Memory transcription subject: Maeve, Meetup Program Refugee, Temporary Resident of Venlil Prime.

Date [standardized human time]: Sept 3rd, 2136. First Claw.

First Claw. When did I start thinking in claws?

I’d been trying to get in sync with the Venlil sleep schedule, but it has absolutely been a challenge. They tend to have several rest periods, basically siestas, but their long rest was just four hours bridging the 5th and 1st claw, comparable to midnight to 0400. Having naps throughout the day was very refreshing, but just four hours of sleep was taking its toll on me after a week. Another day or two and my apartment would be ready; I could sleep in actual darkness for as long as I pleased, and, god willing, have some good fucking coffee.

Really hope they get that french press…

Valek’s scruff filled my nose as I woke up, and I pulled him closer against me. His wool felt incredible on my skin; I could only imagine the booming conditioner industry on VP. Maybe I could get him a can of lanolin sometime! But I would miss that Shinti smell.

“Whintee…” I quietly said into my lover’s fur. I was getting the hang of a few of their words! The whistle was definitely interesting, but I already knew how to whistle with my lips, so I just started those words with W. It worked with some words, but it sounded childish in my head. I’m vewwy sowwy Vawik, I pwomise to be gud. I giggled to myself, comfortable knowing that thought will never see the light of day.

The chest in my hand swelled with waking life as Valek curled his tail through my legs, and stretched straight his own. “Good waking, my Star of First Light,” He rolled over to face me as my hand found his favored ear; the soft murrs and sighs of our mornings made it very difficult to wake up sometimes. But it was a treat to listen to him and his pet names; they always had a certain musicality to my ears, and the meaning implanted in my mind always made me flush.

"Good morning, Carrot." He immediately blushed at that and playfully pushed my shoulder, but I was already cackling.

"You better not say that in front of my parents! Or, by the stars, humans!" We kept laughing to ourselves till we ran out of breath. Between our gasps, Valek groomed my cheek and I pulled him closer. We enjoyed each other's company for a moment before pausing our efforts. In the silent embrace, Valek's voice was low, "I love you, Maeve. So much. But I don't know when, or if, I can tell my parents."

My brows tightened out of his sight. We needed to tell them. We couldn’t keep this secret, not forever.

"One step at a time."

We held each other for a while longer, before Valek was the first to stir, "I'm going to take the shuttle into town today. I've been wanting to get to the library, and with the droids up and running I finally have a chance to. Want to come with?" His tongue grazed my neck as I answered.

I enjoyed our affections, and the privacy her absence allowed, but I still missed Alvi. She hadn't spoken to me in almost two days-- er- 'paws'-- and I was getting worried about her.

"I think I'll head back to the village today. But I think I'll ask Alvi to come with me."

Valek's tongue froze mid-groom, and he seemed to stiffen under my arms. His paw traced my side before he answered, "I think that… is a great idea. She hasn't had a chance to really see the village; it would probably do her some good."

We paused for a moment longer; I so wanted to fall into the need I felt for his… more involved attentions. "C'mon, it's time to get up."

---

Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Assistant Farm Technician.

Date [standardized human time]: Sept 3rd, 2136. First Claw.

“Well! Droids are running well, and I think we can just make the harvest!” Elva proclaimed, one paw on her bowl, the other on her pad.

“Here, Here!” Leksi cheered over his steaming mug. After the clear from the doctor, he took to this human ‘coffee’ like a Krakotl to Algae Bloom.

“But I'm still not liking these readings. Heat is still pretty high on each of them, but especially Delta.” She continued, frustratedly staring at her pad.

“Well those heat sinks were pretty stuffed with soil, right? Maybe it got into the cooling system? Can you see stress reports on that?” I offered, having just finished my own bowl.

“That is a fantastic point… Alvi… thank… you…” Elva trailed off while she tapped on her pad, “Well would you look at that! Seeing actuator strain on the cooling fans for each of ‘em, and Delta’s only got the one working! Good work, Alvi!”

Her praise made my tail curl on itself while I took in this moment. It had been… a long time since I’ve been part of a herd; since I’ve been part of a family. It felt really nice.

Just wait till they find out about you. You’re going to slip, and they will see you for what you are.

