When the light became too bothersome for my eyelids to shut away, I found myself on top of Alijah's fluffy fur. It was a moment of déjà vu. We had spent two days like newlyweds on a camping trip. Even though we should have been resting after everything that had happened, we had barely done so.

Instead, we held each other whenever we could. This was the first time I woke up clothed while we were here. Though Alijah's fur was too comfy to let go, my tummy rumbled, giving me away. Noticing I was awake, he shifted back into his humanoid form.

I found myself on him.

"Morning," he smirked, caressing my cheek.

I felt nothing but embarrassment.

Stupid stomach...

Everything that had happened was surreal to me. Almost as if I were stuck in a dream and if I was, I did not want to wake up. All the marks I had done to him were gone by now. Well, they were gone hours after I made them. So was mine, much later, but they were gone.

"Morning," I mumbled.

He chuckled, tugging me into a kiss. I responded immediately. It was brief though as he pulled away, leaving me somewhat dazed where I was.

Is anything of this real? Or am I still dreaming back in Wyatt's bed? Or Am I dead? One of those things has to be it, right?

My body felt like it was not mine anymore. The warmth I felt after a simple kiss was unreal. Ever since Alijah ingested the drug felt like I had fallen into an illusion. One I could not wake up from. Nor did I want to, really.

"I am going to go hunt something for us. Stay here, okay?" my wolf announced.

I nodded in acknowledgement before he was gone. The past two days... were... something. After our moment in the lake, we held each other until the sun came out. We only stopped when we had to eat, or other necessities came to pass. I could barely believe everything that had happened.

Like I said... it felt surreal. Like if I was living a fantasy, which it was, but this was not my life. Every time Alijah left to get something for us, I could not help but wonder how I compared to her, or anyone else he held.

Am I good? Am I bad?

Probably horrible since this was the first time experiencing anything like this.

Ah... I’m such a mess inside, and not only that.

My jealousy of Lilith was growing with each taste I had of Alijah.

Why... couldn’t I have been born in his time? Would I have a chance for his heart then? Just how did he hold Lilith? Is it the same way he embraces me? No... probably more loving with more desire. Ah...

My heart was growing darker with each thought. My insecurities were beginning to eat me.

Hey... Alijah, can it be me? Can I win your heart in the end?

Every time I told him how I felt, he would kiss me. If it were to shut me up, or because of something else, I would not know. Or I would not allow myself to know. After all, once Lilith came, all this would end. There was no point in hoping to be his true love. He had already decided long ago who that was.

Perhaps... if I would have met him before he knew her. Maybe then I would have a shot. With my wolf gone, all the surrounding orbs appeared around me. Their comments tried to flood my already troubled mind. I had forgotten to place my headphones on. Most of them I could ignore, but no one... One... broke me.

'Ah... It’s so beautiful to love like this.' One of them commented.

IT caused me to feel a rage I had never felt before. Scorn…

Is that what it looked like? Like Alijah loves me?

No... he could not possibly love me. I might have been a rare plaything he found, but that was all I was to him. His love was someone else. Someone that was not me. No matter how many times I told him how I felt, or how many times he fucked me. All I was to him could not have been more than a doll to play with until she came along.

"He... isn’t in love with me. I’m just a warm body he can fuck." I snapped at all their comments of love.

I covered my ears with my hands, trying to hold back the tears. These moments of fantasy were all they would ever be. If I allowed myself to think otherwise, it would be stupid. I had to harden my heart somehow, but all Alijah did was melt it more each time I tried.

Was I doomed to feel agony when all was set and done? Could I ever let go of the feelings he filled me with each time his skin touched mine?

Ah… I’m going crazier with each moment that passes. Rem... the moment should be enough. Just store it somewhere safe, so when it was gone, you can relive it.

In that space, that was ours.

Ah... come to think of it.

I had not lucid dreamed with Alijah since he came into our time. My last dream like that with him was the day before he got here. Would I lose that too? The dreams where Alijah was mine? Tears fell down my cheeks when I noticed I was not ready for any of this.

Not that I would ever be. These emotions were being my downfall.

Why does it have to be a man who will never love me in return?

I thought this trip would make me hate him, but I loved him more with each day we passed together. Suddenly, I found myself in his arms. He had come back from his hunt to find me sobbing where he had left me.

"Rem, what's the matter?" Alijah worried.

His voice caused me instinctively to bury my face in his chest. I could not tell what a facade or reality was anymore. He truly sounded concerned about me, but it could all have been a performance. An act to lead me to remove the bond from him. All of this could have been a buff.

After all, the Alijah that Mom recounted was twisted by his hatred. There was no way this wolf would let go of it, just like that. Especially because of me, his most hated race. I was a Silver Fang, so he should have been full of hate towards me. Yet…

The words he told me that night felt real. But was that only because of the way I felt or something else?

Is he going to play me to his tune?

I did not know... but the only thing I knew was that I needed to get a grip. I needed to keep Alijah from knowing how I felt away from him, but that was too late. I told him I loved him. But… at least... I could keep my insecurities from him.

"They were overwhelming me." I lied about what caused my breakdown by placing the blame on the ghosts surrounding me.

Although it was partly true.

"What?" Alijah mumbled, confused, unable to see anything around us.

In response, I held onto him. I had forgotten that he could not see them unless it was through my magic. Behind him were a pair of dead pheasant he had hunted in the forest surrounding the lake. He was a better hunter than Dad, if I was honest.

"The ghosts I see," I mumbled, finding peace in his arms.

It was so warm. How I wished they would always be mine.

Be mine... Alijah.

My love was becoming more painful with each passing day. I wondered if this was how it would be until we met her. The one who would end it for me once and for all.

"Oh, okay... Well, I’m here. They don’t bother you while I’m around, right?" Alijah asked, pulling my face up towards him.

His fingers wiped away my tears, making sure I was okay. Everything he did seemed so genuine, yet I... could not believe it so. It would be foolish to be tricked by the wicked wolf. Though, I wanted to be made a fool.

