Chapter 20: The Catacombs of Yorna

Zach cheered as the world whizzed by him. He was feeling extra energetic this morning, so he pedaled his beautiful new bike with a bit more umph. Having had to walk on foot for the entire day yesterday, Zach had rediscovered his appreciation for the invention of the wheel as he raced through yet another cornfield. The tickling sensation in his cheeks as the stalks slapped him in his face actually caused him to chuckle. Who knew that when he’d woken up this morning, he’d be feeling so damn alive and amazing?

“Go get it!” Fluffles shouted from his new, bigger, and hopefully more comfortable basket.

Zach pedaled even faster, chasing after the wisp that streaked across the sky. He knew it was a bit premature to summon another one already, but he was feeling elated; there was something so incredible about traveling by bike after spending six hours just to travel two-dozen miles on foot. At his current speed, Zach was able to match that in a half hour. He was practically flying like the buzzing, humming wisp he was so ardently chasing after. In fact, in just the past two hours alone, he had moved a simply unbelievable sixty miles. According to the internet, the average athlete rode at around 20mph. Though he hadn’t yet tried, Zach guessed that, thanks to his two level-ups, he could easily hit 40 if he truly wanted. Of course, that would drain him so fast it wouldn’t be worth it. But the point was that he could.

Realistically, even the speed he was currently going—which the tracker app on his phone pegged at around 29.7mph—should have been draining him like an overused battery. But oddly enough, it wasn’t. This, despite using Boundless only a few minutes prior. Sure, it’d made him sweat, and sure, it’d caused him to lose his breath for a minute or two, but he was quick to recover.

This must be the part of stamina based in willpower, he realized. I don’t know what my willpower number is, but Gods damn it, it must be through the roof right now.

From the moment he had slipped out of bed this morning, he had awoken with the feeling that today was going to be his day. In fact, it might just end up being the greatest day of his entire life. His mood was elevated all the way up to Ascos, Galterra’s blue-and-green moon.

“It getting away!” Fluffles cried.

Zach pedaled even faster despite knowing he couldn’t actually outrun or catch up to it. It was difficult to tell because, as he’d learned in physics, perceived motion rarely matched actual motion for fast-moving objects at a distance, but he had to imagine that the thing was moving at least five times as fast as the bike.

Rocketing through a smaller tomato field, the terrain began to slope downward, turning into something of a hill with a gradually increasing steepness. Fluffles let out a whoop of excitement as the bike picked up so much speed that the tires began to hiss. Zach immediately stopped pedaling, then hoped to God his “3 constitution” would be enough to prevent him from bashing his head in if for any reason this bike tipped over. Right now, they had to be moving at least 50 miles per hour, something he didn’t even know was possible to achieve on a bike.

The wind picked up to such an extent that he actually had to struggle to breathe as it beat against the two of them; his t-shirt ruffled, and Fluffles’ ears flapped. Gripping his handlebars more tightly, his stomach gave a nervous lurch even as a rush of pure exhilaration caused him to shout out a cry of pure joy.

Faster and faster they plunged down the ever-steepening hill, and then with a terrifying bump that thankfully didn’t knock them over, they once again soared across flat, steady land, moving so fast that Zach likely wouldn’t have to pedal for close to another minute. So instead, he simply sat, relaxed, and enjoyed the free boost provided to him courtesy of gravity.

With Fluffles sitting up and clearly enjoying the ride, they zipped across a pasture, where several cows paused from grazing to stare at the two of them. Fluffles hissed at each one of them, and he almost seemed to be preparing to jump out and fight them, but luckily, they breezed right through and left the poor animals to their own devices.

Distracted, Zach had to lean the bike and come into a dangerously sharp turn as he nearly collided into the side of a ranch, where a young blonde who was riding a horse in tight-fitting clothing shot him a sidelong glance and made Zach think troublesome thoughts—which in turn nearly caused him to bang his bike into a shed. Fluffles seemed to enjoy this, for some reason. It was like he hoped they would crash.

Finally slowing down, Zach once again returned to pedaling. The wisp was now well out of sight, but something about its appearance tickled his curiosity. There was something here that he wasn’t seeing: something that he should have realized from the very beginning but that he’d missed. It was right on the tip of his brain. He needed to think. He needed to put the pieces together. There was an element at play here that was very, very easy to miss, and that he didn’t even blame himself for missing, but nevertheless, he needed to consider.

After continuing along for another few minutes, he squeezed the brakes and brought the bike to a halt. much to the confusion of Fluffles, who demanded to know why they’d stopped. Knocking down the kickstand with his right foot, Zach hopped off the bike, then so did Fluffles, as if not willing to pass up a chance to stretch his legs regardless of why they’d ceased moving.

Right now, they were in a large field with short grass. Behind them had been the cattle ranch they’d hurtled through, and ahead of them was a stable. Even without being able to see any horses, he could be sure they were inside just from the smell alone. And from the way Fluffles was acting, Zach clearly wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“Horsies stink!” he whined. “I hate horsies!”

“Well, that’s just nature. There’s nothing you can do ab—no, Fluffles!” Zach shouted as a purple ball of energy began forming in the air in front of him. “I will never speak to you again if you blow up those animals.”

“I kill the horsies! They smells and ruin Fluffles tummy!”

“Fluffles, p-put away your purple thing.”

“It called T2 Energy Bomb. And I turn horsies into mush.”

“Fluffles, please!”

Slowly, the purple ball of energy faded, and then Fluffles angrily meowed before jumping back into his basket and curling up into a ball. “Zach make Fluffles smell horse butt. Why we stop?”

“Because I need to think. I’m realizing something now.”

“What?” Fluffles asked, lifting his head as if curious.

Zach held up a finger, removed his backpack, opened the largest pouch, then reached inside. With a hiss, he pulled back his hand and sucked on his thumb, which was now slightly bleeding. This had been the second time today he cut himself on his sword, which he’d tucked inside. It was only through sheer miracle that the already worn-down backpack hadn’t suffered any damage. Zach had needed to be so perfectly careful in getting the blade inside.

