“-I’ve never understood superheroes. Where’s the fun? You watch a bunch of spandex-clad muscle men beat up other muscle men and shit happens and like sometimes some dude dies and the fandom gets all up in a tussle cuz he can’t die like that and then when he’s inevitably revived the fandom gets all up in a tussle AGAIN because he was supposed to stay dead! I just don’t fucking get it!” Pete said, throwing his arms in the air. Beside him, Chad glanced at him thoughtfully.

“Like, yeah, I guess? I don’t read the actual Avengers stuff much, but I mean, the Hulk has been revived plenty of times, and it always feels a bit, uh, cheap? Like, having him die would be cool and all, but you also don’t want the story to end, so I guess it gets kinda conflicted?” Chad said in return, not really illuminating anything for Pete. “I had kind of planned to read all the Avengers stuff once since a lot of them had the Hulk in it, but I didn’t like how Hulk was done in the comics so I skipped it.”

Pete gave his new partner-in-crime a glowering stink-eye. They had been walking around for about ten minutes now, and their conversation had quickly veered in on a topic close to heart: comics. Pete had always been more of an anime guy, but he had nothing against picking up a good manga to read ahead in the story or to see what filler he could skip.

His new friend was also quite the comic-book nerd, but befitting his huge frame, every inch covered in bulging muscle, he was only into the American stuff. Hulk, specifically. Huh, he still hadn’t gotten a good reason for that one… Like, who the Hell likes the Hulk of all things? Isn’t he for children with ADHD who like smashing shit up? And did he just use like in a sentence?...

Man, this guy really rubs off, huh? Chad. What a guy.

Pete opened his mouth, very much ready to on a tangent why magical girl shows never utilized such cheap ploys for drama and readership, but was stopped short when he realized he wasn’t really paying attention to the road anymore. It was still dark, rubble still littered the streets, but one critical element was startlingly absent. Even before he had met Chad, on every other night, the one thing he didn't have to fear, were rescue-workers. Some might give him a strange look, but meeting them was nothing out of the ordinary.

But now, he saw exactly none. Not a one. It was eerie, to say the least. The darkness had never felt closer.

A quick glance to his right dispelled any rising fears of what this might mean. Chad was a full head taller than him and combined with a generous amount of muscle, Pete had no fear that he could be protected. If nothing else, he could run like the dickens, leaving this guy to the bears. Whatever bears there were.

Wait. Maybe.

Alright, so either they were walking up on some military camp, like one of those they had stationed out here in case Adam decided to re-make his debut as enemy nr. 1, or he was about to see a monster-magical girl fight. In real life!! Pete trembled with excitement, drawing even more confused looks from his new friend. Well, friend and friend, Pete didn’t have any, apart from his online comrades on all those anime forums, but if he was going to have a friend IRL, it sure wasn’t going to be Chad.

What’s that, Adam was Pete’s friend? Hah, good one! That up-and-coming hentai star wouldn’t call Pete his friend if he so tripped on him! A thing that, considering the size Adam could apparently get to, was entirely possible. The thought made Pete crack a smile, and Chad seemed only more and more confused.

“Kekekekeke,” Pete cackled, shoving his hands in the pouch of his obviously black hoodie.

“Bro, you cool?” Chad asked, perking an eyebrow at his shorter comrade. Pete nodded in response, a huge smiled making him seem a lot like a hyped-up child. It was almost cute. “Sure, but, like, this is starting to look mighty spooky. If you wanna go home or something I could lead you there?”

“W-, what? No! What are you, gay-? I’ll be fine! Let’s keep going!” Pete replied, his face becoming flushed. But in the scarce light of the few functioning lamps, this was hard to see. But he did look somewhat pissed.

And keep going they did.

The rubble littering the streets became more frequent, smashed buildings more common, and somehow, the darkness got deeper. Pete wouldn’t admit it, but he was honestly, as Chad so eloquently put it, quite spooked. He found his hands trembling, but a glance at the beefy mountain beside him calmed him down quite well.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Sometime along the way, once it started to feel like they were barely in Humbugg anymore, barely on Earth at all, they finally found someone. A woman on the side of the road, passed out, wearing what Pete instantly recognized as magical girl gear. It was mostly black and dark blue, to the point where he could barely see her in the dark. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t noticed her at all, not at first. No, the one who did that was Chad, who sprinted up to her form in a matter of seconds, leaving Pete in the dust, confused and betrayed.

“Hey! Lily!! Are you alright?!” Chad said, his hands already on her shoulders, attempting to shake her awake. Pete jogged up to the two, unsure of what to focus on: Chad trying to shake a shadow awake, or Chad having a name for said shadow. A few seconds of vigorous shaking commences, ending when she actually, against all odds, stirs awake.

