Time is a fickle thing as a child. Even now, despite having the mind of an adult, it just seems to flow fluidly. It's been another year since I cracked my head on the floor and learned of the existence of magic. And hardly anything has changed since then. You’d think that the knowledge of magic existing would’ve changed everything. Maybe I would finally learn my destiny and figure out why I was brought to this world and maybe I could get a head start on becoming a magnificent new wizard!
No.
Still a baby, and I’m stuck doing baby things.
Being a child sucks. It’s so goddamn boring, though, that is changing. How so? Well first off, the idea of building a house in my mind is paying off. Okay, I wasn’t actually building a house, I have no idea how to do anything like that. Like seriously why are there so many types of hammers or nails, and why do so many of them look so similar? Again, I never said I was smart. I’m no doctor. Or would that be more like an engineer? Are engineers doctors? Why are all professionals considered “doctors.” Huh…
Anyways, building a house in my mind would be a bad idea. I couldn’t even make a mud hut without it falling on my head. So instead I've been roleplaying with myself in my head. Imagining what it would be like to explore a fantasy world in my mind. Essentially, I've been playing D&D with myself. Though doing so was rough without having dice or the rulebooks nearby. So I’ve just been sort of coming up with shit as I went. Homebrew. For instance, if I needed to make a skill check, I would look at the light above my crib. The thing must’ve been old because it would flicker a little every couple of minutes, but not all the time.
So I’d place a wager. I needed to jump a gap in my mind, so the stakes were this. If the light flickers in the next minute, I make the jump. If it doesn’t. I fail.
Super fun right?
Not.
Now that’s not all I’ve been doing. I've also been thinking about the spell my mother had cast on me the day I cracked my head, and I couldn't help but wonder. How does magic work in this world? Is it like in D&D? Do we have spell slots? Can anyone do magic?
Since I was reincarnated, does that mean I'm special? Do I get to have all the cool superpowers like in all those Isekai stories? Is this some form of litrpg world with stats and shit?
How would I even start to try and see if I could do magic? I've tried meditating and focusing on my potential or some weird shit I’ve read or watched in an anime. However, that normally ended with me having an accident and crying for my caretakers. So that clearly didn’t work, and no way in hell I’m trying that again. God, having little to no control over my body really suuucks.
Anyway, maybe it is like D&D; my new mother had used a scroll on me and was also chanting something when she did it. Alas, I don't know the hocus-pocus words to cast spells, because again. I am a freaking baby, and of course, I now just realized I’d have to learn the native language. Frrrr–dammit! My life sucks.
Yet as time marched on, as a fresh two-year-old, I gradually began to learn how to walk. My daily exercise of standing up and falling on my ass repeatedly has paid off. Now I'm fully capable of waddling around at an impressive speed. How fast is impressive? Well, I can scurry my little ass from one end of the hall to the other in like twenty seconds. How long is the hallway? Uh, we’re not going to talk about that. Just picture me moving super fast, trust me.
And despite my dreading of learning a whole new language, I've even begun to pick up what the adults have been saying. I'm still rough around the edges, but I think I'm starting to get a grasp on things. First off, I think I know the names of Bonehead and the Boss.
The Boss’s name I learned sounds like Cairynn.
Bonehead’s name sounds like Sryran.
As for my older brother, who was now speaking quite clearly for a four-year-old, his name was Varis. So far, when converted to English, these names sound exactly as they're pronounced, which should make things easier for me. I felt bad constantly referring to these two by nicknames. For instance, Bonehead wasn’t much of that anymore. He no longer treated me like a football or got overly aggressive when he tried to play with me. Now I should clarify aggressive as in picking me up too fast or pretending to make me “fly.” He wasn’t doing anything mean, just stuff I didn’t like. As for the Boss, she was still bossy and had bonehead wrapped around her finger. I swear, that lady, she was scary when mad.