Can’t believe I cut myself again, he thought to himself with a grumble.

Reaching inside again, but this time much more cautiously, he removed the box of Frog Snax, which made Fluffles’ ears twitch. “Snack time?” he asked.

“No,” Zach said. “I mean yes. Ahh, I mean maybe. Just…just give me a second. I’m figuring something out.”

“Why you no tell best friend Fluffles? I help!”

Zach smiled at him. Then he brought up his inventory and showed Fluffles the description, which of course the cat already knew and had seen before. But even still, there was something important hidden in it—something so easily overlooked that he had, well, just outright, plain and simply overlooked it.

Frog Snax: picked up by Zachys Calador

Summons a wisp of light that causes the nearest non-boss, non-enraged aquatic-type enemy to become distracted for 45 seconds, forgetting its target.

500 range. Only 1 wisp may be active at a time. Not usable by Goblins, Dwarves, or Shadowfangs.

“Do you see it?” Zach asked the cat.

“No. I want chin scratches.”

Zach moved over to Fluffles, bringing the floating words with him. He began to scratch the cat’s chin with one hand while pointing to a specific part of the item description with his other. “That part. Do you see?”

Fluffles either wasn’t paying attention or didn’t care. He simply purred as Zach scratched him. With a sigh, Zach said, “Right here. It says only 1 wisp may be active at a time.”

“Why that matter?” Fluffles asked, as if suddenly again becoming interested.

“Well, I only just now realized that I could have figured out where the spawn point is without ever leaving my apartment.”

“How?” Fluffles demanded, actually sounding angry. “You do trick on me again?”

“No trick, little buddy. Or well, okay, there is a ‘trick’ to it, but it’s not on you. It’s all right here.” Once more, he tapped on that very specific part of the description. Only 1 wisp may be active at a time. Then he dismissed the information.

“I didn’t figure it out until just now myself, but now I realize we can actually gain really important information by using this fact.” Fluffles didn’t appear convinced, so Zach continued to elaborate. “If only one wisp can remain active at a time, then if we somehow, in the future, ever try to do something similar to this again, we only need to figure out how fast the wisp travels in order to determine a rough estimate of how far away the spawn point is.”

When Fluffles still stared at him with a blank, dumb expression in his amber-colored eyes, Zach decided to be even more specific. “Let’s say I eat a Frog Snax, and a wisp appears. And then five minutes later I eat another one, and a wisp does not appear, it means that the first wisp still exists and therefore has not yet reached the spawn. So, if I know the rate at which the wisp flies towards the spawn, we can calculate its distance.”

“Fluffles confused,” the cat moaned.

Zach tapped his chin. “Okay, it’s like this, Fluffles. If we know that it’s not reached its target in five minutes, and let’s just say, hypothetically—and this is a complete guess—that it’s traveling at 120mph, then X = (120mph)/(60/5), which equals ten miles every five minutes. Then let’s say I wait twenty minutes and eat another one. And the wisp appears. Now, we know that the spawn must be less than 40 miles away. Even from my apartment, we could have used the Frog Snax to narrow it down to an exact point on a map. Now do you get it?”

Fluffles looked at him for nearly a minute before saying, “No! Zach is nerd. Fluffles hate math. Tuna time.” With a sigh, Zach reached into his backpack to grab a can of tuna, but Fluffles stopped him. “No, not here. Horsies are stinky.”

“Yeah, yeah. All right.”

Zipping his backpack and hopping back on the bike, he pedaled for a good ten minutes, as even long after he stopped being able to smell the “horsies,” Fluffles insisted that he still could. Finally, in a section of land that had slightly taller stalks of grass but no “horsies,” Zach got off the bike, removed his backpack, and opened a can of tuna for the cat, who began eating it up as though he’d been starved. From the way he ate, one would actually think Zach starved this creature as opposed to revolving his entire life around his hunger.

“I…I think I’m going to eat something too,” Zach said.

He reached into his backpack, took out one of the Frog Snax, and then placed it in his mouth. Fluffles immediately popped his head up from his now-finished tuna can and stared at him as though he were insane. “We not ready!” Fluffles said, hopping into the basket with a clear sense of urgency. “Zach is being a bad human and not giving Fluffles time to digest.”

With the Frog Snax in his mouth, Zach wiggled his finger at Fluffles in a gesture to indicate that everything was fine and this wasn’t what Fluffles thought it was. Then, he took out his phone and downloaded an app as the perfect plan at long last dawned on him. Now, if only the damn app would hurry up and download, as the snack was beginning to dissolve in his mouth!

Finally.

Opening the application, he began inputting some data. Namely, he imported the map data of his current area based on GPS coordinates, and then took a few steps back, stood on his tiptoes, and did his best to input, with as much precision as possible, the location of a farmhouse that, just by estimation alone, sort of looked like it was around two, maybe two-and-a-half miles away from where it stood alone across a wide, vast field of squash and cucumbers. It was hard to be sure with the glare from the sun which, based on the weather reports, was looking to be just as much of a menace today as it’d been yesterday, with more record-breaking heat in the area.

I was close, he thought, nodding with satisfaction as the number 2.142 miles popped up on his screen.

Then, finally satisfied that everything was in place, he very, very carefully positioned his thumb over his phone’s screen, and almost at the same time, he used Boundless and then chewed, swallowing the Frog Snax even as he began to pant with exertion—a level of which he was now sure was nowhere near as strenuous as the first time he’d used this ability on his apartment roof. He was clearly getting better with regards to stamina. There was no longer any denying it.

Here we go!

The wisp of light appeared immediately, along with a buzzing hum, which dulled in sound but not in brightness as it flew upwards towards the sky, though it did seem to peak a good deal lower this time around.

