Memory transcription subject: Alvi, A Mess

Date [standardized human time]: Sept 17th, 2136. Start of 2nd Claw.

“Your quills ain’t sharp enough for this, boy! I’m tellin’ you now, and I won’t tell you again: stay away from Tulna. She’ll be happy with the Kolshian, someday.”

Harpin stood in the barn’s open doors, backlit by Ki-yu’s moonlight while Dol-nah didn’t even look up from his work on the broken harvester. He umphs as he tightens something and flashes the camera a massive bicep, making me gasp and my legs clench slightly tighter than they had been for the past claw. My eyes stayed locked on the holovid, trying to ignore the grinding pain in my hip as Dol-nah slowly looked back over his shoulder at Harpin.

“You’d deprive Tulna of her mate?”

“LIES!” Barked the herd-leader in the doorway, silhouetted by a crash of lightning.

The music swelled in a discordant crescendo and my heart hammered against my chest along with it. I was so distracted by the show alongside my discomfort, I was almost startled when Maeve cooed, “Oooh… here it comes!”

I tried to bap her 'quiet' with my tail, making it wriggle in my tight grip just before Dol-nah quickly swung around to face Harpin, waving his spanner in front of him in challenge, “And her cub a FATHER?!”

“NO!” I squealed even as Maeve cackled gleefully beside me, “H-He was so good for Surmi! And that-that field scene?! They danced in the brahking wildflowers; she told him she loved him! What was that even for?! Why?!”

“Because the writers are dumb and think drama makes good TV. And hey, We’re still watching it, so maybe they’re onto something!” Maeve answered, her voice muffled between fistfulls of the sweet ‘kettle corn’ she made for us.

“UUUgh that is so infuriating!” I groaned, “Tulna’s not even good for Dol-nah, she’s so stiff! Bet’cha the actress’s uncle is a producer, or something. I’m gonna get another drink, you want anything?”

Maeve declined so I slid off of the too-tall couch and made way for the cooler. I could barely feel my pawsteps through the numbing burn in my thighs, making my knees wobble with my first steps. Just as I reached the end of the couch, I felt what I could only describe as an Arxur fang buried just beside my tail, sparking a lightning bolt of pain that made me wince and whimper.

“You alright there, sweetie?” Maeve’s voice floated over my sharp and purposeful breathing. I could only answer with a small whine as my supporting paw reflexively dug into the couch’s pelted armrest. “Talk to me, Alvi; what’s going on?”

I thought of answering her. I thought to be honest. But I knew how much of a burden I already was. I was already living in her den, I couldn’t add more to her harvest; I couldn’t make myself difficult, “I’m fine, I’m… I’m just sore. I’m ok.”

“Where does it hurt?”

She wants to know what piece to eat first.

Shut up, you know that’s not true.

You could never know that.

I trust her.

Should you?

I choose to trust her.

I tried to steady my breathing and forced myself to speak, “M-M… my legs. They just won’t stop seizing, it feels like there’s a shali gnawing on my hip!”

Maeve’s eyebrows pulled together for a moment, and I could see her eyes soften. Was she hurting too? Was she hurting with me? “Maybe I can help? C’mere, sit down and I’ll try something.”

I thought for a moment, tried to imagine how a human could feel a hurt they’ve never had, and how they could possibly relieve it. But. At this point, I was willing to try anything. My ears dipped a quiet >Yes< and I tried to turn around, but the flamer in my side stopped me cold. I felt a warmth at my hip, and a hand in my free paw; Maeve was trying to take some of my weight and help me back to the couch. I gripped her hand like a vice, trying to hold myself upright even as my thighs seized with every half-second and faltered my stride.

She helped me sit long-ways with my back to the cushy armrest before powering off the pad and positioning herself to sit sideways in front of me while she tied her shining orange hair behind her in what she called a ‘bun’. “W-What… are you going to try?”

She shrugged and laughed nervously, “Just going to try my best, honestly. The way you’re describing your pain sounds like something I’ve had before; mostly from standing too long, or doing a lot of lifting and moving things. And when I felt like that, pressing and rubbing felt good, so I’m hoping it works for you, too.”

I tried to breathe through the burning in my legs, “I’m willing to try anything at this point. Ok.”