You might be wondering why even gave them nicknames in the first place rather than just calling them “Mom” or “Dad.” And you’re totally right to ask that. The reason is, well, I don’t see them as my parents. It feels weird still being alive. Or well, alive in another body. It’s been two years, two long years I should clarify. I glazed over a ton of the monotony. There’s no way I’m in a coma. This is real, all of this feels so real, yet, it feels weird. Like I shouldn’t be here. So, forgive me if it takes some time to see these strangers as who they really are. I know the facts, I’m just having a hard time understanding them.
Anyway, enough with the depression talk.
Despite me being a pathetic, tiny, little, baby person. I’ve tried to speak. Being two years old I should at least know a couple of words, and hell I have the brain of an adult. So this shouldn’t be too hard right? Well, not so much. I've tried speaking English several times in this new form, and so far, it's interesting. These childlike muscles weren't ready to form the words of a Shakespearean play, but I've been able to speak softly to myself during my lonesome periods in the crib. Hearing a voice that’s not my own, let alone a child. Was weird dude, I mean, actually frightening. It took a long time to get used to hearing myself mutter to myself, and it took a while for my new parents as well. Yeah, they heard me.
I've been caught a handful of times muttering phrases to myself when waltzing around the house. Fortunately for me, they don’t know what English muttered by a baby is and therefore my parents found me to be immensely adorable as they thought I was just babbling to myself... Which, y'know, I kind of was in a sense. The part that did stun them was when my mother caught me reciting her name. It started about a week ago.
I had gotten into the rhythm of walking around the house early in the morning when the Boss came to my room to take me downstairs. By this point, Bonehead had already left for his job, which I assumed to be some sort of guard or police work, as I had seen him come home a few times in the evening wearing some form of uniform along the lines of what you'd see in an old Victorian photo of a police officer.
My new mother would place me down in our wide, open living room and put up the typical baby gates to keep me in while she tended to her morning chores. I always wondered why the folks have never bothered with getting a maid or something. From what I’ve seen scouting around the house the couple who cared for me looked wealthy. Or were at least well off based on all the fancy furniture and overall state of the house seemed to be. Having a maid would be nice. The idea of a gorgeous woman in a pretty maid's uniform taking care of me was quite amusing. What can I say? A man can dream. Or should I say a girl can dream? Y’know, I’m still not used to being a girl now. Now and again I still get startled by the fact Johnson took the boys away when left whenever the Boss changed me. Mentally rewiring my brain is going to take some getting used to.
Point is. I wanted a change of scenery. To see someone different. For two years now I’ve been seeing the same three people aside from a few, rare, but exciting moments when others from the local town stopped by. From what I've seen from the house windows, we're in a rural town somewhere in god knows where. So the idea of us getting a maid was probably unlikely.
God my life sucks.
As I lamented over the fact I would never see a pretty maid ever again. I decided to pass the time by looking at some books and practicing speech. While I can't exactly read, the Boss and Bonehead had dozens, if not a hundred or more books in this house, many of which had pictures and maps and that’s all any man needs to enjoy a book. My new parents at first detested me going through their books, but when they noticed how delicately I treated them at the time, they both shared a confused look and left me to it.
One book, in particular, I was fascinated with was this one, which featured on the cover a massive, red-scaled dragon battling a group of wizards surrounded by soldiers armed with what looked like muskets or some kind of rifle that fired lasers. Which was the coolest shit I’ve seen since waking up in this world. Wizards, dragons, and laser guns, what else could a man ask for? Either muskets shoot energy bolts in this world, or the artist was just having a whirl with this, and honestly, I was hoping for the former.
I had pulled the book off of the lower shelves and let it fall to the floor with a thud before getting down and opening it. As I flipped through the pages, I could feel my excitement growing. The illustrations inside were just as captivating as the cover, inside were illustrations depicting epic battles and breathtaking landscapes. As I delved deeper I witnessed highly detailed runic images and depictions of deity-like beings and heroes. Along with horrific monsters and magical spells that caused my mind to run wild as my imagination took over. I was completely engrossed in the book, so much so I had lost track of time and while I turned the page, I began to mutter to myself.