"They’re almost mute while you’re here," I answered.

He smiled, pleased with that. It was such a gentle one, too.

Why Alijah... Why make me feel this way? When you will never respond in the same way, I want you to.

However, the wolf seemed unconvinced that was what was truly wrong. He gazed at me, pondering what could actually bother me.

"They were not as bad the past two days, though. Either way, stay close, and next time put your headphones on, okay?" Alijah pet my hair as if I were a small pup in his eyes.

Probably that was all I was to him. It hurt... so bad.

Will I have to give up the warmth he gave me? Of course, I’ll have to.

There was no way he felt the same way I did about him. It was ridiculous to think I could have him. I had to put up a front, though, or else he would notice. He was already suspicious.

"I completely forgot about them! I mean, you kind of fucked my brains out yesterday, Alijah-tan." I joked, forcing myself to smile.

He sighed in response, letting go of my face.

"Don't do that." Alijah shook his head, stepping away from me.

It left me dumbfounded by what he meant.

"What?" I mumbled, bewildered.

He picked up the birds from the floor.

"Don't force yourself to smile when you do not want to. It looks weird." Alijah clarified.

I stared at him, not knowing what to say. I could not tell if he was trying to be caring, or just the usual ass he was. Before I could say anything, though, he continued.

"I mean, if you want to cry, just do it. You don’t have to fake your emotions with me. I’ll also do the same with you, Rem." Alijah added, turning back to me slightly.

This wolf... I could not contain my emotions again.

How... just how does he know how I feel?

"Alijah-tan, can you read minds?" I gasped, trying to hold on to my tears.

I could not understand what this meant. Or I did not let myself better said. It was something I could not allow because if I read into it. I... would be helpless.

Just how long have you been watching me notice that? From the first night? No... No... Rem... do not become a fool.

He would never care for me the way I wanted. And even if he did, it would be a fleeting moment. Though could I live with that? With a fleeting moment, like it was for aunty Amelia?

"What? No, if I could, you wouldn’t be puzzling, Rem. And stop calling me that!" Alijah rolled his eyes, shaking his head again.

For a moment, there was silence, but he quickly broke it.

"I wish I could read that little mind of yours, though," Alijah added, chuckling, finding what I had said silly.

When I saw that genuine smile on his lips, I could not hold myself back. The false hope that he would care for me rushed through my head. Before I realized it, I had his shirt in my fists, pulling myself up to meet with his lips.

My tongue roamed his lips, causing him to drop the birds onto the ground again. He opened his mouth to let me in. I could only play with him for a bit. Sadly, he pulled away soon after. His eyes were bright red.

"Rem... aren't you hungry?" Alijah asked, licking his lower lip.

I pulled him into another lighter kiss. This time, I nibbled gently on his lower lip, causing him to breathe heavily because of it. He was holding himself back. Was it because of my grumbling tummy? Or was it something else? He probably did not desire to hold me anymore, but I wanted him.

"What if I choose to eat you first?" I asked, trying to hold back a bit, but I did not want to.

It hurt to try after hearing that come from Alijah. Even if it was a lie. It was a false I wanted to believe. A facade that he had been watching me close enough to know when I laughed and smiled genuinely.

My wolf, upon hearing my intention, bit onto his lip before pulling me into a kiss, which I returned happily. For a few moments, our tongues intertwined before he tugged away, lapping my lip. He held my head in place. I wanted more. Much more. If only he did not hold me back!

The tease of having him so close, I could barely understand reason anymore.

"I don’t want you to faint from not eating. So, I’ll give you plenty of me to eat after I prepare the birds and place them on the fire. Does that sound good?" Alijah smirked.

I nodded.

Fuck, he really knows how to play me to his tune. Utterly helpless.

"Okay..." I mumbled, triggering another smile to come to Alijah's lips.

"Adorable..." Alijah mumbled too, pulling away from me once again.

I could not help but grip my chest, feeling a bit rejected. Before I knew it, he sighed, grumbling a bit before turning back to me.

"Don't just stand there. Come help me and it’ll go way faster. I mean, unless..." He tried to tease me only for me to stop him in his tracks.

"I’ll help!" I growled at Alijah for trying to tease me.

He chuckled in response to me, enjoying himself, like always. Before I fell off the roof, Dad had taught me to prepare different prey. Though, I rarely was the one doing the skinning. My brothers and dad would be the ones who usually did it.

My inexperience quickly showed. It caused Alijah to get closer to inspect my plucking technique. I was exponentially slower than him.

"You really suck at that," he pointed out.

I glared at him in return for his comment. His expression was so gentle, though. I could say nothing back.

"Just mimic what I’m doing. I’ll show you how to descale fishes and skin animals too later." He added with a small chuckle.

I nodded, feeling excited about him teaching me. My tail wagged a bit. I could not stop myself from doing so.

Right now… do we look like a couple?

A smile grew on my lips, only to cause him to scold me a bit.

"Oi, concentrate or you can hurt yourself without wanting to." He huffed, rolling his eyes.

I sighed, plucking a feather off the bird. It was not long before I fell behind once again. Alijah was much better at it than I was. When he finished, I was not even halfway done with mine. But instead of hurrying me up, he kept giving me tips on how to do it right.

Usually, people would scald the bird to make it easier to pluck, but we did not have the resource to do that. Alijah, though, was used to doing it without hot water. This entire experience made me admire my wolf even more. He was a hunter at heart. Again, I was getting ahead of myself with useless thoughts.

The way he was speaking to me made me wonder if he had taught anyone else before. If he had done something like this with Lilith, too.

Why can’t I separate them?

It was not long, though, until the negative thoughts invaded my mind. I was always so self-centered that I... did not realize. Maybe he was using this as an excuse to not embrace me. When the last feather came off, Alijah stood up from where he, heading to grab a knife from his bag.

I could not hold these negative things within me. After all, if my wolf did not want to do those things with me, he did not have to. Perhaps I had been too forceful with my confession. He was relieving himself from the drug when I did that.

