I awoke to dark.
no, not just the lights, I woke to the darkness inside me. a cloud that covered my lungs, my stomach, my kidney, and liver. a mist that covered my heart.
I wanted to tell myself that it was all a bad dream...
but deep down... I knew it wasn't.
I knew...
I knew the truth.
I sat up, putting a hand to my head, feeling a large bump. it almost seemed like a hill, with a mix of a dent. she had me while I fell. but... my mind still wondered what I had done as I glanced over to the red numbered alarm clock that glowed like a star in the darkness of the room.
what had she done....
what did I do...
i swear, I never try to make josy mad. i never do, because I feel she deserves respect and... and loyalty... so why would she...
no no, I'm just being.... irrational.
I'm sure the medicine just kicked in a little early... that's all.
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yes...
no...
yes...
answers and questions filled me, like a water spout to a small clear wine glass. questions overflowed me. no one was turning that water off. I tried to be logical. I did. but...I couldn't...
I needed to know.
I picked up the phone and dialed her number, my hands shaking.
don't worry. You're just overreacting.
i waited and waited, listening to the beeps, waiting for her angelic voice to answer "hello?" but there was only the sound of an alarm type sound coming from the small metallic rectangle... and that fucking rain. yes....the rain...
godammit did I hate that rain.
just try agian. one more time
I dialed agian, my eyes wide, darting between my wrist that held my hand that held the phone. my lungs heaved.
oh god did she get hurt, or did she leave or-
"hello?"
"oh my lord josy are you-"
"stop calling me."
"w-what?"
"I said stop calling me ."
"I... i don't understand did... did I DO something or... or did..-"
"no. just stop. don't call me. please."
"no... i .... i want to know why... why-"
" I SAID STOP!"
....
" LOOK GODDAMIT GREGORY I JUST ... IM- WE'RE DONE, OK!!??
"...i-"
" NO! Dont say ANYTHING. it wont work. stop...."
and then she hung up.
that was the last day I saw her.
hear her voice. the last time I ever felt the tough of her hand, her soft silky hair.
the last time I'll see her with my daughter...
my....
my daughter!!!!!
i ran to the crib, as much as I could run, and peered into the small cradle.
she was there....
asleep...
yes....
asleep.
alive.
i laid a knkle on her chest and felt the small thumps of her heart.
good.
she still.... alive...
now where did I put those damn scissors....