To be specific, I kept saying, "Cairynn... Ca-Cairynn..." I was repeating what I overheard Bonehead say to the Boss last night. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was saying the name of someone. At the time I didn’t know it was her’s. I just knew he kept saying it and the Boss responded, so there was no issue repeating it right? Still, I didn't notice my mother watching me from a distance while I kept repeating that name.
"Roona?" I perked up when I heard the Boss speak and I turned to look at her. She muttered something to me in a questioning tone, cocked her head, and then rolled her wrist in a gesture as if to suggest, "Keep going."
Immediately I felt my cheeks flush as I was put on the spot. I understood her perfectly; she was curious as to what I was up to. Maybe she was trying to get me to say it again. Oh shit have I just used a racial slur? No, you idiot, if you did she’d be pissed… unless… she’s a racist? No! No, or well. I don’t know, I’m overreacting here. The only way to know for sure is to try it out.
"Cairynn..." I said it again, and to my shock, my mom's face lit up with happiness. Last thing I knew I was sitting on the ground when, all of a sudden, she hurled herself at me and picked me up. While she was giving me a forehead kiss, I heard her repeatedly say my name joyfully. It was at this moment I couldn’t help but smile gleefully, the Boss really can be adorable when she isn’t scary.
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In the subsequent days, my parents doted on me. Hearing his name repeated back to him softened even my tough-looking father. The Bonehead invited me to sit down, and then he started pointing to his chest and said, "Sryran. Sry-ran." Before indicating my chest and pronouncing "Roo-na."
I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly what he was trying to do. My name was Syran and he was Roona. I’m just joking. Of course, my newfound parents had no idea I was the most intelligent baby on the planet, nor did I want to spoil that surprise. As fun as it would be to act like Stewie Griffon I doubted the rest of the world would just go along with me flexing my brilliance on them. What I’m saying is the world isn’t ready for my smarts.
Nah I’m fucking around. Somewhat. As I sat in my father’s lap at first, I played along, pretending to not know what was going on. “Roo-na!” The Bonehead said again as he gently tapped my chest with a large index finger.
“Sry-ran.” He tapped his chest again and then proceeded to speak gibberish. I have no idea what to compare the language to as the only other language I sorta spoke before waking up in this world was Japanese. Why Japanese? Well, you see I took quite an interest in the culture of Japan back in one of my old history classes in High School–oh who the fuck am I kidding, it’s because I watched anime. I admit it!
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
If I had to guess. I’d say German or some kind of Slavic language. Maybe a mix of the two. It was harsh, but also gentle, though sometimes it sounded like Bonehead was trying to suck air through a straw. Especially during nights when he and the Boss drank. Which was like every other night.
My father repeated the gesture of tapping his chest and saying his name before doing the same to me. I continued to play stupid, grabbing at his finger I used my little hands to grip him tightly as he smiled and looked at me confused as he wondered what I was doing. That’s when I unleashed the plan. Operation Cuteness Overload. Turning my internal cuteness parameters to “All-In”.
I looked up at Bonehead with wide eyes and flexed my vocal cords as best I could. "Sryran!" I chirped gleefully, and my father instantly melted into putty. Ladies and gentlemen… We got him.
At this point, my parents must've seen me as a genius. They had watched me practically learn how to crawl on my own and even walk. Every milestone must've been coming at them rapidly, and already I was beginning to practice basic speech. They were overjoyed, yet at the same time, I couldn't help but also notice a bit of uneasiness.
My brother didn't seem to care, though. Varis was more than eager to play with me now that I could run around. I was nowhere near as strong as him, but he and I occasionally got into wrestling matches. My parents were quick to shut down when caught. He always got a huge scolding, probably because I wasn't a boy like him. Which was absolutely unfair and I demand a rematch. I don’t care if Johnson left me. I was winning! I don’t care what anyone else says, me being under him, was all part of the plan. It was a deception campaign to lure him into a false sense of security so that I could come out on top. That is my story.
