Barra da Tijuca, Thursday, 16:00. The chilly winds and cold temperatures of the Brazilian fall season brought a funny European winter feeling to Rio de Janeiro for the first time in ages, which didn't make sense considering the outspoken climate activists' rant that the planet would be seven hundred degrees warmer because of the average American's Ford F-150 and annual Memorial Day barbecues in Austin, Texas. Anyway, back to our humble story and the interesting lives of our beloved characters. Another day in the life of Enzo Carvalho and Vinicius "Vini" Valverde. As you might expect, the weather change hit them in different ways. To boot, while Enzo enjoyed the cold, he complained about the consequences of the temperature, such as:

- Holy shit, fuck you. - He said, soon irritated by something probably idiotic.

- What happened, Enzo? - Vini asked.

- It's this crazy weather. My throat gets sore and it bothers me. I'm voiceless because of the dry air.

- Oh, stop whining. You sound like a child. And besides, it's not like we're missing much. After all, as long as I can remember, you're no Phil Collins.

- No one will ever be a Phil Collins, Vini. - Enzo reminded.

And after a few more unrelated discussions, Enzo had to ask about Vini's plans for the weekend. In fact, Vini really hated whenever Enzo asked these kinds of very personal questions, as he would have liked to have a bit more privacy. But as it turned out, privacy living literally - but not that literally - under Enzo was perhaps too much to ask. Anyway, despite silent protests, Vini answered:

- Nah, not exactly. Belgium invited me to her house. You know, Mr. Banks asked if I would like to spend the night there and watch a movie.

- It must be very nice to be friends with your father-in-law.

- Why not? Aren't you used to it?

It was a rhetorical question, yet Enzo answered:

- Not much.

- Boo hoo. - Vini smiled. - And you? What are you going to do?

Enzo raised his shoulders.

- I don't think I have any plans.

- Come on... Enzo Carvalho with no plans for the weekend? Hard to believe.

- I'm serious, Vini. I have nothing in mind.

Ok, that melodramatic talk was making Vini a bit mad.

- No bets?

- Nope.

- No car racing?

- No.

- No badmouthing hybrid cars and environmentalists?

- Unless they both annoy me, no.

- Then... - Vini was at a loss for words, except.... - Is that it?

- I think so.

- So... Goodbye?

- Yes. Goodbye.

So, Enzo left the room leaving Vini alone. In Vini's head, that scene seemed surreal. Enzo's discouragement, the weird mood, rekindling the relationship with Belgium. Oh, I almost forget to mention her. And it didn't take much time for her to approach him with an expression of confusion on her face. Whatever had happened left him a little bewildered.

- What is it, darling? - She asked, squeezing his shoulder.

- I'm not sure. - Vini replied, suspiciously. - 'Something tells me that something strange will happen soon.

- A gut feeling.

- Yeah.

- Damn. I hate your forebodings. Enzo?

- Incredibly, no. It's another matter.

- Worse than Enzo?

- I don't know. And that's what concerns me.

Saturday. Vini spent the morning gathering some personal belongings to take to Belgium's house. For this, he sorted out a small black suitcase that his aunt had given him last Christmas. Initially, Vini found the gift to be a bit disappointing, but then he understood the value of the product. And after a while, he began to suspect a so-called glitch, but before it had a chance to completely engulf his thoughts, Belgium called his cell phone. Saved by the gong, perhaps?

- Love, when are you coming?

- Soon, honey. I just need to pack a few things in my bathroom.

- You know, honey, you could leave some things here at the house, so you don't have to bother packing every time you spend the night with me.

An interesting idea. The only problem is that a not perfectly well thought out and planned reply could put everything in jeopardy and start a heated and pointless argument.

- All right, I think it's a good idea. - Vini smiled. - 'But I don't want to cause any trouble.

- Stop being a fool. Keep a toothbrush, dental floss, deodorant, hair comb and mouthwash. The essentials.

- And some cologne.

- You don't have to. The one my dad wears is wonderful.

- I don't disagree. There's just one problem.

- What's the problem?

- Your father wears it.

- So?

- Nah, that's it.

- Stop being a moron, Vini. It's a perfume like any other! Very expensive.

Perhaps it is, but for Vini....

- It's just that I like to wear my perfume.

And, briefly, Vini forgot about the issue. He quickly picked up the small bag and, before closing the apartment door for the last time that weekend, said goodbye to his aunt. And, in theory, he wouldn't be back until Monday of the following week.

Not exactly on the same timeline, but a few hours later, alone on a weekend evening, Enzo felt like the loser of those American comedy movies, disillusioned, short-tempered and sulky. It didn't help that Vini was enjoying the moments next to someone. What could he do to cheer him up? Well...

- Hello? Albania? Are you there?

Oh, no.

Meanwhile, Vini lay down on the bed next to Belgium, who had brought with her a huge bowl of popcorn. While she was in the kitchen, Vini was in charge of choosing the movie for the night, which could hold a few delights. If in doubt, Adam Sandler is the failsafe pick, he thought. Laughs, a goofy plot, and a moral lesson at the end for later.

