He brought her out of gem storage, and like Yelena, she had that brief moment of confusion. She looked out the window though, relieved that the sky was blue again. He laid down in the middle of the room, which made her visibly more tense, and they were silent for a moment.
Oralee came with hot, soothing chamomile tea and some sweet bread. She patted Rosalea’s head, “Go ahead and sit down. It will help,” she said, giving her a handkerchief right before she disappeared. Rosalea stared at it. I will not cry, she told herself.
Kaylar took a deep breath in and slowly let it out so she wouldn’t notice the sigh. I think you are going to cry. A lot. And then you are going to feel better, and we will probably find that we are friends after all.
***
After Oralee left, there was silence. The dragon was sitting in the room, and when she didn’t sit, he raised his head and pushed her a little with his nose to scoot her over to the bed next to where the nightstand had tea and something bready-sweet smelling on it. I do not want to cry, she reiterated to herself, but even though she could tell the dragon was in a different mood and probably had time to prepare; very little time had passed from her perception and she still felt tense. She twisted the handkerchief into a spiral in her hands as she didn’t know what to do or say about any of this.
The dragon made a rumbling sound. “So, I will start with a few observations since you seem very distressed and paralyzed. I thought your manners were terribly polished for anyone from the Uryan camps, but I have not met one that was actually from the clans any time recently. I thought you were very secretive and good at mirroring what people are looking for in you. You have remarkable self-control for a human, and you are the only human I have been around that noticed I have any mind magic at all. I thought it was because you were obviously part Ieshan and part Uryan, and that makes you more like an original changer than most, and I thought perhaps it made you more sensitive to magic like that. But I see what the truth is now.” He paused, waiting to see if she would respond. She stared at the handkerchief and twisted it until fibers in the fabric popped in her hands.
Discomfort, silence, pressure. After a while, Kaylar continued. “It is really common when training someone for a position of authority to teach them how to hide their emotions and to mirror those around them. You think about your vocabulary depending on who you are talking to, and you get along with Rhainnon and Briar, even though one used to be a little gangster and the other is a middle class gentle-bred farmer-merchant’s daughter. I could have put you with someone very nobly bred and trained, and you would have talked politics and economics with them fluently. If you had not so much cause to dislike me, I predict you would have mirrored what I like back to me. You would have become observant with elevated vocabulary and shown an adeptness to look after those around you.”
Rosalea felt not just called out, but steadily painted into a corner. She could not find a plausible way to deny any of the things he saw in her. She wanted to shake her head no, but she knew it would not help. It was too late. Everything she had carefully pretended was not true for years was out in the open.
“You have several times now caught on to how I was handling you. You noticed I was trying to put you in unfamiliar situations so you could not lock onto your attitude about me, and you caught onto why I have been teaching you magic. You recognize this because someone trained you for it. You freeze up because you have needed to keep your cool and calm outward demeanor, because this is how you were raised. It is how almost all countries raise their prospective royals.”
She felt her forehead squinch as she felt overwhelmed by the weight of anxiety that began to press tension into every muscle of her body.
Kaylar did not stop. “So, why did Princess Rosalea, intended future Ieshan Queen, pretend for so long to be only from the Uryans?”
She winced. There it was. He just said it. She made herself slowly look up at him, feeling sick, feeling tense, feeling like he saw through everything. The way he asked that question, she knew she wasn’t supposed to answer it. He thought he knew the answer; the tone said he was posing the question so he could answer it himself.
His gaze as he regarded her was quite gentle, and his tone became even more so. “Because they used mind control on you to try and make you be or do something or both. I can guess what that might have been; I can guess what they would want from you, and I can tell from Yelena’s reaction that any means would have justified the ends in their minds. I suspect they wanted you as much as they hated you, because you are clearly Uryan when it comes to your magic.”
She shivered, she felt ill, yet she felt almost… relieved. She spoke slowly, “I ran away when I knew I had Uryan magic. I ran away because the day I organized my magic, it dislodged the mind control magic they had put on me to cover up what they did to Lindir.” Her eyes burned, the room became watery. The dragon was silent.
The pressure squeezed on her, but because he knew, she just couldn’t stop. There was no point in stopping now. “I do not know what other mind control could have been used on me, but I know it happened. When I sleep at night, sometimes the memory that Lindir, my mother, gave to me, comes back with all the death and fire that were her last moments. She used mind magic on me so I would not forget her, and they used it on me so that I would. There might still be things I do not know or things that I do that I would not do if they had not changed me.” She didn’t want to cry, but her vision grew watery.