Jokes aside. I’ll admit, aside from the occasional accident or potty break, I tend to forget that I'm not a boy anymore. Genuinely it’s very weird. Not bad, I have nothing against what’s changed so far. I still don’t know how I feel, it’s not bad nor do I feel indifferent. The only other emotion I guess would be… great? I don’t know. I haven’t disliked it so far. Maybe things won’t be any different. Unless girls are treated like shit in this world, which so far I haven’t seen anything that says otherwise. Then again, I’d yet to leave this house. Maybe I should keep it in mind, just in case I may accidentally get my new brother in trouble.
Speaking of which, the boy, Varis, was growing on me. Unlike me, the kid didn’t have the consciousness of an adult. Yet he was maturing rapidly—not as quickly, but still pretty fast. My parents weren't the strictest, honestly; they were very lenient. The boy just seemed to be maturing at his own pace. Maybe it has to do with elves? Maybe they—we—gotta remember I am one now, mature faster than humans? I dunno, but the point is, he's becoming a lot more tolerable. Long gone are the days of me staring at him and making him doubt his self-worth, as well as the days of him poking his head into my crib. He and I, we’ve seen to come to a silent agreement. He stays out of my crib, I stop making him feel like shit. A social contract we sorta put together over the course of the past year.
All in all, he may still occasionally behave poorly, but he remains my little shit.
I should also note that this world also seems to have its holidays. Some seem similar to the ones I'm used to back home. I don't know the names of any of them yet, but there seems to be one in winter in which the Boss and Bonehead took us out to town for the first time this year; apparently, we hadn't gone the years before due to us being too young, I assumed. Yet now we were bundled up in suits and coats. Or, well, I wasn't.
The Boss had put on this beautifully tailored dress suit with a matching coat, while Bonehead wore a sharp tuxedo. Over these, they had heavy winter jackets, while Varis and I had our outfits. Varis was dressed in his little tailored suit similar to his father's, while I had a frilly purple and blue dress. I have worn many things in my life. From suits to shirts, jackets, polos, tank tops, sweaters. Pretty much anything you can slap on a man, I have worn it.
I had never once in all my years of living, ever expected to wear something like this. It was soft, frilly, and in the way. Holy cow this thing had so much useless fabric. I am all for wearing baggy clothes. Baggy clothes are awesome, they’re comfy, they’re loose, and there’s just enough extra fabric that it isn’t in the way. It wasn’t bad, I should make that very clear I would be a liar if I said it wasn't at least comfortable. What I will say is that it was different.
If this is the kinda stuff I’m expected to wear as I get older. Then being a girl is going to be interesting. Unless this world has its equivalent of tomboys, then maybe. Just maybe I can still wear my comfy baggy clothes. Or I can just man up and embrace the suck. Who knows, maybe wearing dresses could be fun.
After we were dressed, the Boss and Bonehead put a comfy little coat over me before stuffing me into a stroller while the man hoisted Varis up onto his shoulders, and we began to make our way out of the house. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. For two years, I haven't set foot on this property. Even the front and back lawns were still mostly unexplored territory, yet here we were, leaving the house.
As we went outside, I shivered a little in my stroller. Father Winter had been kind to us this year, it seemed. There were about a couple of inches of snow sprinkled across the ground across the landscape, giving it this blinding light as the sun reflected across the surface of the snow. It was a clear morning. The air was crisp and refreshing, causing my breath to form small clouds in front of me. The silence was broken only by the sound of my stroller's wheels crunching through the snow, creating a rhythmic pattern. It felt like stepping into a winter wonderland, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe and excitement as we made our way through unfamiliar surroundings towards the small town peeking out from over the hills ahead.