Just because he loved to tease me did not mean he wanted to do those things with me. At least... romantically like I was pushing it to be.

Shit… I’m just like every other girl he met. Selfish… Ugly in the heart…

"Alijah... does doing those things with me bother you at all?" I asked, hoping he would be truthful with me.

After all, the last thing I wanted was to make him uncomfortable. And he had a big past with sexual abuse. I never wanted to resemble any of the people that came before me. Though this question was a little late after everything that had happened. I... should have asked that sooner.

Perhaps he was forcing himself to bend me to his will. Even so, I could barely bear that thought.

"What? You mean the sex?" Alijah asked, walking back towards me with the knife in his hand.

"Yes," I answered, hoping he would crush my feelings.

If he did, it would free me from everything, yet... Instead, he...

"No, Rem. I’m not bothered by it. If anything, I... am growing fond of holding you every night." Alijah smirked at me, sitting beside me again.

I frowned, not being able to tell if this wolf that was holding my heart in his hands was being truthful or not. He had always been straightforward, though, but I could not believe his words. Not after the past, he had.

"Are you lying?" I asked, glancing away from him and back into the featherless bird in my hands.

He sighed in response.

"I don’t lie, Rem. I actually think I’m lacking a filter in most cases." Alijah chuckled, biting onto his lip before leaning closer to me.

"No man would ever think being with you is a curse. Though, you hold me on a tight leash." He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine in anticipation of his touch.

Is it really okay for me to want him?

"I see. Maybe I should shorten it more." I grumbled, annoyed by his tease.

He licked my neck in response to my words.

"Let’s finish this and I’ll show you how short it already is." Alijah teased again.

I gazed at him with hopeful eyes, only for him to respond with a light kiss on my lips. Separating right away, he bit his lip again. It was almost as if he wanted to ask me something but held back. Instead, he grabbed the bird from my hands, preparing them for the fire.

In a matter of minutes, he prepared one bird while helping me with the other one. Once they were ready, we placed them near the fire to cook before we washed our hands in the lake. After cleaning my hands, Alijah sat down by the edge of the water.

Peering onto the horizon, he pondered his next words. All I could do was gaze at him as he slowly turned to meet my eyes.

"Rem, why did you say you loved me?" he asked, catching me off guard.

That must have been what he wanted to ask me before preparing the birds. And even though I wanted to take it back. The fact I told him so many times how I felt would not let me. I could not run away from him anymore. Not after telling him over and over as he held me close and...

"Because I do." I smiled, shaking my hands in the air, trying to dry them.

Alijah gazed at me, unable to understand how I could ever love him. No... My poor wolf could not comprehend how anyone could ever adore who he truly was. That was something so foreign to him he could not fully grasp it. At least, the way I showed it to him. That was something he could not seem to get a hold of.

"You’ve only known me for a short time, though. How can you say that to me?" Alijah asked again, confused.

I sat down next to him, scooching towards him a bit. Now it was my turn to be truthful with him. Even though I wanted to hide and tell him to forget about it. It would have been easier if I had done that.

Yet there was no going back after telling him so honestly the previous nights.

"That’s not true. I feel like I’ve known you for a long time." I confessed, remembering every dream I had with him before that fateful day in the lake.

Every moment we spent together in that space was our escape. Well, at least mine.

"Because of what Lilith told you?" Alijah's query continued.

I shook my head slightly, giggling a bit, remembering my first dream of him. He was not as rough as he was on the day of the lake, but he was utterly cold to me. A total grump. I had a fight with my mother about wanting to go to school that day, when I stumbled into her crafts room and found his picture.

Even though I still did not know fully who he was, I dreamt about him. At that point, I did not even know his name, and I was fifteen. He was the biggest grumpy person I had ever met, though. And was not much different from how he was in the present.

Even so, Alijah's beauty stunned me. I remember throwing the first thing that I found at him because he pissed me off. In response to my aggression, the grump growled at me loudly. Perhaps he did not get violent because I was a kid back then. Come to think of it, most of my naughty dreams began after I was seventeen.

Before then, they were so innocent. We mostly talked about things and explored the world we created that night. I think I was the one who started the intimacy, too. Much like I did in our reality in the cave. I was lucid dreaming during those moments, allowing me to remember everything we said and did together.

Most of my dreams started in this empty white space where he would appear a few seconds later, transforming into a new place. In my dream, I never asked for his name, nor did he ask for mine. We accompanied each other through it all. And I guess I also saw things I probably invented.

Even in the most passionate dreams, I never said his name. I think we only ever used code names for each other. Alijah called me a dove, while I called him a grumpy old wolf, but it quickly changed to wolf after my seventeenth birthday. It was an escape for me.

Though, the reason I kept it like that was because of the moment I found out Alijah's name. I knew he was not meant for me. So, at least in my dreams, he would be mine. A silly thought now that I had stopped having them. Instead, I had the real thing next to me.

Ah... I am a weird one.

He would probably freak out the moment he knew everything. Probably the biggest creep he had ever met. I was a stalker. An obsessed girl. All I wanted was his happiness, though. At all costs.

"No, but you wouldn’t understand and probably end up thinking I’m creepy." I bit into my bottom lip, glancing at him.

He tilted his head, confused on why I would say that.

"I’m sorry to tell you, but you’ve been the weirdest person I’ve ever met. I mean, you even talk to ghosts. So, doesn't that make you already a creep?" Alijah teased me.

I grumbled a bit. Of course, he would say that. He has always been like this, even in my dreams. Though he turned too gentle in the end. He also never spoke of killing anyone while in them. It was just me and him. He mentioned how he wished the world to end, which I guess was in its way the same thing.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

"You are a jerk, but not that I mind it much," I mumbled.

Alijah chuckled in response to my slight annoyance. He really enjoyed trying to trigger me, but it was playful. He was nothing else. There was not a scary bone in this man if one got to know him. Everything he had experienced broke him. I guess I was getting my question out, after all.