“I’ll start at the legs, and go slow. Let me know if anything hurts, ok? That means I’m doing something wrong.”

Maeve shifted closer to sit under my knees, draping them over and across her lap. She started by trailing a claw, shorter and blunter than any predator would ever have, down from my knee and over my shin, trailing troughs through my wool in their wake. My leg convulsed, whether from my cycle or from her gentle scratching, I couldn’t tell, but I found some slight grounding in my sparking nerves.

She squeezed her long fingers around my ankle and it flexed my foot, before I watched her knead it with her palm and fingers through that tight grip. My ears twisted as I looked around the room, idly trying to find something to focus on, while at the same time Maeve lifted her other hand to my calf and repeated the same motion, like a wave of constriction that seemed to coax feeling back out to my toes. Then she squeezed harder and held, one, two, three, and relaxed. Kneaded again, then held, one two three, and relaxed. Through the tension and release, I could feel tingling pinpricks in my foot and a fading numbness. I started to breathe with her motions, and she with me.

She kept the pattern while her nearer hand drifted up my calf and supported my knee; she lifted it and pushed my ankle, folding and unfolding the leg in smooth and supported motions, as though I were squatting and standing but without my own effort. I tensed, expecting the familiar grinding sensation in my hip, but it didn’t come; she had fully taken the weight of my leg, letting the joint of my leg spin freely in my hip socket.

“How’re we doing? Feeling ok?”

My ears dipped a distracted >Yes<, and I lifted my sight to her own bright green eyes as they lit up in joy, highlighted by her pale skin and densely clustered spots. She nodded and smiled before refocusing on her efforts. Her distant hand started to work up my calf, squeezing tightly in bands every few centimeters or so. She wrapped both hands around the taper above my knee and squeezed just as she had earlier, methodically working her way up my thigh. The burning feeling intensified as they reached the middle, when I skipped a breath and involuntarily flinched.

Maeve let go, but not completely. She sat stone still, watching me as I worked to come back to baseline while she still held my leg aloft with gentle hands. A moment or a minute later, Maeve asked, “Would you like me to keep going?”

I stretched my leg, and it felt… good. More free, more loose; the gnawing was still there, pulling at the muscles under my rump, but it was quieter than before. I twisted my body where I laid, testing my hips, my back, my knees, as much as I could from where I was, and the difference between my untouched leg and the other was like Night and Day.

“Yeah, um… can… can you do my other leg, too? Please?”

Her face lit up like an ion thruster when I asked! She laid the first leg down on her lap and started the same routine on the other. I closed my eyes and relaxed against the armrest, letting myself fall into her attention as Galetime howled around us. The tingling of feeling returning to my toes rippled up my leg and my back, breathing along with Maeve’s tension and release as she worked her way up and over my knee.

In… and out…

In… and out…

Stars, my flanks are throbbing…

‘Throbbing’s not all bad. I bet you’d like Valek’s thr-

Shut it.

Or maybe you’d rather the ‘in and out’?

N - I mean - Yes, but - Well I-I don’t know!

“Doing alright? Don’t want you pulling out your wool.”

I opened my eyes to see errant trails of her venlil-blooded hair flowing off the left side of her face, before looking down at my paws; I had started kneading the wool on my belly, slowly flexing my paws and slightly pulling at the wool they found.

“I-I’m fine.” I sighed, closing my eyes again; Maeve paused, only for a moment, to hand me my blacksmith puzzle.

My ears and eyes focused forward to the puzzle as Maeve gripped tight loops around my thigh and pushed them up and down my leg while I sought refuge in the toy. Up, around, down. Twist here, and back. Nearly th-

I yelped and my hold on the puzzle faltered when Maeve found a spot of tension, there on the center-forward of my leg. Her left hand went to my right leg and did that same exploratory kneading of her fingers, before finding another tenseness in a space that mirrored the first.

“You said your legs were hurting, have you been doing a lot of this?” She asked as she gently pushed my knees together, making me wince at the sharp pull I felt in my right hip. She immediately eased her pressure and asked, “I think I know how to help, could you lie on your stomach, please?”

She’s going to snap your neck, drink you hot and fresh!