“I left behind people that mattered because I was afraid of losing myself all over again. I left them because Ieshans had locked them into Castle Darius with their minds. I did not think I could save them and myself. So I left them behind, and I worry all the time what use they will have to the Ieshans now that I am gone.” Fear gave way to pressure and steadily simmering rage.
“The Uryans saw me as dangerous as soon as they were certain of my identity. I stayed only a winter with them before I had to move on. I came to Mire, and before I knew it, another mind control spell was on me. It pulled me to the ground whenever I panicked, and it kept me trapped there when everyone in the town did not want me. It kept me trapped there when they killed my only companion, because I could not just escape. I could not flee because the spell would activate. It kept me there when they took everything I had. It kept me there when the weather grew cold, and I had nowhere to go; it kept me there when Haidi blamed me for teaching Rhainnon magic and losing her, and it also kept me there when she poisoned me.” Her wrath at the dragon was so bitter feeling that she felt like it was hard to breathe. She hated him for everything he was, for everything that he had done, for everything he was doing.
She did not try to stop herself. The tears she had almost shed were drying up the more angry she felt. “You are manipulating me, you play with my magic, you choose where I am allowed to go, and you make my own body a prison. You probably only brought me here to save Rhainnon, and when I did that, you did not know what else to do with me. You used Rhainnon to try to make me forgive you, and you make it so that while her parents are so embittered at her loss that one of them wanted to kill me, that she does not even miss them. And I know she thought I took poison on purpose, I know she thought everything I did was my fault when you were killing me with all this trying to make me beg you for things, but I would not beg. You are a little like an Ieshan? A little?” she demanded.
***
It was Kaylar’s turn to feel rather exposed to her as she laid bare how clearly she understood everything he was trying to do with her, and she had figured it out while being unwilling to think in front of him. He felt guilt. A lot of guilt. Most of this could have been avoided if he had just done what he would normally do - take the outsider that was bound to be trouble out of the situation.
But then, I never did credit the people of my town for being that willing to cause someone this young so much harm, did I? It sobered him. They… would have to learn something. He would have to think of how to make that happen, but there was a moment he wanted to take out all his guilt on them and rampage and terrorize the lot of them. Yet, it was why Rosalea had been willing to lie to him about who had poisoned her; she already thought him capable of something like that. He did not wish now to fulfill her worst impression of him. I acted in an almost petty fashion with her, he reflected.
He sighed. She flinched. He quickly spoke to soothe that, “You are very smart. I may have… underestimated you. It is also true that I brought you here to help Rhainnon. I knew in Mire almost immediately that you were more stubborn than I cared to deal with. You are correct; I have been trying to figure out how to get you to be nicer and more compliant with me.”
Guilt pressed down on him as she finally unraveled the handkerchief enough to dab at the tears that were gushing from her eyes. She became a shivery mess, and if she wasn’t so rightfully upset at him, he might have tried to comfort her with some attention. He held back; he was the reason she had been through so much lately. The scar on her hand made him feel even more guilty. He believed she had a hard time being close to anyone before him, but he knew his decisions had probably made it worse. Guilt. So much guilt.
Deep breath in, slow breath out. He tried to address each issue she had raised.“I am sorry. I never should have left you in Mire by yourself. I should have checked on you. I never should have assumed you were just stubborn without cause, and I never should have let Rhainnon try to help. I understand why you did not want to share with me who had hurt you, and I know that Rhainnon’s assumption hurt you, considering what happened between you and her mother. I understand much better now your fears about my magic and why the spells bother you as deeply as they clearly do. I understand, and I am sorry.”
She was not thinking anything; she was just crying. He knew she would cry, but he did not prepare himself to be so miserable alongside her. “I can do a few things to make it right. One thing I cannot do is stop hearing your thoughts. It is a little similar to how you called bad weather. It just happens.” He watched her mood become more disappointed as he spoke. “I can, however, fix a few other things. I will trust you not to cause trouble or to wander off, and I will pull off every spell that inhibits where you go. The only spell I will leave on you is the one that goes with my mark.”
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She was a mess of tears and quivering repressed sobs, so it took her several breaths to ask him, “Every spell but that one? What does it do?”
“Every mind control spell but that one, I promise. It is how Rhainnon let me know she needed me. You can use it to call to me, and I can use it to find you. It also protects you from other dragons trying to mark you, but I doubt that will ever come up.”
