Elsie Jackson

Thinking about fall being just around the corner used to be my favorite thing in the entire world. The change in the wind was beautiful, the leaves as they turned. Albeit the cool winter chill was pretty terrible at night. Winter was not my favorite season. It was too jolly. The holidays in my house weren’t always the greatest. Our parents did not ever seem concerned to make memories revolving around them, and I thought that was normal until early in my preteen years, I was finally allowed to go to a friend’s house to have a sleepover.

The atmosphere was completely different around normal families. Where my own home was a constant mess, besides my room and my brothers.’ I had taken care of them the best I could until the day it finally came for me to leave home. It was sad. Just at the end of summer, never knowing if I would be able to make it home to see them for the holidays.

Since that pivotal moment in my childhood, I had always done my best to decorate their rooms. I even had delivered newspapers in my neighborhood in the early mornings to scrape just enough pennies to buy them one of those small Christmas trees from the dollar store with the extremely tiny and sad looking ornaments.

The first time I had ever taken it upon myself to try to do something for them, my mother had ripped apart all the little dancing pumpkins and bats garland I hung on the stairwell. She had yelled and screamed at me for trying to take over her house with needless things, but I had been the most needless of them all. It was the first year I took my brother’s trick-or-treating. I had cut intricate holes in their sheets and they both went as ghosts, using my pillowcase to holster their loot. I had to hide every bit of it from my parents and paid dearly later for ruining my mother’s ‘priceless’ linens.

Money always seemed to be their main concern, even though we never had much of it. I was the only girl in my class that couldn’t attend field trips or do anything after school that revolved around money. It made me an easy target to ridicule, tearing apart the little self-esteem my parents allowed me to have.

Only then did I turn to my schoolwork. If money and time weren’t on my side, then my ability to retain information would be. I studied entirely too hard and ended up being at the top of my graduating class, with fifteen different scholarships that would ride me all the way to my Doctorates Degree in Psychology and Mental Health. I wanted more than anything to be able to help children that were stuck in situations exactly like mine, to hold their hand when they have no one else to turn to. I had already accomplished several successful charities events, and I would not slow down.

But even in the success I had given myself, somewhere it still did not feel right that somehow, I was always left on my own. The loneliness followed me no matter how hard I tried to push it away and my mind always wants to regress back to the way I was versus who I am.

I smiled wryly into the glass I had tilted in my hands as the music blared through Tony’s open mic night. I always felt myself drift back to here when I was feeling my loneliness the most. Tony was like a real father should be. He had accepted me since the first time I walked in his bar and only sat at the counter asking for a sprite with cherries. He had always been there for every one of my victories, cheering me on in the best conceivable way.

I nearly dropped my glass as I hurried to clap my hands at the completely drunk man who had just finished a sloppy rendition of some new country song I hadn’t heard before. It was all in genuine fun tonight and seemed like a generally good crowd as far as people drinking goes. The loneliness I had felt in the past couple of days had finally caught up to me with everyone out doing their own thing. I hadn’t heard from Jay much with her spending increased time with Ryker and Abraham. I had promised to keep a close eye on Giovanni while she was away and had convinced him and Sarah to join me tonight so that I could at least get out of the dorms for a while.

I smiled when Tony came up to my table with a warm smile, his guitar in hand.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey.” I smiled, trying to keep the sadness at bay.

“Rough day?”

“Rough couple of weeks, maybe.”

He wrapped a warm arm around my shoulders and offered a tight squeeze. “It's going to be okay. You will get through it, just like I believed you could get through your first three years. It’s only college, and life will be so much more when you get to move on.”

“Then why do I feel like a constant failure all the time?” I stirred my glass slowly.

“Because you’re reaching for the stars, Elsie. You were meant for greater things. Your family might not ever be able to admit they were wrong, but you and I both know they are. Your brothers will appreciate every step you have taken.”

“I hope so. You know it is Max's birthday next month? He will be an adult. Eighteen came too fast. He invited me back home to celebrate with him and Alex. I miss them.”

“Well, you should go. It might be good for you and them.” He smiled.

“I don’t know, with finals coming up. I might try harder this year than I did last year.” I winced a bit.

