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Part 23: How to become aware of your own programming
“We are all conditioned,” says the Stranger to the Seeker, as they walk through a narrow corridor in the 'labyrinth of the mind'.
“Like a computer, our ego is programmed. Our belief systems, our ideas, our knowledge is, what shapes our thoughts. Thoughts are generated from memory, in form of language or images.
Our thoughts are programmed. Our reactions are programmed. Our habits are programmed.
Internally, we respond with emotional reactions to external stimuli. How we respond externally, depends on our internal thought patterns.
Now there are thought patterns, which have formed naturally out of our memory, which is the past. Like Trauma or memories of pain, which implant fear. Or memories of pleasure, which implants desire into the ego drive.
Then there are thought patterns which are instilled through education or dogma. By parents, by teachers. By culture and by religion. This is our social programming. This is our conditioning.
Now can we be aware of our own programming? Are we awake to the fact, that we are conditioned?”
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The Seeker contemplates the last question. “You mean like the fear of hell, being used to control the masses?”
The Seeker suddenly stops. The corridor, which went straight for hours, diverges into two distinct paths. One going left, the other going right. The Seeker looks first at the Stranger. No reaction. The Seeker thinks about it, then chooses the left path.
The Stranger walks beside the Seeker.
“Yes. But the programming of our mind goes way deeper than that. Something as basic, as the very idea of choice, is a program as well. Good and Bad, Pleasure and Pain, Desire and Fear. This Bonding-Rejection mechanism of the ego is how our mind operates.
Now let us look at the relationship between our internal mental programs to our external habits. Have you ever noticed reoccurring patterns in the way you react to certain situations? Observe, what makes you angry. Observe, what incites feelings of fear and sadness within you.
Be aware of your own reactions. When you are aware, you notice that often times you react almost automatically. Your reactions correspond to the perception, that others have of the character, you are playing.
It's the same when you observe your own thoughts in meditation. You become aware of your own thought patterns and you see how these thought patterns are expressed in physical reality.
Now through the very act of awareness you can break through the mental patterns. When you are aware of your programming, that awareness itself will incite a mutation within your mental patterns. Can you observe the program at the very moment, that it's running in your mental system? Can you be aware of the thought as it arises within you?”
The Seeker massages their temples in pain. “You are causing me a headache... What you suggest, sounds like a lot of work... I thought it's all about activating the heart?”
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“Not just the heart needs healing,” responds the Stranger.
“There's a lot to unravel in the mind as well. Our thoughts manifest reality. If our reality sucks, we need to fix the way we think... Many minds are trapped in an seemingly nightmare. Living in illusions, in falsehood and in unawareness. We will untangle the mess, we have created. We will escape the prison, that we have built.”
The path in the maze leads to a large round room. As the Seeker enters the room, they are welcomed by a familiar voice:
“Greetings,” speaks the merchant Rat who sits on the floor. Behind the Rat rests a donkey. A blanket is laid out in front of him, offering various items.
“Would you perhaps be interested in some thought programs?”
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“Why should I?” asks the curious Seeker. “Whats in it for me?”
The Rats eyes become excited. He thinks of money. “Well for a start, installing it, will give you a sense of meaning, belonging and purpose.”
The Seeker becomes interested. “Meaning... Do you perhaps have something to distract me from the lingering fear of death?”
The Rat takes a white book from the rug, labeled: “Religion”
“If you buy this book, you also receive a free membership to the fan club,” speaks the charming Rat.
The Seeker takes a look at the book and scrolls through the pages. “What Religion exactly does it represent?”
“It's Religion in general,” responds the Rat. The Seekerl ooks at the other books on the ground.
There is another book called 'science', then there is one called 'ideologies', one called 'conspiracies', another one called 'spirituality'.
“What is the catch?” asks the Seeker skeptically.
The Rat coughs and mumbles incomprehensible: “Side effects may include Trauma, shame, corruption, exploitation, stigma, delusion, complexes...”
The Seeker takes another look at the book. “How much does it cost?”
“Give me 25 of your vibes,” responds the Rat.
“25 Vibes?!” shouts the bewildered Seeker. “I won't pay more than 20 Vibes!”
“Let's make it 23 Vibes and you receive this religion platinum membership card. You get access to the VIP area up in the clouds.”
The Rat shows a silver plastic card with the Seekers face on it.
The Seeker strokes their chin, intrigued by the offer. “What if I don't like it?” asks the Seeker with hidden curiosity.