Zach waited, his body tensing, his reflexes primed. He waited, and waited—and the moment the wisp took off towards the southeast—in the very same exact instant—he pressed his thumb down, activating a timer on his phone, which began to count upwards in milliseconds. Then he watched intently without blinking as the wisp soared off into the distance. And with perfect timing, the moment it flew over the farmhouse, Zach pressed the button a second time. And even without looking at his screen, he just knew he’d nailed it.

145.22mph.

“Fluffles, we got it!” he cheered.

“What we got?” the cat asked.

“The speed.”

“Can I have a Frog Snax?”

“Fluffles, this time I really do need all three. I know you love them, but can you let me have them? I’ll make it up to you later, little buddy. I promise.”

“Okay. Fluffles love Zach and let him eat all Frog Snax.”

“Thanks, Fluffles! Hey, for what it’s worth, I think we’re close. I think we’re way closer than we thought—or well, I thought anyway. Point is, I don’t even think we’re going to have to leave the Whispery Woods region, but we’ll see.”

“Hurray!”

Zach returned his attention to the bag of Frog Snax. There were now just three left. Glancing at his phone, he waited patiently. Already, ten minutes had passed while his nerves caused his heart to flutter with both excitement and trepidation. In truth, he was cutting things really close, and there would be some guesswork required, but the bottom line was that, doing things this way, he no longer had to worry about the possibility he would have to choose between running out of the snack or so vastly overshooting his mark that he had to backtrack a hundred or more miles.

Even as he grew restless and anxious, Zach kept his emotions in check, and then when eighteen minutes had passed, for the second time in a row, he activated Boundless. Despite gasping and dripping more sweat, he honestly only felt like a guy who’d just run a few laps. Tiring, yes, but compared to the way it’d felt the first time? This was nothing. He really, truly was increasing his stamina. It was likely a combination of his repeated use of the ability, his days of nonstop exercise, including sword-fighting, running through farmland, and bike-riding, and his sky-high morale and willpower.

The moment his phone indicated that nineteen minutes and fifty seconds had passed, he munched on another of the Frog Snax, timing it so that he swallowed just as the 19:50 became 20. He crossed his fingers, he held his breath—and then he released it in a loud, victorious cheer as the wisp appeared above him, rose into the air, and again took off.

“Yes! Fluffles, we’re so close now!”

“We are?”

“Yep! Only 1 can be active at a time. That means, at 145.22 miles per hour, we can determine that the spawn point is closer than 48.406 miles.”

“This mean Fluffles is being a good cat?”

Zach had no idea how that even followed or what kind of logic he was using, but he wasn’t about to disagree. “No, it means you’re being the best cat.”

Fluffles meowed happily then jumped into his basket, closing his eyes. He was obviously far less excited about all of this than Zach was, which was perfectly fine. Zach doubted he’d be that excited either if he was level 47, had fur, and got to ride in a basket all day.

“This one’s going to be rough,” he muttered, closing his eyes. For the third time, he activated Boundless. And while it definitely was less severe, he was now becoming exhausted enough that the overall toll on his body made him feel so winded that, despite it being just a few hours after sunrise, he was ready to call it a night. Thankfully, though, Zach was quite pleased to discover that his “recovery” times were increasing a great deal. Though he felt on the verge of collapse, in a matter of just five minutes, he was almost back to his full energy levels.

As soon as ten minutes had passed, he ate one of his two final Frog Snax, and it really did taste amazing. It was no wonder why Fluffles loved these. Upon swallowing, he glanced upwards, and he saw that there was nothing in the air above him. With that, he grinned.

“Guess what, Fluffles?” he asked. When the cat’s only reply was to make a noise that was like a cross between a snore and a purr, he merely pretended Fluffles was listening and continued to talk to him. “I just figured out my spawn point is between twenty-four and forty-eight miles out in that”—he pointed—“exact direction.”

He hopped on his bike, gripped the handlebars tightly, and then pedaled for all he was worth, propelling the bike forward so unexpectedly it caused Fluffles’ head to pop up, confused, as the wind once more beat against the both of them.

This is it. I’ve really got it this time, he thought. Nothing is getting in my way now. Nothing is stopping me.

“Zach find aquatic monster?” Fluffles asked.

“Yep! Just about.”

So close now, so Gods-damned close…Zach transformed himself into an animal: into a hunter chasing prey. He gritted his teeth, boiling with hunger. His determination was the strongest it’d ever been in his entire life. It was to such an extent that he was now using every ounce of his strength to practically fling them across this hot, humid farmland while the sun beat down against them and the grass rustled as the bike soared over it.

He didn’t even breathe heavily as he pedaled faster and faster, ignoring the ache in his legs. His heart pounded harder in his chest, but it was not because of the exertion, but because of the anticipation: because of the hunter’s instinct that he could now feel growing in him with each push of the bicycle’s pedal.

Blasting through another cornfield, he almost didn’t bother to get out of the way of a fence, which was quickly approaching in front of him, as his ever-shrinking proximity to the spawn point fed into his desire to continue on in a perfectly straight line until he was finally there. Days upon days of pent-up emotions, his father’s death, Kalana…! It all exploded in him, and for a brief moment, he honestly felt like he could just crash right through the fence as though he were ten levels higher. Luckily, he realized just in time how stupid that was, and how he’d only end up thrown off his bike. Also, it wouldn’t be nice to ruin an innocent farmer’s property. And so, at the last possible moment, he—

Nope.

He’d find the guy’s address and pay him back later. Really, he would. As Zach was just upon the fence, he shouted, “Fluffles! Break it!” And to his satisfaction—and also a little surprise—the cat actually obeyed him. A bolt of lightning appeared out of the completely cloudless sky, and with a boom, the fence exploded into what looked like a thousand tiny wood chips a mere instant before his bike was about to crash into it.

I really will buy that guy a new fence after this, Zach thought, taking his left hand off the handlebar for just a moment so that he could save this geo-location to his phone and mail the guy gold later. I just need to get there!

Up ahead was a hill, steep enough to rival the one he’d practically flown down a short while ago. Taking a deep breath, Zach pedaled even harder, refusing to give up even an ounce of speed as he burned his way up this hill with an angry, hungry vengeance, all while the same few words echoes in the back of his head.