"Alijah... did you ever dream when you were stuck in that prison?" I asked, catching him off guard as well.

For a moment, my wolf glanced at me, confused on why I would ask that, but time flowed differently there. So, deep down, it had made me believe that maybe my dreams were really with him. Like when he had connected with Mom all those years ago.

A silly hope I had. It was all it would be, or so I hoped. While I awaited my answer, my heart sped up. I felt like I was crumbling.

"I can’t say that I dreamt when I was there," Alijah answered, after pondering about it for a while.

His answer hurt me more than it should have. It almost felt like if someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I was delusional and a complete mess. We were not fated at all. I tried to hold back my tears while I faced him, but before I could say anything.

Alijah smiled gently, remembering something.

"Ah... But I had these moments when I zoned out, I guess." He added, catching my attention.

Oh... how cruel hope was.

"Moments?" I mumbled, clinging to that like I never thought I would.

It was like grasping at straws, something that I knew would only end in disappointment. Yet I wanted those moments that I spent with him to be real. For all the years I spent dreaming with him, imprinted into his heart.

"Yeah, like daydreams," he clarified.

I tried to shut myself down. This had to stop. Better now than later. This hope was poisonous to me.

"About your Lilith?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.

Alijah gazed out at the lake and shook his head slightly.

"I don’t know," he answered.

It left me with nothing to help me kill these emotions that were overwhelming me. He would not leave me like that for long, though. No... he would...

"Though I was happy after having them. Usually, whenever I thought about Lilith, I was angrier than usual. But in those moments, I felt like I was at peace. Anyway, you are changing the topic." Alijah added, turning to me, filling my heart with hope.

A dangerous hope. Why was he so ambiguous about it?

Just crush me. Please.. Don’t fill me up with this…

"So... you did not daydream about Lilith at all?" I tried to pry deeper, unable to hold on to my sanity for much longer.

I loved him... more than this world itself, and it was spilling out of me again. Why could I not hold back, even though I knew I would never be number one in his life? Though the dreams that plagued me were too present in my mind.

"No, I think it was a girl, but I could never remember her face after the dreams ended. I thought it was your mother at first, but her face never got clearer, even though I met her. Why are you asking me this instead of answering my question?" Alijah answered, being rather direct.

He was not hiding anything from me. Yet could I believe him?

"I..." I tried to start, only to lose my voice when he grabbed my chin.

His eyes were too enticing for me. He filled my heart with a hope that I never thought I could allow myself to feel.

I... am not delusional? Could that have been me? Somehow, against all odds… Could that have been me!?

"The way you are looking at me is triggering me, Rem," Alijah smirked, leaning to kiss me.

I finally burst open before he could fully reach to seal my lips.

"I used to have dreams about you every day!" I suddenly declared, stopping him right in his tracks.

He chuckled, unable to stop himself. I had become something precious to him.

"You are so random." Alijah continued to crackle.

I growled, grabbing onto his cheeks, stopping his laughter in its tracks.

"It’s not random! When I was younger, I saw my mom's drawing of you, and it triggered something in me. Then after that, I dreamed about you every night! And you aren't different from my dreams!" I ranted.

Alijah pulled me towards him, making me land on his lap. My hands barely held me up on his shoulders.

"You mean you had nightmares about a man set on destroying the world?" His previous warmth seemed to have dissipated.

His eyes were a little cold. He refused to believe in my fairy tale. I would not allow him to misunderstand me, though. It was okay if he thought I was delusional. But at least I would show him all my heart could give him.

Until… the time came that he would decide between me and his true love.

"No... I mean... At first, you were a cold grump, but each night I dreamt of you, I melted your heart. And then I..." I stopped for a moment to gaze up at Alijah's face.

His cheeks seemed to have gone a light pink, making me flustered as well. His expression was one of astonishment. Had I said something weird? Though... It was also rather cute. I wanted him to respond to me like that always.

All the coldness from before had vanished from his eyes, as his expression only showed something. I would not allow myself to hope, but...

Don’t stop now, Rem... keep melting his heart.

"None of that matters. I fell in love with you again the moment I first saw you at the howling forest." I confessed, knowing it would only bring me agony in the end.

Nothing good would come from him knowing all of this, yet I wanted him to know.

Why can’t I hold back? Oh… that’s right… because I want to shower him with all the affection I have.

"Even though I tried to kill you?" Alijah tried to push back, unable to believe me fully.

Not that I blamed him. After everything, he went through. Just how many people told him those words before hurting him, but I would never allow myself to do so. At least... I never wanted to upset him intentionally.

All I desired was his happiness. Pulling myself up, I kissed his forehead. He tugged away to meet with my eyes.

"You didn’t try to kill me. If you did, I would have been dead." I pointed out, knowing full well this man would not hurt me.

Alijah released a nervous chuckle, knowing that was true. He had hesitated, and that gave me the chance to counter him.

"Why didn’t you kill me that night?" I asked, hoping he would say that he felt the same as I had that night.

That lightning had struck him, making him realize I was the love of his life. A dream that would never come true, yet I desired it so much. To be loved by this man. To be more than just a fuck. I waited patiently for his answer.

"I... I don't know." Alijah answered.

I tried to hold my disappointment in check. That would be a dream I never would have. His answer made my heart feel like it was about to shatter into a million pieces. It would not be long before the tears would rush through. I had to stop them.

All of this was me. It was wrong of me to push my emotions into him like I was doing. I tried to pull myself away, only for him to hold me in place. Did he want me to address it further? Why could he not just reject me and be done with it? Was it because of the bond? Or something...

No... that would never be it. It probably was because of what he had said earlier. A simple fuck was all that awaited me. Yet I could not reject it. His touch was addicting, and I wanted more. Well, while I could have it.

"If my feelings for you… bother you. I’m sorry." I apologized.

