"Hmm… I wonder what the hell this lady is thinking…" I mused, my gaze fixed on the holographic display that showed a cluster of figures approaching the Citadel.
A woman matching the description of the former queen - a woman we'd learned, a mere seven minutes ago, was the actual ruler of this country before our… acquisition – was leading the group. They were marching with a determined purpose, a futile defiance that was almost… endearing.
"I still think 'Citadel' is a stupid name for this place," Asuna interjected, her voice laced with a mix of amusement and irritation. "But shouldn't we just toss her in Idiot Prison for this crap? Why are you ordering the Super Bots of +11 Divine Guardian-ing to let them get this far, anyway?" Her brow furrowed in confusion, a cute little frown marring her usually mischievous features.
"Eh, I just want to see where this stupidity goes," I replied, a sly grin spreading across my face. "She's got all the remaining loyalists with her, and I kinda want to do a mocking monologue. Really rub that 'last boss multi-kingdom owning divine-demon-lord emperor of actual winning' vibe in her face."
Asuna shrugged, then, to my amusement, proceeded to gracefully perch herself on my lap, moving her arms into a familiar pose and fixing the approaching queen with a predatory glare. The pose, I had to admit, was hilarious. It looked more like a child trying to imitate a menacing villain than a display of genuine power.
"I don't think you using me as a stool while Gendo-posing without a desk – your elbows are literally in mid-air, Asuna – is as imposing as you think it is," I told her, giving her an amused smile while stifling a laugh.
"I'm going for 'comedically menacing in a way that confuses people,'" she retorted, her voice laced full with a mischievous amusement that made me too want to laugh at all of this absurdity.
Right on cue, Queen Mirellia, flanked by what seemed to be fifty-one knights and thirty of her cloaked Shadows, strode into the throne room. She radiated an aura of authority, her gaze sharp and unwavering, even as she took in the sheer technological marvel that had become of where her former palace stood.
"You know," I said, leaning forward into Asuna's shoulder and allowing a wave of smug amusement to wash over me, "this is where the DM of any D&D session would say, 'Are you absolutely sure you seriously want to do this?' After all those failed Perception and Lore: Arcana checks with ridiculously high DCs… approaching the final boss with a level three party of mismatched dual-classes as if you don't even know the dual-classing rules and the DM let you out of pity? Bold move, Your Majesty. Bold move indeed."
"I have no idea what any of that means," Queen Mirellia retorted, her voice laced with a regal indignation that did little to mask the flicker of confusion in her eyes, "but this charade has gone on long enough!"
"It means, you fail to even roll initiative as the massive army of metal men restrain you!" Yui declared cheerfully, her voice adopting the dramatic gravitas of a seasoned Dungeon Master. As if on cue, a legion of Divine Enforcer Bots materialized around the queen and her entourage. Their movements were swift and precise, a symphony of metallic efficiency that left no room for resistance. The remaining knights, those who hadn't been subtly replaced by Yui's infiltrators, found themselves bound and immobilized before they could even draw their swords.
I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. "You know, I wasn't kidding about those failed Perception checks," I said, my voice laced with mocking amusement. "Like, when half of your guards and half of your Shadows were replaced and then dragged off, nobody noticed! I even added four extra 'guards' just to see if you'd actually try to look around, but you didn't even glance behind you! I don't understand how oblivious that makes you!"
"Indeed, Papa is correct," Yui chimed in, her voice adopting a more serious, analytical tone. "I have never witnessed such a profound lack of situational awareness, even in my original world of demonstrable stupidity. The internet has no— you know what, actually, mocking you is boring at this point."
Asuna, unable to contain her amusement any longer, leaned forward, her elbows still precariously suspended in mid-air as she maintained her ridiculous Gendo pose. "You done goofed, Milady." she said, her eyes narrowed in a mock glare, her voice barely suppressing a giggle.
