Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Venlil Tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Start of 4th Claw
“-And I heard they have a chunk of Morning’s Light that you can hold! I’ve only ever seen it on the Cattle Memorial!”
Stepping through the open door to our room, the blinds had opened to paint the space in the bright light of the sun, making the room seem to glow in welcome. I took a seat on the lip of the Warren bed, and Valek took a chair to stretch his legs and feet. He dusted off the gathered grime of the city, while Maeve stood in the center of the room and looked around aimlessly.
She’s looking for an exit. You’ve trapped her like the Predator you are, and she wants out!
She’s just getting comfortable. We’ve had a long day, and it's ok to need a moment.
Valek kept one ear on me while he focused on removing an especially stubborn bit of asphalt, “Wow, that would have been cool to see! My class went to the Natural History Museum instead; showed us a bunch of local predators. Back then, I thought the exterminators were heroes for eliminating them, but now…”
In the corner of my eye, I saw the door closing and a white cloak disappear from view.
“Maeve?!”
The door had closed, and she was gone.
Another door shut, “The company is going in a different direction, but we wish you luck in your next herd!”
That company was going under; lots of Venlil made that list!
Another door shut, “Look, you’re really nice but I’m not looking for something so…”
They weren’t ready for a relationship; and really, you were kinda intense back then!
Another door shut, “-and get that thing out of your mouth! If the money weren’t so good I’d… ya know what?”
You pushed them too far! If you could have gotten a handle on-
Another door shut, “EEW! What are you doing with that?! I’m gonna call the Bellwether! Mama Bellwether?!”
You were going to eat it! You know you were! You should be thankful that boy saved it!
The First Door shut, “You’ll be fine, little pup, we’ll get you a new family.”
They deserved better than you.
My claws tore at my wool and my tail cinched around me. My chest heaved with panicked breaths that built to a yell, forcing the crackled rasp of my voice through the tears in my eyes and sludge in my throat,
“MAEVE!!”
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil Tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Start of 4th Claw
Alvi wailed and cried on the bed. My instincts told me to run after Maeve, but I couldn’t leave Alvi like this! I trusted Maeve to know what she needed, and trusted her to come back to us, even if it was for no other reason than to say goodbye.
I tried to get Alvi’s attention, without success; although her piercing screams tore at my ears, all of the pain I felt was from her tortured panic. I tried to calm her down, but every word made her cry harder, and every touch was met with slashing claws and panicked shrieks.
After several of these attempts, Alvi lept from the bed and made a mad dash to the bathroom. Acting before my brain could catch up, I matched her leap and caught her around the middle. Alvi continued to flail and scream while I lifted and dragged her back to the bed, throwing her into the cushioned center with significant effort. Loose from my grapple, Alvi curled herself into a ball and pulled her tail under and through her legs, grasping at it tightly with both paws.
Alvi was completely inconsolable, and there was nothing I could do.
So Nothing is what I did. I gathered a soft Dacham blanket, draped it over her, and tucked her in tight. I sat patiently on the lip of the bed, hoping my presence would help her move to the next stage of her grief, whatever it was going to be. My tail found itself against her over the blanket, and I made no effort to stop its desperate attempts to calm her. I kept my back to her, allowing Alvi her vulnerability while always keeping at least one ear on her, and one eye on the door.
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Memory transcription subject: Maeve, Temporary resident of Venlil Prime.
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 4th Claw
The doors to the hotel slid shut behind me, and I continued toward the elevator. I heard a squeak and a thump, which I assumed came from the receptionist panic-slipping and falling to the ground. I spared a moment to wait for the poor thing to stand, hoping they didn't hurt themself. Lifting only slightly above the desk, I saw them watch me and, my worry abated, I continued to the elevator. Watching the ground fall away from me out of the glass siding reminded me of where I was this morning, and I found my spirits rising with the lift.
I stepped to our room, but the door opened before I got there. Valek stood in front of me, worry apparent in every fiber of his wool. He managed a tired flick of his tail in welcome as he moved aside and let me in. Inside I could hear soft crying coming from the warren bed. I looked at Valek, and his ears were hopeless while he looked at the bed with melancholy.
Moving closer, I saw a bundle of a pink scratchy blanket tucked tight into a sobbing ball, occasionally heaving a wet cough before wailing again.
I took off my veil and laid it aside, leaning over the lip of the bed to reach my hand out and comfort the quivering cushion.
The bed shifted under my weight and Alvi stirred; I saw her ears poke out from under the blanket on its far side. My hand was already waiting for her when she lifted her head and met my eyes. She struggled in the blanket bundle, so I scooped up the emotional furball and held the quivering pink dumpling against me.
Alvi’s face was contorted and her eyes a puffy orange, her snout and everything below it sopping wet from her tears, but she had no energy left to cry. I held her there for several moments, feeling her paws grip desperately and painfully at my shoulder while she dug her snout into the nape of my neck. Valek came to my side, and we held each other there for a long while.
After a shuddering sigh of relief I hugged Alvi against me, then sat her on the lip of the bed. I reached over and pulled a chair beside her, then I sat on my knees, inviting Valek to take the chair.