You’re still level 3. You’re still level 3. You’re still level 3. You’re still level 3.

“I’m coming!” he shouted. Fluffles meowed, but it was a soft, quick, concerned meow that he almost thought he could translate into the cat’s concern that he was losing his mind. He laughed confidently. B-but not at Fluffles! He was quick to make that clear.

Clearing the top of the hill, he leaned forward in the bike, lifted his ass off the seat, and pedaled like a maniac past a chicken coup and another barn, ignoring the confused looks he got from the two old farmers who stopped raking horse dung to turn and look at him.

This was really it. This was really, finally, actually happening. He had traveled so many miles despite never having even gone on vacation before, and he’d left everything he had behind but a few pairs of clothing and a backpack. And now, now he was almost there.

His determination was now so ironclad that he activated Boundless even while he was still peddling with all his strength on the bicycle. To his amazement, he wasn’t even sure he felt it. At least not mentally. In a distant sort of way, he could feel the physical drain, but his willpower tuned it all out. Then, steering with one hand, he grabbed his backpack, opened it with the assistance of his own Gods-damned teeth, reached inside while tucking it under his chin, and grabbed the box of Frog Snax, which he tipped upside down while leaning his head back. The very last one rolled out of the box and fell into his mouth, and he smiled.

Then, to his surprise, the entire box vanished into a puff of smoke. He didn’t dwell on it, though. He merely shrugged, grateful not to have to worry about littering as he chewed the delicious—and last—snack in the now-vanished box.

The wisp appeared above his head, and rather than remain stationary a moment or rise into the air as it had done so many times in the past, it merely flew alongside his bicycle for a short while before shooting forward at a speed that was less than half of what it usually traveled.

Though it pulled ahead somewhat, it only flew about two-dozen feet in the air, and Zach, desperate to keep up with it, literally howled with exertion as he forced his legs to pedal faster and faster and faster. He followed it closely—far more closely than he thought he’d be able to. Was he gaining on it? Or was the wisp just slowing down? He wasn’t even sure. He was so caught in a haze of desperate anticipation. He had come so far. He had waited so long. He needed this! And so, with that in mind, he chased after it for what would hopefully be the last time, using all his strength to keep his bike close in pursuit.

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Almost overtaking it, the wisp abruptly banked to the left, and so did he. The wisp flew through a patch of tall stalks of grass, and thus, so did he. The wisp flew up a rather steep, but manageable hill—and so did he. The wisp went down another short hill over a patch of reddish-green grass, and yes, so did he. The wisp began to zigzag, and he zigzagged with it, somehow matching all of its motions. And then the wisp flew directly, intentionally, into a boulder, and so did—

“Oh shit, oh no!”

Zach cried out, and so did Fluffles, as his bike slammed with incredible force into a gigantic boulder the size of a small house, causing it flip up, over, and then in turn launch his own body into it. This was going to hurt so badly. This might even give him a concussion. Zach closed his eyes and braced for impact. He didn’t even want to see it. His nose hadn’t even fully healed yet, and now it was going to shatter like a glass dropped on the floor. It would probably break his jaw, too. In fact, he’d be lucky if he even survived a face-first collision with such a massive rock. He just hoped he wouldn’t take poor Fluffles with him.

Did…did it happen yet? Was he dead? Why did he feel like he was falling? No, wait, why was he falling? Zach opened his eyes, then screamed in terror and confusion as he realized he was plunging down a cylindrical hole of some sort. Distantly, he felt claws digging into the back of his neck, which he took to be Fluffles clinging onto him.

“What’s happening!” he screamed as they fell. “We’re falling!”

“We going to touch water! Fluffles hate swim!” the cat shouted, voicing a completely separate fear from the one that concerned Zach.

There was a splash, and even as he began sink into whatever depths he’d just fallen into, his mind briefly flashed back to the day he’d gone through something almost like this with Kalana. This was eerily reminiscent. Except, at least that time, things made sense. Right now, he didn’t know what in the hell just happened or why.

Coming up for air, he looked around. Despite there being no apparent source of light anywhere, the place seemed to glow with enough ambient light that everything around him was plainly visible in what should have been a pitch black…a pitch black what? He didn’t even know what this was, where he was, or how he’d gotten here. All he knew was that, right now, he needed to find his cat.

“Fluffles!” he called. “Fluffles!” Was he drowning? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if the cat died. He needed to find him. He began to panic. Where was he?

There was a splash behind him, and he quickly swung around, using his arms to turn himself in the water. “Oh, thank the Gods,” he whimpered. “Fluffles, I thought you drowned.”

“No!” Fluffles said grumpily. “Fluffles get wet.”

The black-and-white tuxedo cat swam to what was clearly a set of stairs like those leading into a pool and then hopped out and shook himself off. Doing the breast stroke, Zach also swam to the set of stairs. They even had one of those metal railings that he’d seen in videos of community pools. He grabbed onto it and then stepped out, his clothes now completely dripping. He was soaked. Turning around, he realized that what he had fallen into was quite literally a pool. As in, an actual, rectangular-shaped pool with clear blue water and a blueish, tiled lining.

Well, I guess I can no longer say I’ve never gone in a swimming pool before.

Despite the utter storm of emotions, ranging from shock, to bewilderment, to a downright level of disbelief that shook him to his very core, Zach still managed to have a least some sliver of mental capacity to appreciate the fact he had now just cooled himself off in a refreshing pool. But even that was only the tiniest portion of what he was feeling. It was like 2% of his brain power. The other 98% was totally, solely, and single-mindedly devoted to raising the alert-level of his brain to its absolute highest threat level of “what in the fuck?”

Grabbing the sides of his head, Zach spun around in a circle, twice, and made a noise that didn’t even sound human. It was as though his confusion was so strong it had somehow created a new, unique sound. It took him almost ten seconds before he could even manage to speak, and even then, he struggled to get the words out.

