A week later, Jim, X017, and now Douglas are gathered at their usual lunch table. Jim leaned forward, grinning. “It’s past time for a team-building activity. I mean, this office needs bonding like the Titanic needed a lifeboat.”
Douglas raised an eyebrow. “Team building? I can already tell this is going to be terrible.”
“Now listen to this,” Jim said, pulling out his phone. “Hop Back in Time! Craft Beer Tasting Day at the Vintage Technologies Museum—Experience the Wonders of the Past While Sipping the Future!”
“Now that is the dream--old tech and experimental beer!”, Jim declared now lost in the nerd fest inside his head.
Douglas leaned back, crossing his arms. “The dream? More like the lamest excuse to drink in public. I’m in.”
“Inquiry: What is a ‘field day’ in this context?” X017 asked, his tone genuinely puzzled.
“X,” Jim said, his excitement building, “in this context, it’s an excuse to look at old tech junk and drink beer. This is perfect team bonding material. All you have to do is ‘draft’ a memo from HR.”
“Observation: Humans are more likely to comply when beverages are involved. Drafting memo now,” X017 replied, his optics flickering.
Two days later at 11:00 a.m. sharp, the policy paper portal spews forth:
ATTENTION ALL STAFF:
To foster teamwork and creativity, HR is pleased to announce a mandatory field day for the following team members: Douglas Allen, Karen Kowalski, Jim Gavin, IT Intern Workers 42, 38, and 25:
Craft Beer Tasting Day at the Vintage Technologies Museum!
Enjoy interactive exhibits on groundbreaking innovations, followed by a curated selection of craft experimental brews inside the museum. Attendance is required to ensure maximum synergy and cultural alignment.
Transportation will be provided. Failure to attend will result in an appointment with the Behavioral and Cultural Alignment Committee.
Thank you for your cooperation!
—Multi-Matrix Human Resource Management
The group arrived at the museum on a Friday evening two days later, greeted by a sign that read:
“Experimental Craft Beer Tasting—Exclusively in the Hall of Technological Marvels.”
The memo from HR had been met with the usual mix of confusion and exasperation. Karen, of course, was thrilled.
“This is such a wonderful idea!” she declared, waving the memo like a golden ticket. “Craft beer and learning about vintage technology? It’s perfect for team bonding!”
Worker 42 furrowed her brow. “Vintage technology? That’s just a cover. I bet it’s a recruitment scheme for the Behavioral and Cultural Alignment Committee. They’ll use the craft beer to lower our guard.”
Douglas snatched the memo from her hands, scanning it with a scowl. “Team building? Craft beer? What is this, a corporate midlife crisis? If I wanted to bond over overpriced drinks, I’d join a dodgeball league.”
Jim grinned from his desk. “Douglas, it’s free craft beer and old tech. Stop complaining—you might actually enjoy yourself.”
Douglas folded his arms. “I don’t enjoy things, Jim. You know that.”, Douglas said leaning into his ‘role’ of Captain Killjoy.
X017’s optics flickered as he chimed in. “Observation: Resistance to the directive is minimal. Compliance is likely to reach 100% due to the inclusion of beverages.”
Jim leaned back in his chair. “See, even X gets it. Relax, Douglas. It’ll be fun.”
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Friday arrived with minimal resistance to the field trip directive. Surprisingly, even Douglas showed up on time, albeit with his trademark scowl firmly in place. Jim, on the other hand, was practically bouncing with excitement before they’d even stepped inside the museum.
Thirty minutes into their excursion, Jim, now vibrating with excitement and whatever is in “Hopocalypse Redux Craft Beer “
Jim pointed at an exhibit and ran over. “Look at this! It’s an Altair 8800! I’ve only seen these in books.”
Douglas, holding a pint of experimental IPA, rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thrilling. This bucket of bolts probably ran on hamster wheels.”
Karen clapped her hands. “It’s just so cool how they turned junk into progress!”
Worker 42 stared at an old fax machine, frowning. “Was this a device to spy on offices?”
X017 interrupted a museum guide mid-sentence. “Your description of the Commodore 64 is inaccurate. Shall I elaborate?”
The guide blinked. “Um… sure?”
Douglas, grimacing after a sip: “This IPA tastes like regret and motherboard dust.”
