Our adventurers met in the orange glow of dusk, the sun glinting off the calm seas off the docks of Dingle. After a few brief words of introduction, they pondered the mysteries of the note left on each of their stomachs - specifically, the bit about farts. Sven Thunderjaw tested a theory, painting his britches with gas. In the tune of the flatulence, he heard an eerie whisper. During a killer moment of perception, Tenli recognized the smell of the toot as celestial. 

But before they dove too deep into their own farts, an old fisherman warned them to get inside before dark. A second fisherman, perhaps a bit mischievous, recommended Tissera’s Tavern. Once inside (after a tense moment of people hating Sven for his scales), they settled at the bar and drinks were poured. 

Beorn, suspicious of Tissera’s giggly remarks, chose only to pretend to drink his drink. Which was for the best, as shortly after their goblets emptied, the other members of the party slumped forward onto the bar, knocked out cold. 

Curious to see where the party took him, Beorn also slumped on the bar for a pretend nap. He discerned the group was dragged outside and into a musty cellar. Before their captives could slap the manacles on him, Beorn jumped up and ran out into the night, losing his pursuers by the grace of his incredible outdoor camouflage skills. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the party came to, chained up in a pitch black cellar corridor. Tenli, with her darkvision, spied a pile of corpses, pale and full of holes. She tried not to freak everybody else out, but freak out they did. Tenli, using her Bardic Message,  let Beorn know that they were in trouble and needed assistance. 

Beorn, ever the problem solver, tried to burn out the locked cellar door using Conjure Flames. It kind of worked, but not really. So instead, he used Mold Earth to make a small hole in the cellar wall to crawl in and assist his new friends. 

Sven, for his part, did not slack, and used his ample barbarian strength toattempt breaking his fetters. Thanks to Zain’s keen hearing of a loose bolt, Sven did not give up, and freed one arm. With Beorn’s help, Sven then freed the rest of the party just as a pack of 3 cultists realized their cellar is all fucked up. 

Jacked up on all his barbarian strength, Sven entered a Rage and swung his warhammer with so much ferocity, he busted the first cultist’s head open like a juicy cantaloupe. Zain then snuck through Sven’s legs, the other two cultists looking away due to a mixture of racism and fear, giving Zain the perfect opportunity for a Sneak Attack. He stabbed the second cultist right in the bottom of the heart, which almost killed him immediately, but instead let him live long enough for Zain’s second dagger to stab the top of the heart and finish the job. 

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Meanwhile, Tenli checked out the back of the cellar. A foreboding Stone Arch Covered in Bats stood at the back wall, darkness pouring out of it. Beorn decided that shit looked way to foreboding, and roughed up the ground between the arch and the cellar entrance with Mold Earth, making it difficult for anything to follow them out. 

Zain almost finished off the third cultist, sticking him right in the eye with a dagger. Before Zain could satisfy his blood lust, Tenli Charmed the cultist, making him think everybody in the party was a friend. 

Of course, this friend still thought Sven was a big ugly lizard. But he revealed the cultists worshiped vampires. In particular, the town vampire, Vindrex. The cult started up about a month ago - coincidentally (is it??) around the time King Thad was assassinated. 

After a little more poking around, Zain decided his knife no longer looked good parked in the cultist’s eyeball, pulled out the knife and slit the man’s throat. 

As the party discussed their next move, the sound of grinding stone echoed from the cellar. They donned the robes of the fallen cultists, piled their bodies up near the cellar, and then took to the woods to hide. From the dark of the cellar, an unimpressive (topless but not even ripped) vampire emerged. He gorged himself on the blood of the fallen cultists, then looked up at the giant Dragonborn hiding behind a sapling half his size. 

Vindrex approached Sven, but before he could ask why the Dragonborn was in a cult robe, Tenli hopped down from the trees and intercepted him. She convinced him they were cultists… for a while. But racism prevailed, the vampire in disbelief a Dragonborn could ever earn a spot in his cult, and the fight began. 

It was a doozy. 

But the party came out victorious. Zain took a pretty bad hit, which Beorn alleviated with some Goodberries. And before the battle was out, Tenli likewise took a grave injury after Sven threw a torch at the vampire, whose pants then burned off which opened him up to a Vicious Mockery the likes of which have never been seen in Dellin, focused on the shriveled white-grape-colored but prune-sized penis of Vindrex. In an attempt to recover some of his pride, he launched an assault on Tenli that nearly killed her. 

But before he could finish the job, Beorn launched a Conjured Fire at the vampire that laid him out on the ground like a burnt hot dog, hardly able to move. 

The party decided the best course of action was to tie Vindrex up, upsidedown, and contort his body so his shriveled white-grape balls rested right on his chin. Perhaps he will have some worthwhile information about who assassinated the king. What’s in the cellar? How does Tissera relate to all this?