Yu stepped into her room. She stared at the door for a while, knowing she had one final goodbye left. She had said her farewells to everyone else in the sect, as well as written to everyone she cared about that was elsewhere.
Some had been easy, like her teachers, her healing trainer, her enchanting classmates and instructors, and even her little bee friend at the foot of the mountain. She tried to do the same with Jing and his Vermillion Bird family, but they were gone at the time.
As for goodbyes to others, she had struggled to write her friend Suyin, couldn’t stop hugging her family and new little brother (even if he didn’t really understand why she was crying all over him), and obviously the final farewell to Zihao.
But Yu knew this last one would be the hardest.
She stared at the door that led to the common room of her suite, trying to make herself move. But her legs did not seem to want to go that direction. Instead of facing what she knew she had to, Yu decided to procrastinate by moving to her backpack and going over all the straps, buckles, and pockets. Then she started organizing her room. She picked up her dirty laundry and towels and put them in the basket, she made the bed, she fluffed her pillow, and she went around and did anything she could come up with to avoid what was coming.
She’d said her piece to everyone else – everyone except who was out that door.
Suddenly that very door was thrust aside and Lu stood in the doorway, her fists on her hips. “I knew you’d be hiding in here.”
Yu shuffled her feet, glanced guiltily at her friend and then around the room and then back.
“Don’t give me that look!” Lu said, jabbing her finger at Yu. “Now get out here and say goodbye.” Then she turned around and left her sight.
That was when Yu heard the sniffles and, like it was automatic, her eyes also started watering. With slumped shoulders, Yu walked out of her room into the suite. As expected, Ai was there, her hair in double braids and her face buried in Lu’s chest.
Rubbing her back, Lu was giving Yu a dirty look and the weight on her shoulders felt even heavier. Tears fully falling now, Yu walked over the pair. She sat next to Ai, and reached over and took her by the shoulders. Gently pulling her towards her own chest, Yu felt no resistance at all.
Lu nodded, rose, and gave them some space by heading into her own room, still wiping at her own eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Yu said to Ai while rubbing her back with one hand and wiping at her own face with the other. “I just… I knew this would be so hard and… I didn’t want to face it I guess.”
Ai said nothing.
Not entirely sure how to start, she said, “Your brother says hi by the way.”
Yu heard Ai sniffle, but felt her nod.
“You won’t be alone. He’ll take good care of you. And you’ll have Lu for sure. She can protect you, as will a bunch in the faction. I spoke to my brother too. He said he’d do what he could. You’ll still see him at your calligraphy classes. And the faction members all know you and are pretty protective of you too.”
Ai just kept digging her face into Yu and hugging her hard, like she didn’t want to ever let go.
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“Listen, Ai. I need to talk to you about something. Okay?” And Yu gently pressed back against Ai’s shoulders. She let herself be pushed back but she still wouldn’t look Yu in the eyes.
“Hey,” and Yu put her finger under her best friend’s chin and lifted it. “I know you’re sad and scared. I am too. Really really scared. But I have a couple things I need to talk to you about. Would you mind listening?”
Ai’s bloodshot azure eyes looked into Yu’s for a few breaths and she nodded.
“Some of it might be a little hard. But I need you to know how much I love you. Okay?”
Ai stiffened, but eventually whispered, “Okay.”
Yu smiled at her. “Okay.” Then she started running her hand along her hair and into her braids.
“So, first, I want you to know how strong you are. You’re the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I have ever met in my life.”
Ai immediately looked down and her shoulders started to shake a bit under Yu’s hands. “Hey. None of that. I’m complimenting you here.”
Ai sniffle-giggled, but allowed Yu to lift her head again. “You’re so amazing, Ai.” Yu hesitated but went ahead with it. “I… I know some of what happened.” She stiffened but Yu went on quickly. “I saw it. In your mind when I bonded you and Si Fei. It took me a while to parse out all the images. But I think I figured out what happened back then.”
Ai dove back into Yu’s chest and Yu just rubbed her back, knowing painful memories were resurfacing and it was her fault. But Yu felt so strongly she needed to say these things she was willing to risk it.
Yu had spent months speaking to various healers she trusted throughout the sect about cultivators with wounds of the mind rather than the body. And about how she could leave without making Ai feel abandoned and betrayed again.
“I admire you so much. You are the best person I know, Ai. I wish I could be as caring and loving as you.”
Another period of silence followed until Yu said, “Your brother wanted me to thank you for all of your help with covering for him and me. I had to say goodbye to him too.” It was Yu’s turn to sniffle at that, but she forced herself to continue. “He called you and me practically sisters.”
Yu felt Ai loosen her hold ever so slightly, despite the crying.
“I’m the only girl in my family at home, but I wish I had a sister as wonderful as you. You’ve become my family here. It’s you who I come home to. Why I still live here in this suite. Because I love you and can’t imagine living anywhere else in the sect except with you.”
Again, Yu lifted Ai off of her and looked in her face. “Do you see me as family too?”
Ai was quiet for a few breaths and then nodded. She whispered something so quietly Yu almost didn’t catch it. But she did and she chuckled. “Yeah, we’re like twins. But better cause we never fight like those two.”
Giggling again, Ai nodded.
“Okay. Then listen to your twin. Are you listening?” After a few breaths she nodded. “You. Are. Strong. I’m proud of how strong my twin is.”
Yu leaned forward and lightly bumped foreheads with Ai. “So strong.” Then she leaned back. “Strong enough – more than strong enough – to be okay without me here. Promise me you won’t go back into your shell. Promise me you’ll still be the Ai I know and love and admire when I get back.”
Ai did not say anything for a while, so she asked, “Can you promise me that?”
Her shoulders shook again, in quiet sobs, but she nodded anyway. Yu immediately pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you.” Then after a bit, Yu added, “I also need you to support Lu. She’s going to be all alone. She and Li haven’t been apart much their entire lives and she’s going to need you to help make her feel less lonely.” Ai nodded and Yu said with a smile, “You know, give her an occasional hug or something.”
Ai sniffle-giggled again.
“And if Li doesn’t make past in the tournament, she’d going to be devastated. I know I would be. After all that work. All the sweat and tears and blood, to not make it at the end. I bet she’ll feel like a failure. She isn’t, but she’ll feel that way. Do you think you can help her too if she comes home instead of joining me?”
Ai nodded again.
“I’d say thank you, but I think you’d do those things anyway. Cause, you know, you’re amazing.”
Ai giggled, but she leaned forward and hugged Yu tightly. “Miss you so much.”
“Oh, Ai, I’ll miss you too. So so much.”
They stayed that way, silently hugging until Si Fei woke up and joined them. Yu scratched her behind the ears, causing her to let out small squeaks of pleasure.
“Yes, I’ll miss you too, little fox.”
Lu came out shortly after and she joined in. And that was how they spent the rest of the night; all three girls cuddling close with each other, saying goodbye in the best way they knew how.