Chapter 57: Shadowfangs

Having been roped into yet another hopelessly perilous situation, Zach had no choice but to momentarily abandon his current objective and replace it with one so bizarre he couldn’t help but question whether this was truly real or all some delusion he’d conjured up in his head. Surely it was at least possible, no? Maybe Ziragoth had actually struck him with a finishing blow after all, and everything that was happening now was just one final dream churned out by his dying brain. Hell, that made more sense than this…this calamity of flying unicorns and roller-skating zombies he was about to wade right into.

With his sword gripped in his left hand, Zach muttered angrily as he swatted away scores of leaping, teeth-gnashing, and foul-smelling purple pumpkins with minimal effort, causing sprays of the odious, pungent, and disgustingly bitter-tasting purple slime to get all over his tunic, legs, and face. This, as he followed after a clearly agitated Elvish woman whom he still couldn’t believe was Kalana’s actual mother. Zach kept himself closely behind her as she led him directly through the field of scarecrows and pumpkins and towards a hill that was so steep the two of them would have to slide down a several-hundred-foot slope to descend it. Every few steps, she looked over her shoulder, and though she sent her gaze in Zach’s direction, she seemed to be peering at something behind him.

Assuming this woman was who she claimed to be, Zach had so many questions for her that he’d have to wait until later to ask, such as whether or not Kalana knew that her mother was here on this planet and building a kingdom for her and her father—and if not, why Fylwen hadn’t at least let her daughter know she was alive and well. He also wanted to know if she was aware that Kalana had begun leveling all on her own and was now an international superstar.

And I am too now, Zach thought bitterly. Genuinely, being in the spotlight was not something he’d ever wanted to begin with, and now that he’d experienced firsthand how people were reacting to him, it was something he wanted even less. Truly, there were so many people around the world who desperately craved fame and fortune—but Zach? He was good with just fortune, thanks.

At any rate, though he’d need to ask Fylwen to be certain, he very much doubted that Kalana had any idea what her mother had been up to all this time. By now, Zach had to imagine it would’ve been something she’d have told him. Though, to be fair, Kal was definitely the type to keep secrets, especially those that pertained to her past or her Elvish ancestry. Even still, his instincts told him she would be just as surprised to learn what her mother had been up to this past decade as Zach himself had been.

Assuming this is really Kal’s mom, Zach thought to himself. Can this really be her?

As shocking a notion as it was, he couldn’t deny the near-perfect resemblance. The two of them looked remarkably identical with their short, golden, and curly hair, as well as their green, wondrous eyes. They were also exactly the same height and had very similar voices—though Kal’s mother’s was a tad bit deeper and her speech patterns more regal and eloquent. Actually, their manner of speech was likely the only way Zach could even tell them apart aside from the handful of wrinkles that contrasted Fylwen’s otherwise seemingly youthful features. Even the sway of this woman’s hips as she walked reminded him of Kal. In fact, from the back side of her, Kalana’s mother looked exactly the same as her daughter to the extent that Zach had to actively remind himself that the figure strutting before him was not his girlfriend; this, shamefully, was a really important thing for him to keep firmly planted in mind as, much like Kalana, she seemed to share the same proportions in all other areas as well—so naturally, Zach was tempted to drop his gaze down a little farther…

Don’t you dare look, Zach told himself. You’re better than that, Zach. You’re not an animal. Don’t even think of looking at her ass. Don’t. You. Dare!

In order to keep a clear conscience, Zach pretended that her booty was radiating a dangerous, ultraviolet light like the sun with the capability of blinding him. He forced his chin to remain elevated and his eye to keep pointing forward as he hurriedly followed after her—all while he continued to effortlessly slice apart pumpkin after pumpkin, barely moving his arm. He merely flicked his wrist or, if absolutely necessary, made light, waving motions with his sword, as the level-four creatures were so far below him that they barely demanded any attention be given to their existence. It wasn’t even out of necessity that he killed them, nor did the paltry +8xp solo experience they provided serve as any kind of motivating factor. Rather, Zach cut them down more or less for the same reason that a person swats flies buzzing too close to their face. Regardless, as someone who was always happy to scoop up easily earned experience points no matter how little, Zach made sure to mentally recognize the fact that he was not in a party with Kalana’s mother so that it would be as true in reality as it was in his head. It seemed to work, as he had already banked 240xp which, while not much, still moved the needle in the right direction, so-to-speak.

I’d rather stay here and kill pumpkins all day than have to go down there, he thought with a frown.