Please just -- just leave me alone!

What Maeve suggested made sense, in spite of the simmering fear in the back of my mind. I stifled the liar and signaled my agreement as I lifted my legs from her lap for us to untangle and Maeve to stand while I shifted down the couch to lie on my stomach. I made a big groaning stretch, then relaxed to lay my chin on the deep blue cushion with my arms laid out in front of me, still tinkering with my puzzle as I asked around the upholstery, “What are you going to do?”

Maeve sat on her knees behind me, straddling my ankles, “So what I was doing was trying to feel your muscles so I could understand them and, hopefully, understand your pain. As I thought, they’re not too different from ours, structurally, but just… ‘more’?” I worked to find out where I had left off with the puzzle while Maeve continued, though I stumbled again when she ran her fingers along my tail; it was being particularly active now it was free from under me, forcing Maeve to move it aside. “They feel denser, longer, more fine, and you have barely any fat, which surprises me! All this means I’ll need to really focus on spreading out pressure, so I’ll start light and slow, and try to avoid pressure points until we see how you feel, ok?”

I watched through my rear periphery as she leaned forward, laying some of her weight into the backs of my legs with her hands. “What I’m going to do is try to push tired muscles back up to the pain, hopefully loosening some of the tension that’s causing it, and encourage bloodflow to keep the muscles happy. Just like earlier, please tell me if you feel any pain. I don’t want to hurt you, ok?”

I beeped an affirmative and she started her routine. She was very light at first, barely even messing my wool as she pushed her hands up my thighs, then back down again. But with every pass she pressed harder, until it was almost like she was trying to wring a wet towel. Every pass felt like my muscles were taking a deep breath, in and out, back and forth… I started to feel those now familiar tiny needle prickles again as they started to wake up.

Ok. That was the twist, now bring them together, and… slide.

The two pieces fell apart, and I set them aside. Without my distraction, I was once again keenly aware of the dull pain that still sat deep in my hip, so I looked around the room for something else to focus on. I settled on her bookshelf, some dozen or so books, with one row leaning against the other, hinting at the book that was left behind in the burrow when Maeve and I came out here. Their spines bore titles I couldn’t read, but they all looked like different languages; some were thick and blocky, like biblical Iftali, while others were thin and loopy, not unlike our own Venlil script. One was… blobby?? Like it was full of water?? Weird!

It wasn't long before my eyelids started to feel heavier and my paws gently pulled at the upholstery as I started to lose focus. I closed my eyes, taking long, deep breaths while my tail dangled limply over my side and the edge of the couch; for the first time in paws, I didn’t have two thoughts to rub together between my ears, totally relaxed and sinking further into the couch.

Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

How does she do this?? Every time I feel it, she just finds it, and kneads it out! If she keeps this up, I’m going to be more strayu than Venlil!

And I bet she’d find you just as delicious.

Sun and stars, PLEASE stop with the-

Maybe Valek would, too.

Just SHUT U-W-Wait what?

That grooming was nice. He’d probably ‘groom’ the rest of you, if you asked him.

Why would I?

Can you imagine his tongue doing this? How amazing would it feel for it to slide up your leg?

I don’t think he-

Ohhhh~ just like that…

My heart was pounding and I slammed into terrified alertness. Maeve had started pushing deeply into the seat of my rump, kneading her palms into the muscles there and prompting my hips to press up into her pressure even as the tips of her thumbs gripped dangerously close to my pulsing sensitivities. Now fully aware of the burning fire in my snout and between my legs, I looked behind me to see Maeve still kneading into me, plain as you please, like my tail wasn’t wrapped double ‘round her right arm and curled back up her back, which - to my horror - it very much was!

YES!! Please!! More!!

I was pinned under Maeve’s weight and started to panic and hyperventilate, causing her to immediately ease up and allow me to breathe as I desperately dug my claws into the couch cushion.

“I’m sorry, Alvi I didn’t mean-”

Yes she did! She’s going to bury your snout in the cushion-

“N-No, just - please, just - I don’t… I-”

- make you bleat, make you squeal while He treats you like the pr-

I writhed on the couch, simultaneously trying to bury myself even while my legs stiffened and presented all of me to the facsimile of terran stars above us. I tried to speak, to apologize, to tell her this wasn’t me, that I wasn’t doing this, but words failed me as my breathing hitched and I started to sob past a quickly snotty throat. I couldn’t stop it. I tried to stop it. I tried to breathe, but it just kept going!

