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the one who remembers
Part 107 - departure & return (1)

Part 107 - departure & return (1)

Grischa was kneeling on the floor, holding his head vigorously with both hands while breathing frantically and looking at the floor with a blank stare.

"Grischa, hey Grischa", Cale called out in a panic. He was kneeling directly in front of him and had stepped on his own uniform with his shoes, while his loose hair fell forward. Grischa loosened one hand and reached for Cale before gripping his jacket tightly and leaning forward.

"I'm fine", Grischa lifted, taking a deep breath and looking up at Cale. His long, white hair hung over his face and his green eyes showed that all was not well.

"I'm fine, my ass", Cale threw back irreverently. "That's not healthy. Headache or no headache, this is going to knock you out."

"Leave it, Caleb. I probably really just need some sleep and it'll get better."

"You can't always make everything seem like nothing is wrong just because it makes you uncomfortable or you don't want to be a burden to anyone."

Cale was furious. Why did he have to watch Grischa suffer again? And why didn't he ever want to be helped? It was the same then. He didn't want to admit that the marking of the Kormandent was dangerous for him and hadn't wanted to share his discomfort. He could have come to Cale on the very first day, why only had he taken so much time? Grischa must have realized that something was wrong with his body, but he waited almost a day before coming to Aaron.

"You're giving this too much thought", Grischa reported, easing off Cale's uniform before slowly beginning to sit up.

"Of course I am. I'm worried and you're not able to realize how serious the situation is", Cale replied and straightened up as well. In the same move, however, he made his communication crystal appear and began infusing mana into it to contact Aletta.

"Caleb, I'm fin..."

"No, Grischa. No. You are not fine. Don't lie to yourself", Cale interrupted his friend, staring at him seriously. Grischa replied nothing, his glazed gaze turning from Cale to the crystal in his hand. Calmly, Cale raised his free hand and pushed Grischa carefully toward his bedroom, which he hadn't used in weeks. "Lie down in bed, please."

Grischa did not seem to enjoy the statement, but now did not complain. Hesitantly, the 1st seat walked into his nearly empty-looking bedroom, while Cale followed him with careful eyes. The black-haired mage had stopped in the hallway outside the door and was erecting a barrier while Grischa got rid of his uniform. As it was broad daylight Grischa's apartment was lighted accordingly, so the 1st seat used magic to draw his curtains.

"Hello Cale", Aletta spoke up after a while. Cale turned his back to Grischa and looked down at the crystal. He was well aware that his friend had noticed the sonic barrier, but he wasn't much concerned about that right now. He was more concerned about his health right now.

"Morning. Sorry to barge in on you like this. It's because of Grischa."

"Did something happen?", the blonde, short-haired mage immediately spoke up. Her surroundings told Cale that she was not currently in the Magistrat. Presumably, she was with the other mages or with Miguel in the city.

"You could say that. He had several unexpected headaches within a shorter period of time, but as quickly as they came, they went away. It wasn't anything bad at first, but by the third time it knocked the floor out from under him", Cale explained matter-of-factly as he braced himself with one hand on the wall and gazed into the large room in front of him.

"By the Holy Mana, that doesn't sound good at all... is his body and mana household alright?", Aletta asked in her tender voice.

"Nothing that would seem unusual to me", Cale reported, causing Aletta to become thoughtful. She didn't make a sound for a few moments before she asked Cale a question in surprise.

"When exactly did this happen?"

"During our meeting."

"Did you talk about anything that might have made Grischa uncomfortably reminded of the Kormandent?"

Cale frowned. He let out a quick backward glance and caught Grischa in the act of putting on a light-colored top.

"Nothing he hadn't heard before. We were actually talking about something completely different."

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"Can you tell me what about?", the young girl spoke up, so Cale hesitated for a moment and finally told her.

"We were talking about our 3rd stage insights. Do you think that may have been the trigger?"

"I can't say for sure, but if it's not something physical, maybe it's something mentally. I was thinking more along the lines of his body repressing information he'd forgotten, but having to do with his memory lapses."

"You mean he was getting headaches because he was trying to remember something he had forgotten?" summarized Cale. Aletta nodded in agreement before turning away to the back and saying goodbye to the people she was currently with. Cale slapped his hand over his mouth as he realized what the problem was.