Taking a glance ahead of him and down below, he once again struggled to believe that he had actually somehow gotten himself involved in this fantastically ridiculous war against a legion of mobs that were, even now, emerging in droves upon droves from this mountainside forest. Though cowardly, he knew if he really wanted to he could simply Phase Blink his way out of this mess and leave this woman to her own problems. Unfortunately, this woman happened to be Kalana’s momma, so he obviously had no choice now but to help her. It was basically required of him. Otherwise, he’d be the scumbag boyfriend who let his girlfriend’s mom die because he didn’t feel like getting into a little danger—or a lot, in this case, at least based on the mind-boggling number of zombies walking—or rather skating—into view.

“Gods,” he said aloud as they approached closer and closer to the wooden fence blocking off the several-hundred-feet slope. “There’s so many of them. Miss Vayra, I really don’t think I’m going to be able to do much against that large a number. I’m not as high level as you seem to think I am.”

“And?” she asked, beginning to walk noticeably more slowly for a reason Zach could not discern. She paused briefly, half turned around, and narrowed her eyes at something in the distance back in the direction they’d come.

“And…well, I’m not going to be able to kill that many of them. Also,” he added, growing uncomfortable with her more sedate pace, “there are time constraints, so we need to hurry. It would take me way too long to explain why, so you’ll just have to trust me when I say I can only fight, at the most, for another four minutes and twenty-five seconds: possibly even less.”

Rather than speed up, Fylwen slowed even further as they neared the fence. Then she again looked over and beyond Zach as though staring at something. This made Zach squeeze his grip tighter on his blade in frustration. Had she not heard a word of what he’d just told her? “Look, I’m only level thirteen,” he said to her, to which she cocked an eyebrow as though skeptical of his claim. “But,” he clarified, “I can fight like I’m higher level than that for a short period of time.”

“Interesting,” she whispered, still regarding him dubiously. “I suppose that explains the black smoke. It must be a buff of some sort.” At a more conversational volume, she said, “Well, the good news for you is I do not require you to kill all or even many of them, young man. I only need you to join my people in holding them and buying us time.”

At this, Zach nodded. “Ah, I get it. Reinforcements are on the way, right?”

“No,” Fylwen replied with a firm shake of her head. “None are needed.”

“Huh?”

“Like you said, human boy, we are very short on time, so I’ll give you the quickest, simplest explanation, and that will have to suffice for now.” She extended her arms widely in the direction of the forest, through which an uncountable number of zombies skated out onto the open, shallow-grass-covered clearing from within the dense grouping of large trees, which Zach noted had dark, bluish-green, hexagonally shaped leaves, a color which he found unusual and incomparable to anything he’d seen on Galterra.

“Every loathsome, undead creature you see before you,” she continued, “all of them—they are all the doing of just one vampire. Since vampires likely do not exist on Galterra anymore, it’s understandable you do not know of their powers and the limits of those powers.”

“I’m listening,” Zach said.

She turned around and faced his direction, then began waving her pointer finger at him. “Vampires are a race of beings only capable of using long-range artillery magic and necromancy. They are racially locked to only have 1 point into constitution regardless of equipment worn or buffs received. If you were to ever see a vampire on the field of battle, that vampire has already lost. An ordinary level-1 being could kill a vampire. A mage could fell one simply by hitting the disgusting thing with the blunt end of her staff. For this reason, they hide in the shadows and attack from many miles away.”

Zach watched as she turned her index finger around and now pointed at herself. “My people and I were scouting for resources in the Shi’Ank woods when we fell for Count Soloux’s ambush. Our entire raiding party was hit with a T4 Enfeebling debuff, causing every one of our stats to plummet. At the same time, the wicked count summoned an entire army of low-level mobs, which we are struggling to deal with now that our stats have been so greatly diminished. It wears off in a few minutes, however. In the state I am in now…I would have perished if not for…for whatever it was you had done to save me. I thank you.”

Zach nodded. “You’re welcome. And I’ll help however I can but…but look, I’m just one person against…” He swallowed fearfully as what looked like several-hundred more zombies and now even more of the flying, winged, skeleton horses with their mounted mummies swarmed the steadily retreating Elvish fighters, who were coming closer and closer to the base of the hill that led up to where Zach was now looking down upon them. Even still, a steady hail of arrows every few seconds were launched straight up into the air before falling down and in some cases outright killing dozens of zombies.

“I will barely be able to contribute,” Zach said. “Like, I might be able to hold one or two at bay out of hundreds. As you can tell, I’m also missing an eye and an arm. So I’m not even at my strongest right now.”

“Every second you can stall will be a second longer that we live. Also, your Shadowfang will be of great assistance. It is powerful. I can tell.”