“We give you an extended refund warranty. If it won't get you out of the labyrinth, you receive all your vibes back.”
The Rat recognizes the desire in the Seekers eyes and reaches out his hand. “Do we have a deal?”
The Seeker nods and shakes the rat's hand. “Deal.”
- 23 Vibes Lost (32 Vibes left)
New mental program installed: 'The Religious Mind'
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Suddenly the Seeker receives an influx of information into their consciousness. A download of: Techniques, Rituals, Scriptures, Poems, Dogma, Prayers, Mantras, Songs and Stories.
“Wow,” speaks the Seeker in amazement. “Now the Truth belongs to me alone! And whoever doesn't agree with me, is telling lies!”
The walls in the open space start to shake and vibrate. A part of the wall is opening up a new path.
“Look,” speaks the Seeker to the Stranger. “Seems like our path continues.”
The Seeker takes a look around and realizes that the Stranger is gone, nowhere to be found.
“Do you know where the Stranger is?” they ask the merchant Rat.
“Who?” asks the Rat confused.
“The Stranger!” repeats the Seeker a bit louder. “You know... Always wearing a blue hood... Burning eyes... Incapable of shuttng up...”
“No... Doesn't ring a bell,” shrugs the Rat.
“Are you serious?!” asks the Seeker. “He was standing right next to me, just a moment ago... Also he was there, when we met at the tower of desire...”
“Oh right, I remember,” realizes the Rat. “You and me, we met before! You are that guy from the dark tower. I knew, I have seen your face somewhere before! You bought that silver spray can.”
The Seeker sighs and rubs their eyes. “No I am talking about the Stranger. THE STRANGER!”
The Rat looks at the Seeker, as if they were crazy.
The Seeker sighs. “You know what... Forget about it... I knew from the beginning, that the Stranger would abandon me eventually...”
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The Seeker takes a deep breath and walks through the newly opened pathway. As the Seeker continues their path, thoughts start spiraling:
'I need to find the correct way through the labyrinth. If I won't make it, I will be punished. I will end up in a bad place. But I want to go to a good place. What brings me to a good place? Should I follow a set of laws and rules? Should I meditate? Should I make a pilgrimage? Should I make a sacrifice? Should I get myself baptized? Should I worship an idol? Or is it my faith in a higher power, outside of me, that will bring me to a good place?'
The Seeker stands at a crossroads. One path goes left, the other path goes right. The Seeker takes the left path and continues walking.
'To go to the good place, I need to fit into the community. To go to the good place, I should follow what others tell me. To go to the good place, I should repress my true self.
Out of fear of ending up in the bad place, I would never consider leaving my organization. I allow them to have power over me, because I am afraid of ending up in the bad place.
I am programmed never to question. I am programmed to ignore contradictions in my belief system. I am programmed to imitate others, to follow the mass.'
The Seeker is pulled out of their thought, as their forehead hits against a massive stone wall. The Seeker stands at a Dead End. The Seeker feels a painful headache. Clenching their fist. Hitting against the stone wall angrily.
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“Because I constantly need to behave in accordance to societies expectations, I have no control over my shadow aspect,” shouts the Seeker, as they hit against the wall until their fist starts bleeding. “This can sometimes manifest as aggression.”
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
The Seeker finds an unopened bottle of wine on the floor. The Seeker sits down on the ground, opens the wine and starts to drink it.
“Sometimes this can manifest as addiction,” burps the Seeker and wipes their mouth.
The Seeker takes another sip from the wine. Then again, until they empty the entire bottle.
“Why die you abandon me, Stranger!” they cry in anger and throw the bottle against the wall. The glass shatters. “Why did you leave me all alone?!”
As the drunken Seeker sits against the wall, the clouds above float past their sight. Summer shifts into Fall, day turns into night. Whenever the Seeker shatters the glass, they manifest a new bottle of wine in their hand. A never-ending cycle. Repeating the same pattern over and over again.
Until the Seeker one day sobers up and decides to find a way out of the maze. They walk back to where they came from. Sometimes turning left, sometimes turning right. After many days of aimless wandering, the Seeker arrives again in the open room, where the merchant had his camp.
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“You!” shouts the Seeker at the rat with a mustache. “That book didn't do me any good! I want my money back!”
“Excusez-moi?!” asks the bedazzled rat. “Are you talking to me?”
The Seeker throws the book to the rats feet. “You promised me, that it will get me out of the labyrinth of the mind! I want a refund!”