“This one’s got notes of static electricity and… disappointment.”, Jim decrees.
X017, analyzing his stout: “Observation: Fermentation processes are inefficient yet culturally revered. Conclusion: Novelty supersedes function.
The group meanders towards a display labeled “The Internet Revolution: The Age of Dial-Up,” X017 stopped, scanning a towering pile of AOL diskettes and CDs encased in glass.
“Fascinating,” he said.
Jim glanced over. “What’s up, X?”
X017 tilted his head towards the exhibit. “Analysis: The volume and distribution patterns of these objects suggest a coordinated effort far beyond standard marketing practices.”
Douglas snorted. “You mean the part where they shoved ‘50 Free Hours!’ into every mailbox in America? My elderly Aunt told me about that. You build entire structures with diskettes and CDs she said.”
“No,” X017 replied. “The data suggests this was not a promotional strategy but a multi-tiered revenue structure—commonly referred to as a ‘pyramid scheme.’”
Karen gasped. “You’re saying… AOL physical media was a scam?”
“Clarification: Not a scam. A cleverly disguised effort to exploit exponential distribution via unwitting participants.”, X017 explained with what Jim could swear was ‘wonder’.
Jim took another swig of beer and grinned. “So, you’re telling me, when my grandmother handed me a box of these to ‘just throw away,’ she was basically a cog in the machine?”
X017 nodded. “Precisely.”
Worker 42 leaned closer to the display, whispering, “I knew it. This was never about the internet access. It was about control.”
Douglas raised his pint. “To AOL, the original tech cult.”
Jim, Douglas, and X017 now moved to stand in front of the communications display, a chaotic array of phones spanning decades—from rotary dialers to clunky mobile bricks. The museum guide, an older gentleman with a voice like a documentary narrator, gestured to a dusty beige handset.
“And this,” the guide said, “was famously used in the 1970s for phone phreaking. By mimicking specific tones, enterprising individuals could manipulate the phone system to make free calls or access restricted lines. It was rudimentary hacking, but highly effective in its time.”
Douglas raised an eyebrow. “So basically, they scammed their way to free long distance. Figures.”
Jim proclaimed, “I think it’s genius. These guys were decades ahead of their time. Hacking with a whistle? That’s creativity.”
X017’s optical lights flickered. “Query: Could modern communication systems still be influenced by tonal manipulation?”
The guide hesitated, clearly not expecting such a question. “Uh… theoretically, I suppose? But most systems have safeguards in place now.”
X tilted his head. “Observation: Safeguards are often susceptible to creative circumvention.”
Jim shot X017 a look. “Let’s maybe not apply ancient hacking techniques to today’s office, okay?”
X’s lights flickered again, a sign Jim was starting to recognize as a hint of playful defiance. “Noted. Hypothetical applications only.”
Douglas groaned. “Great. Now you’ve given him ideas. The robot’s going to start whistling into our phones.”
After the official tour, the guide led them to a room with a sign reading: “Interactive Exhibit: Expendable Technology Room.”
“This is where you can get creative with outdated tech,” the guide said cheerfully. “Feel free to experiment!”
Jim’s eyes lit up. “You’re telling me we have free rein with this stuff? Best day ever.”
Douglas picked up an ancient rotary phone, turning it over in his hands. “This thing’s basically a brick. I bet we could catapult it through a window.”
Jim nodded thoughtfully. “Or… we could rig it to call random extensions all day.”
X017 held up a dial-up modem. “Proposal: Combine this with existing museum infrastructure to create a temporary EMP.”
Karen gasped. “Or we could use it to make art! Like a tech sculpture!”
Douglas stared at her. “Why are you like this?”
After an hour of ‘team bonding,’ the group boarded the bus back to the office. A tipsy Jim slouched back in his seat, grinning at Douglas. “See? Best field day ever.”
Douglas, swirling the last sip of his beer in a to-go cup, shrugged. “I’ll admit, it wasn’t the worst mandatory fun I’ve ever had. But next time, we’re skipping the synergy nonsense.”
X017 tilted his head. “Observation: Synergy is a byproduct of shared beverages and sarcasm.”
Worker 42, clutching a floppy disk coaster she purchased at the gift shop, whispered, “This isn’t over. They’re still watching.”