Zach blinked. “Uh, my what?”

At this, a dark, impatient look came upon Fylwen’s face. “Like you said, we have little time. Please, young man.”

“My name’s Zach by the way.”

“Well then: please, Zach. Let us not waste time with this nonsense. I may be the queen, but I am also a high-level Elvish warrior, and I can see that which has been concealed behind a bending of light.”

Zach lifted his sword along with his hand for a one-armed shrug. “Great. Still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Young man!” she snapped, and Zach actually flinched at the heat and irritation in her voice. “My people are dying. I do not have time for games.”

“I’m not playing any games. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even know what a fucking Shadowfang is!”

She studied his expression for a second—a second which neither of them could really afford—and the look of confusion on her face came across as both genuine and concerning. “How can that be?” she asked. “You are clearly here with your bonded Shadowfang, as I am with mine.”

“Yours?” Zach asked.

“Yes. Mine.” She turned her head somewhat and gestured with her chin at the cute doggie that was flying around the sky with the aid of a literal jetpack while shooting laser beams out of its eyes. “We’re being overrun!” she cried. Then the black Labrador retriever barked, and it was a much, much deeper sound. “Awoof! Awoof! Rrrrruuhf! R-r-r-r-rufh! ”

“That talking dog is a Shadowfang?” Zach asked.

“Yes. It is a dog-type Shadowfang.”

“Dog…type?” Zach widened his eye as things began to dawn on him. “Wait, so that talking, fighting animal is a dog-type Shadowfang. Then…can a cat be one too?”

At this, Fylwen approached to within a few inches of Zach, leaned forward, and intensely studied his eye in a way that made him squirm uncomfortably on instinct. “What?” he asked her. “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t…you don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

She pointed at a patch of dirt about twenty feet behind him, which was surrounded by the purple slime of two dead pumpkins in a location that, come to think of it, Zach could not recall actually killing any of them in. “Your Shadowfang is right there.”

Zach squinted his one working eye. “I don’t see anything.”

“I assure you. The foul creature is—”

Zach took a reflexive step back, flinching as light seemed to bend on itself, creating a wavy effect in the air like a stone skipped along the surface of a pond. Then things seemed to settle, and for a mere moment, things appeared somewhat blurred before eventually taking form. When they finally did, Zach released an amazed gasp as he saw his black-and-white cat standing there before the two of them and hissing angrily. He appeared to be wearing some kind of magnificently elegant collar, which was made up of a dimly glowing silver. At the center, beneath Fluffles’ chin was a silver-and-gold serpent, and from within this serpent’s mouth, a very small, but constant dark-green gas seemed to trail off and quickly dissipate.

“Fluffles?” Zach half-asked, half-shouted. “Is that really you?”

Rather than answer him, the cat again hissed. “Stupid lady call Fluffles foul. Lady is foul and has smelly butt and face.” Clearly offended, Fluffles confusingly ran over and hissed at Zach for some reason. “Why Zach let lady say about Fluffles?”

“Why are you even here ?” Zach asked him. “How did you get here? Why did you come here?” He moaned and shook his head. “I’m so confused. Were you spying on me, Fluffles?”

The cat meowed. “Yes. Fluffles spy.”

“So you admit it?” Zach exclaimed.

“I was being a good cat. Alex say Fluffles watch Zach.”

“Mr. Oren told you to come here?”

Seemingly ignoring the question, he yet again faced Fylwen and hissed at her. “Lady call Fluffles foul. Lady have big stupid butt and is dumb.” Now, he made an even angrier hiss, and this time Zach detected a note of outrage, as though Fluffles was appalled by something. “And she smell like doggie. Fluffles hate doggie.”

Zach, terminally confused at this point, opened his mouth to reply, but rather than speak any words, he instead released a shrill, startled cry before ducking out of the way of an errant laser beam that, for some reason, was fired in his direction. Thanks to Unleashed Phase, he was just able to maneuver his body to relative safety as the laser beam collided with the ground and exploded on impact, causing a loud boom to form not far from where he’d been standing and sending about twenty pounds of mud, dirt, and soil shooting straight up into the air. For almost ten, further-wasted seconds, Zach glanced upwards and stared at the earthen mass in confusion—and then he remained perfectly still and frowned with deep resentment as it came pouring right back down on top of him, covering him from head to toe in mud and dirt. A moment later, there came a shout.

“Who brought a stupid cat here? Awoof! Awoof!”