I could hear Bonehead and Varis speaking as they took the lead, and occasionally the Boss would bend down and whisper to me as she pointed towards areas of interest even though I had no idea what she was saying. Specifically, she gestured towards a large windmill on a nearby hill, where even now the massive blades churned slowly, and up ahead, I could see smokestacks coming from the houses down at the town, where I could finally see a large gathering in the town square near the main road. The town itself was beautiful, almost like something out of an old European painting from the 19th century. Brick houses and buildings huddled close together, their facades adorned with intricate carvings and colorful shutters. The cobblestone streets meandered through the town, lined with charming cafes and quaint shops that seemed frozen in time.
Yet as we drew closer, I noticed the main road was clear and swept; not a single person stood on it. I could also see stalls and shops along the way. I couldn't help but wonder if this was perhaps a set-up for a parade—a show, maybe? The anticipation grew as we approached the town square, curious about the purpose of the gathering. The vibrant decorations adorning the stalls and shops hinted at a festive atmosphere, fueling my excitement and curiosity even more.
Not to mention, I got to see other people. Like actual people who weren't just family. As we approached the main road where a majority of people gathered, I saw all sorts of other species and people that blew me away. Hell, I even saw humans within the crowd like actual humans. Who would’ve thought I’d be surprised to see them? Not only were there humans, but there were other elves, dwarfs, and even a few halflings, along with some folk who looked like demons. I hope that isn't racist. They were scary-looking though. They had elven ears like my own, but their skin was either dark purple or red, their eyes were a vast array of colors, and they had twisted horns. Some of them even have wings and tails it was so awesome, if not unnerving. Especially when they smiled, because wow, I thought a shark’s mouth was unnerving.
God, I’m really not helping myself. They’re good people I swear.
It was a bit unnerving at first as we got close to them, but over time I became fascinated, and soon my eyes were darting all over the place, trying to soak in as much detail as I could. Yet as I explored, my attention was soon drawn to what sounded like music and heavy drums, and suddenly a booming voice echoed over the crowd. An announcer that I couldn't understand called out and soon the town square erupted in cheers and hollers as the drums and music grew louder along with the rhythmic sound of marching.
As the audience started clapping and singing together, a deafening noise erupted. As I glanced about bewildered, the Boss leaned down, unclipped me from my stroller, and cradled me to her chest. She flashed me a grin and gestured toward the street, and my jaw dropped at what I saw. I didn't just hear a marching band; it sounded like an entire army.
Soldiers in gray, white, and yellow dress uniforms, with tall black hats atop their heads, marched in unison. The soldiers sang as they marched in time to the music, making a deafening racket as their boots pounded the cobblestone streets. The sheer number of soldiers seemed to extend indefinitely down the road, making for an impressive and frightening image. As I saw the impressive exhibition of military precision before me as the column thundered by. Following behind them my jaw nearly hit the ground as I saw behind them was…
Well, the best way to describe was that there were dinosaurs. Not the type of dinosaurs I recalled growing up, but some kind of huge reptilian animals were following the troops, complete with gigantic pieces of artillery strapped to their backs or pulled by carts. There was so much artillery being put on display I had no way of discerning if these men and women were participating in a military parade or preparing for battle. Which honestly. I hope it was just for the show. It’d suck if this world was also plagued with war.
The parade of soldiers and displays of military hardware went down the main thoroughfare of the town for several minutes. Other than the armaments, the displays of officers and what I took to be high-ranking generals riding what looked like enormous velociraptors were very fascinating. One of the creatures was a large black-scaled predator with black and gray feathers protruding around its glowing red eyes and down its neck. Making it an immensely intimidating creature its razor-sharp teeth protruded out the sides of its mouth as it snarled and hissed. The beast wore heavy armor that glistened and shined brightly in the sun as it carried the heavy burden of not only that but also the man on its back. A plump human man road on top of the beast, his face pale and his eyes small and icy. Aside from his thick, blonde mustache the man was entirely bald. Judging by the amount medals and insignia displayed across his chest it was clear he was some kind of high-ranking individual who wanted to be the center of attention.
