Novels2Search

Chapter 5: Bachelorette

With not much to do and all the time in the world to do it with, Asher decided to traverse the seemingly infinite line of film and see what exactly was happening in the world after he'd been loosed from his mortal coil. The future was exciting to watch from his detached perspective; he saw political leaders rise and fall, massive wars and conflicts, and incredible new inventions like flying cars and even faster-than-light spaceships. Asher whistled in appreciation; the future sure was fantastic, too bad he didn't get to experience it.

Asher also couldn't help but notice several lovely ladies of the future. As medicine and skincare continued to improve, these fine lasses looked even more attractive than their modern counterparts, and as a bonus, they appeared to age and wrinkle more slowly, too. A momentary nag crossed Asher's mind as he stared across time at these futuristic hotties. This wasn't how a married man should behave, but he quickly discarded the thought. This was the future; after all, before these women had even been born, he and Sarah were most certainly dead. It's not cheating if your spouse is decaying the ground, and Asher was the dead one, so why should anyone care?

Curious to test out a theory, Asher pushed his hands into a portion of the film where he saw several attractive women and was sucked inside. A few moments later, he found himself in what looked like a classic 1950s American diner. The only difference was that it was floating several thousand feet up in the air, everyone had wacky hairdos, and all the burgers were coming out of some sort of meat cloning machine and not being fried up on a grill.

Asher stood in the center of the diner and quickly zeroed in on several fine-looking lasses wearing skintight purple jumpsuits and whose hairdos seemed to defy physics. Unfortunately for Asher, most of the women were already accompanied by strapping young men, but in the corner, Asher spotted a 20-something sobbing bitterly as she nursed a milkshake. Ah, heartbreak is so cruel, thought Asher as he checked his breath and donned a dazzling smile. This woman needed a shoulder to cry on, and Asher was more than happy to be that shapely and muscular shoulder.

Glancing quickly at a mirror, Asher saw that his appearance had returned to that of a 30-year-old man. Curious, he thought hard about being 22 again and was delighted to see his shape and features transform into those of a slightly younger man. Convenient, thought Asher as he admired his reflection; maybe he could change his age at a whim since he technically wasn't even alive at this point in history.

"Good afternoon, miss," cooed Asher, sliding into a booth opposite the woman and wearing a mask of concern. "I hate to see a beautiful woman cry. Can I buy you another milkshake?" The woman continued to sob, seemingly oblivious to Asher's advances. Okay, time to roll out the big guns. "Say, are you from Tennessee?" Asked Asher with mock surprise. "Cause you're the only ten I see!" No response, not even a chuckle. Asher fumed; that line always worked.

"I got us some snacks, Becky. Don't worry, you're BFF is here." Asher jumped in surprise as another woman, arms laden with plates of food, sat down across from the woman Asher assumed was called Becky. Usually, Asher would be fine being in the presence of another hottie, but the lady sat on top of him. Like literally right on top of him and phased through his body like he was some sort of ghost.

Startled, Asher bolted out of his seat and waved a hand through the woman's face. It passed through her like she was made of vapor; she didn't react. Looking back toward Becky, Asher placed a cautious hand on her shoulder, and just like her friend, Asher's hand went right through her. Taking a few careful steps back, Asher considered this new information; when he'd been a high schooler, he could touch and interact with the people around him, but why not here? Staring out one of the diner windows and watching hundreds of flying cars zoom through the sky, Asher guessed that maybe these women couldn't see or touch him because he didn't exist at this point in time.

Asher sighed in frustration; if his theory was correct and he could only physically exist in the time he'd been alive, then that put a slight damper on his plans. All these beautiful women throughout history, and he was limited to the narrow sliver of time when he'd been alive. It could be worse; he knew from experience that there were some genuinely drop-dead gorgeous ladies in his time.