It took her a moment to understand, but he felt like she brightened just slightly as she nodded. He kept his word immediately. Slowly, he lowered his head to her, settling on the ground, but not touching her. “I know you have spent a lot of time feeling like you do not belong anywhere. You thought you had to be on the move to stay away from people who are hunting you. But, no Ieshans can reach you here. You are mine now, not theirs, and I will not give you back for any reason.”
She felt relief as the spells faded off of her, maybe because she was so focused on it she thought she felt it, or maybe she did. She scrubbed her face, but she felt ragged and overwhelmed by everything, so the tears just kept burning tracks down her face. I never thought that you finding everything out would end up with this outcome. It was a thought to herself, but an admission to him.
“I understand why you have been seeing me as a tyrant. It will be better from here on out.” He slowly set his head down on the bed next to her, not touching her quite, but an invitation.
***
She did feel a lot better. The Uryans’ response to her title had been to send her away as soon as the liana would let them. The dragon’s response was that he was sorry he caused her pain, and that he understood why she was the way she was. She really felt like he was telling the truth. He understood so clearly how it was she had been raised; it was easy to feel like he understood everything else. Slowly, tentatively, she put her hand on his nose, the scales warm beneath her fingers.
He moved his head, pressing his nose beneath her arm and against her body, and he felt really warm against her side and against her leg. His breath was warm against her back, and she realized her distress had made her freezing. She rubbed along the scales, shivering, exhausted.
“Yelena...” she said hoarsely, and the tea cup floated to her. She reached out with her left hand for it, leaving her right hand against his nose. Her mouth felt sticky from all the tears, so the warm tea was soothing in several ways. After she drained the cup, she tried speaking again, “Yelena cannot be here because of good circumstances.”
“That is true,” she heard a rather curious tone in his voice, and she realized he was not sure where she was going with it.
“Briar would have gone to the mines. Mero said you saved her life. You ended up saving mine. We are all… a little like each other. Why is Rhainnon here?”
“I believed that Mire was not a place for a shape shifter that would have a liana around to remind everyone she is not like them,” Kaylar said honestly. “I also wanted someone that would be good with both people and animals to help. It could have easily been you… but it seems appropriate now that it was both of you.”
Rosalea nodded. She still felt irked by his answer a little, but it helped her feel a little better. He was right. She wouldn’t have done well there if the way Rosalea was treated was any indication at all. I am tired and cold.
“I was planning to wear you out today, but you certainly took me off plan,” Kaylar said in a playful tone as he lifted his nose from her side. Rosalea huffed. He floated more tea over to her and the bread. “Have some more to eat and drink. Tomorrow, we will practice magic again, since I know that is something you will like. I would like you to consider who you want to be instead of putting all your energy into hiding who you used to be.”
Who I want to be? she thought to herself. Did she know? She just wanted to be free of the Ieshans, and he was right: all her energy had gone into that. Stop seeing through me, she complained at him, feeling a little flustered. It was also… nice. He simply smiled at her. She finished her food and climbed beneath her blankets. He rested his head over her, not quite pressing weight on her, but emanating warmth, and she rubbed all along his scaled cheeks with her hands.
If she didn’t know better, he wanted reassurance too.
The next morning, she woke early because she was hungry. She was surprised that the dragon was still here, his head taking up space at the bottom of the bed. She slowly moved to sit up, trying not to disturb the sleeping dragon, but the moment she moved, he stretched and yawned. “Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning,” she said, not sure what to make of the situation.
“Have some food,” he reassured her. “I am going to check a few things, and then let’s go back and practice more magic.”
Rosalea smiled and tried being light-hearted toward him, “A heart to heart followed up with telling my instincts you are trying to kill me?”
Kaylar paused, tilted his head and grinned, “Naturally. What else could be better for us to do?”
This is much nicer. I suppose I owe Yelena for calling me out and recognizing me, she thought. Kaylar leaned forward, not quite touching her again, but putting his face in range as an offer for her to give him attention, and for him to return it. She rubbed over his nose, and he rubbed his nose against her shoulder.
The gesture reminded her of Annie. He was a hundred times bigger than Annie, but she still missed Annie. Oralee brought food, and Kaylar left her.
***
Kaylar used the time she ate breakfast to go find Briar, and he found him talking with Yelena of all people. “Hi!” he called out enthusiastically, waving for him to come over, as if Kaylar had not gone looking for them.
He looked at Yelena. “How are you two this morning?”
“I’m good!” Briar said, “skipped out learnin’ manner things last night,” he said cheekily.
“I wanted to apologize for putting you off.”
