YOU ARE AWARENESS,” responds the mysterious stranger. Her voice thunders through the forest, like the roaring of a lion.
“And as awareness, you transcend both NOTHING and EVERYTHING. Neither of those concepts, can grasp the infinite nature of your actual BEING. You are that, which is aware of the OUTER, you are that which is aware of the INNER. You are the awareness of anything physical and you are the awareness of anything mental. You are that, which knows itself. As AWARENESS, you are the entire universe being aware of itself. You are the entire system of reality, perceiving it from a uniquely human perspective.”
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The Seeker is stunned, their jaw drops. They stand in a clearing in the pine wood forest. The sun is shining through the opening, revealing a blue sky. There are some bones in the grass and an empty silver pillar, which once held a statue.
“I have been here before,” utters the Seeker with absolute certainty. “I remember this place.”
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The mysterious stranger is surprised. “What exactly do you remember?”
“We- we fought against that statue monster... And... Together we actually beat it... What is happening here?”
The mysterious stranger is excited. For the first time, the Seeker remembers.
“You actually remember?! By heavens... I would have never expected this to happen...”
The Seeker looks confused.
“Am I like... Groundhog-daying? Is this some kind of time loop? How many times have we been here before?”
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“Countless times,” responds the mysterious stranger. “It doesn't really matter... We are trapped here anyway... There is no way out... I have tried every single possible option... No matter where we go, no matter what we do... We always end up back at the starting point... And every single time, your memory is reset again...”
“There must be something you haven't tried already,” argues the Seeker. “Think! What is still left to try?!”
The mysterious stranger chuckles.
“Look... After so many cycles, I literally tried everything. There's no door, I haven't knocked on, no hidden secret I haven't found and not one wall, I didn't break down... I even broke the fourth wall, once or twice...”
The mysterious stranger suddenly has an idea. However it doesn't seem like a good one.
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“...There is one wall left, I haven't touched yet...,” utters the Stranger reluctantly. “One wall, that I have been too afraid to tear down... Perhaps it's about time we break the FIFTH WALL!”
TO BE CONTINUED