“What…what in the…how? Where? What…when?”

Fluffles hissed, which only made Zach more perplexed. “This is Zach fault,” he said.

Zach threw up his arms in outrage. “What is my fault? I’m so confused right now that I’ll claim responsibility for anything—literally anything—if you just tell me what it is I’m taking the blame for.”

Fluffles hissed again. “You throw us into dungeon portal without giving Fluffles time to prepare.”

“DUNGEON PORTAL?” Zach half-screamed, half-shrieked.

Fluffles thwacked his tail on the floor, which was made up of some kind of weird, black marble that did not look or feel natural. “Yes. You throw us into dungeon portal.”

“As if I even know what that is!” Zach shouted.

“Zach discover secret dungeon, then make Fluffles go inside without telling Fluffles he have to go in the bath.”

Zach pressed his hand against his own face and then screamed into it, the sound coming out as a moan. “Are you telling me the only reason you’re upset right now is because you got wet?”

“Yes!”

“And you’re okay with everything else? The fact we apparently are in a dungeon portal?”

“Yes, Fluffles okay with dungeon portal, but I not okay with bath.”

“I can’t with you right now,” Zach said to him. “Bad kitty.”

Fluffles lunged forward and took a swipe at Zach, almost scratching him. “Fluffles is a good cat. Zach is a bad human. He throw Fluffles in the bath.”

“You think I did this on purpose?” Zach yelled, the last word ending in a high-pitched screech of disbelief. “You think I came in here and was like, ‘Oh, look, let me crash my bike into a boulder at full speed so Fluffles has to take a bath’?”

“Yes!” Fluffles replied angrily. “Zach make Fluffles take bath. Trick him into going on adventure to bathtub.”

“Oh my Gods!” Zach cried, now gripping his own hair. “I can’t deal with this right now. I just found out I was thrown into something called a fucking dungeon portal, and my cat is accusing me of conspiring all of this beforehand so I can make him take a bath.” Doing everything he could to calm himself, he lowered his voice, and with all the sincerity he could muster, he said, “Fluffles, I swear on the soul of my dead father I did not do any of this on purpose. I don’t even know where we are, or that this place existed, let alone that you were going to get wet.”

Fluffles blinked just one time and then said, “Oh, okay. I believe you Zach. Fluffles sorry he get mad.”

“I see.”

Zach had to bite down hard to prevent himself from hurling profanity at the animal and starting another doomsday scenario. Somehow, for a reason he couldn’t even explain, the fact that Fluffles just gave in so easily after putting Zach through all that actually made it worse than if he’d continued to accuse Zach of bath treachery for the next ten minutes while slowly easing off and realizing the truth.

Forcing calm into his voice, Zach asked, “Can you please tell me what just happened and why we’re here?”

Fluffles’ feet made little patters against the polished, impossibly clean black marble floor as he ran to the other end of whatever kind of room they were in, looked around, and then said, “Zach throw us into a dungeon portal. That why we here.”

“You know what?” Zach asked. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it. He wasn’t even going to say what he’d been about to say. He let the words die off as a sharp exhale that he hoped emptied out his frustration along with his breath. It didn’t. So he resorted once more to trying to hide his aggravation.

Since Fluffles wasn’t going to be of any use—be it deliberately or through a genuine lack of answers—Zach had to try to piece things together himself, starting with the where of it all. Where the hell was he? Other than “in a dungeon portal,” of course.

He looked around to fully take in his surroundings. He was in a large, spacious, rectangular-shaped room with no ceiling. Glancing up above, he could see a blue sky and a sun that was more or less in the same position as the sun had been when he’d fallen into this place. He could also, when turning his head to just the correct angle, make out a patch of reddish-green grass like that which had been in front of the boulder. This told him that, despite the use of the term “portal,” he was in fact still, geographically speaking, exactly where he’d been before—just lower. Much lower.

The room he was in was adorned with golden statues affixed to the floor. There were two near the pool, two near an opening behind him, and several scattered in various locations throughout. The statue seemed to take on the image of a tall woman wearing some kind of eagle mask, with a substance he took to be blood dribbling down her chin. In each of her hands, she held a curved sword. At the base of each of statue was a name: Yorna. Come to think of it, every few feet on the dark brown, seemingly wooden walls, Zach could see banners hanging from rods that also bore an image after this woman’s resemblance. Whoever this Yorna was, she was clearly something of a celebrity in these parts.

Still dripping wet, Zach spun around once more to see if there was anything he missed—and then realized there in fact was. A little towards the pool area where he’d fallen, just outside of the water and across from where the cat now stood, was a red button and a panel that looked like a touch screen. As Zach came closer to it, he realized that there was an indentation in the wood in the shape of a door, though it lacked any kind of handle with which to open it. The panel that looked like a touch screen was blank, and when Zach placed his finger on it, he could see no reaction.

With a shrug, and for no other reason than morbid curiosity, Zach tried pressing the red button. And to his surprise, the wooden door slid open sideways with a computerized ding. A bright, white glow leaked out of the open door and into this swimming-pool area. Zach, becoming even more curious, stepped inside. It was only once he did so that he understood he was now in an elevator, as evident by the clear, metal-colored buttons before him and to his right. They had very odd labeling. All but one of the buttons made no sense to him. From the bottom to the top, they read: B50, B40, B30, B20, B10, B0 [here], EXIT.

“Well, not exactly a hard choice,” Zach said with a laugh. He thumbed the button labeled “EXIT.” It wasn’t that he wanted to leave so much as he wanted to make sure he knew where he was and knew how to leave. Basically, he just wanted to make sure he could come and go before he started exploring.

The moment he pressed the button, an “URR, URR, URR” sound came from a speaker right below the button labeled B50, playing exactly three times. Each time the sound played, a flash of red light came from somewhere to Zach’s left located equidistant to the button panel on his right. He leaned in closer to inspect it. There appeared to be a keyhole, and below the keyhole was a rectangular metal placard that appeared to have been attached to the space below the keyhole with six screws. On top of this placard were words written in typed black lettering.

