Sunlight streamed through the massive windows of our inexplicably luxurious bedroom, illuminating Asuna's sleeping face. I watched her for a moment, her serene expression completely different to the standard anger-sass that my beautiful wife indulged in on a daily basis. the chaos that awaited us outside these time-frozen walls was waiting. It was time to wake the sleeping lioness.
"Eyy! Wifey. Good morning," I said, my voice a cheerful exclamation meant to rouse her from slumber. "Ready to make like a trio of megalomaniacal assholes and conquer this shitty kingdom which we still don't know the name of?"
Asuna's eyes fluttered open, a mischievous smirk already playing on her lips. "Well, someone's eager," she purred, her voice still thick with sleep. She sat up, stretching languidly, and her gaze fell upon the devastation frozen outside our window. The smirk vanished, replaced by a thoughtful frown.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the stupid is leaking into the water supply," she said, her voice taking on a hard edge. "Better fix that by taking over."
She leaned in, her lips brushing against mine in a sweet, romantic kiss that sent a jolt of energy through me.
'Hmmm,' I thought, that just wouldn't do. I pulled her closer,
--Adult Things happen that are detailed in my patreon as they do in real life when two adult and romantically involved, husband and wife people- you know? Things happen.--
It turns out that unnatural stamina and regeneration means that no one gets tired of --ROMANTIC THINGS--, ever, we decided to stop after the -SERIES OF EVENTS--.
After an hour of cuddling, she rose from the bed, her movements fluid and graceful, and began to don a suit of heavier armor. It was a beautiful, intricate piece of craftsmanship, absolute evidence that saving the population of a digital world that is filled to the gills with retarded imbeciles, as well as sweet loot, had its benefits. I knew, with an absolute certainty that stemmed from years of shared battles and unspoken understanding, that beneath that armor beat a heart as fierce and ambitious as my own, along with a brain to match.
She just took that brain in a different direction.
It was time to remind this world who was in charge. We had a kingdom to claim, a legacy to forge, and an entire population of idiots to enlighten.
"The last too many subjective hours have apparently been scrubbed from my mind by me!!!" Our daughter shrieked from down the hall. "Please at least have the decency to do something about the noise next time!"
"I think we done all the goofed." I told Asuna.
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We stepped out of the palace, ready to face the frozen chaos of the city. And that's when we realized that the promised time-stop, a concept so utterly ridiculous that it defied all logic and reason, was actually, somehow, working. The world outside our little bubble of reality remained frozen, a tableau of destruction and despair suspended in time.
The bubble shimmered, then vanished, releasing its hold on the surrounding area. As the frozen scene lurched back into motion, a scream pierced the air. A demi-human, his leg mangled and bloodied, tumbled into view, his terrified face contorted in pain.
Asuna, never one to tolerate unnecessary suffering – especially when it involved someone who might be useful to our cause – immediately reacted. She switched her weapon to the Healing Saint X Spear, a ridiculous name for an even more ridiculous weapon that, to her obvious annoyance, actually looked like a goddamn spear.
She missed Yui's subtle intervention, the flicker of her fingers manipulating menus in mid-air, but the effect was undeniable. The spear in Asuna's hand transformed into a sleek rapier, its form shifting with a graceful fluidity that defied the laws of physics. At the same time, her class name, displayed above her head in glowing letters, changed from "Spear Hero" to "Rapier Empress."
Asuna frowned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Kirito, did your class name change too?" she asked, her voice laced with a hint of annoyance.
I opened my status menu, half expecting to see some equally ridiculous title. "Nope, still says 'Sword Hero'," I replied, just as the words on the screen shimmered and shifted, transforming before my very eyes. "Actually, scratch that. It's 'Sword Emperor' now."
I glanced at Yui, who was standing beside us, her expression a carefully crafted mask of innocence. In the corner of my vision, I saw the faint glow of menus, code lines shifting and rearranging themselves with a speed that hinted at something… unnatural.
"Yui…" I began, my voice a low menacing tone, "what did you do?"
Yui's eyes widened, her carefully constructed facade crumbling for a moment. "Well, I certainly didn't have a battle in a time-stopped landscape where the goddess was mad that I started hacking the world the moment we appeared, while I stole her divinities," she blurted out, her voice a high-pitched squeak.
Silence descended upon the ruined street. Asuna and I stared at Yui, our expressions a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a grudging admiration. Our daughter, the sweet, innocent AI we had rescued from a digital death trap, had just casually admitted to usurping a goddess and rewriting the rules of reality.
Yui, realizing her slip-up, cleared her throat and quickly regained her composure. "Well, that secret didn't last long," she said, her voice regaining its usual cheerful lilt. "I need to work on… never mind!"