"I'm already on my way to... Cale?", he could still hear her soft, concerned voice, but he blanked it out. Cale slumped to the floor, recalling the moments when Grischa had gotten his headache. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought as he tried to see things logically. Grischa got the first signs when Cale told him about Basil. The man Cale had met in his past life and therefore knew he also had the Mark. The second time he had when Rosalie had told them about the vision of Cale's death. His first death, as Cale had told Grischa at the time. And the third, most devastating time, it had been Rosalie again. As soon as Grischa seemed to remember something Cale had told him, he got this headache. "What's the matter? Do you have any idea what it could be?"

"I think I'm the trigger for it", he brought out hesitantly and swallowed. His hands began to shake as he realized he was making his friend sick. He never wanted to hurt Grischa, but that's exactly what he was doing unconsciously. He was hurting someone with the knowledge he had hidden for quite a few decades.

"What, Cale, please don't jump to conclusions. Wait until I get to you, okay?"

But Cale already had his answer. The fact that Grischa was trying to remember time travel made him sick. But why only? Was the information about it so horrible for Grischa that he forgot everything about the last two months? Or was it because of the Kormandent?

Cale buried his face in his legs and let the hand with the crystal slide to the ground. Remorse came over him. Why had he gotten so carried away with the situation and told Grischa about it? He should have kept it to himself, then Grischa would be fine. All these centuries, he had also managed never to tell anyone about his time travels. Why had he broken this rule so rashly? Why did he assume that talking to someone about it would help him? His whole life he had been alone, precisely because he was afraid of how people would react when they learned about his other lives? But this? He was hurting him too? That made Cale all the more afraid. It was his behavior that hurt Grischa.

His words and his actions.

Everything he had tried to do in this life seemed completely meaningless to him at that moment. He felt completely lost. Until his conversation with the Eldest, he had not wanted to realize that he was a prisoner of this world. Since that day, Cale knew that his 6th life would not be his last. Then what was the point of him even trying to protect humanity? He would have to witness the entire thing again and again, into infinity.

Like a punishment from the gods.

"Cale. Cale. Whatever you're thinking about right now, it's not your fault!"

But Cale didn't really realize Aletta's voice anymore. He sat huddled in the hallway outside Grischa's bedroom, surrounded by the bright barrier, wasting away. A tear ran down his cheek as he realized he shouldn't have approached people. In his last lives, he had lived so isolated from any civilization that he had missed being able to talk to others. He missed talking to people he cared about, and the guilt of ignoring what was happening in the world had made him despair at the time. But at what cost?

There was no one who could even begin to understand how he felt. How lonely Cale felt and how hard it was for him to pretend that everything was okay. Although, subconsciously, he had always known where his life was leading him. He should never have let it get this far. He should never have befriended Grischa and followed his plan the way he had originally intended.

What was the point of befriending people if they constantly forgot his whole existence? Just as William, Aletta, Philippa and Ben had done in each of his other lives. What was the point of hearing, reliving and telling the same stories dozens of times? No one would remember him anyway, so why was he even bothering?

When Cale could hear a knocking next to him, he raised his head in surprise. The High-Magician was standing almost directly behind him, tapping his finger against the barrier to get his attention. Instantly, Cale straightened up, lowered the barrier, and put on his best smile.

"We're at Grischa's apartment, Aletta", he threw back in a clear voice, wiping the tear from his face. "Thank you for taking the time."

"Always", she replied, before Cale disconnected and walked toward Grischa. The man, who hadn't seen his family in quite a few weeks, stood wordlessly in the doorway. Completely unaware of what was going on in the world right now and what thoughts Cale was having.

"Are you... is everything all right?", Grischa inquired cautiously.

"I'll inform the Eldest later, just so you are informed", Cale replied instead, ignoring the question. He was far from well, but what was the point of talking to anyone about it?

Cale had always been alone, and he always would be. In his last 17 years, he had rarely dropped his mask and shown someone his true personality. Therefore, he made a new decision. He had to turn away from people, even if it would be difficult for him. All his relationships would eventually destroy him in the long run, Cale was aware of that much. He had never been able to deal with that, and that wasn't going to change easily now.

So from now on, he wanted to focus on figuring out how he ended up in this time loop. He wanted to understand why he, of all people, was the only one who survived and find a way to end this cycle. Everything else just didn't make sense. And his best clue was in the mountains, the place he had consciously avoided for nearly 300 years. To the top of the mountain, where the dragons lived.

Inwardly, Cale nodded as he straightened his uniform and made the crystal disappear.

He would seek the black dragon from his insight.