I buried my thoughts behind my good mood, which got quickly buried itself when I saw the pair come down the stairs. My heart shattered like glass when I saw Valek’s swaying tail, and I shifted my sight away from Maeve entirely. I couldn’t stomach the thought of what they… of what Valek was doing in their bed. Their bed, not mine.

The racket in my mind was cacophonous, with my bleating the backdrop of my arguing selves in my ears, so loud I couldn’t hear what was going on around me, and I couldn’t see the predator watching me.

“-- Actually, Leksi, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to the village with Alvi today.”

My ears shot up and I snapped out of my self-loathing to take in the conversation around me.

“I don’t see a problem with it, and I can keep my lovely wife company while the Burrow is empty.” Leksi added with a chuckle and playful flick of his tail.

“Oh, hush, you! We will do no such thing until I have these droids figured out.” But Elva’s tail betrayed her.

Maeve turned to me, but her approaching steps halted before returning to lean against the counter, “So what do you think, Alvi? You want to come with me to the village? Valek is going to Hidden Plains, so it will be just us?” I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes, but her voice was dripping with her kindness.

Maybe if I could…

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out; every time I thought about them, I could only think of what Valek… I still couldn’t look at her, so my ears flicked my assent. I couldn’t see her face, but her stance seemed to loosen when she saw me.

“I’m really glad, Alvi.”

---

I stayed silent on the drive to the village while Maeve and Valek chatted beside me, with Maeve hanging off of the driver’s side. I kept my mind off of them by thinking about the droids back at the farm, and the Bluebacked Bell I saw on a bush earlier; it had the most gorgeous shine, and it seemed to shift its color to gold in just the right light! Would Valek think it was as pretty?

Stop thinking about him! Stars, even when you’re being predatory you can’t keep him out!

I wasn't being predatory, it was just pretty! I didn’t want to mouth it! That only happened once!

Once?

… Recently.

Predator.

I shook my pounding head and wiped my tearful eyes as we parked. Maeve and Valek said their partings, then he made off to the shuttle. Maeve and I were left alone among the cobblestone, but she was the first to speak.

“Alvi… can I talk to you about something?”

I stayed silent, simply flicking a resigned affirmative with my tail, which Maeve couldn’t see. Regardless, she took a deep breath beside me; I almost missed the shaking behind it.

“... Alvi… you haven’t spoken to me since… since the news. I know it was scary. And I know what people are saying about us; about humans.”

She thought I was scared of her? After everything so far? I wasn’t scared of her! I was…

“I miss the way we laughed in the woods. I miss the way you made fun of me and Valek. I miss you. I can’t make you stay, but I want you to. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I want to try to make it better…”

I was jealous of her. Not because of her.

Maeve choked on another breath, cleared her throat and began again. “You don’t have to be here, if you don’t want to. I… I just wanted the chance to talk to you, just us. I’m sorry for… whatever it is, I’m sorry, and I want to…” She heaved a heavy sigh, but she couldn’t stop the choked sob at the end of it. “Please say something, Alvi. I don’t want to lose my friend.”

There’s that word again. Maeve was worried I was leaving her herd; her little three-person herd. But did I want this? Could I be in a herd with, but also without, Valek?

I took too long to answer. Maeve stepped forward, leaving me behind. She was already three long strides away, headed back to the Hill, before my legs bounded on without me.

“Maeve!” I called out to her, hoping she would slow down, but rather she suddenly stopped and whipped around, allowing me neither the time nor traction to halt myself. Maeve knelt and caught me into her chest, immediately holding me like we did in the woods.

She all but crushed me against her, desperately holding on like I would disappear. “I am so sorry Alvi! I want to make this right, I want to be your friend. Please don't leave."

"I know." The words left my mouth as a whisper. This couldn't be a secret between us. It wasn’t her fault that I felt this way, but I couldn’t hide this from her, not even for Valek.

Maeve's arms loosened around me, and I met her eyes for the first time in paws. Her cheeks were wet, but her face was the image of confusion and worry, "What?"

"I know, Maeve." Her confusion lingered for a moment, before her face flashed to panic as her eyes darted around the shuttle station; seeing them move like that, it was exactly like how our ears would swivel. "I'm sorry, I know I haven't been a good friend. But it hurts that seeing you two just reminds me I’ve never… Not like that. And-"

"Shh, it's ok. I'm sorry Alvi, I didn't think about how that would feel." Her arms lost their desperation and fear, and held me gently while brushing my crown.