“I believe you must confuse me for someone else,” speculates the rat with a french accent. “Perhaps you have talked to my brother. A rat like me, but without a mustache. Unfortunately company policy excludes extended warranty conditions of competitors.”
The Seeker looks at the rat skeptically. “Do you seriously think, that I will fall for that trick?! You are obviously the same rat I met earlier, but with a fake mustache! Give me back my twenty-three Vibes, you owe me!”
“By heavens, Sir... Never would I even entertain the idea of trying to fool such a cunning being as yourself. Unfortunately I can't accept a used book back at it's full price. But tell ya what... I am willing to buy that book from you. I'll give ya 5 Vibes.”
“FIVE VIBES!?” shouts the bewildered Seeker. They think about ripping off that fake mustache from the rats upper lip. But then suddenly the Seeker remembers, what happened the last time, when they tried to expose a fake mustache.
The Seeker calms down and sighs. “Alright... Here take that damned book...”
+ 5 Vibes added (37 Vibes left)
Uninstalling 'The Religious Mind'...
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“Now I feel so empty again...” comments the Seeker, with the program uninstalled. “Is there nothing else to fill this void with?”
The rat grins as he smells a new business opportunity. “Hey You! Did your entire belief system just fall apart? Was your trust betrayed by false promises? Are you ready never to be fooled again? Then, why not try SCIENCE!”
The rat hands a Grey book to the Seeker. The Seeker scrolls through its pages.
The rat continues: “With the use of science you can take a more rational approach to how you engage with life. No more primitive superstition. No more delusions.”
“And what does it cost me this time?” asks the Seeker.
“Since you are such a good sport, I will sell it to you at a special price of 17 VIBES! And additionally you will receive the MATERIALISM expansion pack for free.”
“Materialism,” asks the Seeker. “You mean like being attached to material wealth?”
“No,” responds the mustache rat. “I mean materialism, as in the philosophical theory.”
“Do I really need this expansion pack?” asks the Seeker.
“Not really. However if you haven't installed it, you won't be taken serious by the rest of the scientific community. So it is highly recommended.”
“Alright,” sighs the Seeker. “Install the science program and the materialism expansion pack.”
- 17 Vibes Lost (20 Vibes left)
New mental program installed: 'The rational mind'
+ MATERIALISM ADD-ON
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“Wow,” speaks the Seeker in amazement. “Now everyone will acknowledge, that I am more intelligent than them.”
Again the walls begin to shake, as a new door opens in the room. The Seeker takes a deep breath and walks through the newly opened pathway. As the Seeker continues their path, thoughts start spiraling:
'How should I find my way out of the labyrinth? Firstly, I should start keeping track, when I go right and when I go left. I should draw a map. Outside the gate I saw a tower in the center of the maze. From up there, I can observe the entire area.'
The Seeker stops and measures the hallway. Then the Seeker jumps multiple times up an down until they catch a glimpse at the tower in the distance. They use a stone to scratch numbers, sketches and geometry into the wall of the maze. Calculating, counting and estimating. After a couple of hours, the Seeker has devised a perfect plan.
They stand up and continue walking.
'Consciousness is a material process. There is no magic. There is no wonder. What can't be seen can not exist. I seek truth, but only when it proves my theories. I disregard my intuition. I listen only to my mind. To my logical thinking.
I don't want anyone to think of me as stupid, so I try to prove to others, how sharp I am. Through my competence, through my success, through research. I am under constant pressure to fulfill expectations.'
The Seeker is pulled out of their thought, as their forehead hits against a massive stone wall. The Seeker stands at a Dead End. The Seekers feels a painful headache
The Seeker sighs tiredly, opens a pack of cigarettes and lights one with a match. They take a deep inhale and exhale blue smoke.
“Life is absolutely meaningless,” ponders the nihilistic Seeker. “When we die, we are just dead and that's it. No happy end. Just nothingness.”
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The Seeker puts out the cigarette with their foot and walks back to where they came from. But the further they walk, the more they notice, that the path changes.
“This can't be...” utters the confused Seeker. “I could have sworn, that I had to go here left... Something must be wrong with my memory...”
The Seeker continues on straight. The further the Seeker goes, the more changes they notice. The walls get more narrow and grow in size. The sky turns dark, its nighttime.
“Impossible... I memorized everything. I did the math multiple times... This maze makes no sense... It's almost as if the maze changes all the time... But this is impossible... Stone walls can't just magically appear and disappear... Could there be a hidden electric mechanism to pull wall segments into the ground?”