Yet, as if on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, besides the pristine general, a smaller dinosaur was riding next to him, and on top was a beautiful elven woman wearing a similar dress uniform to the soldiers. Yet instead, she had a white cloak over her shoulders and a hood adorning her head, where I could faintly see snow-white bangs that shielded her eyes. Strapped to the side of her reptilian mount, I saw she had an ornate staff with a blue orb mounted to the tip. Is she a wizard? I wondered to myself as the crowd cheered and roared around me.
Like the universe knew what I was thinking. I heard the announcer over what sounded like a megaphone, and the beautiful elf pulled her hood back to reveal her short, white hair, as she parted her bangs I saw her striking sapphire eyes, she then took her staff and held it aloft. I saw her lips form an incantation, and then the very tip of her staff burst into a kaleidoscope of colors and arcane particles before shooting energy skyward with an explosion reminiscent of a fireworks display. The general puffed and scratched his mustache as he passed by us, and the audience went berserk. The magician grinned devilishly at the older general as he rolled his eyes.
The parade continued for another hour or so. Among the armed forces were a wide array of magical weaponry and what I assumed to be nationalistic emblems. I saw that painted on much of the armor, weapons, and flags were symbols. A symbol that displayed a black shield with a yellow outline on a white flag; decorating the inside of the shield was the yellow shape of a roaring dragon. I assumed this was the nation's flag. As I clung to the Boss, I could hear her talking to many of the strangers around us; even Bonehead partook as caterers walked amongst the crowd, selling and handing out what looked to be some sort of kebab and sandwich, which Bonehead bought for Varis and himself. In contrast, I received a delightful lollipop that was both sweet and fruity, but unlike any fruit I've ever tasted before, and to be honest, I couldn't think of a comparison. All I knew was that it was tasty, and I was happy.
Later that evening, as the sun began to settle, the Boss and Bonehead took us back home. Varis seemed to be ecstatic about everything he had seen. He and Bonehead seemed to be talking about the events as Varis hoisted his arms up and roared, possibly mimicking the dinosaurs we saw. My mother had placed me in my play area in the living room, which was quickly becoming my second prison. As my new father looked to Varis and motioned for him to stay put, he said something that made Mother place her hand on her hip and sigh, though she smiled lightly as Varis seemed to get very excited.
Bonehead went upstairs, and after a few moments, I blinked in surprise as he came down the stairs wearing a very similar soldier's uniform to the one that we saw at the parade. Ahha, learning some lore. Bonehead is a veteran. Perhaps I should start calling him Jarhead instead, I thought as he began to strike some silly poses. He even had strapped to his belt an iron helmet with a five-sided star etched into it, which he placed on Varis's head, which was too large for him.
Bonehead then turned in my direction and smiled at me. Oh no. "Roona!" He called my name as he came over. I tried to turn and run but I was too slow and he scooped me up off the ground, just as I let out a startled squeak. Oh God, no! He always treats me like a damn football!
I yelled as he tossed me in the air before catching me. I could feel my heart racing as the Bonehead swung me through the air, my squeals of both delight and fear, but mostly fear, echoing around the room. Eventually, though he slowed down and cradled me close to his arm, he muttered my name and kissed me on the head as he turned to the Boss and pulled her in close as we hugged each other as a family.
I blinked as I was pressed gently into my father's side. I felt an odd sensation as I felt completely out of the loop about everything before my father announced something and shook the others off gently. My father… such an odd thing to say. My Mother snorted a giggle as Varis squawked something and stepped back before giving a playful salute that resembled something like a fist pump while still wearing the oversized helmet. My father returned the salute and barked what sounded like an order, and Varis turned and ran upstairs, giggling, while my father turned to Mother and kissed her gently on the cheek before carrying me upstairs. While I was still contemplating what the hell just happened. My heart was fluttering and my eyes kept flicking to and from the Boss and Bonehead.
Then I realized where I was going.
Hey, hold on there! I wriggled and fussed in his grasp. I'm not tired enough to go to sleep! Usually, I don't go to bed in like another hour! I fought against my father's strong embrace and moaned the whole way to my room...