ELEVATOR REQUIRES KEY DROPPED FROM BOSS EVERY 10 FLOORS

10th: Moldark the Unbanished*

20th: Blood Stalker

30th: Vengeful Spirit of Elvador

40th: Chained Curved-Fang Beast

50th: Yorna, Goddess of Night Binding

*Moldark the Unbanished also drops the EXIT key

Zach read the message over and over, and not because he did not understand what was implied, but because he refused to believe that what he understood was correct. Because, unless he was mistaken, there seemed to be an implication here that he needed to literally kill a boss to walk out of here alive.

Exiting the elevator, he returned to the swimming area to see Fluffles taking a nap on the floor. Of course he was. That damn cat. “Fluffles,” he said. The cat did not move. “Fluffles!”

Yawning, the cat stretched out its paws and asked, “What Zach want? Fluffles was having nice snooze.”

“We’re trapped.”

“We are?”

“It turns out we can’t leave without getting a key by killing a boss.” He rubbed his face. “At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s implied.” He reached into his pocket—then rejoiced, remembering he’d deliberately bought a waterproof phone just in case he got submerged again like last time. Unfortunately, there seemed to be no service down here.

Fed up, he pulled on his wavy, jet-black hair as he tried to think. “There has to be a way out of here other than killing the boss.”

At this, Fluffles stood up, suddenly alert. “Zach, what you just say?” he asked, alarmed. This in turn only increased Zach’s sense of alarm and unease.

“I said there has to be a way out of here besides killing the boss. Like I said, this place seems like it was designed to keep us here unless we kill the literal boss and get the exit key.”

“That impossible!” Fluffles shouted, now sounding on the verge of panic. “Fluffles never hear of this before. Zach you not playing trick? I am a good cat, and I behaved, so you can’t play trick!”

“I’m not playing a trick. Go in the elevator and look yourself. It says we need to kill a boss to get the elevator key.”

Fluffles ran over to him, then sat down and stared up at him. Zach felt sort of uncomfortable, as he wasn’t used to the cat regarding him with such an intensity in his gaze. “You say the boss. Now you say a boss. Why Zach confusing Fluffles?”

“Wait, what? What’re you—oh, wait. No, okay. I see what you’re getting at. No, uh, it says there’s like five bosses, and we have to kill the first one.”

At this, for some reason, Fluffles released a drawn-out, annoyed-sounding meow. One that almost sounded more like disappointment than anger. But it also sounded like something else, too: relief. “Okay, that not bad. Now Zach get strong and level.”

“Level?” Zach said, almost having forgotten why he’d come out here in the first place. “Wait, is this place the aquatic-type spawn?” Fluffles meowed affirmatively. “So the…the spawn I was heading to all this time, it’s here?”

Voicing his question out loud, he realized how stupid it sounded. Obviously, it was here. It was a good thing that Fluffles either never used sarcasm or used it so rarely that Zach couldn’t recall him ever doing it, because if the situation had been reversed, Zach knew he would answer the question with, “Uh, no, sorry. It’s in the other invisible boulder tunnel that happens to be right where the wisp led you.”

Zach sighed. He did come here to level, after all. He didn’t know about this whole “boss” thing, and he certainly hadn’t brought enough food or water for an extended stay. He had about 4 bottles of water left, a few cans of cat-food, and the tuna Fluffles liked. He’d obviously have to eat the tuna if they were trapped here awhile, because he sure wasn’t eating the cat food.

Moving away from the elevator, he once again scanned this pool area for anything he might have missed, but he saw nothing else worthy of note. It was just the pool, the fancy black marble flooring, the statues, the banners, and the wide, door-less opening behind him that led into what he presumed was another area.

Taking a few steps in that direction, he paused a moment to consider his options. If nothing else, he might as well at least explore the place. Maybe he could find another way out: an emergency route he could use. With that thought in mind, he stepped through the opening in what he had now decided to call “the pool room” and found himself in a somewhat narrower hall that was completely devoid of anything noteworthy aside from an even narrower opening in what looked like a granite wall. To the right of the opening was a black sign with white lettering that read: B0 -> B1.

Approaching the opening, he realized it was actually a stairwell leading even further down below ground. With nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, he began to descend. Right away, the polished, clean look of the place was replaced with something far muskier and more cavernous that reminded him very much of the underground area below the river he’d discovered with Kalana; the only difference in this case was that, like before, though there were no obvious sources of lighting, he could see perfectly fine.

At the bottom of the staircase, his feet crunched against what must’ve been gravel. There was no flooring down here: just the ground. The walls were also purely made of rocks. There was a single narrow passage just large enough for him to slip through, and as he squeezed through it, he could just make out what looked like a far larger open area ahead. It was difficult to see, however, as it required him to finish slipping through this extremely claustrophobic space, which was far too narrow for his comfort. It was such a tight fit that one of the sharper rocks tore a chunk of fabric out of the side of his already old and battered backpack.

It felt like the walls were closing in on him, which made sense, because this passage was almost like small, barely human-sized tunnel that had been drilled into the wall. Eager to get out of this highly unpleasant squeeze-space, he began to scuttle forward faster and faster, until finally, he practically skidded out and into the larger area.

“Okay, now where am I?” he said aloud to himself.

Observing his new surroundings, Zach craned his head to the left. Then he turned his head to the right. Then he blinked exactly twice, tilted his head sideways, and finally dropped his jaw open and screamed at the absolute top of his lungs while somehow managing to drop to his knees just in time, ducking beneath a Gods-damned scimitar that nearly decapitated him from the neck up. The fact he’d even ducked was a testament to the reflexes Fluffles had drilled into him. The fact that he was still screaming was a testament to the reflexes he needed to get rid of.

“Wh-wh-what the hell is that?” Zach cried, dashing backwards and away from a monster that ambled towards him.

“Frrruughhh!” the monster moaned—no, not a monster. A literal skeleton. An actual, literal skeleton!