Make him see you! Make him taste you! Make him stay! Make his pups! He won’t leave his pups! You want him to stay don’t you?! Then bury his shaft in your brush assembly and-

“IT’S NOT REAL!!” I finally wailed past braying sobs, “It’s not real! Wh-Why can’t this be real?!”

The room was a blur of blue, black, and white through my tears; I threw my body to the side, tossing myself into the crook of the couch cushions and hugged my knees as my tail tried to hide my face. I felt Maeve’s weight shift, then retreat, but she never left. She stayed with me and allowed my pain to fill the silence around us.

Take it. Take it all! Everything! Everyone! Lift your tail and lie there for them to-

“It’s ok, sweetie… you’re alright.”

Her voice wove through my ears like the hand that brushed through my wool, cooing through the pounding need that rang in my skull as I tried and tried just to think!

I’ma toyhere, I’m nothingloved. MaeveIt’s usingwants me here. ValekHe wantswill useme andfortoss MeAside. TheyI want toyou be gonehere.

“Why does this… stupid cycle have to ruin it?! I just believed it, believed that-” I grunted and whined through coughing sobs, digging my claws into my skull like I was trying to hold everything in, hold back a gale that pounded against my head and screamed that no one could… no one would-

“Alvi…?”

“That you loved me!!” I bleated; I was rambling now, I couldn’t stop the whirlwind of thought and emotion, just as I couldn’t stop the pangs of pain that stabbed my hip with every heaving sob, “B-Back at the hotel, when we- I thought it was real! I thought- I’ve been a mess for paws, I was probably already shedding when we were in Dawn Creek. Valek, he- it’s just my cycle! He didn’t know what he was saying! He’d never give me the claw on the paw, never actually… Why does it have to be this?! Why can’t it be real?! Why can’t I be enough?!”

Maeve’s hand jolted, hesitated, then continued. I choked on my words for several moments before I started again, “I just want to be Me!! I don’t want to pretend, or be whatever my cycle is! Just me! Just me, and this-” I was ready to scream, to pour every drop of my tears to scream at everyone that left me behind. I took a deep breath that rattled through the phlegm that gummed my throat.

But my gasp for air was aborted by a lightning bolt of pain that stabbed into my hip, stealing my breath and searing my lungs because this-“-this brahking shali in my hip!! Is this my life now?! Just This thrice a [Year]?!”

“Look on the bright side: that’s three times a year we have an excuse to binge Thorns.” Maeve stated coolly, as if she wasn't comforting a mewling mess. I glared at her through my angrily flicking tail, though I couldn’t think of a counter, so she continued, “Three times a year I get to pamper you.”

“Maeve, please; I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but be serious. I’m crying non-stop, I’ve swiped at you more than once… No one wants to-to care for-.”

“I do.”

The surety in her voice stopped me dead in my stampede, “I mean it! I mean, yeah, it’s barely been a day, but I’ve really enjoyed watching TV with you… raging hormones notwithstanding.”

I couldn’t halt the tiny giggle that escaped me, nor my tail twitch from unfounded playfulness.

“Hah! You laughed! So that little nerd is still in there somewhere! Maybe she’s over here?” Maeve dove a hand to my side and tickled me! My body lurched involuntarily and I kicked a leg at open air. “Ya know, I think I’m onto something! Where’s that little bouncing she-ven?!” She deftly avoided my swatting tail and fruitlessly batting paws; every time I moved to block her, she just dove for the opening I left unguarded!

I quickly dissolved into a bleating and whistling mess, crying for altogether different reasons, “St-Sto-op! Maeve, I- I can’t breathe!”

“Ok, ok…” She sighed as she gently grabbed my forepaws, “Maybe, if you can do something for me.” Breathless from her torture, I questioned with my tail and ears. “Say, ‘I’m ok’.”

“... I’m ok?”

“Say, ‘I’m cute’.”

My ears splayed out angrily, though my tail’s playful flicking gave me away. “I’m cute. Happy?”