“Don’t put yourself down. You’ve always done what is best for them. They are getting old enough now to take care of themselves, and they will always have you to guide them.”

“I just don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here.” I sighed.

“Well, for starters, you can take this old guitar for a spin and give us some real music to listen to tonight, and maybe then you might feel at least a little bit better.” He offered out his guitar and I smiled, the familiar instrument humming against my fingertips as I took hold of it.

Distant memories of sitting in this bar studying and cramming every bit of knowledge I needed to survive along with the off days when Tony had taken the time to get to know me and my life. It was in those moments that I had felt a sliver of real happiness. When I was sad, he would pull out his guitar and play so awfully just to make me laugh. Until I asked him to teach me how to play for myself.

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I stood and Tony hopped onto the stage to set up a stool and another mic for his guitar, simultaneously turning down the karaoke machines music. I smiled appreciatively and nodded as he moved off the stage so I could sit on the small stool in the middle of the dais. I adjusted the strap as onlookers scrutinized me from below in the dim lighting.

I began the familiar strum of one of my favorite songs and cleared my throat.

“Hey, uh, I’m Elsie.” I swallowed hard as my fingers moved with the music. “This is Lullabies.” I swallowed again. “Alright.”

When I finally released the first note, I closed my eyes to calm my nerves, and the lyrics fell off my lips easily. I didn’t really like to sing live, but Tony always insisted. The acoustics in the bar had my voice carrying further than it normally did. The vibrations caused the hair on my arms to stand at attention.

As soon as it was done, I could feel the heat on my face. It didn’t take me long to unlace the guitar from my hip and hop off-stage as the crowd cheered. I sat back down at my table, lightly waving with a sheepish smile, waiting for the limelight to spread past me and onto the next inebriated person to claim the stage.

A light pat to my shoulder caused me to jump and Jaylyn laughed at my expense as she took a seat next to me.

“Hey, stranger.” I smiled widely.

“Hey, yourself.” She breathed, a smile touching the corners of her mouth. “That was amazing.”

“Oh.” My face turned another shade darker. “Thanks.”

Ryker and Abraham took a flank to each side of her. It would not be nearly alarming if I hadn’t been the only one beside Giovanni that understood the tension between the two of them where it concerned Jay. Or any other aspect of our lives if I was being honest.

“Hey, Els. Nice pipes.” Ryker encouraged.

“Thank you. I didn’t know you guys were coming. I thought you might have forgotten about karaoke night.” I admitted.

“Never.” Abraham boast. “We wouldn’t forget. Sorry for running behind.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I smiled. “No big deal. Plus, Giovanni and Sarah came to keep me company.” I motioned in their general direction.

Jaylyn said nothing, she just knew.

“Well, it might please you to know that I finally beat these two in a fight.” Abraham sounded proud, but I was confused. “On a bet.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, is right.” Jaylyn scoffed. “If cheap sucker punches are the best way to win a fight.”

“Hey, it got me where I needed to be, didn’t it?” Now he just sounded cheap.

“Sure, buddy.” Jaylyn hissed under her breath.

I looked between the three of them trying to figure them out. “So, if it was a bet, what were the terms?”

“Well...” Ryker hesitated and then groaned. “Jay and I have to sing for karaoke night.”

“Oh, well that’s not too bad then, right?” I couldn’t understand the feeling of relief that washed through me.

“I guess.” Jaylyn snarled. “I hate singing.”

“It’ll be alright.” Ryker tried to sooth her.

“Best part is, Elsie, you get to pick the song.” Abraham said.

“Do I?” My shoulders perked up as I looked expectantly between Ryker and Jaylyn.

Jaylyn didn’t return my gaze and simply sulked in the chair next to mine. Ryker tried to comfort her more.

“Yeah.” Ryker was the one who answered.

“Okay.” I hopped off my stool and weaved myself in between the crowd to find the list of people waiting to sing right next to the book of songs available on the karaoke machine.

Picking a song proved to be harder than I thought once I skimmed through the first few pages. Jaylyn and I’s music tastes were remarkably similar but that didn’t mean she would know a random song of my choosing and I had no idea what type of music Ryker listened to on a daily basis. When my finger drifted underneath one of my all-time favorites, my choice had been made easily. There was no way neither of them knew it, and if they didn’t, I would end up being sorely disappointed. I print their names quickly along with their song choice and walk back over to the table where Abe is laughing quietly.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Abraham thinks he is pretty clever...” Ryker started.