If Zach wasn’t so busy backing away, he would’ve wiped his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. He’d been expecting an aquatic-type mob. What he had not been expecting was to find a human-shaped construct of bones wearing a red bandana and a ripped, decaying pair of shorts wielding a scimitar and coming straight for him. Above its head was an unmistakable declaration: Level 5.

“Frrruughhh” the level-5 skeleton moaned. “Frrruughhh.”

Wielding its scimitar in just one hand, it lobbed another swing aimed at Zach’s head. And like the first time around, Zach did not choose, intend to, or even will himself to drop to his knees, lean back, and dodge the strike: he just did it. And the reason he did it—the reason he was still breathing instead of looking up from the ground at his own headless body—was all because his cat had beaten the shit out of him for three days in a hot park while he’d bitched about falling behind.

Thank you, Fluffles!

As he jumped backwards and away from a slice that would’ve cut open his belly, he realized that now wasn’t the time for gratitude. Right here, right now, in this dungeon of hell that he had willingly taken himself to, he was in a real life or death fight. This was real. This wasn’t pretend. This wasn’t play. This gods-damned thing wanted to kill him, and he didn’t want to die!

Even still, Zach, without having any intention to do so, threw both his palms out and out of reflex, shouted, “Wait! I’m not ready! My sword is in my backpack!”

Now, to be clear, Zach did not shout these words because there was any part of him that either meant them or was trying to communicate with a mob. He did not even want to shout these words. It was just a defensive, human reaction to being caught unprepared and flatfooted.

“Frrruughhh!”

The creature stumbled forward, almost looking like it was going to trip, and then it stopped short just a moment before reaching Zach, raised its scimitar above its bony head in one hand, and then chopped down on him. Zach, not wanting to be split open, threw himself off to the right, rolling on the rocky surface over his throbbing shoulder, which hurt from where Fluffles had hit him. Then he hurried back to his feet while scrambling to get this gods-damned backpack off his shoulders.

“Damn!” he cried, dashing backwards as the scimitar slashed the air where his nose and eyes had been.

It was only here, now, in this very moment, that Zach learned how utterly difficult it was to open a zipper in a life-and-death situation. His fingers fumbled and grabbed around all over the backpack. Yet what was a simple series of movements he had performed thousands of times in school, he could no longer seem to do right.

The red-bandana-wearing skeleton shouted, “Frrruughhh!” and then rushed him again, its bones crackling as it swung the scimitar three times in quick succession at him. The first, Zach ducked beneath. The second, he evaded by leaning over to his right side. And the third, he jumped backwards and away from. Then he resumed frantically trying to open the damn backpack.

The skeleton didn’t care. The skeleton just continued to indefatigably lurch towards him. Somehow, their positions had become switched, and now the scimitar-wielding skeleton stood in front of the tiny narrow passage that would have served as Zach’s only escape.

Why is this Gods-damned zipper stuck? How can this happen to me now of all times?

Coming straight for him, the skeleton began to swing out wildly with his scimitar, even while out of range. Zach had no choice but to backpedal away, retreating further and further into the room—until to his horror, he felt his body bump into something distinctly skeletal in nature. Something that felt like a being made out of bones without any of the organs or skin that would typically accompany such a composition.

“Frrruughhh!”

“Aw, shit!”

Spinning around, he recoiled in terror as a second level-5 skeleton stared at him through empty, lifeless eye sockets while a “Frrruughhh!” from off behind told him that the original skeleton hadn’t forgotten about him either. So now, apparently, he was going to get it from both sides like a child stuck between feuding parents. But his new friend decided to act first. The skeleton he’d bumped into slashed at his forehead, and boy, it came close to getting him. It really did. Oh, Gods, it came so close. Really, if not for the fact that Zach just so happened to be craning his neck to see how close the other one had come, he would have been lobotomized right there on the spot.

I need my damn sword!

Completely losing patience with his piece of garbage backpack, he applied all his strength in an attempt to open the zipper, which must have gotten caught on a piece of cloth. With an audible pling, the zipper ripped completely off the bag, and Zach moaned in frustration as he realized that now he couldn’t unzip it at all. This, as both skeletons were now closing in on him, leaving him with no vector to escape or run away.

Zach looked back and forth between the two of them. The original one, Skeleton #1, who’d attacked him on the way in, would once again be the first of the two to have another go at him, though the second skeleton wouldn’t be far behind. Glancing down at his backpack, Zach shook his head, growled, and grabbed it by the shoulder strap. “Fuck it!” he shouted.

With all his strength, he swung the backpack into the Skeleton #1, dealing 4 damage and causing it to stumble back a step. The skeleton retaliated by swinging his scimitar wildly again. Though poorly aimed and seemingly random, its bone-arm moved fast enough that if Zach just happened to be near the thing while it was doing that he’d be chopped into little pieces.

Spinning around, came face-to-skull with Skeleton #2, who swung his scimitar at Zach’s throat. Zach ducked, shot back up to his feet, then ducked immediately again, as a shadow on the floor telegraphed the same exact strike from Skeleton #1.

Something has to give!

Both Skeletons were already drawing their arms back as if to strike him a second time. Skeleton #1 was bringing his blade downwards vertically, and Skeleton #2 was trying his luck with the same horizontal slash at his face. Because of the nature of the multidirectional attack, there was nowhere for Zach to run. If he tried to dash to the left or right, he would have to move within reach of their blades. If he tried to duck, Skeleton #1 would split his scalp open, and if he tried to side step, Skeleton #2 would slash half his face off.

Swearing loudly, Zach lifted his left leg, pressed his knee against his stomach, and then shot his foot straight out, kicking Skeleton #2 with every ounce of strength in his body. Even through his sneaker, he could feel the odd texture as he connected with the creature’s rib bones. Though he only did 5 damage, he managed to push it away from him. At the same time, he spun around as fast as he could. With no time to dodge or get out of the way, all he could do was lift his backpack up and use it as a shield.