She grinned wickedly, kneading her fingertips into my pawpads as she held them, “Very! But we’re not done. Say, ‘I’m wanted’.”

My eyes went wide, even as a wave of numbness passed over me, my tail slowing to hang idly between us, “I… I’m wanted.”

“Yes you are. It’s not just your cycle, Alvi, it’s true. Say it again.”

I felt the need to run, to get away. My mind and heart screamed like I was bolting for my life, but I was frozen on blue cushions.

I-

She’s just playing. The predator is just teaching you to lie to yourself.

I’m-.

“I’m wanted.”

She smiled again, a smile just for me, just for this moment with each other, “One more time?”

You can say whatever you want, doesn’t mean it’s true.

I’m wanted.

I…” I swallowed around the sudden tightness in my throat and blinked away the blurring edges of my vision, “I’m… wanted.”

Maeve’s eyes were soft, and her grip on my paws loosened to a gentle embrace, “‘I’m enough.’”

You’ll never be enough. They’ll drop you when they find someone better; and they will! The fact they haven’t already is a miracle.

“I-...” My paws, along with Maeve’s hands, had sunk to lie on my stomach. Her favored hand let go to stroke and pet my side as my now free paw gripped my wool. “... Enough.”

Her smile softened, and warmed, “‘I’m enough.’”

I took a long breath, uplifted by the warmth of her hand on my skin, “I-I’m… I’m enough.” And sighed a ragged breath, taking another around the building wetness in my voice and eyes, “I’m enough. I’m enough, I-”

I started crying again, blubbering around a chant of hope I was trying desperately to bury so deep in my mind that it might somehow become true. Maeve sank to lie down beside me on the couch, and I rolled over to bury my snout in her chest, trying to ground myself in the feeling of her hand brushing through my wool.

There was nothing, nothing between us or around us, just me, and Maeve, and my coughing hysterics as my tail and paws pulled her tighter to me, terrified that if I let go it would all slip, all disappear like some manic dream of cruel kindness that dared to give me hope that I might be… somehow…

Enough.

[Advance Transcription by Time Unit: 0.5 Hours]

“Feeling better, sweetie?” Maeve was the first to speak when I had finally run out of tears to cry and voice to sob, reduced to labored breathing and trying to ignore my blanketing soreness from ear to claw. I eked out a >Maybe<, though my tonal whistle lingered and faded like a match with no wood left to burn.

“I’m uh, still learning your language, cutie, but I’ll assume that’s a ‘Yes’. How long have you felt this way?” Her question stabbed my heart; I couldn’t answer, only hold tighter and bury myself deeper. “I see. It must hurt, feeling that way. I’m sorry you’re hurting, Alvi.”

She paused, thinking of her next words while her hand idly kneaded the base of my ear, “I can’t make you believe it. But you should know, it’s not just your cycle. Valek’s been enamored with you since long before your cycle started, and I’m… well… not Venlil, so…”

“… A-Anyway, yeah. Whoever’s telling you we’re… I dunno, pranking you or something, they’re a liar and you should tell ‘em to shove it.”

Maeve always knew how to make me laugh. Though that laugh quickly became a yelp and whine. That laugh, as much as I needed it and that it helped me come back, all it did was remind me that the pain in my hip, the thing that started all this and stopped our show and fun and popcorn, was still there.

“Leg’s still bothering you?” - “Yeah…” - “We never got a chance to finish; do you want to try again?”

“I… don’t know? I-I mean, yeah, I do, I really do, but I don’t… My cycle’s never been like this, it’s like my… my body isn’t mine! I’m so scared that if… if I let It happen I’ll… I don’t know, make a mistake? That I-I’ll mess it up somehow.”

“Messing up is half the fun!” Maeve’s voice was light, trying so hard to help me be ok, “But I understand you being scared, it’s ok. I should have been more upfront with what I was doing, and avoided… those areas, especially not having talked to you about it. I want to help you with your pain. I can back off, I think; change my grip?”

“Stars, I just wish it were gone. Yeah, let’s try again.” I answered exasperatedly, disentangling myself from Maeve to roll onto my belly again while she sat back up.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this, we could just go to bed.” Maeve asked from behind me.

