I missed it. I truly did.

it was something that had a sentimental touch to it.

like how a special food or drink that brings back a memory does.

what did I miss? well... that's easy.

I missed my sanity.

i LOATHED losing it.

what I missed most, was what came with the aspect of sanity.

a lot came with it.

privilege.

love.

family.

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feelings.

things that an everyday person got to have, right when they woke up, to when they laid back down.

from coming out of a womb, coated in guts and surrounded by new loved ones, to when your kids bury you six feet under

for me, it was never like that. Hell... I never had the chance. especially with the family ... or even the fucking place I was born into.

you see, some people are born with sanity. so filled up with it, that you can smell it off them, almost like a perfume.

they'll have their life together.

smiling with a... deadly charm.

however...I was born into a family already worn down from kids. already tired of bills and practically begging for spare quarters to buy the small microwavable in the shady supermarkets.

and look where that put me.

a small darkened white room, shaded by my depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideas, while I sat in a far corner under a vent, tied in a jacket that made my arms weak.

I'm mental.

I'm insane.

I never had sanity from the start.

because ....

because of... of her.....

she... she did this to me.

she was the reason... of everything.