XXX

With nothing better to do, Asher re-entered the void and continued his tour of history. He doubled back to the past and witnessed the creation of the universe, which had definitely been a highlight of his journey. Asher also saw the signing of the Magna Carta, the birth of Jesus, the original premiere of the first Star Wars film, and the next three world wars. He'd capped off his trip through time by watching the heat death of the universe and the very end of everything. Asher continued down the line of film, curious to see what would come next. However, the long reel of celluloid he'd been following cut off abruptly, and nothing else came after. Asher found the thought mildly depressing and decided not to dwell on it.

Traveling through the entirety of human history took quite a long time, and Asher enjoyed the experience in a touristy sightseer sort of way. But all good things must come to an end, and after what could have been only a couple of weeks or maybe a millennia or two, he began to get a strange feeling in his chest. Asher tried to ignore the feeling, figuring he couldn't do anything about it, but after witnessing the end of everything and having traversed the entirety of human existence, Asher had to finally admit what he'd been hiding from himself. He was running out of things to do to keep himself entertained, and perhaps more importantly, he was lonely.

After realizing this, Asher spent the next few days floating aimlessly through the starry backdrop of the void and just thinking. Since he was dead and rapidly running out of stimulating ways to pass the time, perhaps he could do something fun in the past when he'd still been alive. His mind drifted to his friend, Pete. The two of them had been best buds since High School, and Asher knew that his friend's goofball antics would be precisely what was needed to lift his sagging spirits. Asher walked back down the long line of film until he finally settled on a familiar-looking scene of himself and Pete at the Axe Throwing bar. Asher smiled at the memory and continued walking, going further into his past. Asher wanted to have some fun and wracked his brain for memories, deciding that some of the most fun the two men had had together was when they were still in school. Asher stopped in front of a frame of film displaying him and Pete eating a massive pepperoni pizza. Asher's smile widened; it was time for some fun.

Stolen novel; please report.

XXX

Asher sat in a cheap folding chair beside his best friend, Pete. The two of them had a massive pizza splayed out in front of them, and despite vowing to eat the entire thing together in one sitting, the pizza was putting up a good fight. "Put your back into it, Ash!" shouted Pete, eyes brimming with tears as he stuffed slice after slice into a mouth already overflowing with cheese. "How much time do we have left?"

Asher checked the time on his phone, they only had a minute left to beat the school record, and Asher felt about as queasy as Pete was looking. Around them, Asher heard the cheers and boos of his classmates, egging the two of them on. Asher wanted to look up, grin, and say something cool to his peers, but all his attention had to be focused on the pizza; they couldn't finish it otherwise.

"Four more slices!" one of their classmates cried out, the excitement in the room reaching a fever pitch. Unfortunately, these weren't thin slivers of pizza but giant, meat-filled behemoths. Asher felt his heart and stomach sink. They couldn't do it, but darn it, they had to try!

"I got this, buddy; watch a pro at work!" Pete, seeming to notice Asher's dismay, grabbed three of the remaining slices, balled them into a wet, greasy sphere, and shoved them into his mouth, practically swallowing them whole. Everyone gasped in shock, watching to see what would happen to the already overburdened pizza eater. Pete was quickly turning green, his stomach audibly gurgled, and everyone took a few cautious steps back. "Bathroom!" Was all he could gasp before sprinting out of the classroom and toward a nearby lavatory. The crowd of students followed, clearly wanting to watch this train wreck as it happened. A moment later, Asher heard the pathetic sound of Pete emptying his stomach across the school hallway. The crowd cheered.

Asher leaned back in his seat, absolutely drained and covered in meat sweats. He'd never thought he'd live to see the day when he got exhausted from simply eating food. "Almost had it," Asher choked out, staring forlornly at the final slice of pizza, seemingly taunting him. If he'd been just a bit faster, that title would've been his, but then again, Asher was pretty sure that Pete vomiting his portion of the pizza all over the floor would count as a disqualification anyway.