Zach again ducked, this time purely out of being startled, as a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. “Fluffles hate doggie!” the cat shouted. The dog, changing the direction of her jetpack’s flame midair, managed to somehow move fast enough to dodge lightning, and then from her eyes, returned another lethal laser beam.

“Gods-damn my life and everything in it!” Zach cried, looking pleadingly at Fylwen. “Do something! Our pets are PVP’ing!”

She seemed equally as annoyed as Zach, though in addition, she also appeared disappointed. Zach couldn’t even be bothered to feel disappointment at anything Fluffles did. Just like any other cat, there was no such thing as correcting his behavior or getting him to change. Cats just did what cats do. And in this case, that meant summoning lightning strikes to try and knock a jetpack-utilizing black Labrador retriever out of the sky, while the black Lab returned a series of explosive red laser-beams, none of which even came close to hitting Fluffles, but all of which almost killed Zach.

Crying out in both fear and deep unhappiness as he wasted more, precious seconds of his Unleashed Phase, Zach, to his utter misery, found himself dashing every which way to avoid a staggered, but consistent influx of bright, red, and explosive laser beams

“Stop it!” Zach shouted. “Fluffles, stop now!”

“Bad girl!” Fylwen called to her Shadowfang. “You get down here right now, Chumpkenwiffles!”

Fluffles hissed angrily. “Chumpkenwiffles is stupid name. Not special name like Fluffles.”

“Fluffles is the worst name I’ve ever heard!” the doggie said.

Zach was almost scorched to death by a blaze of fire as the dog showed no concern for his wellbeing as she simply descended right near him, which meant shooting a dual stream of fire below and to each side of herself as she landed with her jetpack. The moment it touched down, she growled and ran straight at Fluffles, who himself hissed and ran straight at her.

Zach, stupidly, angrily, and in sheer disbelief, ran directly in the middle of them both, and then he howled in pain as he was both bitten and scratched at the same time. “Fucking cut it out!” he shouted. “Ouch, it bit my ass! Do something!”

“Ok!” Fluffles shouted.

“N-no, not you!”

“Fluffles avenge Zach!” he hissed and took a swipe at Chumpkenwiffles, who dropped down and rolled over her belly and off to her right to avoid it. So instead of scratching the dog, Fluffles almost took his other eye out, only narrowly missing and hitting his forehead. Then the black Lab growled, and she bit Zach’s shin. “Owe! Get her off me!”

“Fluffles save Zach.”

“Ahh!” Zach cried as Fluffles swiped his opposite shin so hard that a piece of his pants tore off and hopefully wouldn’t count as an armor break. “Fluffles, please. You’ve got to—”

Anything he’d been about to say became drowned out amid a viciously angry-sounding back-and-forth of hissing, barking, and growling. Then both animals again went at it, and every bite and scratch landed only on Zach. He found himself taking so many hits so fast that, by the time he managed to stumble out of there, literally half of his tunic was ripped off, exposing his belly button, parts of his chest, and most of his left side—and an entire sleeve of his right pant leg was now gone. It was only by some miracle the two pieces of equipment were not completely broken.

“Fluffles, stop it now!” Zach shouted at him, bleeding from so many places he might as well have been bleeding from everywhere. None of his wounds were deep enough to pose any real danger, but they all stung and made him wonder if one of the Gods had something personal against him for this kind of shit to be happening.

“Please, little buddy,” he begged. “We’re in the middle of a fucking zombie war. Are you not aware of that?”

“Dog worse than zombie. It smell and have stupid dog face.”

“Awoof! R-r-r-r-rufh! My Queen Vayra, you lets me eat this?” she begged. “I want to eats it.”

“No!” she snapped. Then she glared at Zach and pointed at him. “Young man, control your animal!”

“Wait, what?”

Oh, no she didn’t. Tell me she didn’t.

“Did you just say my animal?” Zach snapped back at her. “Your stupid dog started the fight.”

“Chumpkenwiffles did nothing wrong, young man,” she replied. “She was protecting me from your cat’s aggressive behavior. She did not do anything wrong here.”

“Yes!” Fluffles insisted. “Yes! Lady lie. Chumpkenwiffles antagonize Fluffles. Zach saw. Right, Zach? You saw. Zach see Chumpkenwiffles say…she say Fluffles stupid cat.”

“I did not say that,” the dog replied defensively.

This only seemed to further agitate Fluffles, who literally hopped up and down as if so anxious he could not control it. “Chumpkenwiffles lying!” Fluffles shouted. “Zach hear her say it. Chumpkenwiffles is lying bad dog.”

“No!” Chumpkenwiffles barked back. “Fluffles is a bad cat. I am a good girl.”

