“Mr. Phew will be with you momentarily. Please make yourself comfortable,” the barrister’s secretary said, gesturing towards the office sofa before leaving.

“Wonderful, thank you,” Jabber replied, sitting down. He immediately sank into the soft cushions of the sofa. “Of course it’s limp,” the magician said in frustration as he stood again.

Turning to look for another seat, he noticed the open door of Mitchel Phew, Esq.’s personal office lavatory. Looking back over his shoulder to make sure no one was coming, Jabber sauntered over to the bathroom and entered its pristine environs.

Inside, the magician breathed deeply of the fresh pine scent and admired the clean marble floors, spotless polished black granite sink, and immaculate water closet. This was a lavatory a man could feel proud to relieve himself in. Now he understood why Mr. Phew kept this little piece of heaven all to himself.

Taking a last look back towards the hallway outside, Jabber quietly shut the door. With a smile and sigh of relief, he sat down on the toilet seat. To his ears, the tinkling of his stream cascading into the bowl was like a dozen little angels ringing heavenly bells.

When he was finished, Jabber flushed the water closet, enjoying the full throttled sweep of the water twisting and twinkling around the bowl. Then he washed his hands and, very carefully, oh so carefully, used a paper towel to wipe up every drop of water from the sink, even going so far as to bring his eye level with its polished black surface to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. He found two strands of white hair, which he rolled up into the paper towel. Then he looked around the floor and the seat of the water closet. Finding nothing else to clean, the magician was about to drop the used hand towel into the empty brass waste-basket when he caught himself.

Smiling at his own cleverness, Jabber placed the paper towel in a pocket of his robes and slipped out of the lavatory, making sure to adjust the door back to the position it had been in when he had first entered. Then he sat himself down on the chair in front of Mr. Phew’s ebony desk to wait.

A minute or so later Mr. Phew entered, his wings tucked neatly behind his coat.

“Good evening Master Jabber,” the barrister said, “my apologies for the delay.”

“No, not at all,” Jabber replied with a forced nonchalant wave of his hand.

“How are things? Are you doing well?”

Jabber sat up in his chair. “Thank you kindly for asking, sir,” the magician said. “I appreciate the inquiry as to my health. As a matter of fact, I was waiting on some bad news from my doctor relating to an infernal possession that might have been malignant.”

“Oh, indeed?” Mr. Phew replied, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Jabber continued excitedly. “But the good doctor sent a message yesterday and-” Jabber clapped his hands together. “It’s not malignant! I’m scot-free.”

“Well, what wonderful news,” the barrister replied, straightening his jacket, his curly brown locks jiggling under the soft glow of his halo. “You must have been very relieved.”

“If only you knew! I was ecstatic.” Jabber smiled brightly but then his grin faded. “But you know what? I received that message days ago and not a single one of my friends has checked in on me to see what the results were or how I was doing. Not a single one! Can you believe that?”

Stolen story; please report.

“In truth?” Mr. Phew said, glancing quickly down at the papers on his desk.

“Absolutely! That’s why I’m planning on shunning all of them! I never want to speak to any of those fairweather friends again. I’m going to get new ones!”

“That’s wonderful. I’m very relieved for you.”

“Maybe,” Jabber cocked an eyebrow, “possibly, you and I could form a friendship?”

Mitchel Phew, Esq. sat up straighter in his chair. “Us?” he asked in uncomfortable surprise.

“Yes!” Jabber replied. “I could take you to our potions club and you could give me free legal advice. What do you say?”

“Well, you know I’m very busy with my law practice here and don’t have much time for new acquaintances . . . But I’m very relieved for you to receive such wonderful news.”

Jabber nodded at him, the spark in his eyes fading somewhat.

The barrister continued, “It appears our Absent Lord is sending you multiple blessings from afar, for I have some splendid news for you as well.”

Jabber perked up at this.

“I spoke with Commissioner Gorgon yesterday and she informed me that Angelica was interested in meeting with you.”

Jabber raised his hands and gasped in excitement, his mouth stuck open as he found himself momentarily at a loss for words. “She wants to speak with me?!” he finally said.

“Yes! In a public place of course, but the fact that she herself initiated this is a very good sign.”

“Wonderful! Maybe she’s finally seen the light!”

Mr. Phew gave a polite smile. “All you need to do is meet with her and let her air her grievances, you understand? Get this entire incident off her chest. Do you think you can do that?”

“I’m great at listening!” Jabber replied. “I won’t say a single word.”

“Well,” the barrister said, “if you play your cards right, there’s a great possibility she withdraws her complaint and this entire issue will be settled without formal proceedings.”

“Of course!” Jabber said. “I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

“Wonderful!” Mr. Phew stood. “Now, if you will excuse me for a moment, I’ve had a bit too much coffee today and need to use the lavatory.” The barrister headed to the office bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Several moments and a flush later Mitchel Phew, Esq. opened the bathroom door and walked to his desk with a quizzical expression.

Jabber looked at him, keeping his face completely straight. “Is everything fine?”

The barrister sat down, his curls bouncing around his frown as he looked up at the magician.

“Are you well?” Jabber inquired.

“Did you use my lavatory?” Mr. Phew asked, taking on the tone that one might use in court with a possibly hostile witness.

“What?!” Jabber exclaimed, just slightly too loud. He sat forward, shrugging his shoulders and holding his hands in the air. “Of course not! Why would I use your bathroom when you specifically requested that I not? That would be quite the breach of etiquette.”

“Well, you did insist on using it before and seemed agitated when I said no.”

“Agitated is a bit extreme,” Jabber replied. “I did have to go at the time so I naturally wanted to relieve myself as soon as possible, but you overruled that motion, and um, that was that.” The magician wiped his hands in the air as though he was completely done with even the thought of using Mitchel Phew, Esq.’s private lavatory.

“So you didn’t use it?” the barrister insisted. He leaned back, placing his elbows on the handholds of his chair and forming a triangle with his fingers under his chin as he studied Jabber.

“Absolutely not,” Jabber said, keeping his eyes from blinking. “I swear on God’s Empty Throne I’m telling you the truth.”