My father’s knuckles slid across my face as he struck me. I tripped and ended up crashing into a bookshelf behind me as blood drooled out of my mouth. I stared up at him as he walked over, hovering over me.

His eyes were the same, ever. Glaring at me in disgust full of cold, relentless judgment. It was always like this. As far as I could remember, he had hated me with an undying passion.

He stood there for a bit, but he walked away and left the room without another word.

Sighing, I wiped the blood off my nose, only to notice some of it had stained my white shirt. I remained sitting for a little while. I wasn’t angry or anything. I was simply… taking a moment for myself. The library was my favorite place in the room. Perhaps that was why my father struck me, maybe he just hated to see me enjoy myself.

At this point, I was already used to all of it.

I heard the door creak open and as I looked up I recognized a familiar face.

Emery, my younger step sister poked her head and saw me. She rushed in, carefully closing the door behind her and ran towards me.

Her soft and light footsteps skid across the carpet as she knelt down, putting her hands on my face.

“He hit you again…” she whispered angrily.

“I’m fine,” I responded calmly.

“You don’t know that. He could have broken your nose.”

“I’ve taken harder blows during training.”

“Stop acting tough.”

I calmly put my hands on her arms and took them off my face.

She helped me up, holstering me up by the shoulder. I didn’t really need the help, and she knew it. Yet she helped me up anyways.

Emery pushed me towards the chair, forcing me to sit down as she checked my face even further.

Her face was close enough so that I could feel her breath on my face.

“You’re too close,” I complained.

She let go, putting her hands on her hips.

“I don’t understand father,” she said angrily.

I waited as she took a wooden chair and lifted it up, bringing it to my side.

“What are you doing up so late?” I asked.

“Nothing…” she lied. I could tell.

“Cmon, spit it out.” I urged.

“Pff....”

“I’ll find out anyways.”

“Fine… I was out watching fireflies in the garden. The maid let me out, but said only for ten minutes.”

“And how long has it been since you told her that?”

“Longer than ten minutes.”

The pain in my face receded as I laughed.

We were young back then. I was only… twelve? Was it? She was a year younger than me… so she was eleven. I spent my whole life in that mansion as I wasn’t allowed outside, so I had teachers come in to teach me. I had never known another person around the same age as me, at least not long enough to consider them friends or even acquaintances. I had no mother. I was told that she abandoned me after I was born. I learned that my father hated me and as a result chose to remarry. My step mother was truly the spiteful woman, treating me the same way my father did, which was with disdain. All of the maids and butlers in the household only treated me with respect out of obligation.

I didn’t think too much of my childhood. I never talked with my father, and the few times we talked it would often begin with him striking me across the face. Sometimes he had a reason, often he did not. It was a bitter childhood. Even though he hated I had everything I ever needed, a roof over my head and good food. It was strange. It never really made any sense why he provided for me rather than just kicking me out of the house. Never once did I ever have to ask for anything. Everything I wanted was given to me without much hassle, which was hard considering I didn’t ask for much.

Everything except for the things that truly mattered. A child without a father or a mother, a child without friends. I think that if that life continued I would have grown up to become a lifeless doll, a fragmented man. A life without love, without companionship, was no life at all.

Then everything changed when I met Emery.

I still remember the first time I met Emery, hiding behind my step-mother’s dress as I was getting scolded. A young girl peered over her mother’s hips as I stared lifelessly into the distance. My step-mother had already been shouting at me for a few minutes, but I just couldn’t bear to listen.

“You will treat her well,” my step mother snickered.

“Yes mother,” I whispered bitterly.

As a sign of rebellion I walked away before she could continue. It hadn’t even been a week since I had known her, but I already hated her as much as I hated my father. I walked towards the library, where I usually spent most of my afternoons after morning training. I navigated my way across several hallways and corridors, only to realize that behind me the little kid was following me. I looked over my shoulder. She had short hair, and she looked around the same age as me, maybe slightly younger. I couldn’t tell very well from that distance. In my eyes she was but another threat in a house full of enemies.

