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the one who remembers
Part 58 - setting off into new territory (1)

Part 58 - setting off into new territory (1)

Cale had taken a seat on the window sill in his bedroom and was drinking his favorite tea while Grischa was reading his secret documents. He had been doing that for almost an hour, which is why Cale had found the time to make himself a hot tea and Grischa had also brought his favorite kind, however Grischa did not drink it. He was much too engrossed in the documents that he paid no attention to Cale at all.

The morning hours of the new day had dawned, but Cale was wide awake. Actually, he had intended to plan his next steps in more detail, especially since he didn't have to travel to Frignez any more because of Miguel, but the new situation with Grischa got in his way now. The fact that his friend was dying burdened him immensely, but on the other hand he was also very relieved. For three centuries, Cale had never talked to anyone about the time loop he was trapped in. He had always been afraid that people would not believe him and declare him crazy, which is why he had preferred to keep it to himself. To finally speaking it out was a release of his soul.

"I guess that explains a lot. That's how you were able to write the Chronicles of Creature Lore, and that's why even as a kid you were a better mage than any of us were at that age. Your whole calm, adult manner was justified. You're an adult", Grischa gave voice and hung an exasperated laugh.

"That's what's been bothering you?", replied Cale in wonder, glaring at his friend. "Does that mean you believe me?"

"I believe you, yes, but not your whole time travel theory."

"What else could it be?", admitted Cale in wonder.

"I don't know, maybe something like the Elder's Igrikum? That you're playing with your memories?"

"What?", threw Cale back. What was Grischa talking about? In what way should his time loop be the same as the Igrikum of the Elder? Those were two completely different issues. "What exactly do you mean? I thought the Elder was getting random visions from the future?"

Grischa looked up at him as he set the documents aside.

"I swore to the Eldest that I wouldn't tell anyone about this."

"You're coming to me now with secrets, when I've sort of told you the biggest secret in the world? Pretty bold of you."

"Caleb, I can't. It's not my secret."

"Then don't mention it, it'll just drive me crazy again", Cale threw back. If his Igrikum is not the prediction of future events, then what is it? And then where did he get the information? How exactly did the Elder's Igrikum work and how come he knew so... little?

"Sorry."

"Forget it, I'll figure it out somehow through other means."

"Caleb!"

"I didn't say right away. Geez... why are you always so demanding?", replied Cale, annoyed, rubbing his neck before taking a sip of tea. For a moment he looked at Grischa in silence before pointing at the documents with his hand. "So, what do you think of all this?"

"I can't imagine you came up with this all by yourself. But when you think about how much time you've had, it kind of makes sense. Do you really think you have a chance against the Dragon Queen?", he spoke out carefully, as if afraid someone could hear him. Cale's final stage of the plan was to join forces with many influential and powerful figures to kill the Dragon Queen once and for all. As long as she was alive, the people would probably never be free, and in a certain whiteness, Cale also hoped that this would allow him to break out of the time loop. He was tired of reliving his whole life and watching the same drama every time. He wanted to make his 6th life his last.

"I don't know. I've never come this far to face the Dragon Queen again. But I think it's doable."

"You're insane. We're talking about a queen of dragons here. The strongest power in the entire world. She's said to be the source of all life, and you seriously think you stand a chance against her?"

"What else do you want me to do? Watch the world perish at a later date? How all the cities of mankind are gradually razed to the ground and the people are pushed to the subsistence level?", Cale replied annoyed. Grischa fell silent after Cale's exclamation and looked at him expressionlessly. As much as he didn't want to face the fact, there was a kernel of truth in what Cale had told him. Everything he had noted in those documents had a solid beginning and logical conclusion, and he had witnessed the extent of that in yesterday's fight. He couldn't help but believe Cale. But his plan had a catch and that catch was Grischa. According to Cale's research, the High-Magician was supposed to bring some more important developments for the future, such as traveling with flying ships, as well as assisting in the fight against the Dragon Queen with his ice magic... but at the current time, it didn't look good for that plan. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you."

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"Caleb", the High-Magician began in a calm voice, not returning to the topic of conversation. "What are you going to do if I really die?"

"Please stop saying things like that", Cale replied abruptly. He almost spilled his tea in the jerky movement, so he set the cup down beside him and slid onto the bed.

"No, seriously. What are you going to do then? If what's written in those documents is true, then my knowledge is a crucial factor in humanity's survival."