In the early morning, after the night is over, they arrive back at the exact wall, the Seeker used to plan their journey. But the scratches are gone.
“Weird... I didn't notice any rain...”
The Seeker continues down the road where they came from, but there is a dead end. It wasn't there earlier. They turn around and change direction. Suddenly there is a dead end as well. The Seeker is trapped. There is no way back. A Panic attack. They breath heavily.
“This can't be happening... This can't be happening... This must be a dream...”
The Seeker rambles on and on, repeating the same words:
“How can a particle be a wave? It just makes no sense at all... Why does our observation change the interference pattern? Is it really possible... Could it be...? ...That Bohm was right with his Implicate Order all along?”
Suddenly a door opens in the wall and daylight streams on the Seekers face. They stand up and walk through the door.
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They are greeted again by the merchant Rat. He doesn't have a mustache.
“Greetings, traveler. Are you perhaps interested in a mental program?”
The annoyed Seeker throws the 'science' book at the Rats feet.
“How much Vibes will you pay me for this?”
The Rat shakes his head. “Sorry, but we don't buy used goods from unauthorized suppliers. However, if you still have that white book I sold you earlier, you can still claim your extended warranty.”
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The Seeker clenches their fist, suppressing their anger. “I already sold it to your brother...”
The Rat looks surprised. “Brother?” he asks confused.
“The rat with the mustache!”
The Rat shrugs and shakes his head. “I have no idea, who you mean... I grew up as a single child.”
The Seeker tweaks their eyebrows. “Alright... I don't even care anymore... Just uninstall the mental pattern!”
“Are you interested to replace it with a new program? After all, you surely don't want to face this emptiness again, do you?”
The Seeker gulps. “What do you have to offer?”
The Rat holds up a red book. “How about 'ideologies'? They will give you a sense of purpose. They give you the feeling of fighting against injustice and of belonging to a group. “
The Seeker seems uninterested. The Rat holds up a black book. “How about 'conspiracies'? Are you ready to go down a rabbit hole and delude yourself? Do you want to make your own life more exciting and see the hidden evil in every shadow?”
The Seeker yawns. The Rat holds up a blue book. “How about 'Spirituality'? You can explore it with the open mind of science and the devoted heart of religion. With this mental pattern, you no longer need to limit yourself to a single concept, theory or belief system. You can even adopt several contradicting beliefs at the same time.”
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The Rat catches the Seekers attention. “That interesting. So I can basically pick whatever resonates with me and throw out the things, that are uncomfortable?”
“Exactly,” responds the Rat. “You can basically craft the internal programming of your own ego, as you wish it to be. If you work hard enough, you might even develop a so-called 'spiritual ego'.”
The Seeker thinks back to when they carried that golden mask. “'Spiritual Ego?' I think I already got that achievement.”
The Rat is amazed. “Oh wow! Receiving that achievement is a true testimony of your wisdom. Only the greatest of gurus, teachers and saints earned the 'spiritual ego' achievement. Earning this special achievement, without even installing the program is very rare. You will be a natural at cultivating your ego. Could even turn it into a career. 15 VIBES and the book is yours!”
The Seeker purchases the program.
- 15 Vibes Lost (5 Vibes left)
New mental program installed: 'The Esoteric Mind'
SPECIAL SPIRITUAL EGO EDITION
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“Wow,” speaks the Seeker in amazement. “Now I can distract myself from facing this inner emptiness with new, fancy attachments!”
Again the walls begin to shake, as a new door opens. The Seeker walks through the newly opened pathway. As the Seeker walks through the corridor, their thoughts start spiraling:
'How should I find my way out of here? Should I ask the angles? Should I ask the aliens? Should I ask the fairies or spirits? Should I ask my master, my guru, my teacher? Should I do tarot reading? Should I burn incense? Should I meditate? Should I eat some mushroom chocolate? Should I go to a shamanic ceremony? Should I do yoga? What does my horoscope say?'
The Seeker stands at a crossroads. They turn left. Then they turn left again and again and again, as their thoughts keep spiraling. The Seeker is back at the beginning and asks themselves the question:
'How should I find my way out of here? Should I ask the angles? Should I ...'
This continues on and on. Days pass, weeks pass, months pass and the Seeker continues to walk in a circle. Repeating the same thoughts over and over.
Until the Seeker, after countless cycles, suddenly realizes something. “I haven't moved at all...”
The Seeker stops. They manifest a bong in their hands. They light a fire and hit the bong.
