Richard became aware of a low, rumbling laugh that seemed to come from nowhere. The others noticed too; they looked around in confusion, trying to locate its source. It abruptly rose to a horrifying cackle; everyone turned to look at Kelly. She suddenly looked like a completely different person; although her clothes, makeup, and dyed hair hadn’t changed, it somehow came across much more ominously.

“You fools! You gullible fools!” she growled, the impossibly sepulchral voice somehow coming from her vocal cords. “I’ve played you all like a harp out of Hell! You stupidly thought you were fighting for justice? You were only fighting for me the whole time! Chumps, chumps, all of you!” Her voice rose to a booming belly laugh that seemed to shake the walls.

Richard noticed that Darian had managed to sneak his way around the edge of the room, and was now near the door. In a flash, he ran for the exit and was gone. Richard was in no position to stop him; the increasingly unsettling presence of Kelly stood in his way.

“Surprised, Detective Schmutz?” the deep voice mocked. “Does Kelly look like the sort that could commit murder? Of course not!” The last sentenced boomed so loudly, several people covered their ears and winced. “That’s because it wasn’t her! I’ve been sharing this body with her for years! Ever since she was stupid enough to use a Ouija board! She’s been my willing partner in a campaign of chaos! One that you somehow unraveled!”

Kelly seemed to swell up to a larger, more imposing size, though any physical changes were elusive. “How the hell did you do that?! I hired you specifically because you’re a loser! I thought there was no way in Hell you could possibly solve the case, and my actions would be covered up forever!” She advanced toward him, an unearthly fury in her eyes. “I could have kept you employed for the rest of your life, mucking up any evidence against me! But you couldn’t even get that right! COULD YOU?!” She rose to attack him.

Without warning, Kelly flew to the side and slammed against the wall; Racer X had managed to lay the first blow. Richard frantically began pressing the radio button that would call the patrolmen, hoping the device hadn’t picked now to malfunction. Kelly rose to her feet, wiped off her lip, and grinned evilly. “Oh, you think you’re tough? You’re nothing! I made you!” She leaped at him, tackling him and pinning him to the ground. He immediately rolled and managed to throw her off, kipping up to his feet almost instantly. She growled in frustration as she launched herself at him again, binding him up in a powerful embrace.

They caromed around the room like a self-directed bowling ball, smashing against one wall and then another, frequently knocking down anyone and anything unfortunate enough to get in their way. Kelly’s deep voice continued to hurl vicious insults and profane exclamations as they raged out of control.

The door burst open; Richard looked expectantly for the two patrolmen, his heart sinking when he realized it was Darian. Following closely on his heels was the youth pastor, carrying a Super Soaker. “Hit them!” Darian yelled as he curled up next to a short cabinet.

Roger’s gaze burned fiercely as he unloaded his weapon on the duelists. Kelly stopped immediately, her growls replaced by an anguished cry. Racer X leaped out of the way and braced himself against a nearby wall. Kelly flopped violently, hateful epithets and otherworldly screams spilling out of her as the water continued to soak her thoroughly. With one last spirited twitch, she abruptly halted, and crumpled to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Roger pelted her for a few more seconds with water, then let go of the trigger.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

No one moved for several seconds as Kelly lay on the floor, panting heavily, her breath finally calming. Slowly, weakly, she raised her head and looked at all the gawking faces. Her expression was completely different; her eyes showed only sadness and regret. She moved her gaze from one person to the other, her lips quivering. “Oh my God, you guys,” she bleated. “I’m so sorry!” Then she collapsed.

Richard heard a noise at the door; the two patrolmen had arrived. “What the ⁠–” one of them began.

“It’s her,” Richard reported, gesturing toward Kelly. “Take her away.”

“Really?” the other patrolman guffawed. “Her?!”

He was met by steely gazes from everyone in the room, and he shuddered. “OK, OK, jeez.” The patrolmen picked up Kelly; although she seemed barely conscious, she was able to rise under her own power. They handcuffed her and one led her away; the other took hold of Racer X’s arm and gently guided him out of the room.

No one spoke as they listened to the ever-diminishing footprints outside their door. Then Red Sonja suddenly hugged Richard. “You did it!” she screamed.

The rest broke out in cheers, applause, and loud congratulations, several exchanging handshakes, high fives, and fist-bumps with Richard. As he accepted their congratulations, an inconvenient fact dawned on him. Starting with when Dr. Bettencourt’s payments began, it had only taken him about a week to solve the case; he only stood to make a few hundred from the effort. Cracking this case, in the end, had become one of the biggest failures of his career! Perhaps he could make up for it by writing off more expenses, but he cringed as he realized that would only give the IRS more reasons to come after him. The exultation finally died down, and he was grateful for its end.

Darian’s sneering voice filled the silence. “You realize, of course, that this means I was right all along.” The other members of Harmony turned to glare at Darian; he continued, undaunted. “I knew there was something creepy about Racer X. But no one would listen to me.”

George slapped Darian’s head. “But you were right for the wrong reasons! That doesn’t count!”

“Yeah!” J.R. added. “It was like you turned to the back page, revealing the destination but not the journey.”

“Nice try, Darian,” Alexandra mocked, “but we have things to do.”

They all busied themselves with their rally gear, leaving Darian standing uncomfortably near the perimeter. Richard walked up to him. “Thanks, man. You really came through.”

Darian looked at him glumly. “I’m just glad you didn’t accuse me; that was more than I expected.”

“No need to thank me for that. And you no longer owe me a favor; consider yourself paid in full.”

Darian didn’t reply, but the tears in his eyes and the smile on his face spoke volumes.

“That was a great idea, bringing this guy⁠–” Richard began. He stopped in mid-sentence as he saw Roger, grinning maniacally and shaking with excitement.

“That was the coolest thing I’ve ever done in my life!” he gushed. “Such a shame so few were around to witness it.”

“My world, and welcome to it,” Richard grumbled. “So what the heck was in that thing, anyway?”

Roger presented his firearm. “Holy water! Just the thing to drive out evil.”

“Ah,” Richard noted. “That explains the vial of holy water they found on Saint. And now I have Kelly’s motive…Saint knew!”

Roger continued to effuse. “Man, this is gonna make the greatest sermon!”

The members of Harmony pushed their way out the door. “The betrayer has been vanquished!” Fabian trilled. “Now we’re free to go out and cause havoc!” A chorus of approving shouts met his statement as they left.

“Oh…great,” Richard deadpanned. “Such a worthy accomplishment.”

“Hey, don’t let it get you down, man,” Roger assured, giving Richard a friendly punch to his shoulder. “You still did good. Don’t fret over the details.” He sighed happily as he left, pumping his Super Soaker a few times and letting out a spirited war whoop.

Richard looked at Darian; his brow furrowed as he pointed down the hall. “Aren’t you going to join them?”

“No,” he revealed. “I’m not in the mood.”

Richard smiled. “Hope you stay like that.”

Darian chuckled. “Me too.”