Once we were all sat down I took a deep breath and after sniffing my own tears away, I simply stated.
“We need to Talk.”
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil Tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Start of 4th Claw
I had heard her say those words only once before, and it was… memorable. She was right though, this is a conversation that should have… would have happened a long time ago, if I weren't a coward.
Another deep breath, before Maeve started speaking, “I love you, Valek, I do. And I know how you feel and I don’t doubt it, but I’m… I can’t provide for you. I will never be part of the Village, not really. What we have is… incredible, and fun… it makes me so happy, and I want it, so badly. But I can’t help you make a life, make a family, with just Fun.”
“But Alvi can.”
My heart sank, my ears fell, and my tail went limp. I knew what Alvi could give me, and I knew that I could have happiness with her. But I Want Maeve. I Choose Maeve. I couldn’t bear for her to walk away from me, I couldn’t imagine a life without her!
My voice chased after my bolting thoughts, “I-I know that! We don’t need pups to be happy! I thought about all that and I want This! I’m ok with losing all of that, because I know you're worth it. I want that happy quiet life; with You!!”
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Her eyes met mine, pooling with tears as she took hold of my paw, beaming a happy smile, “I can’t tell you how amazing that makes me feel. But we both know that’s not entirely true.”
Her eyes bore into mine, and I could feel my heart breaking and my tail fall limp with despair, “I…! But…!”
I couldn’t hide from this anymore, I needed to face this. I was done burying parts of me. “... Yeah. I know that I would be happy with Alvi, and I do want to be with her. I have ever since we all slept on the train.” I couldn’t stop the happy flick of my tail as I thought of the memory, nor my deep feeling of guilt, only worsened at the surprise I saw in Alvi’s affect.
Turning back to Maeve, I continued, “I love you Maeve, and You are my choice. But you’re right, I…”
Maeve stood slightly to caress my ear, wiping a tear from my eye as she did so, a deep pain building in my chest as I chewed the cud of my mistakes. “It’s ok, sweetie.”
“I-It wasn’t Valek’s fault.” Alvi’s rasping voice drifted between us, “V-Valek didn’t want me! He told me he wouldn’t have me, and I still stayed. He said ‘no’, and pushed me away when I confessed! You two should be together!” Alvi gripped her blanket slightly tighter.
I started to speak, but Maeve squeezed my paw to speak herself, her green eyes boring into Alvi’s, “It’s alright. I’ve seen the way Valek looks at you; I should have noticed a week ago. But it’s ok!”
Alvi shifted her, until now, avoidant attention fully on Maeve, “You are so wonderful, Alvi! You’re smart, and you’re kind, and you try so hard to learn and understand. Your love is as clear as the sun, and I know that you and Valek would be happy together.”
“No!” Alvi bleated back to Maeve, “I don’t want to brahk what you two have, I can’t be the reason you leave! I-I can! I can leave! I’ve had to start over before, I can do it again!”
Faced with the decision of one or the other, I found myself falling to pieces as I imagined a life without either of them. They both, together and apart, bring me so much joy that… to even imagine the idea of a ‘choice’ was unthinkable!
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Memory transcription subject: Maeve, Temporary resident of Venlil Prime.
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 4th Claw
Alvi’s words broke my heart. I couldn’t imagine the life she has had for that to be normal, “And I don’t want You to leave either. You remember when we talked on the train? You were so scared of me, but you stuck around. You still remind me of that Tabby Cat from home; he used to nuzzle into my neck too!”
Alvi laughed across from me, and I drove the point, “And in the Village? That poor pup and his poetry!”
She was nearly hysterical at that, “I-I had to let the poor kid down so easy! Honestly I'd never had someone approach me like that!”
Her ears stood a little bit taller, and I watched her tail tip flick half-hidden by the blanket. I smiled wryly while I booped where a nose would be, “Well at least we know he has good taste!”
I allowed her a moment to catch her breath, “Alvi, you are my friend. I want you to stay, yes because of what you mean to Valek, but also what you mean to Me. You’re like the girlfriend I never had, and I would be crushed to lose you.”
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Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Venlil Tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 4th Claw
My heart swelled to know that Maeve valued our friendship as much as I did. I wanted her here, and I wanted her and Valek to have a happy life, even if I were an extra leaf on the vine. But Maeve had more to say,
“So that leaves us with where We are. Valek,” Maeve turned to fully face him, “do you love me?”
Not even a moment’s thought, “Y-Yes! I…! I…! I want to see the Everwood bloom with you Maeve! A hundred times, in a hundred lifetimes!” My snout bloomed at his declaration, and my tail curled around me. It was incredible to see how their presence charged a room and warmed the heart; it was so clear, the love that connected them and overfilled their being, and I was blessed to see it.
But my heart sank as I reminded myself it wasn’t for me. No one could, or would eve-
“And Valek… Do you love Alvi?”
My body seized as the light of hope snapped me out of my pity, waiting for Valek to answer.
He sat wall-eyed in his chair, his tail thrashing behind him in conflicted contemplation. Only a few seconds of silence that felt like millenia, before his ears snapped to me, along with his favored eye, and his tail flicked with confident finality, “Yes.”