I opened the door to the library and quickly went inside, closing the door shut. I went over to my usual spot at one of the chairs. A stack of books were already on the table, some with bookmarks while others were brand new. Father provided me with new books to read all the time strangely enough. Like I said, I never understood why he hated me but gave me everything I wanted at the same time. As I leaned back to read I heard the library door swing open. I didn’t look over but I knew it was the little girl. Father would have swung the door open louder, my step-mother would never look for me here. None of the maids were allowed inside the library.

She walked around and looked all over the place. Occasionally I would look over my book to see if she was doing anything to ruin the books. Eventually she settled down in front of me, and just stared at me. I didn’t glance up, but I could see her sitting across from me when my eyes went to the top of the page. It wasn’t unnerving, but she was looking around as if waiting for me to finish reading.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Hmm?” she turned towards me.

“I asked what you wanted from me.”

“Um… nothing.”

“So why are you here?”

She played with her hands a little bit, I could feel that she was nervous. Her cheeks puffed as if she took a large breath.

“Can I call you brother?” she asked suddenly.

I stared at her for a moment before answering.

“What?” I was slightly confused.

“My mom told me not to talk to you too much… she said that you’re different from the rest of us… but I’ve always wanted an older brother!” her eyes gleamed excitedly.

I wasn’t sure how to respond.

“You can call me whatever you want,” my eyes returned to the pages of the book.

She came around the table, pulling up a chair next to me.

It was strange, because no one had ever approached me like this before. It piqued my interest and perplexed me.

“Teach me to read!” she cried cheerfully, surprising me.

I was stunned for a second.

“Alright,” I answered a moment later.

The two of us spent hours in the library that day. And that was the day I first talked to Emery, my step-sister that changed my life. To me she was everything, because in my world of loneliness she was the only company that I had. The only person I learned to care for, my only friend in the world.

She leaned on her chair, snuggly curling up. I stood up and walked over to one of the bookshelves. At one of the corners I saw what I was looking for.

Human Anatomy

I plucked it out and returned to my chair as Emery stared at me.

“Why do you always read?” she asked curiously.

“I just do,” I opened the book to the thirty fifth page.

She leapt out of her chair and went around my chair, looking over my shoulder.

I flipped the pages as I read, but shortly after she must have given up as she returned to her chair.

“Are you bored?” I asked her.

“No… just tired.”

“You should go back and sleep in your room then.”

“Nah, that’s boring too.”

She closed her eyes and put her legs up on the chair.

I continued reading, absorbing every single sentence and word in the book. Ever since I could remember reading, I had been very good at understanding and remembering book contents. I would go as far to say that it was one of the very few things in the world that I enjoyed doing.

Eventually Emery fell asleep. She twiddled around in her sleep a little bit, kind of like the way a newborn did. I looked out the window. The moons in the sky stared back at me, illuminating the room as the magic lamps began to dim. They worked strangely. If you willed it they would grow brighter, and dimmer if you so desired. I moved towards the window, the words being illuminated under the moonlit skies.

That night I fell asleep reading.

* * *

The next morning I had training. My sister sat and watched under the tree shade as I sparred with my new teacher. He was younger than my last teacher. In this line of work though, age didn’t really matter. The younger ones were faster, more responsive but more impulsive. The older ones were more patient and aware of their surroundings, but felt slower in comparison.

To me they were all the same.

I drew my blade and stepped forward, my sword came out fluidly as it clashed against my teacher’s.

“Not bad.” He kept saying. It was annoying. Cocky as well. I didn’t bother remembering his name.

He was physically stronger than me. They all were, but that didn’t stop me.

I stepped forward, continuing my onslaught of slashes. He parried each and every one of them, forcing me to step back to maintain my posture. We both stared at each other, waiting for each other to make a move. I raised my sword up, holding it in front of me with both hands. He held up his sword with one hand, his other behind him.