"Haaaaa Grischa", Cale sighed. "You're still here, and so am I. I haven't put 300 years behind me, only for a damn simpleton like this creature to just take my friend away from me!"

"Am I even your friend?", Grischa retorted while raising the documents into the air. Cale had described the people like pieces in a game and had written down specific instructions on how to win these people over and what to do with them. There was even an order with the most important personalities, almost as if they were just some numbers and not living beings. Cale had done that on purpose, so that he would have an easier time not regretting the death of people, because it would come to that with absolute certainty.

"That's..."

"So no", Grischa countered brusquely, dropping the leaves.

"Would you listen to me first?", Cale asked him in a forced, calm voice. He knew exactly how this must look to the outside, but Cale didn't really had a choice. He wasn't in a position to save everyone, which is why he always focused on getting the most essential and useful people on his side.

"Why should I? So you can use me for something again? So you don't see all your work go down? So you can make sure your plan succeeds? You know what? Maybe it would be best if you killed yourself right here and now and just started over without me in..."

Cale slammed his hand full force against his friend's face, who gave way to the side in surprise, and subsequently rested his hand on his burning cheek. He wanted to shout back what occurred to him to use force, but when he saw Cale's desperate face, his anger abruptly extinguished.

"Do you really think this has ever been easy for me? I've seen millions of people die, lost hundreds of families, held the lifeless bodies of my comrades, my friends, dozens of times. Do you know what it feels like to relive it all again and again and again? To constantly watch the people you love die before your eyes, even though you try to stop it? Can you even imagine how broken that makes a person? You spend decades trying to protect someone you care about, only to have to relive it all over again. He dies and the next moment he's standing in front of me alive and kicking without any memories of you?"

Grischa was silent as he watched Cale's emotional outburst.

"No, you can't! You don't know what it feels like, you can't. Nobody can! At some point, I just stopped wanting to protect everything and everyone all the time. I lost sympathy for other people's lives. There aren't many people who have remained important to me throughout the decades. Really not many. I can count them on one hand. And then you come along? You know, I actually don't know you at all. This is the first time in my life, in my whole life, that we've had a relationship like this, it's completely new territory for me too. Yes, I spent time with you on purpose to win you over. Because I needed you, but I never thought there would be someone new who would become so important to me. Damn it Grischa, you are important to me. You've become a priceless friend to me and no one in the world could replace you!"

Cale lowered his hand and looked down at the bed.

"And I know that even if I were to die again and maybe, just maybe, reset everything back to the beginning, I would do it again. I would include you in my plans again, but not just as a pawn in an endless battle, but as a friend I want to protect", Cale added, breathing a sigh of relief. His heart was racing wildly and he only now realized he was fighting tears. He quickly wiped the water from his face before looking into Grischa's perplexed face. "I've always tried not to lie to you, Grin. I'm not a good liar, but I couldn't help it. How else was I supposed to handle the whole situation?"

"You could have just told us."

"How do you imagine that? Should I just knock on the Magistrat's door after my rebirth and recite the whole story to you? That's bullshit, you would have thrown me out on high note."

"We wouldn't have, the Eldest isn't like that and you know it", Grischa replied, reaching for Cale's hands. "No more secrets. Never again. I want you to tell me everything."

"I'll try."

"No, promise me."

"I promise", Cale returned, forcing himself to put on a smile, even though he would much rather just cry. Why was life so unfair to him? Why did he have to be the only one who remembered? What had he ever done to deserve such punishment?

"That's good, that's what I wanted to hear", Grischa replied, reaching for the documents. "You won't be able to avoid bringing the entire thing up to the council at some point. Now that Exarion has survived, you face a completely unknown future. Even more, I'd be burning to know why the creatures attacked only us and not one of the other cities in Altona."

"I always assumed that they were hunting for the Elder and you High-Magicians. In my other lives, all but Sefra and you died back then."

"That explains why you said the other day that I had a glorious future ahead of me. You already knew I would survive the attack."

"Correct", Cale replied, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Grischa was one of the most important 10 people who had to stay alive for his plan. Having met Grischa a year after the second wave in Bellator, Cale always assumed that he didn't have to worry about the High-Magician. But his misreading of the situation put everything he knew and cared about in jeopardy. "I honestly don't want to think about what would happen to the future without your presence. That would probably drive me insane."

"Understandable."