my blue robe-like outfit hung loosely over my regular garments, and my gloves grappled my fingers as a leach would to an infant's skin after skinny dipping in a lake. sweat dripped from my face, trickling down the side of my nose, down my surgical mask, the cheap fabric absorbing the salty liquid.

"hand me the scalpel."

my coworker timidly handed me the thin strip of sharpened metal, their own gloves soaked in a gooey white material from the stomach.

i myself was coated in many substances that shouldn't be outside of a person's body. but, it was my job. it was... why I existed here. to open up people, rearrange what they needed to live, and see them all back up with a needle and thread.

yep, I get paid to possibly murder someone.

the patient I had been working on was unconscious, but their heart that boomed in the middle seemed to signify that they were very much awake on the inside

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my hands seemed to move without me, trailing my limbs along as they sliced and diced this person into sushi.

"hand me the needle."

the same person grabbed the needle, and gently placed it in my palm, before backing away.

they were... scared... nervous... afraid..

for some reason then, i knew, they should be afraid.

i knew in tthat moment, i was not ok. i was broken. i needed help.

"no, i needed ... to finish this surgery."

i could feel the small particles of my fingers hooking onto the cells of the needle, like they were molding. mutating togther.

i couldnt stop myself.

the beating of rain slammed on the window, almost feeling like it would cave in.

i felt claustrophobic, surrounded by all those people, in the same blue outfit, all staring at the twitchy hand movements, along with my bitten yellow fingernails .

i had to stop.

"no, continue."

please make it stop. i dont want to do this anymore.

"no. its fine. do it."

NO PLEASE.

" i said DO. IT."

" NOOOOOOOO!"

i slammed the needle into the patients chest, blood spurting everywhere, like a geysure. everyone gasped. some whispered.

i.... i cant.

i ran out of the double sided doors, and threw off my docter's outfit, beofre slamming the car door, and hitting the gas. i ran through a fence, a mailbox, and a cat, but it was ok. becuase i was going home.

maybe... maybe forever