She giggled in good humor, "How about I be your wing girl? Neither of us know anyone in the village, not really. You could stick around and see if you fancy anyone?"

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

She let me go, and I stepped away while she stood to her towering height. This… this felt good. I don't know what had gotten into me, but I had forgotten how much I liked Maeve's company. But new faces have always been hard for me, "I think I'd like to just walk around, if that's ok?"

She smiled broadly and her eyes sparkled. She turned aside and we made for the edge of the village, "I haven't really had a chance to look around; just our walk through when we got here and the past few days were all at the fountain." Her voice shifted to a sarcastic over-appreciative musicality, "Oh it is a gorgeous fountain, I love how the concrete jams up against my tailbone."

Tailbone? "Wait what? I thought humans didn't have a tail!" I craned my head to look at where a tail should be, though I found none.

Maeve laughed lightly above me, "No, we don't; but we used to. Our ancestors had tails, which they used for balance and to hold onto their arboreal homes. But later on they weren't needed, so we slowly evolved them away. We know we used to have them because we have a vestigial line of bones at the base of our spine," she pointed to a space just above her rump, "it's under the skin, and we can't move it. We believe we still have it because it still acts as an anchor for a cluster of muscles we continue to use today."

"And which muscles are those?" I asked, keeping pace beside her.

She chuckled slightly, "Not for public viewing. It is an anchor for many muscles in our lower back and hips," she placed her hands on the general areas, "which are the main muscles for supporting our upright walking, as well as turning and twisting. Also our butt and thighs," she placed her hand just below the curve of her rump, "which helps us walk. Without the tailbone, we would have a much harder time being this mobile."

We had just reached the last house at the edge of the village; in front of us stretched five tails of cobblestone road, then another twenty of grass to the treeline.

“I’ll admit, I couldn’t quite get my head through Anatomy; the instructor just rambled on for half a claw, never keeping the notes on the board. I just… I couldn't understand how so many students could just… do it, while I was struggling in the front row.” I sighed in exasperation.

“Yeah I can relate to that! Was there anything in school that could hold your attention?”

“Oh mechanical engineering was my favorite! We made our own droids in the more advanced classes. I remember in one class we were repairing a junked CycleDrop van, and my herdmate Tiansi had the bright idea to mix the fuel line with the oxygen intake. The group across from us were clod-crunching thought-thieves, so we wanted to kick their tails in the race! He was right that mixing the fuel with oxy-intake would boost our power, but he didn’t remember to switch the line to the engine from air-only to hybrid, so onsh the fue’ ran frew, the hosh just dishin’egrate’! Wish wood ha’ been fime, ekshep wit’ da--”

“Hey, Alvi? What are you doing?”

I froze mid stride as my mind caught up to me. I had picked up a glossy stone from the curb by the grass, and had fully lodged it into my back teeth as I rolled it around my tongue.

Oh Stars, she saw you! She saw you! She’s going to see you’re a predator and run! Just like-!

“Alvi, I can see you’re freaking out, and I would rather you didn’t while you had that. Can you please give it to me?” One hand was on my upper back, while the other hovered in front of my mouth. I stood frozen while Maeve leaned closer, “Please Alvi? I don’t want you to choke.”

I could feel my fear building while her hand approached my jaw and pressed into the binding muscle there, the pressure encouraging me to open my mouth and the stone to drop.

“Thank you, Alvi.” She bent and retrieved the stone, stuffing it, still soaked, into a pocket. “Let’s get away from the houses so we can talk about this, yeah?”

Maeve gently guided me by the shoulder away from the village and to the treeline, and she sat me down behind one of the great trees, totally out of view of the village, before she sat beside me. “Ok, I want you to know you did nothing wrong, ok? I’m not angry, I’m just worried about you, and want to make sure you’re alright. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“I’m A Predator!!!” I bawled, wailing into the trees around us. All of the fear, all of the hiding, all of the shame just snapped within me and I couldn’t stop myself from screaming out my sins.

“I-I-I take things, and I chew them, and I Like It! I see a shiny rock, or a pretty bug and I! I can’t stop myself! I just think about it all paw and can’t get it out of my head! Just on the way to the village, I saw a Bluebacked Bell, and could only think about what it felt like on my tongue! I don’t want to be a predator! I don’t want to go away!” I devolved into a huffing and braying mess as Maeve pulled me into her lap and held me there, brushing my crown as I buried my shameful predator mouth in her neck.