“You are the worst dog. Fluffles is the best cat. Even Lienne say Fluffles best cat.”

“Ry’lina said Chumpkenwiffles is a good girl and the best one.”

“Lady from the inn say Fluffles the best cat she ever see.”

“Chumpkenwiffles killed two squirrels today.”

“Fluffles kill ten birds!”

“I’m about to kill myself if you two don’t stop—”

They were already going at it again. And this time, they finally got him. Oh, how they finally got him good. A bolt of lightning and a laser-beam both struck Zach at the exact same time. And while it hurt like a bitch, far worse was the way it knocked him about twenty-feet off the ground. Zach yelped as he was flung backwards, and all at once, he saw Fluffles avert his gaze, Chumpkenwiffles lower her head down in shame, and Fylwen reach her hand out and open her mouth in alarm as Zach found himself launched backwards, over the wooden fence, and then with a terrifying, but at least not too painful bump, he began rolling down the biggest hill he’d ever seen in his life. Worse, he began to pick up speed, too.

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“Ouch, ouch, ouch!” he cried out as he rolled faster and faster, becoming dizzier and dizzier. He now lost total and complete control of his body. The sky was below him, the ground was above him. Then one was to his left and the other to his right. Zwoosh, Zwoosh, Zwoosh. Everything was spinning and spinning, and he was falling and falling. Faster and faster. He vomited, and he was moving so fast that he had no idea where any of it went. His clothing? The side of the hill? It was anyone’s guess. Yet he continued to pick up speed. It became so frightening and uncomfortable he screamed like he was on a rollercoaster; only, at least rollercoasters didn’t hurt this bad or spin this fast.

His one arm continued to pound against rocks or Gods knew what. He was moving and spinning too fast to be sure what was even happening. Eventually, however, he finally, finally rolled off the hill, finding himself now spinning over the short, greenish-white-colored grass and sailing past many of the retreating Elves, who shot him confused and uncertain looks as they fired their arrows over his head.

“Young human child, fare thee well?” one asked. Unlike the other green-cloaked, brown-tunic-wearing Elves, this one dressed in all white with an equally white cloak.

“Doth thou require mine own aid?” called another, a woman, also dressed in white.

“Kid, you okay?” asked one of the green-cloaks. “Shit, you took a bad fall there.”

“Canst thou still fight?” a man, this one in all white including long, braided white hair asked of him. “Has’t thee cometh to aid us in this moment of most wondrous peril?”

I literally want to die, Zach thought. I hope something kills me right now. Seriously, I hope something—

“I don’t want to die!” he shouted, rolling over as fast as he could possibly manage as a shortsword stabbed into the ground where he had just been lying. Zach frantically scrambled back to his feet and took several steps back. Somehow, still miraculously holding onto his sword, he let his instinct take over and he raised it to block two strikes from two shortswords wielded one to each hand by a pale, hideous-looking creature whose skin was disgustingly peeling off its face and many visible portions of its pale, rotted-away body. It wore nothing more than a pair of genuinely pristine roller skates that seemed totally out of place against its tattered, filthy rags that it wore for clothing, though, to be fair, the same could now be said of Zach, whose equipment was so torn in places that he simply could not believe it had not registered as a break and vanished into smoke.

As dozens of Elves retreated further back in the direction Zach had just rolled in on, he put aside every miserable thing that had just happened to him and now focused on surviving the creature right in front of him. Zach regarded his foe as, with a missing arm and a missing eye, he prepared to defend himself against it. He had never seen this type of creature before, but Gods were there a lot of them! They smelled, too—horribly. They might have been mobs, but that did not prevent them from taking on qualities of real things, as Zach had learned all-too well when it came to killing humanoid mobs that could bleed in Yorna, which…actually, that was technically where he was right now, wasn’t he? Or had he just rolled out of what would normally be considered Yorna? Either way, it was a question for later. For now, he was content to assess the pale, rotting thing across from him.

HP

6000/6000

Name

Fundead Roller-Ghast 5B

Level

18

Even as hundreds of these things began to swarm the area around him, Zach kept his attention focused solely on the one he had somehow aggroed. Unfamiliar with an enemy like this, he hopped a few steps back to assess and analyze the situation. Unfortunately, he was immediately put on the defensive, as the zombie rushed forward at him on its pair of Gods-cursed roller skates. The footwear clearly served as an apt gap closer and so now Zach was once more forced to fend off a dual strike right at him.