The scimitar sliced the entire thing in two, with the top half of his backpack falling to the rocky floor as all of his clothing, toiletries, bottles of water, and spare cat food spilled out onto the ground. But Zach didn’t care. His eyes widened as he saw his sword, just sitting on top of the fabric waiting for him. This, as both Skeletons came at him yet again. The first struck out at him. And then so did the second.

Zach immediately let go of his backpack. As it fell to the ground, he snatched his sword off it midair, and then immediately swung it upward to parry Skeleton #1’s downward strike. The two blades collided in a shower of sparks, and then Zach spun around and clashed swords with Skeleton #2, who had been a mere moment away from opening Zach up from his ear to his jaw.

Now, gripping his blade, bending his front leg, and straightening his back, Zach couldn’t help but grin as, for the first time in this fight, he felt like he was truly in control. It didn’t matter that these skeletons were each 2 levels higher than him. For days, he had endured the bullying of a level-47 cat.

Like before, both skeletons attacked in unison. The first took a wild swing, trying to chop at him as though the scimitar were an axe. Zach raised his blade to block. He deflected the blow with ease, causing the skeleton to stumble back a step. Sensing an opportunity to create distance, Zach spun fully around, dashed backwards, and bent his knees, putting himself into a fighting stance while both skeletons were now in front of him.

“Frrruughhh!” skeleton #1 cried, attempting again to chop off Zach’s head. With a grunt, Zach swung his sword horizontally, clashing with the scimitar, resulting in another shower of sparks. Then he raised it above his head to block a downward chop from Skeleton #2. Pissed off and fed up, he did not wait for them to attack him yet again. Now, he seized the offensive.

Zach dashed forward, and with all his might, he slashed Skeleton #1 right across his chest. The moment his sword connected, he was rewarded with a disturbingly satisfying crunch from the bony-monstrosity, who made a moan of pain as it suffered 17 damage. Zach followed up, striking out again, slashing its throat for an even louder crunch and another 19 damage. Getting greedy, he went in for a third—then stopped mid attack and dashed backwards as skeleton #1 stumbled forward at him.

Wait, I’ve seen this attack before!

He’d seen this a couple of times now, actually. The skeleton would stumble forward as if it were going to fall over, then it would stop short, lift its scimitar, and then bring it straight down for a strike aimed at splitting open his scalp. He recognized this attack! And just as expected, that was what Skeleton #2 did. Only, this time, Zach was ready and prepared for it.

Coming into a quarter-squat, Zach gripped his weapon tightly, and then shot up into a standing position while whirling his blade upwards and diagonally so that it met the scimitar head on. The resulting clang was tremendous, as was the shower of sparks as the weapon flew out of the skeleton’s bony hands with such speed that it spun several-dozen times in the air before piercing and getting stuck in the ceiling. Now, with the skeleton completely defenseless, Zach screamed out in rage and unleashed upon the unarmed bag of bones.

First, he cut into its hip for 11 damage. Then he spun around, slashing its neck for 17 damage. Finally, he jumped into the air, raised his hands high above his head, and then slammed the blade down on top of the creature, dealing 28 damage. Just like that, it crumpled into a pile of bones as dust rose off the ground and into the air.

+25xp

Zach rubbed his eyes to make sure the number he saw was correct. Had that seriously just given him twenty-five experience points? Did he seriously just get a massive, whopping, jaw-dropping, twenty-five experience points for killing the—

“Zach not pay attention!” Fluffles meowed, loudly. “Zach open eyes!”

He almost didn’t see it. He’d completely forgotten about Skeleton #1. If he had been even a tenth of a second slower, he may well have died. Throwing himself away and landing hard onto his back, he only narrowly avoided a swipe that would have cut his stomach open and emptied out his guts.

“Now I’m pissed!”

The skeleton came forward, swinging down at him. Zach met his blow with one of his own, their two swords meeting. Then Zach took a swing at the skeleton, dealing 16 damage. Then, he…he…well, he did nothing, actually, because it seemed that was all it had left, as like its friend, it crumpled to the ground into a pile of bones, causing a trail of dust to lift up into the air before disappearing with a poof. Come to think of it, the scimitar from earlier was no longer stuck in the ceiling, either. That, too was now gone.

“Thanks, Fluffles.”

“See? I am a good cat!”

“You really are. If you hadn’t warned me, I might not have—ohh! Ohh! Did I get a drop? I think I got a drop! And it’s huge! What is that?”

Zach reached down and grabbed the object that, to him, at least, shined. It was some kind of fabric wrapped in the kind of plastic you’d find covering a new suit. Zach picked up the item, tore open the plastic, and then removed the fabric within, unfolding it. It was a cloak. More specifically, a tunic. It was dark brown, and the chest area had a cartoonish picture of a bone on it. He grew excited. Was it any good?

Decaying tunic of the Undying: discovered by Zachys Calador

Armor + 5

+1 str

+1 dex

+1 con

Zach cheered, ripping—literally, tearing—off his soaked, wet shirt and putting on this comfortable dry tunic in its place. He could actually feel himself becoming stronger and more coordinated the moment it was fully over him, which was strange, because he hadn’t been able to feel these kinds of things before.

“Zach get gear,” Fluffles said happily. “Okay. I take nap now. Go kill boss. If Zach get more Frog Snax come wake Fluffles.”

The little thing spun around and made its way through the narrow opening that led here, and Zach watched him take off towards wherever he planned to nap. Raising his hand to tap his shoulder so that he could view his stats again, he wisely chose to stop, move to the other corner of the room in case anything respawned near him, and only then did he proceed.

Zachys Calador: Level 3

(50/150 xp)

Armor Bonus: 5

4 strength

3 dexterity

4 constitution

1 intelligence

2 speed

1 luck

Zach nodded to himself. “Okay,” he said aloud. “Now I’m finally starting to get somewhere.”

He turned around, ready to continue exploring—then he gasped, as both skeletons were already back, having respawned in just five minutes. This…could be a problem.