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"Sweetie, you don't need to work on your deception abilities," Asuna said, her voice softening as she knelt down to Yui's level. "Yes, I know what you were going to say." She paused, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow. "Despite that… purpose… being the surprise of a lifetime, we're still your parents. We're here for you. And if you want to murder a goddess and usurp her authority, just leave me a chance to stab too, okay?"
I ruffled Yui's hair, a fond smile spreading across my face. "Totally not good at this emotion stuff," I admitted, "but yeah, my best no-longer-an-AI-apparently-now-a-divine-tiny-goddess-in-the-flesh is indeed my daughter. And I would totally be willing to cut a goddess in half for you. Just… you know, you don't have to hide it from us."
Yui's eyes welled up, and she launched herself into our arms, burying her face in Asuna's chest. We hugged her tightly, a wave of fierce protectiveness washing over us. Our daughter, the being we had cherished and protected, the one who had always been there for us, had grown into something far more powerful than we could have ever imagined. And yet, she was still our Yui, the sweet, intelligent, and sometimes terrifyingly capable girl who had become an integral part of our family.
We stood there for a moment, a silent tableau of love and understanding amidst the chaos of a broken city. It was a perfect moment, a moment of pure, unadulterated familial bliss.
And then, of course, some absolute moron had to ruin it.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON," a voice boomed, shattering the peaceful silence, "BUT AS THE PEOPLE HAVING A CALM MOMENT IN THIS CHAOS, IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT!"
We turned to see a man in priestly robes, his face contorted in a mask of righteous fury, charging towards us. He brandished a weapon that could only be described as the unholy lovechild of a sword and a porcupine, a chaotic mess of metal spikes and jagged edges that seemed to defy the laws of physics. It looked like it had been forged in a reality-breaking fight between a sword and a porcupine, where both somehow managed to win in the worst way possible.
"No, seriously," I said, raising an eyebrow as I took in the sight of the approaching moron, "what the fuck are you pointing at us?"
I took a deep breath, and spoke with all of my heart. "It looks like the twin love-children of a sword and a porcupine had a reality-breaking fight of who can exist in the same place at the same time in the worst way and both won at the same time causing reality to break in multiple places, take a divine, golden shit, and then form that-what even IS THAT?!!"
"I am the Pope of the Three Heroes Church!" the man bellowed, his voice dripping with self-importance. "And this," he said, brandishing the monstrosity of a weapon with a flourish, "is the Amalgam Replica! The weapon meant to kill ANYTHING! Formed from the death of the goddess and the three replica weapons we had at hand when she appeared and–"
His rambling explanation was cut short, abruptly and definitively. Yui, her face contorted in a mask of rage and disgust, raised a hand. Without a word, without a sound, the pope's upper half simply ceased to exist. Blood splattered across the cobblestones, painting a gruesome tableau against the backdrop of the frozen city. The "Amalgam Replica," its purpose unfulfilled, clattered to the ground.
"We were having a nice moment," Yui said, her voice cold and flat. "Trash."
I glanced at Asuna, who was watching the scene with detached amusement. "Yeah, nice work, Yui," she said, her voice laced with a predatory gleam. "Let's go take over the kingdom now."
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Narrator: And with that, another piece of garbage that could have been solved in Volume 1 of canon if anyone with enough strength to do it had just done so, was killed at even further strength than at its strongest. Will Asuna and Kirito face any difficulty in taking out the trash? Will taking over this world be anything less than an absolute walk in the park?! Find out next time on "Can We Even Consider This Trio Chaotic Good Anymore: Overlord Edition!"
Far away in a multiverse structure completely different...
[Do yOu wAnT tO KiLl tHeM AlL?]
Yes. Gods, yes!/Pochita? What are you saying?!
[Do yOu WaNt To TaKe YoUr PlACe Of FrEeDoM BaCk FrOm ThEsE RoTtEn AnImAlS?]
More than anything!/No seriously, What's happening?! How are you talking?! weren't we just fighting that zombie devil?! You sound really fucked up little buddy!
[TaKe ThE HaNd Of WrAtH, He ShAlL Be ThE OnLy FrIeNd YoU NeEd!]
I didn't hesitate. I embraced the darkness, the rage, the hatred. It was all I had left./No, I still want to grab me some titties! How am I supposed to get me a girlfriend if-
[Wrath Series Bow: Incandescent Heart Piercer of Malice Unlocked.]
I opened my eyes.
I turned my head to the left, and saw with my two human eyes.
The most beautiful woman i had ever seen/The vilest bitch in all of recent fiction, Makima.
SHIT!/SHIT!
As both the persona of Denji and Itsuki merged into one being, gaining the powers of both...
They realized one absolute fact.
They were in a situation that was way beyond FUBAR.
Which was confirmed when the expensive car stopped in the middle of the road.
"Now, where did my dog go? I'm certain Denji was here somewhere." Declared the manipulative control devil who would crush the spirit of someone like Denji, by killing his one remaining friend right in front of him.
For no discernible reason.