“Figures you would pick a song that would end up embarrassing us both.” Jaylyn finished for him.

“Why would I do that?” I asked Abraham with a raised brow. “I picked a song I think they would be good at. I hope you guys like it.”

“Really?” Disappointment from Abe.

“Well, duh. I’m not out to make anyone feel bad.” I explained.

“Now you see why I said Elsie could pick.” Jay smirked.

“That’s not fair.”

“It totally is.” She smiled. “A deal’s a deal.”

Just at that moment, my phone buzzed on the table. I lifted it so that it was slightly facing away from the rest of them to see a message from Nick, telling me that he was on his way to the bar. I would have to ask him what he got around doing today. He was supposed to show up earlier, but my nerves had rose when he didn’t show and wouldn’t return my texts.

As soon as I set my phone down, Jay’s stare pierced through me. I didn’t like keeping things from her and I know she wouldn’t approve of me messing around with Nick, but I actually really liked the guy I was starting to get to know. Hopefully, she would understand once I came clean about it all. Until then, Nick had promised not to say anything to her, or the boys, so that it wouldn’t somehow find its way back to her.

I just was not ready to tell everyone yet.

Between the laughter and the talking, time seemed to fly by. Eventually, when Nick finally made his appearance, he kept a ridiculously small distance between us. To everyone in the group and any onlookers, he would just appear to be another member of our posse. His hand would brush mine as we all reached for our drinks and continued with the conversation Abraham and Ryker were having about how the bet came to be. It was fun and I didn’t realize how much we had been lacking in seeing each on a daily like normal.

“Next up, Jay and Ryker.” The announcer called out.

We all tensed, waiting to see what Jaylyn would do. She swallowed hard and then downed her beer. “Well, let’s get it over with, shall we?”

“Alright.” Ryker smiled and followed her up to the stage.

Listen to song here while you read next part. Iris by Diamante & Breaking Ben!!!! Thanks

They both stood there awkwardly until the familiar song’s entrance started playing, albeit in a different key. Jaylyn’s shoulders visibly relaxed and she looked over at Ryker with a bit more confidence than before. He only gave her a quirky smile and waited for the lines to start. Once they did, Jaylyn started, and my mouth dropped. Iris had never sounded so complete until that moment.

As soon as Ryker joined in, their voices entwined beautifully. Ryker apparently knew how to match pitch. The crowd started cheering halfway through, causing them both to loosen up a bit and sing towards one another, rather than the crowd. Jaylyn’s eyes softened, and Ryker reached out for her hand, just as I jumped when a hand enclosed around mine.

Nick had grabbed my hand and held it gently in his, his eyes never leaving my face and I could only smile. This boy loved me something fierce, I could feel it in my bones. When the music stopped everyone erupted into applause and whistles, causing Jay to hide her smile into the crook of Ryker’s shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist, I jumped out of my own little world and joined with the rest of them.

As soon as they approached the table, I hugged Jaylyn hard. “That was so amazing! And you said I could sing? Girl, I think you might be tone deaf if you haven't heard your own singing voice.” I gushed.

“I said I hated singing, Els.” She smiled. “Not that I couldn’t.”

“Best karaoke partner, this side of campus.” Ryker laughed and squeezed her tighter.

“And what about the other half?” She crossed her arms and lifted a brow.

“Welllllll......” Ryker started, and she punched him lightly in the stomach.

“That was a really good song.” Nick joined in.

“Has a lot of meaning for me.” Jay said quietly.

“What kind of meaning?” Nick asked.

She shot a glare at him. “None of your business.”

“Alright. Alright.” He held up his palms in surrender.

Ryker looked around, clearly confused. “Where’d Abraham take off to?”

“Hm.” I looked around as well. “He was just here a second ago. Must not have noticed him leaving while you two were rocking the stage.”

“I guess he’ll just hit me up later.” Ryker said.

The only one who didn’t seem to be with the rest of us was Nick. He looked like he knew exactly where Abraham had gone and why, and I think I was starting to catch on as the night continued.