My words triggered Alijah to grab me by my chin again, forcing me to gaze at him. I was about to break. Was it noticeable? Tears were stinging my eyes, too. I did not want them to fall.

"They don’t bother me, Rem. I just can't understand them." Alijah announced, making sure I was facing him.

His eyes seemed confused and battered. He was tired of trying to fight off the emotions I was trying to show him since I met him. It scared him to know someone like me existed in the world. Before I knew it, he went to pull me for a kiss, only for me to push away from him.

There was something I needed to ask him before the simple unemotional fucking began. Something that needed to be said before anything else. Or else I would break under the pressure. My shoulders already felt so heavy.

"Then... can I continue loving you?" I asked,

My question triggered Alijah to appear flustered, not knowing how to answer me.

"I can't choose that for you," Alijah answered, cheeks fully red.

That would be another memory that I would engrave into my mind. Even though I knew it would end in agony, I could not stop myself. I needed to know if it was okay.

"Can I love you, Alijah?" I asked again, placing my arms around his neck, slowly getting closer to his lips.

Can I try to own your heart? Just to try... I would love that. Please… don’t break me.

"I want you to," he whispered.

A second later, my lips touched his lightly. I had to stop worrying about what was coming and enjoy the moment. If the time came when he told me to leave, then I would. So, in the meantime, I would stop hesitating and live in this dream.

Perhaps I would never wake up from it. Maybe I died when that Shadow beast was coming towards us. I pulled away slightly, smiling. In response, he grabbed me by my head, wanting to pull me into a deeper one, but I did not allow him.

"Then... I’ll shower you with it until you are fed up," I promised.

Alijah growled at my words before pulling me into a much deeper kiss than all the others before it. His tongue caressed mine, allowing me to unbutton his shirt. I had to burn everything into memory. So, when it vanished, I could always visit it in my dreams.

Dreams that I wished would return when he was no longer on my side. The moment he was free from his shirt, my hands roamed his chest. His hands remained firm on my hips. They almost seemed hesitant to move.

Pulling away from his chest, I grabbed onto his hands when he tugged away from the kiss for air.

"You don’t want to touch me?" I asked, a bit out of breath, dragging one of Alijah's hands from my hips to my breast over my shirt.

It fit perfectly in the palm of his hand, not that his hands were small like my bosom. Instinctively, he squeezed it gently, sending shivers down my spine, shaking his head a bit.

"Can I do that?" Alijah asked.

In response, I gazed at him, confused, as something ominous built inside of me. The meaning behind every time he asked me if he could do it.

"After everything we have done. Why do you even ask that, Alijah?" I questioned, feeling something was off.

He bit his lip in response. It was almost as if I brought up a memory, and it was not a happy one. Was it from his abuse or something else?

"A habit, sorry." Alijah apologized, gazing away from me.

I grabbed onto his cheeks, huffing myself up. That was unacceptable.

"No... never apologize. Alijah, you don’t have to ask to touch or fuck me. I’m yours to do what you want with." I assured, not thinking before my words left me.

Though, I never did. He looked at me like I was something out of this world again. Was it really that weird?

“Rem, don’t say that,” he mumbled my name, not knowing how to respond to my declaration.

I doubled down on it.

"No, it’s true! You don’t need my permission because I always want to be held by you. Even if it is painful." I reassured him, placing his hand on my cheek.

He did not agree with what came out of me, but his eyes seemed tender towards me.

"Rem, I won’t hurt you like I did when I..." Alijah tried to argue with me.

I had been honest with him about my emotions. There was no holding them back anymore.

"I don’t care if you make me bleed. Just hold me tightly, please!" I simpered, holding back words that would be binding.

And never let me go.

Words I wanted to spew out but could never say to him. I would never make Alijah choose me. The moment those words left my lips, he clashed with mine. His hands found their way to my breast, triggering me to shiver. Pulling away from my lips, he gently pinched my nobs in between his fingers.

A yelp released from my lips while my hands grabbed onto his arms.

"That’s the only type of pain you’ll ever feel from me," Alijah smirked, leaving me somewhat dazed.

All his expressions and moments. I wanted to burn them into my mind.

"Okay," I whispered.

In response, Alijah kissed me again before slowly finding his way through my clothes and into my depths. First with his fingers. The way he pumped them into me caused me to mewl. His lips were sealed on one of my nipples, allowing me to trail my hands through his hair.

“I love you,” I professed.

A second later, my lips were stolen by his. A feverous make-out followed it. Tangoing with his tongue, I undid his pants. Pulling away his fingers from my depths, it was not long until I felt his heat press against it.

A sharp whine left my lips when he shoved himself into me. Compared to the previous days, there was no slight discomfort. This meant all I felt was pleasure as he rammed himself into me.

“Rem, by the gods, you are addicting as fuck.” He huffed, moving at his usual rhythm.

Unable to keep to myself, I licked his lips. Of course, his tongue met with mine soon after. His words filled me with hope, as all I felt in this moment was bliss. Even though he was rough, the way he caressed my walls was tender. He always made sure; I was lubricated enough. Unlike the first time…

Grabbing onto his hair, I indulged in his kisses that drowned much of my mewls. The soft grass under me did not hurt my back. This allowed him to make a mess of me without having to worry about hurting me. In turn, all I felt was pure pleasure throbbing within me.

Yet, this happiness was not mine to have. It was making me feel like I was in the clouds. Alijah was accepting my feelings. And that made me feel in bliss. My hips bucked on their own, causing my wolf to grasp on my bum for better support.

Pulling away from my lips, a saliva string connected us, as some of it dripped from my lips and his. A knot had formed in my belly, too. This showed I was close.

“Alijah, I… I feel…” I mewled.

“I know, you are clenching on me so tightly.” He smirked, enjoying the feeling of being in me.

“Am I good?” I panted for air, hoping he felt the same as me.

“What a useless thought.” He shoved himself into me, causing me to whine.

Fixing his hair, sweat dripped from him and onto me.

“You are the best I have ever had.” He licked his lips with a soft smile on them.