Dripping blood from a billion different scratches, bites, and collisions with giant rocks as he’d rolled down here, Zach tried to ignore the fact that he was in so much pain and that his equipment was so torn he was borderline naked. In fact, at least for right now, the damn zombie was better attired than he was, as he had numerous cloth strips just dangling in the air around him, revealing fairly shallow, but still nevertheless bloody cuts, scrapes, and wounds beneath. It was also freezing-fucking cold out here, and worst of all, he now only had 3:03 left on his Unleashed Phase.

“Ruuuuhhhh!” the zombie moaned. “Ruuuuhhhh!”

First, it raised its right, badly rotten wrist and took a shot with its sword at his cheek. Then, almost at the exact same time, it brought around its opposite shortsword aimed at his opposite cheek. Even with just one hand, Zach was easily able to deflect both strikes in two quick motions, each deflection resulting in two back-to-back clangs. Upon blocking both shortsword strikes, the zombie again moaned, but this time, it lurched forward on its roller skates. From the way both of its rotten feet were parallel to one another, Zach was unable to determine from which side or in what manner it planned to attack. It was such a weird stance. How did it plan on striking him with either of those shortswords while it advanced in such a flat-footed way? As it turned out, the mob had no intention of using its swords again—at least not this time. And ultimately, it was only thanks to a verbal warning from one of the green-cloaked Elves that Zach managed to avoid what may well have either killed or seriously sickened him.

“Don't let it bite you!” called a young Elven kid either the same age or slightly younger than Zach. “Even if you don’t die, it’ll give you a curse!”

Even with his +20 to speed, the creature was already upon him and moving far too fast for him to even turn around, let alone consider dodging. So instead, Zach left his fate to the mercy of gravity, and he dropped himself straight down onto the grass while simultaneously kicking out both of his feet. Rather than sink its teeth into his flesh as both a cat and dog had just done, Zach instead tripped the zombie, which actually flew forward almost fifteen feet before face-planting onto the ground and taking, what was it, 7 or 8 points of damage? He was barely paying attention. More prudent was seizing an opportunity he now found himself with—even if it was very short-lived.

Even while wearing roller skates, and even while being a Gods-damned zombie, the thing was still able to get back up to its feet in a fairly reasonable amount of time. Zach beat it out by only a few seconds, but by the Gods, he made sure he made excellent use of every last bit of that time. As the “Fundead Roller-Ghast” made an eerie sort of vibration-like movement with its arms and legs as it wriggled itself back up to its feet, Zach struck out with as much strength as he could possibly muster while holding his level-1 starter sword in just one hand. Slashing downwards and across the zombie’s face, Zach tore into its flesh and caused a fist-sized clump of horrific-smelling, decayed skin along with a tremendous glob of green pus to stain the surrounding grass around its body.

711

He would’ve hit way harder if he’d had his second arm—especially to have whacked it over the head as he’d done. Yet there was still time for another hit, and Zach went for it. This time, taking his blade from a low to a high position, he cut up and across the monster’s chin, slicing off half of its nose in the process and causing another giant glob of green pus to fly over its shoulder as a steady stream of it began to first pour, then slow to an ooze.

741

HP

4540/6000

Name

Fundead Roller-Ghast 5B

Level

18

Unleashed Phase Duration

02:59 Remaining

Wave Slash

1:15

Boundless

0:10

Phase Blink

0:20

Phase Shield (READY) (25 seconds)

0:45

Phase Rescue

0:35 / 2:15 (if used with Boundless)

Phase Slash

1:10 / 6:10 (if used with ??)

Having landed two successful strikes, Zach went forward to press the attack—then immediately dashed backwards and dropped to a crouch as a low-flying winged skeleton horse blasted by alongside him, whereupon a mummy holding an axe tried to take his entire head off. Thankfully, the skeletal horse along with its bandage-wrapped rider flew off somewhere out of sight, and Zach stood back to his feet—only to drop down a second time as yet another flying mummy came so close to splitting open his head that he could hear the whoosh as the axe missed by mere inches overhead.

It’s chaos out here!

Freezing cold but burning with anger at the universe, Zach, for the second time, got to his feet and prepared to advance on the stupid—but admittedly appropriately—named zombie. This turned out not to be necessary, as while he was dodging the mounted mummies, his new undead friend had already skated his way over to Zach, and with another “Ruuuuhhhh!” it began unleashing a constant, wild series of back-to-back one-two combinations, alternating between swinging its left then right shortsword. There was a good deal of strength behind the strikes, too, as putting his one-handed grip aside, he still did not expect to feel this amount of shock each time he deftly flicked his wrist to block an opposite side.