This time he stepped forward, swinging from below. I dodged to the right, swiftly dodging the swing. He kicked me and took a step back. I jabbed my sword into the ground to stop the sliding, and he took the opportunity to come in for a stab. Rather than dodging, I stepped on his sword and forced it onto the ground, surprising him. Immediately I pulled my sword out of the ground, swinging it upwards but stopping as it reached right beneath his throat. I was quick and nimble.

The smile on his face disappeared from his face.

He wasn’t looking so cocky anymore.

I lowered my sword, placing it back into its sheath, walking away towards Emery.

Behind me I heard him muttering to my other teachers.

“He’s talented for his age… too talented.”

I supposed perhaps this is another hobby of mine? I looked at the mansion, and saw my father looking down at me. Even from this distance I could see those cold spiteful eyes. He moved away as he saw me looking at him.

“Want some water?” Emery asked me.

“Sure,” I took a cup.

Swordplay was another one of my talents. I had been practicing for as long as I could remember. My whole life I had been taught to wield a sword, every morning. I was told by my father that I must learn to wield a sword. He never explicitly stated why, leaving me clueless as to why I was learning it. But I know that I was plenty good at it. After a few months I was told I was better than those that had been practicing for years. After a year I was enough to hold my own against seasoned swordsmen. Now, I could beat my teachers.

“Do you even enjoy learning to use the sword?” Emery asked.

“I don’t know,” I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I wasn’t sure. Being talented at something and enjoying it were two different things.

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“I wonder why father makes you learn this…”

“I wonder too.” I put the cup of water back down. One of the butlers came over, immediately refilling it.

“Oh, father and mother requested to have lunch together,” she casually added.

“Tell them I’ll pass,” I shrugged it off.

“Apparently there’s something important for them to discuss.”

I sighed.

“Fine,” I declared as I walked off to take a bath.

* * *

I arrived at the table later on, Emery was already present. So was my father and my step-mother. They were smiling. I watched from a distance for a moment before I walked forward, and the smiles on my father and step-mother’s faces disappeared.

“Father, mother.” I greeted them.

“Sit,” my step mother commanded.

I did so, sitting down next to Emery.

Dinner continued in an awkward fashion. I could tell that they had something they wanted to tell me, but they were holding it for a moment.

“Magnus,” my father suddenly called.

“Yes, father?” I responded calmly.

“I heard that you beat the teacher again.”

“That’s correct.”

“The teachers were wondering whether you were interested in pursuing your swordsmanship further.”

“I don’t mind,” I answered without thinking about it.

“Child, you are talented at this! Put more thought into it!” he shouted suddenly. Again, he acted like he cared.

I continued eating, not startled by the sudden increase in volume.

“Insufferable brat,” my father insulted me.

My step-mother was silent. Strange. Usually she would throw in a comment of her own.

“There’s a war brewing in the shadows…” my father shouted again. “And I have to deal with an incompetent son.”

I heard that the king was doing very poorly in health. Many problems had been circumventing where my father had worked, although I wasn’t fully aware of the details.

My father cleared his throat, catching my attention. “Tomorrow, I will be going to Visereal in order to sort some things out. You will come with me, Magnus.”

“To do what exactly?”

“We will find out tomorrow.”

“When will you come back?” Emery cut in.

“I will be back in a week. As for Magnus…” he looked at me. “He will be staying there for longer.”

I stopped eating and looked up. What was it now?

“Yes, father, ” I accepted it as it was. I didn’t see any point in arguing. It wasn’t as if I would be staying there forever, would I?

“Good that you understand,” father concluded while Emery looked at me with a sorrowful look on her face.

I was reading in my room that night. All the preparations had been completed. I will leave for the capital tomorrow. Tonight, I was reading a different book, one about magic. I had never learned magic or found an affinity for it, but it was still interesting to read about it. Strange powers and abilities that presented itself during moments of its need. As I continued reading I heard a knocking coming from the door.