His answer caused my heart to race. It almost seemed like I could see doubles. My vision blurred a bit as a moan left his lips.

“Fuck, don’t get tighter, I can barely…” he trailed off, thrusting himself into me.

It only took a few more times before his movements became sluggish. From all the times he had held me, I knew he was about to… Unable to help myself; I pulled myself to kiss him. His grip on my bum grew tighter when he suddenly thrust himself into me.

It felt like he filled me to the brim before moaning, releasing himself into me. The sound he made triggered me to deepen our connection, unable to hold myself back. He replied in kind, too. My peak soon followed his as my mind when white.

My body trembled under him, causing a soft chuckle to leave his lips. Kissing me again, he got back to his previous rhythm. This led to multiple releases coming from me, while he only had one. Not that he minded. Though, when he reached his peak the second time, he ground himself into me.

It triggered me to find my release for the fifth time since we began. It was almost unfair. Though all I could do was pant for air as my body trembled in pleasure. Cupping onto my cheek, he asked me if I was okay.

I slowly nodded before he turned to inspect the flame behind us.

"Food will be ready soon," Alijah announced, shifting his gaze back to me before lightly kissing my lips.

He trailed down to my neck when I felt his tongue, and fangs gently pressed against it. A second later, he pulled away.

"Let’s get dressed to eat. Unless you still want more of me?" Alijah chuckled, thinking I would skittishly run away.

I suddenly tugged him back into a kiss. Pulling away from him slightly, I nibbled on his bottom lip. My unsuspected action caused him to chuckle nervously.

"I could never have enough of you." I tried to tempt.

Alijah pressed my forehead against his. Before brushing his lips against mine, pulling away again.

"Well, it’s good we have all the time in the world for you to have your fill of me," he smiled.

I felt a sting in my chest snapping me out of the bliss I found myself in. Those words were probably empty, yet I could not help but feel hopeful. After a few more sweet moments, he pulled away and fixed his pants. I grabbed onto my clothes and placed them on.

Though it was not long until I found my way next to Alijah, eating my fill of the meal he had brought. Even though I had enjoyed the time I had with him, it plagued my mind about the day when he would leave.

Every time those thoughts tried to invade me, I would try to push them away by either indulging myself in Alijah or sticking close to him. Once we were done eating, I helped brush Alijah's long hair before braiding it again.

My heart stung when I used the same cloth he always used to hold it together. Part of me wanted to ask if Lilith had given it to him, but the answer to that alone scared me. After all, what would I do if she had given it to him? Could I make him throw it away or replace it?

No... it did not concern me if he wanted to wear something to remember her by. Even though the jealously growing within me wanted it gone. I held back every negative thought. When I finished, I pulled away from him only for him to catch me, and in one tug, I found myself on his lap.

"Where do you think you are going?" Alijah asked, holding me close.

I became somewhat flustered. I never expected him to pull me so suddenly into his arms like that.

"I was going to put the brush away," I answered, trying to hide my emotions from showing too much.

Alijah picked up my hair in his hands, licking the back of my neck. It sent shivers down my spine.

"Why? Don't you want me to brush yours?" he asked, grabbing onto one of my breasts.

His other one held me in place so I could not run away. I had opened the gateway to endless teases when I said to him he could touch me however he wanted. Not that I minded it.

"You... want to do that?" I mumbled, trying to keep my cool.

Alijah smiled, nodding his head. He being bold, and I kind of liked it.

"Why wouldn't I?" he questioned, grabbing the brush off my hands.

At least he was not asking anymore. It made me happy; he listened to me. Though... he usually teased without asking, either. Now I did not know when he was serious or not.

Ah... a fortunate mistake, though.

"Okay," I nodded slightly.

Alijah detangled my slightly matted hair. I had barely taken care of it this whole time. It brought me back to when he first found out who I was a few days ago. He probably thought I was some crazy bitch with everything I had told him. And I kind of was one.

Nothing like how his Lilith was though. I had no chance to win his heart. There, I sat silently, allowing him to brush my hair. I never knew he could be so gentle with me. Before I knew it, he tied my hair up with something.

“Hah... it actually works like the lady said it would,” he chuckled.

I reached for my tied hair, only to feel a scrunchy with what felt like a flower made of cloth on it. Confused, I gazed at Alijah, who smiled in return, happy with what he had done. A man who had killed many had done a girl's hair like nothing.

His expression was also… so gentle.

"It’s a miracle how it survived that fight in my pocket, though. I saw it when I went to get your bag from the cave." He traced his hand on my cheek.

How... could the cold Alijah warm my heart in ways that I thought were not possible. Back when we were in the first town, he would not talk to anyone unless they addressed directly to him. But somehow, he bought something by himself.

Something that was not even for himself either. My heart was conquered long ago.

"It’s a black scrunchy, with a white gardenia on it. It’s made from fabric, though.” He coughed a bit, trying to push through the emotions that were swelling.

“The lady was trying to sell it to me so hard. Telling me how girls loved it, but all I cared about was if you would like it. It suits you. Pure, little Rem." Alijah described what he had gotten for me, cheeks rosy.

I found myself with the biggest smile planted on my face. Something reminded him of me, and it filled me with joy. A delight I thought I could never hold on to. I did not think or listen well to the last part, though.

He had lost me in the first half of it.

"I love it. I’ll cherish it." I beamed, happily hugging Alijah.

My love for him was eternal. There was no way I would ever hate him, even when he was tired of me. That was a hope I would have to let go of. Every day, he would suck me into this love even worse. I knew that much.

I’m doomed.

My dreams were nothing compared to the real thing in front of me.

How will I ever let him go if he keeps doing things like this? Ah... yes, for his happiness. For his happiness, I’ll do anything. Even letting him go.

"Ah... you don’t have to go that far. It’s just an accessory. Plus, your hair was impeding everything." Alijah mumbled, unable to understand why I was so happy over such a trivial thing.