Despite attacking in a repetitive, unchanging pattern, the literal bag of decaying flesh counterintuitively struck out with such speed and fervor that Zach, despite knowing the when and where, could not make any time to retaliate with a counter strike. All he could do was backpedal and continue to raise his guard to block these unceasing one-two combinations. Each one landed a quarter of a second after the next, and for whatever reason, the second strike always seemed to make a louder, higher-pitched cling each time Zach blocked it. The result was that he found himself pressed steadily backwards towards the hill he’d rolled down as a constant melody played in the background.

Cling CLING. Cling CLING. Cling CLING. Cling CLING.

Zach realized he was badly losing ground. Worse, about ten more of these things were coming towards him, including one that looked almost identical except its flesh was completely, totally puke-green as opposed to pale, and its roller skates were blue, decorative, and let out bright yellow sparks as he skated towards Zach.

HP

10000/10000

Name

Fundead Shocker 2B

Level

20

Zach swore. They really were being overrun. That damn dog was right. He hadn’t even killed one of these fucking things yet, and already he was going to have to worry about fighting nine more along with an even more powerful one.

Deal with the one in front of me first. Then worry about the rest!

For the time being, Zach was still locked in a defensive position, the zombie forcing him to continue to block its seemingly never-ending one-two combination. Honestly, having fought a fairly decent variety of sword-wielding mobs by now, Zach found this particular “Fundead Roller-Ghast” to be among the worst in terms of its general swordplay and offensive abilities. In fact, if he were to consider strictly only swordsmanship and no other factors, Zach’s honest opinion would be that this was the weakest of all mobs, skill-wise, he’d gone up against. And yet, so far, it was proving to be one of the most difficult—and it was all because of those damn roller skates.

Without those, Zach would have dominated and destroyed this damn thing a hundred times over. Yet the rollers-skates not only allowed it to maintain superior positioning pretty much at all times, but it also eliminated the one weakness of its dual-wielded shortswords, which were the weapons’ much-smaller reach. Since the “Fundead Roller-Ghast” never had to worry about being outranged, Zach was forced to allow it to set the pace. He needed to reverse that. But how? The thing was swinging so fast that, if he tried dodging to the side instead of continuing to backpedal, he would be hit. If he tried to jump backwards and gain some distance, the thing would just skate to him so fast the distance between them would be crossed before Zach even landed. There were always his abilities, of course, and in truth, a good number of them would be perfect for right about now; unfortunately, however, he did not have enough time left on Unleashed Phase to begin popping abilities. Though, a single Phase Blink right here would really go far towards ending this thing once and for all.

How much time do I still have?

Unleashed Phase Duration

02:44 Remaining

Wave Slash

1:15

Boundless

0:10

Phase Blink

0:20

Phase Shield (READY) (25 seconds)

0:45

Phase Rescue

0:35 / 2:15 (if used with Boundless)

Phase Slash

1:10 / 6:10 (if used with ??)

Zach swore. The idea of using Phase Blink might not be such a bad idea after all. Though it cost twenty seconds of time to activate, he’d already wasted almost that much just in defending against this stupidly fast, stupidly strong one-two combination. He needed to deal with this thing fast, as those other ten zombies were closing in on him—no, wait. It was fifteen heading towards him now. No, wait! Twenty!

I’m so fucked!

No longer willing to idly ruminate on it, Zach decided to go with his gut, and he activated Phase Blink, targeting the “Fundead Roller-Ghast” that was right in front of him. Or was it? The moment he activated the ability, he found himself behind the mob so fast that it didn’t even seem like he’d moved or turned himself around. Rather, it looked like the mob inverted itself before him, so that he now faced its back, and it was still facing and slicing where he’d only just been standing.

Even before the sonic boom echoed loudly enough to become the dominant sound that drowned out all others, Zach was already swinging his blade with as much speed and strength as he could manage. Furiously, he struck the zombie across the back, tearing an entire section of its rags off and hitting for 521. Then, aiming more carefully, he slashed at its head, and following the bodily departure of another chunk of green pus and decaying skin, Zach saw he’d inflicted 701. As Zach came around for a third attack, it was at this point that his sonic boom erupted in this cold, zombie-infested land so loudly that he managed to inadvertently startle every Elvish warrior around him and even spooked one of them so badly that he dropped his bow.

“What in the ever-loving hell was that?” a green-cloaked man said a moment after one of his arrows put an end to a zombie with a shot between the eyes.

“Verily, I knoweth not,” one of the white-cloaks replied.

Zach was glad they didn’t know it was him, because now that he saw it had caused them to become upset and confused, he decided it was better if his identity as the culprit remained a secret. At any rate, he had more important things to focus on: such as unloading everything he had into this Gods-damned zombie.