But she never pulled away. The pressure from her arms never lessened, and her comforting words never waned as she held me there.

It took several minutes before I cried myself out, too tired to continue, but Maeve still held me, letting my weight sink into her as we leaned against the tree. She was the first to speak.

“Alvi… I know this is hard, but have you killed any of these bugs? Have you really eaten them before?”

My tail thrashed an emphatic “NO!” along with my voice, “I just- I like to feel- Oh stars, I'm a monster! I like to feel the roughness of their shells against my teeth. I like the resistance when I bite down, just a little. Sometimes they make little chirps and they sound so-” I cried again as the cruelty of my obsession washed over me; not for the first time, and I knew not the last.

“It’s alright Alvi, you’re not a predator, and you’re not a monster. It’s okay. I had a thought: you Venlil eat nuts right?” My tail flicked affirmative while I kept my head buried. “Do you have a favorite one? One that cracks in your teeth just right?”

I flicked the same affirmative, before answering, “Th-The crackleberry. It makes this kitck sound when you bite the shell, with just the right give. People always looked at me funny for not shelling them beforehand.”

I could feel Maeve nod her head, as her voice took on a more confident strength, “Alvi, what you experience is completely normal; among humans, yes, but also among nearly all creatures on our Earth, predator and prey alike.” Maeve pulled me away from her, only enough so I could see her. “Tons of animals will grab something of interest and put it in their mouths. Rocks, metal, sticks, other animals, themselves! Anything! We humans have a known preference for chewing on coins, and those are metal, so you can’t call that predatory.”

My ears shone my curiosity, while I was still gasping from my breakdown.

“Actually, I think I can help with that. I don’t have a fix, because there is nothing to fix because there is Nothing Wrong With It, Alvi. But having a better outlet than beetles would be for the best. What do you like most about when you bite on things? The sound? The roughness?”

She… How was Maeve so calm with this?? Every Venlil who has ever found out about me has… at best shunned me, at worst threatened to call the exterminators! Was this really so normal for humans?

“I… I think I like the pressure? The way my teeth press into my gums. And, and the sound! I like the crack and snap of some roots and reeds.” I really should not have been getting as excited for this as I was.

“Great!” She said excitedly while pulling out her pad. “I was expecting a shipment of my things sometime tomorrow, but this kind of item is normally pretty cheap and easy to get, so I am hoping they can get it before shipping out, but I don’t know.” She quickly typed into her pad, it looked like it was an email to their Handler; turning back to me as she finished.

“I don’t want to open old wounds, but I feel like talking about this might help you. Can I ask when you started chewing things?”

My ears fell against the sides of my head while I remembered the thing I couldn’t forget. “I was in the yard behind our house; I was around two or three at the time. I found a Laysi and it looked so beautiful! I was completely enthralled by how it shined red in just the right light. I reached out, grabbed it by the rump and… and put it in my mouth.” My tail curled around me, but Maeve just brushed my ear and crown before I continued. “My Mom saw, and she screamed! And she called me a Pr-” I took a deep breath, trying not to fall into the memory again.

“I don’t know how long after, but the next thing I remember… I was screaming at them that I was sorry, that it wouldn’t happen again. But they… they left me there, while someone dragged me into the foster center.”

Maeve shared her tears with mine, but she didn’t interrupt, “From there I found a family quick enough. But they found out about my- about me, just as quick, and I was back in the center. Another family, and they tried, but they put me back too. I tried to make friends in school, but they didn’t like how much I liked bugs. Eventually someone would find out about… the other thing, and I would have to change schools again. I finally had a handle on it in my teens, but I didn’t know how to be in a herd. That guy I told you about, Tiansi? He wasn’t my herdmate, just nicer than the others. We shared a table so we worked on the project together. He, uh. He moved to the other team… when he found out.”

“And it’s been like that ever since. When we met, on the Ring? I was laid off because my boss found my file and moved me to the top of the list. So… now I’m here. Just waiting for… for you, or Valek, or his parents to… to-”

Maeve grabbed me and hugged me against her, choking through her own tears, “I don’t care if you bite, or chew, or claw… I don’t care if you had trouble in school, or couldn’t keep a herd. Because this herd will keep you. You are my friend. And that won’t change, for anything!”