Only Yui and I could see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and the barely contained laughter that threatened to bubble over.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Mirellia, her face flushed with anger and humiliation, struggled against the Enforcer Bot's restraints. "This is… this is outrageous!" she sputtered, her voice trembling with indignation. "Release me at once, you… you… Rotten golems!!"
I sighed, my amusement fading, replaced by a weary exasperation. "Honestly, Your Majesty," I said, my voice taking on a condescending tone, "you're not making a very good first impression. Perhaps a bit of time in Idiot Prison will do you some good. It's amazing what a few educational videos replaying one's stupidity in detail while a detailed analysis of your mistakes and what their possible outcomes can do for one's… awareness."
"So, about that Melty girl? She didn't actually do anything wrong," Asuna said, her voice softening slightly as she shifted in my lap, somehow managing to make the ridiculous Gendo pose even more absurd. "What are we gonna do with her?"
"Yeah, just give her civilian housing and education like everyone else," I replied with a shrug. "She's only ten, so I can't really blame her for having a mother who was mentally two cards above getting Uno."
I glanced at the bound and bewildered Queen Mirellia, who was still struggling futilely against the Enforcer Bots' restraints. "Besides," I added, a sly grin spreading across my face, "watching her adjust to a world where common sense and basic human decency actually exist will be entertaining."
At that moment, one of the floating communication bots, a sleek, silver sphere that we used for announcements and general information dissemination when we were too busy to bother with actual public appearances, drifted towards us.
"Report: The island nation of Q'Ten Lo has been successfully subjugated. Awaiting further instructions," its synthesized voice announced.
Asuna, ever the efficient administrator, waved a hand dismissively, her fingers dancing across an invisible interface. "Deploy standard post-conquest protocols," she ordered. "Allocate resources, establish infrastructure, initiate educational programs, and create employment opportunities. Busy worker ants are happy worker ants, after all."
The bot whirred in acknowledgement and zipped away, its task clearly understood.
The world was falling into place, piece by piece, reshaped according to our vision. And it was all happening with a speed and efficiency that even I, a certified genius, found a bit unsettling.
"Waves successfully disabled!" Yui announced, her voice ringing with triumphant glee. "And alternate worlds of an irrelevant nature are ready to be subjugated as well! Mama and Papa are clearly amazing!"
I chuckled, shaking my head at my daughter's boundless enthusiasm. "Well, sweetie, we do try our best," I said, my voice laced with a healthy dose of sardonic amusement.
Asuna, who had finished issuing her post-conquest directives, leaned back in her uniquely handsome throne-perch, a satisfied smirk playing on her lips. "Yeah, world domination is kind of our thing now, apparently," she said, her voice laced with a hint of pride.
Outside the Citadel, the newly conquered world hummed with activity. The Divine Enforcer Bots patrolled the streets, maintaining order and overseeing the implementation of our new laws. Educational programs, designed to enlighten the populace and eradicate the remnants of the previous regime's idiocy, were in full swing. And the economy, now under Asuna's expert control, was already showing signs of recovery.
It had taken us a mere two days to achieve what the heroes of this world had struggled with for centuries. The Waves of Calamity, once a terrifying threat, were now a distant memory. And the kingdom of Melromarc, along with its neighboring nations, had been seamlessly integrated into our burgeoning empire.
It was, all things considered, a rather impressive accomplishment. Even I, with my enhanced intellect and boundless cynicism, had to admit that.
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And so, the beginning of the story ends in two days. The waves, once a world-ending threat, become an easily handled afterthought, and the first world in this small cluster is fully absorbed into the new empire! Will the other worlds, formerly tormented by the Shit-Goddess and now overseen by the Badass Daughter-Goddess-of-Kicking-Everyone's-Ass, be so easily conquered? Find out next time on "The World-Conquering Adventures of Empress Slaver-Killer Mc.Sexypants and Her Husband, Emperor Japanese John Brown, Accompanied by Badass Goddess Daughter Who is No One's Goddaughter!"