Much to his good fortune—or as good a fortune as someone who’d just been mauled by two hyper-sentient animals and thrown down a several-hundred-foot hill after being conscripted into his girlfriend’s mother’s army could possibly be said to have—his Phase Blink had accomplished even more than he’d originally expected. As these zombies were all wearing roller skates, Zach had never even considered that they would be far slower to fully turn around on their feet than if they had just worn shoes, sandals, or even went barefoot.

Now, as this zombie turned around nice and slowly, Zach went to town on the son of a bitch. He finally let himself vent some of his anger. Typically, fighting while pissed off led to making mistakes. But now, he allowed his rage to power him. And so, grunting with each strike, he shouted, “Die. You. Piece. Of. Shit!” He punctuated each of his words with a vicious slash aimed squarely at the creature’s head, hitting for 510, 705, 811, 635, and 771. The sight of what he did to the thing with each blow of his sword reminded him of the disgusting way in which he’d killed Moldark. Zach had now caused so many chunks of flesh and green pus to go flying in so many places it was a miracle one of the Elves or one of the mobs didn’t slip on it.

Having finally turned around, the zombie shouted, “Ruuuuhhhh!” Then it skated towards him and lifted both shortswords as though intending to strike with both in unison.

HP

156/6000

Name

Fundead Roller-Ghast 5B

Level

18

Having gotten it so damn low, Zach decided to risk striking out first. Even as he saw both blades streaking towards each side of his face, he shifted all of his body weight forward, and then stepped into a forward thrust, his sword piercing the decaying flesh around the mob’s chest and running him completely through for 679 damage. Then, a moment before Zach could pull his sword back out again, the entire creature began to brighten and turn green. Before Zach’s very eye—and very unwelcoming nose—he both smelled and saw every last trace of the creature soften and turn into a green ooze, which ended up as a puddle on the grass that did not disappear.

+2000xp

Zach grinned greedily at the massive amount—at least compared to what he’d seen so far—of xp that he was rewarded with for his kill. His cheer, however, was short-lived, as he soon found himself only moments from being overtaken by five more zombies with a great many still on their way. The one nearest to him skated towards him with his legs parallel. This time, Zach knew what to expect. The creature would try to bite his face off and curse him, wouldn’t it?

Knowing in advance what it was going to do, Zach prepared to jump off to the side—and then he slipped in the Gods-damned puddle of green goo and pus from the one he’d already killed. And he didn’t even just do a regular slip, either, like one of those ones where you lose your balanced and fall forward or backwards. Oh, no. This was one of those bad slips. When your entire foot slides forward and up with such force that it causes your whole body to flip backwards and send you crashing down onto your back.

“Shit!” Zach cried as the roller-skating zombie did not seem to mind that he’d fallen onto his back. The thing was now airborne with its decaying arms extended out in front of it. It was diving at him. The damn thing was actually diving at him!

Zach shrieked as its sharp teeth, open mouth, and disfigured, rotten face began to fill his vision. Having absolutely no idea what to do, Zach acted out of literally nothing but fear and reflex. Lying flat on his back, he grabbed his sword, threw himself up into a sitting position, and then jammed his arm straight forward, plunging his blade directly inside the mouth of what had been called “Fundead Roller-Ghast 4X.” Due to the momentum of the roller blades, the zombie was unable to stop. It had no choice but to impale its own self onto Zach’s blade, to the extent that, after a brief moment, a lump formed in the back of its skull, and then with a disgusting-sounding tear that Zach knew would haunt his nightmares, his sword reappeared, now poking through the mob’s skull. But it was what he saw next that surprised him the most.

Mob-Specific Vulnerability Multiplier: 9x

701 (x9)

6,301

+2000xp

Two thoughts immediately formed in Zach’s head. The first was that he had now discovered a way to instantly kill any of these things that tried to bite him—at least the level 18 ones, anyway—and that in itself was totally badass. The second thought that formed was that he really needed to get out of there before it—

Too late. Having already been grossed out by the purple pumpkin shit all over him, Zach had something far worse to worry about now as the entire creature melted down into green pus and goo right over him, simply covering him from head to toe in the most foul-smelling, acerbic, and rotten-smelling bile that his poor nose had ever had to endure. Now, drenched in green zombie pus, he shouted out angrily. His Unleashed Phase timer was ticking down, his cat and some dog had kicked the shit out of him, and he smelled like the asshole of a two-thousand-year-old corpse. He was downright miserable. Someone had to pay for this.