“I won’t be able to sleep like this. I’m sure,” I mumbled through a mouth buried in couch cushions once again. This shali needed to get the speh out of my backside! Maeve won’t try anything. She promised.

“Alright. I need to start lower again, try to re-loosen your thighs.”

She started just as before, opening her hands wide to press even bands across my thighs, pushing them up to my rump as she leaned her weight into them. I winced at the first two passes, but it wasn’t long before their renewed tightness was unwound.

“You still with me, Alvi?” I flicked an affirmative. “Ok, I’m going to move higher, and I’ll stay away from your bits. I know you’re nervous, that’s ok, I’ll stop the moment you ask me to, ok?” I reaffirmed. “Alright.”

Maeve made one deep push up the back of my thighs, continuing up until she reached the bottom of my rump and just pressed into the meeting of muscles there. I could feel a fire burning in my snout and worked to breathe through it and the unwinding tension in my rump. After pressing and kneading into the joint, Maeve pulled back, pressing those same bands down my thighs to my knees.

She barely paused before working up to my rump again, this time pressing up into my seat’s muscles directly. I could feel fire under my skin, like life returning to a desert as she balled up her fists and pushed deeply into my seat. She walked those same fists up and over, around and past my tail up into my lower back.

By now I was entirely loose and relaxed, lost in her purposeful touch as she undid every bind and knot she could find. Maeve halted her efforts, and I was worried she noticed my hips spontaneously lift again, just slightly, before I felt her again at her beginning. She continued, though this time only doing her upward motion and then resetting. Every time she passed my rump, or touched the base of my tail my ears and tail twitched and I felt warmer.

On her next pass she pressed again into my seat, though this time worked around the sides rather than over; the outward pressure split me open and I was keenly aware of the sticky dampness that suddenly cooled at the touch of air. I tried to breathe through the heat in my breath and ignore the warm wetness on my scruff and between my legs, worked to ground myself in the feeling of Maeve’s fingers. I felt her fingertips slide around my hips, following the creases of my leg until her hands were holding tightly. For a moment she just held me, the longest of her fingers reaching well into my inner thighs while her thumbs were firmly planted on my back muscles at either side of the base of my spine, the tips of her thumbs all but squeezing the base of my tail.

Maeve reminded me to breathe, and we did together, before she started to move. Still holding tightly, she used her solid grip to gently rock my hips back and forth, then rolling them in slow tight circles. I braced myself, readying for that grinding feeling I’ve had all paw… But it never came! Her fingers at my front forced space between my leg and my hip, allowing it to spin freely in its socket!

My paws were gripping the couch cushion ahead of me, tightening and releasing along with her pressure as she slowed down, but tightened her grip. She was now pressing her thumbs into those base muscles and I could feel my whole hip twist under my skin just slightly with her movements.

Then she stopped.

And squeezed.

Pressure, tension, building in my right hip. It felt stuck, like I needed to move it. Tighter. My ears were pulling inward, like I was pulling a thorn from my paw. I forgot to breathe, just holding my breath, waiting fo-

Tok

Ah~!

My heart felt like it stopped entirely along with the mortifying realization that that was MY VOICE. My tail was trying to pull around me but could only lie against my body, the tuft trying its damndest to hide my face from Maeve’s light laughter, “Hit the spot, didn’t it? Feel good?”

I tried to signal >Good< but my tail just twitched erratically. Maeve all but stopped her efforts, barely moving but for slight slow kneading with her grip alone. After a few moments, she relaxed; keeping that same hand position though without pressure as her fingers wound slow tight circles in my wool.

“You looking so comfy is making me sleepy; ready for bed?”

My tail bounced a tired >Yes<; the couch made a compelling argument, but I couldn’t deny the draw of blankets and company. Maeve stood from the couch, hands hovering nearby as I found my footing and, for the first time in two claws, I stood solid on my own. I turned to the bed and while I still felt that stiffness, I felt no pain and sighed gratefully as I stretched the problem leg.

We walked together to the bed, Maeve pulled the covers aside and followed me in. She shifted and fidgeted, arranging pillows just so for herself and for me, before we both settled in.

“Thank you, Maeve. Good rest.”

“You too, Alvi.”