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The Life Fantastic
Part Twenty: Wherein Jabber gives Eridian a completely unexpected birthday gift

Part Twenty: Wherein Jabber gives Eridian a completely unexpected birthday gift

“Oikos!” Jabber exclaimed as he entered Fokso’s living room, something heavy wrapped in a black cloth floating behind him. With a flick of his wand, it settled down by the kitchen table.

The arcanic contractor was in the middle of telling Fokso that he was nearly finished with the shade-repellant silver sigils he was installing throughout the house.

“Jabber!” Oikos said through his thick black beard. He had on his tool belt and was holding a steel work wand. “How are you doing?”

They shook hands.

“Good!” Jabber said. “Am I going to see you at my shop this afternoon?”

“Of course! I just need to finish up here.” Oikos nodded to both of them and left the room.

“He’s working on some projects at my wings shop,” Jabber said in response to Fokso’s questioning look as he sat down on the sofa. They were in the back living room that led out into Fokso’s well-tended lawn garden. Windows let in the soft afternoon sunlight.

Fokso pointed to the object Jabber had set down. “What is that?” he asked.

“A gift!” Jabber said with enthusiasm. “For Eridian’s birthday.”

“I told you she asked you for a brass spyglass.”

Jabber burst out laughing. “The nerve of that woman! You don’t get to make birthday requests. That’s not how it works.”

Fokso chuckled. “I know, I know . . . but then what is that?”

“You just wait,” Jabber said, rubbing his hands excitedly. “She’s going to love it.”

Fokso shrugged. “So how did lunch with Vicky go?”

Jabber shook his head, grimacing. “Not good.”

“Why, what happened?”

“It’s no good. She doesn’t want to get back together.”

“Oh no . . . Are you sure? She was absolutely against it?”

“Yeah.” Jabber curled the side of his mouth in sad frustration.

Fokso gave him an empathetic grimace. “I’m sorry Jabber. I was praying for more for you two.”

“It’s fine. I knew I was reaching for the stars with Vicky anyways. I’m not exactly the specimen of desirability.”

“You had such high hopes too.”

“It’s okay. What can you do?”

“You know what?” Fokso brightened. “Best thing you could do is start courting other ladies again!”

At this Jabber laugh in disbelief. “Who would want to date an old balding bachelor like me?”

“None of that matters. You have money and magic!”

“So?” Jabber sat forward. “You think they’ll forget my wrinkly skin because I have piles of gold and a wand?”

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

“Of course!” Fokso said. “You could walk around in leopard skin leotards with a pink dunce’s hat on your head and the moment you flash your gold and pull some kind of magic out of the air, all the women in the room would swoon over you.”

Jabber laughed at that. “Yes, it’s possible, maybe. But I don’t think so. Vicky has my heart.”

“Can I ask you something?” Fokso said, changing the subject.

“Of course.”

“The other night at Rospo’s house, when you said that invite got lost in the mail, that wasn’t true was it?”

Jabber smiled. “Of course not. I wouldn’t be caught dead at one of those charity events. They’re boring and full of poseurs.”

“So you blamed the mail-demon?” Fokso said, grinning.

“Indeed! The invite was lost in the mail . . . not my fault.” Jabber held his hands up with a laugh and a shrug. “Those damn mail-demons!”

“You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

“Fokso!” Eridian called as she entered the room. “Well hello Jabber!” She was wearing a red polka dot shirtwaist dress with her hair held up by a large black ribbon.

For a second Jabber thought about egging her about her resemblance to a ladybug but then thought better of it. “Good afternoon Eridian!” the magician said instead, standing up. “Stay right there!”

“What?” Eridian held a hand to her chest in surprise. “What is it?”

“I have a present you!” Jabber went to pull the black cloth from the heavy object he had set on the floor. “Are you ready?!”

“Oh my Lord! You never get me presents! What is this?!” Eridian exclaimed.

“Well I got you a present this year!” Jabber said as he pulled the cloth from a large marble bust of Eridian. Her hair was tied up in tight knots in the manner she had worn the evening of their housewarming party. Her eyes were open in a firm passionate look, lips slightly puckered, a small dragon stole complete with intricate scales draped around her neck. The entire effect was both imposing and impressive.

“Oh my lord!” Eridian was speechless. She held her hands to her mouth. “You made this for me?” Her eyes glistened.

On the couch behind her, Fokso looked in open mouthed horror from the huge bust of his wife to Jabber. “What the hell?!” he mouthed.

Jabber gave him a questioning frown but Eridian didn’t notice. She was ecstatic.

“I have no words. I really don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful.” She touched the top of the bust lovingly. “I know just where to put it too . . . it’s a perfect work of art.”

“Do you like it?” Jabber asked excitedly.

“I love it!” Eridian said, her eyes transfixed on her marble image. “Not just because it’s me . . . It’s a true masterpiece. How did you make this?”

“I’ve been working with someone on my marble furniture for my shop and he recommended an artist who could make busts like this.”

Behind both of them Fokso was trying to silently growl at Jabber with his eyes. He held his hands to his face in horror.

“This makes up for everything you’ve ever done to me!” Eridian clasped her hands to her chest in delight. “Do you understand Jabber! We haven’t always seen eye to eye, and you and Fokso drive me insane but I forgive you for everything.”

Jabber gave her a puzzled expression. “What have I done to you?”

Ignoring the magician, she continued, “I mean especially coming from someone like you. You’re not exactly known for generosity, so this is really special that you did this!”

Jabber nodded in agreement. “Well, that’s definitely true. I tend to avoid too much giving if I can.”

At that moment Eridian noticed some of the silver sigils that Oikos had left in a pile in the corner for his work. “I’ll be right back. This Oikos is ruining my house. I didn’t ask for sterling silver!”

She hurried to the other room, her voice turning into a snarl as she yelled, “Oikos! I told you to use fine silver. What the hell is this sterling stuff?”

Oikos’ low frustrated voice responded. “Fine silver?! You said sterling. Look I have it here on the work order!”

“If you think I’m going to pay you for a bunch of tarnished inlays all over my house, you don’t know who you’re dealing with. Either you replace everything with fine silver or I’m paying you nothing! Do you understand?”

Eridian came stomping back through the living room on her way to the stairs. “It’s ridiculous,” she shouted angrily to Jabber and Fokso. From the other room, came the furious cursing of Oikos.

“Poor bastard,” Fokso said. “He never had a chance.”

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