“Dude... Like... We are all infinite beings having a human experience...”
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The Seeker takes another hit and exhales smoke rings.
“The human experience is made up of multiple dimensional layers of reality stacked on top of eachother. Like we have the physical dimension, we have the mental dimension, there is this dimension of stillness, the astral realm, the psychedelic realm... You can zoom in and out. You can also shift your own dimensional perspective, between that of the ego and that of awareness. Awareness... Which is the awareness of the universe, observing through the character. You can shift your perspective between that of the individual consciousness and that of the collective consciousness. Because you are both.”
As the Seeker takes another hit from the bong, they forget, where they left off. Train of thought lost. Taking a look around, the Seeker notices, that they still haven't moved. Still sitting on the floor.
“That's it...” decrees the Seeker, coughing out green smoke. “I won't waste anymore time here!”
The Seeker takes a look at a bag with herbs. They grind their teeth.
“I'll do a pause,” resolves the Seeker and throws it over the labyrinth wall. As they stand up and a new door opens in the wall. They are back in the merchant base.
With an open jaw, the bewildered Seeker gazes into the room. Two rats are counting money notes, laughing viciously. One has a mustache, the other one is beardless.
“How much did you make?” asks the mustache rat.
“Let me count it,” responds the beardless Rat. “23 VIBES + 15VIBES...”
The mustache rat suddenly notices the Seeker and taps on the other Rats shoulder. The beardless Rat turns around.
The Seeker shakes their head in anger.
“You! I knew that something was off! I should have listened to my gut! But you know what... I don't even care anymore... There is just one thing, I still don't understand... Just tell me this one thing... If the two of you rats are brothers, why does the one with the mustache have a french accent and the other one doesn't??!”
The beardless Rat stutters nervously: “Ow... Well... It's funny... You shou-- I mean...”
The Rat turns his head towards the mustache rat and shouts in panic: “George! They are on to us!”
The rat with a mustache turns into a donkey and speaks: “Let's get out of here.”
The Rat jumps on the back of the donkey and rides through a newly opened door into the sunset.
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The door closes, before the Seeker even reaches it. The Seeker hits with their fist against the wall.
.
“You know what,” shouts the frustrated Seeker.
“I don't need you! And neither do I need your programs! I won't follow any religion, theory or school of thought anymore! From now on, I will follow my own path!”
.
Suddenly the Seeker hears a familiar voice from behind their back. “Finally... Took you long enough to figure that out. Now that you found your answer, we can continue on our journey.”
.
The Seeker turns around. It's the Mysterious Stranger in her blue hooded robe.
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“Where- Where have you been?” asks the surprised Seeker with an open jaw. “I was looking all over for you! You abandoned me!”
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“I never left your side,” responds the Stranger calmly. “You were just unable to perceive me. Your programming made it impossible to look at me.”
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The Seeker takes a deep breath and nods.
“Okay... I understand... You know... I really thought, that at least one of those programs would somehow get me out of here... But I didn't progress at all... I was just running in circles. I have come to the conclusion that belief systems are useless. They might be comforting or pleasant... But all mental programs keep you trapped in the 'labyrinth of the mind'.”
.
The Stranger smiles.
.
“To judge them as 'useful' or 'useless' is again just another programming of the mind. Evaluating as 'good' or 'bad' limits your perspective. We need to see things from all sides. Even if you can't find value in a belief system, someone else may find value in it.
In its essence all religions basically point towards the same thing. Towards this universal consciousness, towards this infinite intelligence. Surely every culture has a different name for it, uses different images or symbols to describe it. However if you look past the dogma, past the belief system, past the mythology, past the cultural differences, you'll find that that in essence it's just different paths to same mountain.
Some have weaponized religion as means of controlling the masses. The ego claims the divine for itself and twists its meaning. Even the most holiest of words, corrupts when it's spoken by the forked tongue of the ego.
But despite all that, there are always people who manage to find their way back to the source. Belief systems have their place and the perspective of its followers are just as valid as any other. Never forget that you also once were there. So treat people with the same respect, that you expect from them. Even if you disagree, even if your beliefs differ.”
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The Seeker thinks of something. “Is it possible to live without any beliefs? To live without programming?”
*
The Stranger grins. “That, my friend, is up to you to find out. Find out, whether you can live without any programming at all. Only you can find that answer, Seeker.”
.
A new door opens for the Seeker and the Stranger. Together, they step through the door into the next segment of the maze.
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TO BE CONTINUED
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