"Hey, Asher. You feel sick at all?" Asher had to stop himself from gasping in surprise as he saw his wife, Sarah, enter the room. Only she wasn't really his wife, at least not yet, and Asher felt his heart beat faster upon seeing his wife young and beautiful again. There wasn't a crow's foot in sight around those beautiful chocolate eyes!

"I don't think I'm eating pizza ever again," groaned Asher, undoing his belt to allow more room for his poor stomach. "How's Pete doing?"

As if in response, the hallway was filled with the sound of more retching from Pete and cheering from the students. "He'll live," said Sarah, peering down the hallway. "I didn't get the chance to tell you," she continued, turning back to face Asher, "But you did a great job at last week's game."

Asher assumed she was talking about some football game he'd helped win, but he couldn't remember when specifically this was in his school career. "Thanks," he replied, trying to be as vague as possible. "That other team sure put up a good fight, but thankfully we were better."

Sarah nodded in agreement. "By the way," she continued, suddenly looking uneasy and doing that cute nervous habit of hers where she chewed on her bottom lip, "if you're not doing anything this weekend, I was hoping that maybe you and I could–"

"Hey kids, let's make sure we keep it PG in here, m'kay?" A tall girl with a ponytail and a loose-fitting T-shirt popped her head into the room. She stared from Sarah to Asher and waggled her eyebrows mischievously. "A boy and a girl alone in a room together," she continued, putting a hand to her mouth in fake shock, "perish the thought."

Sarah went beet red. "I-it's not what it looks like, I swear!" She stammered, seeming to forget that she and Asher were nowhere near each other. "I was just coming to check on Asher to make sure he was okay after eating all that pizza!"

More vomiting from down the hall. "Well, he looks better than Pete," Replied the girl with a smirk. "And I was just playing Sarah; we all know you're one of the good and pure ones." The girl smirked at Asher, "unlike the rest of us, right Ash?"

Asher's brain finally made the mental connection. He hadn't seen this girl in years, but he'd never forget a woman as striking and confident as Alexis Bolt, track and field extraordinaire. "Don't lump me in with you, Alex," Asher retorted, trying to sound cool and collected when he actually felt moments away from vomiting. I'm pure as the driven snow."

Alexis gave a very unlady-like snort in response. "Yeah, sure, snow that's been driven over a couple of times." Alexis waved dismissively as she exited the classroom. "I gotta head to practice; see you two lovebirds later and hands to yourselves."

"She sure is something, isn't she?" Asked Sarah, avoiding eye contact with Asher after the exchange they'd just had with the track star.

Asher watched Alexis leave, his mind racing with a genius idea. "Will you excuse me, darling?" Asked Asher, struggling to his feet.

"D-darling?!" Asked Sarah, turning even redder and taking a nervous step back. Asher smacked his forehead at the gaff; he and Sarah weren't married yet; heck, they hadn't even started dating. He probably just freaked her out.

Asher stumbled out of the classroom, past Pete as he continued to projectile vomit, and stepped out onto the main campus of the school. It looked like classes had ended for the day, and Asher saw hundreds of students filing out of their classes as they prepared to head home. Among those people, he spotted dozens and dozens of beautiful young women, many of whom he remembered from his time in high school. All these girls were young and attractive, unmarred by the cruel passage of time. And here was Asher, an eligible young bachelor with no obligations to any woman and the ability to redo the events of his life as many times as he desired.

Maybe he'd gotten things wrong with Sarah. Sure, she was sweet and nice to look at, but after 20-plus years together, all Asher had felt was frustration and discontent. Maybe Sarah had been missing some sort of x-factor, and perhaps that unknowable Asher had been yearning for was in another one of these women. Asher wasn't sure, but he wanted to find out, and he had literally all the time in the world to do it. Without another word, Asher leaped back into the void beyond time and took a few steps forward in the line of film. He needed to hurry and get to the next school day; he had a lot of work to do.