Though his cheeks were pink, and his expression was adorable. My wolf was embarrassed, and I enjoyed that moment to the fullest.

"It’s more than just that," I assured him.

He tilted his head again. Unable to let go of the happiness that was surging within me. I grabbed onto the hand that was still on my cheek. I never wanted to let go of this warmth. This warmth was my escape. My love. My everything.

"I love you, Alijah." I simpered, feeling happy with these moments.

I did not know what my expression was, but he yanked me into a kiss that led to much more.

Hey Alijah, gardenias have the meaning of purity and gentleness. Did you know that when you picked it out for me? Doubtful.

If he had known the meaning of the flower, he would have probably picked something else. There was not a pure or gentle bone in my body. The only reason I knew the meaning of the flower was because of Vera's friends and their stupid gossip. It was more of an elven tradition than for Lycans, though.

No, for the wolves. All that mattered was the blood moon and its glorious powers. After another moment of passion, my hair again was ruined, as well as Alijah's. We laid on the ground surrounded by stars in the sky. That same night, we also took a dip in the lake before returning into each other's arms.

His present had become a bracelet while we fucked. That was the last memory we had in the bioluminescent lake before we took our leave. Even though it was sad to say goodbye to the beauty that was right in front of us, there were many more wondrous places to visit on our journey.

Plus, taking another day here would have put us dangerously close to being found by Aiden and Caden, who were surely not far behind us. Thankfully, Alijah's speed had placed us days away from them. The elven nation was also big enough to hide us for years if no one saw us or got our scent.

That alone was hard to track thanks to the windy winds that Azear was known for. In the next village, we found ourselves in; I bought another costume to hide from all the wanted papers that were spread around every town.

Luckily, it was Alijah's picture that my mother had drawn, allowing me to sneak mostly undetected. I guess my family did not want people to know that their daughter was missing. I mean, if they caught me, they surely would try to ransom me to the highest bidder.

Even so, I had to do something about my hair. So, to remedy that I bought another wig along with some shoes and new clothes for us to wear. The people at the shop looked at me like I was crazy, but luckily, no one called the authorities. I was paying for the stuff in the end.

How did I get all this money? Easy... I kind of stole it from the safe from the manor when everyone left me behind to go on their hunt for Alijah. But in my defense, they would not allow me to work, so I had no choice. I wanted to go on this journey, and nothing in this world was free.

Plus, it was not like it mattered. The Silver Fang family was the most powerful one in the world. My chunk of cash did not affect them at all. Though it brought a target on my back if anyone found out who I was. I did not want another raiders incident. Or Wyatt…

After buying all the things I needed, I scurried my way to where I had left my wolf near the village's edge. Like always, he was keeping to himself, watching people passed. Once he noticed me, we headed to the nearest inn.

I always had to do all the talking, while the grump stood next to me, trying to not gather much attention. Luckily, ocean elves, being as free-spirited as always, did not care to look at him closely. After finally making it to the room, our night of passion started in the bathroom before finishing in bed.

After sleeping on Alijah for three days straight, the bed felt comfortable, but not as warm as he was. If I could, I would make him my permanent bed, but unlike me, he had slept on the ground. So, the bed must have been a blessing, though he did not let go of me the whole night.

So, in the end, I slept surrounded by his warmth. The next morning, we spent the day eating at different places. Or, as Alijah liked to say, I was stuffing him with random things. Foods he had never eaten or experienced before, though. We spent months like this. Traveling and spending each night in each other's arms.

It felt like we were on a honeymoon trip around the world. At one point, I forgot why I was doing this. His affection had drowned my senses, as I mewled under him always. With each passing day, Alijah seemed to have a lighter air surrounding him, too.

It made me forget how dangerous he was. Though I never allowed myself to let go of his leash. Somewhere in the moments of happiness, I kept that up. Though my wolf never asked to hurt anyone else during these months that we traveled.

We had decided to not spend much time in Azear due to how hot it would be for us to stay. So, we left the day right after our passionate night in the inn. Of course, we avoided airships like the plague, but with Alijah’s speed, there was no need for them. And big cities were a big no if we wanted to stay away from Cerberus.

So, we went to rural areas rather than densely populated ones. From a forest full of crystal butterflies and caves full of wonder in Niamoor, to the raging lava rivers and volcanos in Zent. Niamoor was the earth elven continent, who housed one of the prettiest forests I had ever seen.

Butterflies, fairies, and even translucent dears made up their flora. I had never seen a fairy be so angry before. Even the stupid videos from forums never showed them like this. They were like glowing little fireflies, but their shimmer was long-lasting. And its various colors.

Sadly, they did not speak our language. In fact, they did not speak at all. We had stumbled upon them by mistake when we got out of the forest. It was a small flock of them, though they were not happy to see us. Usually, intruders were not good for their flowers.

And without them, they could not live. This was the main reason they could only be found in elven lands. Every other race was too destructive for them to live in peace. Their small nature caused Alijah to keep away from them, too. It was enjoyable to see him skittish around them.

To be truthful, though, he thought they were too beautiful to mess with. The flowers in Niamoor also had varieties I had never seen. Most of them glowed through the night, too. The elves were kind people, unlike the ocean elves we met.

I never expected them to be so welcoming, but they also seemed in tune with the surrounding ecosystems. It was also amazing to see them grow vegetables with their magic. The food there was also amazing!

Though our trip through the Nature elves lands culminated with me asking Alijah to dance with me. It was at one of their festivities. Apparently, it would help grow more fruits and grain if everyone cooperated. The moment I asked him, his eyes widened at me like I was crazy.

He did not know how to dance, but I insisted. It ended up with him giving into me. Luckily, he was smiling the entire time, and none cared. He did not know how to dance. Many of them knew neither. Though I led him through most of it.

This happened in the couple of months we spent in Niamoor. Though, a month into our journey, Alijah stopped braiding his hair. Instead, he tied it back like he loved to do to mine. Though he still used that same cloth he always had. His eyes seemed to have gotten gentler, too.