“Mnn,” she mumbled, her eyes fluttering open. Tired, uncertain eyes focused on the two teenagers in front of her, confusion and exhaustion flashing through them. Slowly, she got up to stand on shaking feet. “Hnn, big rabbit… run, not safe…” she mumbled, swaying side to side, one hand cradling her head.

Before any of the two could say anything in response to her very vague statement, she fell backwards, prompting Chad to reach out once more in an attempt to catch her. However, instead of being caught like a normal person, she instead phased through his fingers, before melting into the ground, or, rather, the shadow on it.

“Was-, was that… a magical girl??” Pete stammered, his eyes growing wide as the words fall of his tongue. Chad glanced back at him, eyes large and staring and trembling. But Pete didn’t need confirmation to know this to be the fact. He had seen her on the live streams. He had drawn her and the rest of the crew several times. Her name? Unknown. Powers? Shadow-related, if the footage was to be believed. Hotel? Trivago. “HOLY SHIT, IT WAS!!!! OOhmyfuckinggodIamsohypedholyshiiitttttttttt”

“Look, bro, will you be, like, just quiet for a second? This doesn’t seem any good,” Chad said, standing back up to his full height. He turned inwards, closing his eyes briefly. “Okay, um, bro, I’m going to do a thing now, so, like, do you pinky promise not to tell nobody, right?”

Pete stopped his squealing, about five centimetres from bowing down to touch(lick) the area shadow-magical girl had sunk into. His eyes looked Chad up and down, eyebrows furrowing, lips contorting into a slight frown. “Uh, yeah? Okay?” he said, not exactly sure what he was agreeing to.

Chad gave him one final look, a suspicious eye dragging up and down Pete’s body.

“Well, if you say so!” he exclaimed happily, closing his eyes once more before doing something odd. In a puff of purple-smoke and bright light, he changed. Pete, the ultimate magical-girl fan, was witness to a magical girl transformation. It shouldn’t need explaining, but his heart practically hopped out of his chest.

And in the next second, Chad’s true form was revealed, namely… Bro.

“Yooooo, uhh, wassup. Like, Pete, was it? Yeah yeah, Pete. Okay, um, I gotta do something, and like if you wanna come along that’s uhhh pretty cool. But, um, uhhhhh, Lux vitae meae: luceant in via,” Bro breathed, bright, luminous smoke billowing from his mouth like a glowing snake. The smoke formed a sphere, which, with its bright light, lit up the dark surroundings. With how bright it was, Pete wondered briefly how they had gotten this far, what with the darkness.

But, more than anything, he was immensely disappointed.

He would have been happy even with one of those situations where a man transforms into a magical girl. That would have been cool. A little gay, but cool. This… this wasn't. A pothead. In a robe. With a beanie-hat. What? Whose idea was this??

Still, it was kind of cool, seeing magic first-hand and all. Chad being a magical “girl” was not cool. Underwhelming.

“Yeah, whatever, let’s go,” Pete said, not giving Bro even a second look as they continued walking.

“Uhm, uhh, my name’s Bro, just so ya know.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

And off they were.

They should’ve known something was off when they started hearing gnawing and chewing. Humbugg was a weird place, but it was not the kind of place where people ate raw chickens at two in the morning. Right now, the only things that gave off any light that Pete could see were the weird floating orb that flew at their side and the moon itself. Otherwise, it was pitch black.

Rubble covered roads and never-to-be-towed crushed cars still stood by the side of the pavement. It felt oddly apocalyptic, but this grinding and chewing just made things about ten times worse for Pete. Bro seemed to have things down and didn’t seem frightened in the least, but somehow, Pete felt less at ease with this man than with Chad.

The chewing grew louder. They grew closer.

They didn’t see it at first.

No, what Pete noticed first, was stepping in something that made a squishing noise. Something wet and moist on the dry and cracked concrete. Pete didn’t want to look down, didn’t want his fears confirmed, but he did. It was red. Red liquid and red meat and red concrete.

Pete gasped loudly, stumbling backwards, his gaze darting from the red to anywhere else. This “anywhere” turned out to be right in front of him. Down the road. Atop a large something, illuminated only barely by the weak light of the moon, stood a man. Tall and lanky and long-haired, hunched over a large something Pete couldn’t see.

Beside him, Bro moved his hand, compelling the orb of light to move closer, to show them what they didn’t want to see.

The something was a mass of red flesh. Dried blood that had long since stopped gushing, glistening, exposed flesh, turn ligaments like red strings jutting out, surrounding exposed sharp bone like the furry collar around a thin, white woman’s neck. Here and there, white fur popped from inside masses of meat and broken skin. It looked like a giant rabbit had been turned inside out.

And atop it stood a man. With long, charcoal hair, bared arms and teeth, elongated fingers clawing into the flesh, clutching meat like a lifeline. An intestine, as thick as a constricting boa, was draped over his shoulder like a cape. His everything was bare. He might have been handsome, had he not been covered head to toe in blood and guts.

It was Adam.