I walked up and opened the door, Emery standing alone in the hallway. I wiped my eyes and yawned.

“You really should sleep, it’s getting late,” I whispered.

She stepped forward and hugged me. I was taken aback, slightly.

“Emery?” I asked.

“Father said that you won’t be coming back…” she whispered softly.

I didn’t respond, but rather I held her and closed the door. I took her to a chair and allowed her to sit down for a moment.

“It’ll be fine. He just wants to get rid of me for a little bit, I’ll probably be back here by the end of the week,” I tried my best to comfort her.

“It’s different this time… father and mother are both worried. Not only about what’s happening in the capital, but even for you.”

“No they aren’t.” I didn’t believe her.

“Trust me, Magnus. There’s something happening. And it worries me.”

I brushed her soft black hair.

“I’ll be fine…” I smiled.

“Cmon, be a little bit more worried!” she hit my shoulder and raised her head. Only then did I realize that I had failed to see the extent to which she had been concerned. Her eyes were slightly red and her hair was disheveled.

I let go of her, looking down.

Even at this moment, I couldn’t reassure the only friend I had in the world, the only person I even remotely cared about in my life, I couldn’t do anything for her.

I reached out and hugged her. Her hair was messy but smelled like citrus. It was warm and comforting.

“I’ll be back. I promise.” I said it firmly. “I won’t let father stop me. He’s held me down my entire life, but I won’t allow him to separate us.”

She held me harder. I held back, and for a while we were locked in an intimate embrace. My father never even held me before. In my entire life, she was the only person I was willing to hold in my arms, the only person I wished to bring comfort to.

She returned to her room shortly afterwards and I laid down on my bed.

I recall that night very well. The half-moon shone brilliantly, and things were silent. It was like every other lonely night.

A lot happened that night. I can’t say that I remembered all of it, but I can recall the most important details. For that was the night my life became hell.

I woke up to screaming and shouting. As my eyes opened in response to the loud sounds, I got up. Instinctually I already knew that something was wrong. The nights in the mansion were always quiet. There was an orange glare on the window. As I walked over I could see flames raging outside on the trees. The gardens outside were burning. More importantly, there were people standing outside. People armed with weapons. People that I didn’t recognize. A slight chill went down my spine as I was frozen in place. There was something terribly wrong happening here.

Opening the door, I peeked out. My heart was beating rapidly and my instincts had taken over. There was nobody in the halls. I ran across the corridors, making sure that nobody was around the corners. It was dark, and there didn’t seem to be anyone on this side of the mansion yet.

Until I heard a scream from down the hallway. I stopped, leaning on the wall behind me. Slowly and quietly, I peeked over the corner as more screams came down from below the hallway. The screams belonged to a woman that laid on the ground as she tried to run. She was heading down to the other end of the hallway, away from me. I saw a few people chasing her, holding swords and torches. I subtly dashed past them, making sure I stayed light on my feet without making a single sound. Eventually I found myself in front of Emery’s room. I knocked gently on her door twice and then aloud three times.

The door gently opened, revealing Emery in her nightgown inside. She looked safe.

“What’s happening?” Emery asked. “Where’s everyone?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “But I think we need to get out.”

I pulled her by the arm, not waiting for a response. I navigated my way across the hallways to the front of the house, towards my father’s room. Perhaps he could give us some sort of explanation if he was there. The door wasn’t locked, surprisingly/ The door creaked open as I went inside. His room had a desk in the center where he usually worked, and his bed was in a connected room. It smelled different from the other rooms in the house.

