Naofumi Iwatani approached the imposing structure that had sprouted from the ashes of the old castle with a mix of apprehension and reluctant admiration. It had gone through a series of increasingly outlandish name changes in the past few days, finally settling on the "Grand Badass Domination Zone of the Imperial Family" as of three hours ago. He'd chuckled when he'd first heard it, assuming it was some kind of elaborate joke. But the stoic, emotionless faces of the robots patrolling the perimeter suggested they were dead serious.
"Seriously?" Alana, his goat demi-human companion, scoffed beside him, her voice laced with a playful disbelief. "'Grand Badass Domination Zone?' What kind of name is that?"
"Beats 'Castle of Sparkling Justice' or 'Fortress of Ultimate Awesome,' which were the previous two," Naofumi replied, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "I think they're just messing with everyone at this point."
Despite the ridiculous names and the over-the-top displays of power, Naofumi couldn't deny that the new rulers had accomplished in a few days what the previous regime had failed to do for centuries. The city was cleaner, more organized, and the sense of fear that had once permeated the streets had been replaced by… a kind of cautious optimism, mixed with a healthy dose of bewilderment. Even the Waves of Calamity he would have had to face-, those world-ending threats that had haunted his nightmares, seemed to have vanished.
A part of him, the part still clinging to the hope of returning to his own world, wondered if he should ask these new rulers for help. He'd heard whispers of a "goddess," a powerful being who resided within the Citadel. Maybe she could send him back to Earth. But then he'd seen the signs, the ones plastered all over the city: "Filing a Ticket with the Imperial Bots with Stupid Requests Will Result in Time Spent in Idiot Prison." His own experiences with tech support back on Earth didn't fill him with confidence.
He reached the entrance of the Citadel, a massive gate flanked by two gleaming, humanoid robots that looked like they could crush a tank with their bare hands. They stood motionless, their glowing eyes scanning the approaching crowd. A row of twenty desks, each manned by a hovering, spherical robot, stretched out before him. The lines, surprisingly, were short.
He approached the fourth desk, his heart pounding in his chest.
"Greetings," the robot's synthesized voice chirped, its tone polite but impersonal. "State your request of Their Majesties' forces or administration. Please note that unreasonable requests will be denied, and depending on the insistence or content of the request, alongside other factors, may result in time spent in Idiot Prison."
Naofumi gulped, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. This was it. His one chance.
"I want to go back to my home, Earth," he said, his voice barely a whisper.
"Request not under— HARD OVERRIDE! MEETING HALL WITH IMPERIAL FAMILY OPEN."
The robot's voice abruptly shifted, the cheerful tone replaced by a mechanical monotone. The gates before him swung open, revealing a shimmering portal leading into the depths of the Citadel.
"What just happened?" Alana asked, her eyes wide with surprise.
Naofumi shrugged, his own confusion mirroring hers. "No idea," he said. "But I guess we're about to find out."
He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and stepped through the portal, Alana following close behind. Whatever awaited them on the other side, he knew one thing for sure: it was going to be interesting.
Naofumi walked down the gleaming, metallic corridor, Alana trailing slightly behind him, her hand resting on the hilt of her axe. Despite the opulent surroundings and the sense of immense power that permeated the air, he felt strangely calm.
He didn't know this, but would have faced down dragons, monstrous waves of calamity, and the scorn of an entire kingdom- but that didn't happen.
In this reality- This was just a meeting.
But being so close to the source of the divinity of the being, stolen and repurposed for someone else it may be, who killed him in multiple different iterations of his life-
That's having some side-effects...
They arrived at a massive set of double doors that hissed open, revealing a throne room unlike anything he'd ever imagined. Gone were the tapestries and ornate decorations of the old castle. In their place, sleek, futuristic technology hummed with an energy that seemed both alien and strangely familiar. And at the center of it all, perched upon a throne that looked like it belonged on a spaceship, sat the two people who had turned his world upside down.
The Sword Emperor and Empress, Kirito and Asuna.
Beside them, perched on the armrest of the throne, sat a young girl with long, black hair and piercing blue eyes. Something about her features, a subtle blend of Kirito and Asuna's own, sparked a sense of familiarity in Naofumi.
"Ah, it's the only other person on the planet I can fathom actually having an IQ in the triple digits!" Kirito greeted him, a genuine smile spreading across his face. It was the first time Naofumi had seen him express anything other than amusement or disdain.
Then, the little girl, radiating an almost imperceptible energy that sent a shiver down Naofumi's spine, spoke. "Based on his actions and lack of interference so far, as well as generally good decision-making, as observed by Papa's drones, I would give him a solid 127. Very above average!" She paused, her gaze shifting to Alana. "I am… somehow less disappointed with you than with the entirety of the world's population." She sighed dramatically. "But I digress."
She turned back to Naofumi, her expression softening. "I'll send you back to your world, Naofumi," she said, her voice surprisingly gentle. "But you need to know something. If you go back with your girlfriend looking like that, you're going to have asshole scientists trying to dissect her within hours of arrival. She also doesn't have any identification, and I can't do my hacking magic from here. Are you actually sure you want to go back?"
She tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with a knowing intelligence. "I'm certain you can find a fulfilling and intellectually stimulating job here," she continued. "And knowing how much you enjoy reading, I have the entirety of my original world's fictional database stored within my mind, which I could easily transfer to a tablet for you. Consider it a bribe."