“I’m good!” But, he grew a bit more serious than he usually projected. “So, uh, Yelena was s’posed to teach Rosalea too, but they had an argument? Everything all right now?”
Yelena bowed her head, she had not been able to bring herself to say anything. “It is good,” Kaylar reassured them. “Everything worked out for the best.”
“Good! I think both these girls’re too pretty to be sad,” he sassed Yelena and made her cheeks pink for an entirely different reason.
“Yelena, as it happens,” said Kaylar with a growing smile, “is very well versed in manners. How about she teaches you to make up for things?”
Briar gave Yelena side eyes. Yelenea gave him big, uncertain eyes, but Kaylar nodded reassurance. “I can do that, I promise.”
“Nah… I think I got gardenin’ to do,” Briar said, skulking off to one side playfully.
“Do not let your student run away,” Kaylar suggested. Yelena huffed and went after him.
Kaylar found Rosalea dressed, outside, waiting for him. “I would like you to fly over with me,” he said, holding out his paw for her to get on it. She hesitated, but nodded. As she stepped on it, he carefully set her up on his shoulders.
***
Rosalea found the flight over much easier. She spent it thinking about the one-ness she had felt between plants and animals in the way that they responded to drawing on power and feeling the mage’s will. She thought about how she used pressure on the earth and air and how it got similar but not identical effects. When they arrived, she thought, If I can survive arguing with a dragon and have a better day, then I can exert enough mastery and pressure on myself to understand this magic concept fully.
“I agree and approve this enthusiasm,” Kaylar said, moving away from her. Yet, when Kaylar lobbed that first blast of magic at her, she could not help but just go scuttling out of the way of it because it was easier than trying to stop it. “You need to work on responding magically,” Kaylar corrected. He didn’t follow up on that blast with anything else until she nodded agreement. The next blast came at her a lot more quickly. She yanked up a caelus magic barrier and batted it to the side, letting it score the hill near her.
This wasn’t what she wanted though, this is just what she did yesterday. Yet, as he followed it up with more attacks, she fell back on her habits, again and again she diverted blasts or blocked them, until she felt dizzy under her magic consumption. The only thing that I am getting better at is changing my focus between elements, she thought with frustration as the dragon bore down on her, getting nearer and nearer with every blast.
When he closed the distance between them, instead of continuing to attack her magically, he instead picked up his front paw and stepped down on her with enough speed and intent her instincts felt he really did mean to crush her. She called up a caelus barrier, but she was a little spent and it cracked within a second beneath his weight. The pressure of it breaking away slammed her onto her back beneath him and he pressed downwards deliberately.
I am not going to lose again, she thought and pushed through to her terra magic bending gravity away from her to move the paw up and off. The dragon was heavy though, and pretty soon, even though she could lift his paw off of her, she burnt through the magic and he was pressing down again. It left her with no magic that could actually help her, and his paw came to rest against her body with some considerable pressure. It was a struggle to take a breath. She had all this magic, and she couldn’t figure out what to do. The magic he put in me was almost all raw magic, and I have a little that I can easily use. She pulled it together around her, forming a barrier, getting herself a breath of air, but it cracked almost instantly. No, she told herself, pressing harder on her magic without even thinking about it. A moment later, the glittering silver of it to her eyes swirled black.
She took a deep breath in as strength of her magic surged into the concept of the barrier - all that unusable magic within her followed the stream of her essa magic, as if imitating the deep magic. But it is not really changing, that is why it black… She pressed back on the dragon, lifting his foot off of her as she felt an attunement with her magic that was deeper. All the magic in her could function as a “raw” extension of her will.
Kaylar lifted his foot away and stepped back. “All I had to do was find out your fear and tell you that you were safe, and suddenly you find all the resolution in the world to learn a thing that takes most humans a long time to figure out.”
She looked at him, still in tune with her raw magic, and she could see him clearly. All that silvery magic he possessed marked him a caelus magician, but she could also see the slight change in color to the brighter colored deep magic also swirling around him, feeding him information about the magic in the environment the same way her magic did. In his river from his core through about half of his body was a big broad swath of red, as if someone had pricked him with a knife and it now bled and entwined permanently with his river. That aura feathered all around the dragon even more than his pale Caelus magic did. You really cannot help but hear all the things around you because that magic does not belong there.
Kaylar huffed, “All right you observant excessively smart little monster, that is quite enough of that. One day I will tell you how it happened, but I think today is a good day to go visit Rhainnon now that things are a little cleared up?”
Rosalea nodded.