I had heard these words before, many times, but never from someone who already knew about me. Never from someone who has already shown so clearly that they really do care. So I felt that maybe, for the first time... I believed it.

Her eyes fell as she spoke her next words, “Alvi, I need to apologize for something. You might not have noticed it, but I disrespected you, and I want to say I’m sorry.”

I wiped the abated tears from my eyes, while my tail waved confusion, “Ok… how did you disrespect me?”

“Earlier, when you still had the stone in your mouth, I didn’t give you the chance to give it to me yourself. I just grabbed your jaw like an animal, and I almost praised you for dropping it. I know you’re lacking the context to understand what I did, but I treated you like an animal because I didn’t spare a moment to think. I’m sorry.”

I chuckled in good humor, the irony not lost on me, “Honestly, Maeve, I thought you were going to eat me for the first claw or so we knew each other, so I guess we’re even. But I accept your apology, and offer my own: I’m sorry it took me so long to get over my fear of you, and that I still sometimes struggle. I am trying to be better, and I hope you can be patient with me. I’m sorry”

Maeve laughed along with me, before pulling my head to meet her own, “Apology accepted.”

Maeve sat back against the tree, and I stood from her lap to stretch my legs, while she quickly followed suit, though she was the first to speak, “You mentioned earlier you had herd problems because you liked bugs? I’m sorry that happened, but honestly, I adore bugs! I’ve seen a few while walking, and while at the fountain, but they don’t hang around much. Wanna tell me about some?”

I started while we stepped out from the tree into the light, “Well one you might have seen is a Laysi. They’re a pollinator, about uh… yay big," I made a circle with my paws, slightly larger than Maeve's hand fully extended, "and mostly darker colors. We might get to see one if we can find a flowerbed, but they usually come to the Hill around the end of 2nd claw. Oh, there's one!"

The massive bug hovered over a large Eltavi bloom, in the open space before the treeline. "Holy Co-! That thing is monstrous!" Maeve's eyes were locked onto it and she made right for the flower bed.

The Laysi was eight-legged, with a bulbous thorax heavy with its gathered nectar. The head was elevated from its body and articulated to assist in reaching deep nectar reservoirs. Even from several tails away, we could see its long bright red proboscis drinking deep from the flower. I loved the way the sun shone off of the rough texture of its carapace, shining red through its normally black coloring. Its long membranous wings were iridescent, playing a mockery of the Shadestalker's fur; if you could even call what they had ‘fur’.

Maeve approached the Laysi with all of the exuberance of a pup, the sight relaxing my ears as I recollected fond memories. I could remember the nearly painful buzzing of one’s massive wings as they beat against my hand.

"This thing is incredible! It’s larger than most arthropods on earth! And scores larger than any pollinator!" She reached out to touch it before drawing her hand back. "mmmmBut also most of our pollinators leave a nasty sting. Or bite. Or both!” she finished with a giggle, “Is this little guy dangerous?"

"They use claws to climb, and if they catch you just right it can leave a mark; but no, they're harmless." I stepped closer to her, enjoying her observations.

She reached out and curled her fingers around the creature in a loose cage, letting it turn and wander around her hand to sit atop her topmost finger. As she turned her hand this way and that, the Laysi moved continually to remain as close to 'on top' as it could figure.

"Amazing… a surprising heft to it; though maybe not so surprising, given your gravity. Its wings are so similar to a dragonfly! Though larger by half-again, easily!" She brought her burdened hand to me, offering the Laysi.

I took it into my paws, letting it crawl around and over as it maintained the same 'on top' position as earlier. My tail flicked behind me at a happy memory. “I actually made one of these, you know, back in that mechanical engineering class? We used wound springs to make its legs move; it took some time tinkering, but we got it to walk across the room!”

She snorted and laughed in disbelief, “You made a Clockwork Bug; in School?! That’s so cool!!”

We laughed together, she in her moment, and I as I remembered fondly, though Maeve continued, “The fact you made clockwork anything is impressive in its own right! Those take skill! I have always admired clockwork, but I’ve had a special fondness for bugs.”

“Ah, it was just a simple wireframe. It wasn’t much, but I was proud of it.”

“As you should be; I’m sure it was fantastic.” She said with a smile on her lips, and pride in her eyes. She said she would be my friend. For once, I am feeling that such a thing could be true!