I was only interested in one thing here. He had a sword up in a glass cabinet above his desk. I went over and brought it down. I was explicitly told that this sword was an ornament, and no longer a weapon. I took it out of its casing and held it in my hands. The blade was longer and heavier than I would have liked it to be, but I needed a weapon right now. I swung the sheath on my hip and we began moving towards the exits of the houses. Down the hallway we both suddenly heard shouting and saw lights flashing. We ran another way. Another light, and even more voices this time. We were surrounded. There was a vase next to us, I picked it up and threw it at the window. The glass broke open and I looked outside. There was a tree we could jump on. I took a few steps backwards and jumped across the gap. I turned around, motioning Emery to jump across.

“I can’t!” she cried.

Dammit, I could hear the shouting come closer.

“Jump, trust me!” I shouted.

She looked around and took a few steps back. Rushing forward and jumping out of the window she began to fall before I caught her by the arm. I pulled her up, which wasn’t hard considering how light she was. In the windows I saw a group of men dressed in armor. The people at the window were too large to jump after us, the branch would snap. I stared into their eyes, and I immediately knew that whoever they were, I had to get away as far as I could as fast as possible. I pulled Emery by the arm and we climbed down the tree carefully. I heard even more shouting as smoke began to disperse into the air.

The two of us began running, as fast as we could. I had only ever been outside of the house a very few times. I followed whatever path looked familiar as I heard shouting behind us, and the fires raged. I was fast, but Emery wasn’t. As we continued, I realized that she was beginning to slow down, and I was more so dragging her along. As I turned to check on her I saw lights flickering behind us. They were chasing after us. I still remember the adrenaline that I felt for the first time, the sounds of the branches snapping as I stepped on them. The scent of smoke and the cold forest air as I breathed in very heavily. It took me a while to notice that Emery’s feet were bleeding. Her shoes weren’t meant for running.

I began to panic, lifting Emery up with all the strength a twelve year old could muster. I was good at swordplay, but I was physically weak. Never before had I run so fast in my life. I couldn’t feel my legs, but I didn’t care. I knew that if those men caught us, then it would be all over for us. I knew that if they caught Emery, they would do unthinkable things to her. Even in the confines of my room, I’ve read enough books and heard enough about bandits to know the end result. And so with whatever strength I had, I ran. For Emery.

I saw the lights getting close. My heart only beats faster but my legs swing slower. I came to a tumbling halt, I didn’t trip. I panted, my legs felt like they had been set on fire. I looked down at my feet, only to realize that my feet were bleeding. I had been running so hard I hadn’t noticed that my shoes had broken and that scratches covered my feet.

The voices grew louder, and by now I could clearly make out the shouting behind me.

“I want his daughter!”

“It’ll be fun to play around with her!”

It felt like someone had just grabbed my heart and clenched it as hard as they could.

Even now I could still remember how I continued running. I tried to twist and turn in an irregular pattern but they still followed. I could hear them. I could hear them saying what they would do if they got their hands on us.

I didn’t care what happened to me.

But please, not Emery.

Until my legs stopped working, until I could feel nothing in my lower body, I kept running to the very end.

The lights were very close now, and now I could see the figures moving under the guise of moonlight. Emery came over to me, trying to help me up. She said something but I couldn’t hear clearly. My ears were ringing as I realized what I had to do. I took out my sword, clenching it hard.

She was young. Happy. And there was nothing I wanted more than to see that smile on her face. Her fair hair and light skin matched her happy, energetic personality.

And I knew that if they got their hands on her they would ruin her. They would use her… and then toss her away. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let that happen.

My screwed up mind could only think of one thing to do then and there.

I looked at Emery. She was saying something, but I was too tired to register her voice in my head.

She could have been scared.

Perhaps she was telling me to run.

Maybe she was telling me that she loved me.

Yet I would never remember her last words.

Everything came back into focus at once. Emery’s voice, the footsteps and the laughter of the bandits behind me slowly cleared up.

“I’m sorry… I love you...” I whispered.

Never before had I spoken those words.

I raised the sword up and high just the way I had been taught to.

What I wanted was a single powerful and swift stroke.

My arms swung just like I had practiced before.

In all my life my arms had never felt so heavy.