Thankfully, after Wyatt, I was a bit more careful about whom to trust. An important lesson to learn. After all, I had to keep us safe without having to do crazy things. Luckily, we met a lot of pleasant people who fed us and gave us places to visit.

After having our fill of Niamoor, we went to Zent, blaze elf nation. We traveled through mountains and saw drakes in our path through the continent. Though, our latest venture to the lava rivers almost ended with my face planting it into the molten ground below.

If it had not been for Alijah being close to me to catch me by my shirt, I would have been explosive material. Literally. Though it was my fault for not listening to the safety protocols of the boat. I had gotten an earful from my wolf and every member on the boat that night.

Though as Alijah put it, “She’s too stupid to understand the danger of falling into fucking lava.”

I honestly could not argue with him about that. After all, I was in a place I should not have been. And what was worse, I did not care for the heat that I felt either. Though it had been extremely hot.

I should have stayed closer to the barrier set by the elves, but it was also the best place to see the blue lava. I always did brainless things, which was why Alijah was always so vigilant. It was almost as if I had tunnel vision, focusing on one thing while forgetting the impending doom that could be of consequence.

Though when we got back to our room in an inn, Alijah's body trembled. If it was in anger or something else, I tried to not think too deeply into it. Instead, I reassured him I was still alive. That night, he held me ever so closely that the next morning came before I realized it.

It would be exactly six months of feeling bliss before my happiness came crashing down. All because of a rumor that was being spread around by the dead. One tailored to me alone. My wolf had stepped out to shower while I waited for him to come back.

We were in a hot spring inn in Zent, near a volcano. I had planned to have a romantic moment with him in the personal spring our room had. I had already washed my body, while he was a couple of meters away, doing the same. But it was enough of a distance for me to hear a couple of ghosts nearby.

'Hey, have you heard? Witches are trying to summon someone back from the dead.' A ghost gossiped, catching my full attention.

My time was running out. The bliss was ending. I... even though I wanted to ignore it. All I had to do was disregard it, but I had promised him I would bring her to him. I also needed to be freed from the curse that the witch had done.

I mean, it could have been anyone trying to do a fail resurrection incantation, but for the dead to feel it all the way here. They had to be powerful, and it was our only lead. I planned for them to come to find us, but it seemed we had to go to them instead.

'They have been trying for months now, no?' Another ghost commented.

I stood up from where I was, heading closer to them.

'Yes, they have been. Honestly, it’s disturbing all of us. The dead should always stay dead.' The first ghost continued to chatter.

I could not agree more, but she had to come back for him. She was his happiness, after all, I... Six months could not compare to the six thousand years he spent in love with her.

'Kind of like what happened all those years ago. Fifteen years ago, now isn't it?' The ghost mumbled.

I stopped for a moment before throwing my concerns on that matter aside. That would be something that would haunt me.

'Yes, I fear evil is brewing again.' They continued to converse, unaware I stood behind them.

"I need you to tell me where you sense that." I kicked myself into their conversation as other orbs appeared around me.

I was away from Alijah's field of energy. It was almost as if I had opened a lid of jars full of emotions, trying to hold mine in check. After all, I promised him I would take him to Lilith. And even if it killed me, I would not break it. He deserved a choice, even if it was not me.

All of them complained about it to me. Although most of the information was irrelevant, each of them pointed towards a place I wanted to avoid. Allora, the continent of moon elves, and it was not just there, but in the village of Locrium, which used to be Lilith's home.

It was not long before I stepped back onto Alijah's field of energy, feeling overwhelmed. It was almost impossible to hold back the tears that wanted to spill out of me, but somehow I fought them back. I had a promise to keep, after all.

It was time to let Alijah go. My body trembled while I had to put a front. I had to make sure I was fine for when he came out of that bathroom.

My wolf... soon you’ll be back with your true love. And I’ll have to let you go.

Grabbing onto my bag, I pulled out a book I had bought in Niamoor. A journal of sorts to keep everything we had done together. I had even kept one when I was younger, too. I had planned to attack Alijah when he came out of the bathroom.

From there, we would have taken our dip to the hot spring. But it seemed like it would be more than that. These would be the last few moments we had together. I would pour my love into him so that I had nothing else left to give when he vanished.

My hand trembled a bit with each word that I wrote on the pages, trying to calm myself. A front... I needed to do a facade with how I felt. I... wanted these last few hours to be a paradise, within the bliss we were already in.

Well, that I was in. After this last night of pleasure, we would head to Allora in an airship to save the love of Alijah's life. Hopefully, I could reunite the two star-struck lovers that had been so abruptly separated.

There their love would be finally fruitful. At the end of this final chapter, I drew a gardenia. Along with one of my many notes. Like... he would ever see this...

Dear Alijah…

Did you also know that a gardenia has another meaning? You probably did not think about it so deeply when you got me this gift. It means joy, but it also represents a secret love between two people. You probably did not know that, right? You have brought me so much joy in these couple of months. But I don’t think you will know how much it truly was.

I always kept so much from you. Mostly about what my life was before I met you, but even so, I love you. I will always love you. This will always be a secret love too, huh? Your gift was more meaningful than what you expected, right?

Even so, I will let you go to your true love. But before that happens, I will love you as you have never been loved before. So, maybe from time to time, you will remember me. And maybe dream of me as I will of you. I will love you always and forever, my grumpy old wolf.

Closing the book, I threw it back into the bag, glancing outside to see the moon. I was never the main character of this story, just a placeholder for Lilith. Maybe something more than a fuck to Alijah. But that was probably all I would ever be. It had been six months of bliss. They would have to be enough.

It was almost time until the story shifted to the real protagonist of this tale. A tale where Alijah would be the happiest he would ever be. And where I fall into the shadows, forgotten by him in every sense of the word.

Soon, Alijah's actual intentions would surface, and it would leave me behind. I was nothing to him but the owner of the leash that held him away from the world. Something I should have never forgotten.

Or... So, I thought...