He… He loves me? But, like family right? No, Maeve thinks it’s more. Is it? Maybe he-
Yeah you’ve got him trapped in your little claws now, you Predator!
I’m NOT a PR-
You just want him because you want what She has! You want to fill her spot like a raid-chaser you filthy Vapic!
No! I can’t control what he wa-
You can and you do! How else could you make it this far! You should have been diagnosed years ago you mate-stealing, love-breaking-
Please, stop!
-Prey-biting DISGUSTING --
Valek was right in front of me, I felt his paws first on my shoulders, then slide up my neck to just behind my jaw. He laid his snout against me and whistled a low lullaby,
> Flowerbird, your voice unheard, fly through frigid hail
>
> A melody, on wings that breathe, determined to prevail
>
> Flowerbirds, songs sung together, fill the stormy sky.
>
> for memories, put minds at ease, so forever you may fly
He ran his thumbpads along the ridge of my snout, and around the backs of my eyes, pulling back to the front of my snout and around again. His low reverberance thrummed through my snout and drowned out my voices, leaving only his in my ears.
“Alvi, you’ve come a long way, and I’m so glad to get to know you. You set my tail twitching, and have helped me crawl out of my own thoughts more than once. I love it when you laugh, and when we run and play together. You’re smart, and funny, and I love the way you make me feel, even when the two of you team up to tickle me.”
A bleating laugh escaped me, my tears changing their emotion while his paws continued to work the worry from my head, “I love you, Alvi, I do.”
As his thumbs made another pass around the backs of my eyes, he dragged the tip of his tongue over the ridge of my snout, and I could feel Maeve take my paw in the same moment.
“C’mon.” She gently pulled me down from the bed, supporting my paw as I found my balance. She pulled me to her and laid my snout on her shoulder, gently scratching my crown, before whispering quietly,
“And I love you too, Alvi.”
“NO! You Don’t!” I squealed over her shoulder and tried to squirm away, but Maeve’s gentle hold kept firm.
“I always do this! I think they’re going to leave, so I.. I do this-” My lungs had betrayed me and I started to hiccup, “-and they stay! None of this is R-eal! It’s just Pity! You’ll figure it out, and just h-ate me for it, and you’d be right! You can do be-tter than me! V-alek can do better than me! E-Everyone…”
My voice faltered as Maeve’s fingers wound their way around my ear, gently pulling at the fur around it,
“Ok, Alvi. Maybe what I’m feeling isn’t real. Maybe everything around us is just… stardust that got too friendly. But what about you? What you feel is real. Maybe it isn’t right, but you still feel it.”
She brought her hand down to my chin, and lifted my shout so she could look into my eyes. “Do you love Me, Alvi?”
My sight and mind sunk into her emerald eyes. Every time I’ve felt this, I was wrong; it was ‘too much’ or ‘misplaced’. When I tried to groom the man who shared my work pod, he backed away. He wasn’t at his seat next paw. I tried to give a piece of Polani’s tears to that girl in burrow building class, but she already had a herd; kept the stone, though. What if I just… don't feel love?
“I… I don’t know.”
Maeve nodded her head, before asking, “How did you feel when we woke up this morning?”
Happy, comfortable, safe.
Her eyes watched mine as I ran through fleeting memories, “How about yesterday, when I herded Valek into your dastardly trap?”
Fun, welcome, trusted.
My happy bleating drifted around her words, “What about in my apartment? How did you feel when you got your gifts?”
Thankful, understood, wanted.
Home.
My tail curled around the two of us while I pulled her shoulders against me. I wrapped my arms around her as far as they would go, and held on with…
“Yes.”
Maeve returned my embrace and Valek joined us over Maeve’s cast and sling. I could feel her strong arm up my shoulder blades, her hand cupping my skull and pressing me further into our affection, gently scratching through my wool while she did. Valek was excitedly grooming every bit of my face not buried in Maeve’s shoulder, and I was bleating and whistling happily at their drowning affections, banishing harsh voices from my mind that tried hopelessly to rip this happiness from me.
But one voice never really left.
You’ll never be his Maeve. Or her Valek.
I pulled away from Maeve, and she held a looser hold for me. Falling back, I could see Valek and Maeve together, and I had to remind myself there must have been a time when they weren’t. So obvious was their connection, I thought they just always were. “Thank you, both of you. I love you both, I know that, but watching you two…”
“Actually, Alvi… Valek…” Maeve started, taking me off of her lap, and setting me beside Valek before scooting back. “That is why I wanted to talk to you both. Valek, I love you more than I have words to describe, and I believe I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Valek all but bounced in place, before Maeve continued, “But. With your blessing, and with her consent, I would like Alvi…” And she met my eye, squeezing my paw gently, “to join us in that.”
Valek stopped bouncing and his tail stood still and fell to the ground.
Before quickly rising with his elation, “Yes!”
My heart rose with him, beating in time to his excited jumps as Maeve smiled from ear to ear! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! My tears flowed freely as I flicked and flapped and smiled along with them.
In the middle of our celebrations, Maeve met my eye, and asked one more question,
“So… Alvi… Would you like to help our Herd, become a Family?”