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
She leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "So, wanna stay and help Papa? Or do you want to go back and endure a series of events that, according to my calculations, have a 99.8% chance of resulting in you destroying all the militaries on Earth when they inevitably try to 'fuck around and find out' that you're immune to nukes?"
Naofumi sighed, running a hand through his hair. He'd known going back wouldn't be easy. The thought of dealing with Earth's governments, with their endless bureaucracy and penchant for "fucking around and finding out," didn't exactly fill him with joy. But more importantly, there was Alana. Her big, brown eyes, the way her cute goat ears twitched when she was concentrating, the gentle clink of her horns against his shoulder whenever she felt insecure… she'd become more than just a companion. She was his friend, his confidante, and maybe, just maybe… something more.
And there was no way she'd be safe on Earth.
"Yeah, I got you," he said, meeting Yui's gaze with a wry smile. "Not interested in a similar job to yours on a planet full of idiots who are just going to turn it into a wasteland before we even start talking, let alone taking over." He sighed again, the weight of his decision settling in his chest. "So… where do you need me?"
Yui's grin widened, revealing a hint of sharp canines that seemed strangely out of place on such a youthful face. "Excellent choice!" she declared, her voice brimming with an almost predatory enthusiasm. "I'm recalculating your IQ based on that statement, and I'm pretty sure your intelligence would actually have an IQ at around 134. Pretty smart, but not… top level." She paused, her eyes twinkling with a mischievous light. "But we can fix that!"
Two robots, their forms sleek and silent, materialized beside them, their movements so smooth they seemed to have simply stepped out of thin air. Before Naofumi or Alana could react, the robots extended their arms, their metallic fingers tipped with needle-like appendages. There was a prick, a brief surge of cold, and then… darkness.
"When you wake up, Your intelligence won't be calculable at all!"
----------------------------------------
The next morning, Naofumi awoke with a gasp, his mind buzzing with a clarity he had never experienced before. The world seemed sharper, brighter, the air itself humming with a subtle energy. It was as if a fog had lifted from his brain, revealing a level of perception and understanding he'd never known he possessed. He sat up, his senses alight, taking in the details of the luxurious room with a newfound appreciation. The silken sheets, the soft glow of the bedside lamp, the faint hum of unseen machinery—it all felt… different.
He looked at Alana, who was blinking awake beside him, her eyes wide with a mixture of confusion and wonder.
"What… what happened?" she asked, her voice slightly slurred. Her usual playful demeanor was replaced by a thoughtful frown, her brow furrowed in concentration as she, too, seemed to process the changes within her.
After a quick breakfast of what tasted like the most delicious scrambled eggs he'd ever eaten—prepared, he suspected, by one of those eerily efficient robots—they returned to the throne room. Their minds, now operating at a level that defied explanation, processed information with a speed and efficiency that was both exhilarating and slightly overwhelming.
As they entered the throne room, Kirito and Asuna were engrossed in a holographic projection of intricate mathematical diagrams. Diagrams that, under normal circumstances, would have been utterly incomprehensible to Naofumi. Yet, as he glanced at the swirling patterns and complex equations, he found himself able to not only understand them but to grasp the underlying concepts, the elegant logic that connected them.
"So," he began, his voice laced with a mix of curiosity and apprehension, "what the heck did you do to us before?"
Yui, who had been silently observing them with an amused smile, piped up, her voice amplified by some unseen technology. "I believe," she said, her tone playful yet laced with a hint of pride, "we just upgraded your operating systems."
Kirito, who had been observing the scene with an amused smirk, leaned forward in his throne. "Welcome to the Imperial Court, cousin!" he said, his voice laced with a sardonic warmth.
Naofumi and Alana exchanged bewildered glances. They had chosen to stay, to embrace this strange, new world, and it seemed their journey was about to take a very unexpected turn.
----------------------------------------
Mirellia Q. Melromarc, rightful Queen of a kingdom that no longer recognized her authority, rocked back and forth in her chair, her face a mask of indignant fury. The sterile white walls of the "rehabilitation quarters" mocked her with their pristine cleanliness, a stark contrast to the opulent chambers she was accustomed to. Two robotic orderlies, their metallic forms gleaming under the harsh fluorescent lights, attempted to calm her, their synthesized voices a mockery of soothing platitudes.
"Madam, please return to the explanation room," one of them chirped, its tone gentle but firm. "You need to examine your mistakes and learn from them."
"THERE WERE NO MISTAKES!" Mirellia roared, her voice echoing through the room. "I RULE THIS KINGDOM! I—"
A sharp prick in her arm cut her rant short. A wave of dizziness washed over her, her eyelids growing heavy. The world around her blurred, the robotic orderlies' concerned faces fading into the encroaching darkness.
"Attempt 107: Failure," a disembodied voice droned, its tone devoid of emotion. "Attempting 108 in twenty-four hours. Timescale will be accelerated."
Time, within the confines of Idiot Prison, warped and twisted, accelerating to a pace that defied human comprehension. Days compressed into hours, hours into minutes. The prisoners within, subjected to an endless cycle of educational videos, self-reflection exercises, and gentle yet persistent reminders of their past transgressions, were molded and reshaped, their minds slowly but surely realigned with the new world order.
After all, the Emperor and Empress required productive citizens, not recalcitrant prisoners. And what better way to ensure productivity than to accelerate the rehabilitation process?