The sword I wielded felt like I was holding the weight of the world.

As my sword sliced the air, I sliced human flesh for the first time.

And with that single stroke, I buried my last memory of Emery.

Blood gushed out of her neck as her head rolled across the empty air.

I had granted her a quick, painless death.

The first person I ever killed, was the person I cared for the most.

I remembered that moment when I lowered my sword.

For the first time in my life, raw emotions coursed through my head.

Most especially, a deep, unrefined rage.

That began to fuel an unquenchable hatred.

A foot stomped on my back, pushing me onto the ground. My sword slid out of my hand, diving deep straight into the ground below.

“He did it… he really did it...” I heard a voice behind me. It was deep and gruff.

“Screwed up kid… I guess the gods punished his father in more ways than one…” I heard another voice, not as deep as the previous one.

A hand grabbed the back of my head, shoving me deeper into the mud.

“She was a cute one… but now she’s dead,” one of them whispered into my ear, pulling me up.

My vision was blurry, but I held the sword in my arm. It was too heavy for me to swing properly but I did it anyway, blindly throwing it to whoever was in front of me. I could feel a warm fluid drip down the sword onto my arms as it came to a halt.

“This one’s lively.” I kept hearing voices.

“The captain wants him alive, he’s the noble’s son, from what I’ve heard.”

I screamed as I felt a large hand forcefully grab my arms and toss me to the ground again. My vision came back and now I saw the people I was dealing with. There were two of them in front of me.

“The noble’s son, eh?” the larger man of the two spoke.

“I guess we keep him around, for fun!” The other laughed.

“Serves him right, since his father’s death, he gets to inherit the misery and pain as well.”

I saw them raise my sword up and the hilt coming down onto my face before I lost consciousness.

* * *

When I came to, I was tied down in the garden of what used to be my home - at least what remained of it. The fires continued to burn as wooden pillars and supports crashed onto the ground. The entire mansion was on fire as well as some nearby trees. Our home was located further away from nearby villages so there were no other homes nearby. I looked around, seeing the bodies of my butlers and guards laying down on the ground. Next to me were several maids and other women that I didn’t recognize. They were shivering in fear.

There was a man looking down at me. The others were celebrating and shouting over the raging fire, but this one was more reserved than the others. Focused on me entirely, he walked over as he realized I had awoken.

“So… you’re Magnus,” he observed.

I looked at him, staring into his brown eyes.

“Huh, you aren’t what I expected… I was told that you would be a sheltered kid… someone that knew little about the outside world,” he leaned down, his scarred face coming down to meet mine. “You’ve certainly been a surprise… first you kill your own sister without hesitation.”

He paused.

“And now… even as your home burns, your sister’s blood is on your hands and everything you’ve known has turned to ashes, your eyes don’t show any fear, or care for that matter.”

He stood up, turning his back to me.

“Freak,” he spat out in disgust.

My memory of what happened afterwards was a little bit fuzzy. They took us back to their hideout, located in some forest. We went through a village right before we arrived at the cave. I was thrown into a small cage while the women were all taken to a different room. As far as I could tell I was the only other prisoner they took that wasn’t female.

I remembered the wailing and screaming of women clearly. The sensation as bugs crawled across the ground and up my skin. The pain through my entire body as the bruises began to colorize and the bleeding stopped.

I was alone in the room, but there was a guard outside the actual room. I could feel him glance around at me a few times, only for him to see that I just kept my head down. After a while, he stopped checking. Perhaps he thought that I had given up.

I thought about a lot of things that day. Luckily they didn’t tie me into the cage. I could still move about, even if it was only in the cage. My mind and body were still numb. I raised my arms, they were shaking. As I looked at my hands I saw only one thing. Emery’s face as my sword had decapitated her head off her shoulders. It played in my head, over and over again.

I bit my lip until I could taste blood

I mourned until the sun came up.

And that was thirteen years ago.