- You look great. - Vini said.

- Thank you. - Belgium replied. - 'I've had this sweater for years. It's very comfortable and cute.

- It looks good on you.

Belgium was suspicious.

- Why wouldn't it look good?

Uh-oh.

- Nothing, nothing. Nothing at all.

Wow, Vini dodged a bullet.

The problem is that one of the shots hit him right in the chest - metaphorically - because as soon as Sandler's character went into the bathroom to do some random nonsense, Vini remembered his problem from earlier in the day that his brain had spent all day trying to forget.

- Wait a minute! - Vini stopped the movie. - Honey... There's something really wrong.

- Oh, no. - Belgium wailed. - What is it now?

- Adam Sandler reminded me why it took me so long to get here. I think Enzo is stealing my towels!

Belgium started laughing.

- What?

- I'm serious! That idiot is stealing my towels! That cheap burglar!

- Wait, wait, wait. Okay, let's break this down. First, how did you manage to associate Adam Sandler with your idiot problem?

- I'm very smart, Belgium. I thought that was one of the reasons you liked me.

Which was true. But of course Belgium wouldn't give up the points so easily.

- Right, but back to the problem. Why do you think Enzo is grabbing your towels?

- Because Enzo is a douchebag. I already suspected he liked my Buddemeyer ones....

Belgium didn't understand at first what Vini meant by that metonymy.

- Your what?

- Buddemeyer.

- What is a Buddemeyer?

- Darling, they're bath and hand towels. The best quality. I thought you knew that.

- Why would I know that?

- Bathroom and household stuff aren't things of...

- What things are they for, Vinicius?

Uh-oh. Fire extinguisher! Fire extinguisher! Hurry!

- Very sophisticated people. Educated. Intelligent. Gracious. Angels on Earth. Please don't kill me, I don't know what I was thinking.

- Fine... - Belgium ignored it. - You have more serious problems to deal with anyway.

Still that night, Enzo and Albania were.... Well, you can guess. The night was cold, but the two together were on fire, like a blazing fireplace. You could feel the intensity of the one-night-only couple. Then, without warning, a small tremor and a strange noise startled Albania.

- Oh. That was me. - Enzo smiled mischievously.

- What? No, you idiot! - Albania complained. - It was something else. Like an earthquake.

Enzo wondered.

- No, I think it's more likely that I did it.

Simultaneously, Vini and Belgium slept after the movie. It's true that Vini couldn't stay awake until the end credits and Belgium didn't mind watching the remainder on her own. Nevertheless, the two woke up in a fright after a bang shook the house. Vini thought the situation was very weird, while Belgium, although scared, tried to imagine what could have caused such a loud noise in such a quiet neighborhood. Obviously any noise this late at night becomes loud, but still, something seemed wrong.

- Are you two all right? asked Mr. Banks after knocking on his daughter's bedroom door.

- Yes, yes. - Vini replied. - Did you hear it too?

- It was a huge bang. What could it have been?

- I have no clue.

- It sounded like an explosion. - Belgium said. - Something banging.

- Enzo! - Vini muttered.

- By the way, where is Albania? - Mr. Banks felt compelled to ask.

Still, it could be worse.

And the next day, the residents of Barra da Tijuca found the source of the noise. A huge egg-shaped crater on the neighborhood's most famous avenue, Américas Avenue. Fortunately, the hole did not damage the entire avenue, but the three northbound lanes were severely damaged by the bizarre incident. The initial black spot was already more obvious than tinsel in a mine. Traffic. Avenue of the Americas connects the residential and commercial areas of the neighborhood in a total of 8 lanes, round trip. With the hole, the 8 lanes became only 5, with only one going to the commercial area. In other words, the traffic would be a real pandemonium during rush hour.

Early in the morning, Mr. Banks drove his daughters and Vini to the hole in his white Volvo. There was not much information about the incident, nor about injuries, deaths or why a crater had appeared without any warning. As soon as Mr. Banks stopped the vehicle about 200 meters from the hole, he could see an intense crowd of people, as if the hole were some celebrity or the president of the country. And to Vini's surprise, Enzo was already at the scene, early in the morning, as if he were a scientist analyzing the facts and pieces of evidence. Vini approached him and touched his shoulder.

- Did you notice the tremor yesterday? - He asked.

- Oh, a tremor? - Enzo was curious.

- Yes, dummy. A tremor. Didn't you feel it?

- I felt a few things... You know it.

- Are you kidding? - Vini couldn't believe what he heard. - Do you really believe you did that?

Well, to be honest, Vini thought so too just a few hours before.

- What did you do yesterday?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe they were right, because as soon as he finished the question, Vini saw Albania wearing a white blouse that belonged to Enzo. That was already the answer he needed. Or not.

- You don't have to say it. - Vini answered.

- So... - Albania tried to change the subject. - That hole.

- That's right, can you believe it? - Vini followed. - Strange.

- The neighborhood is going to be shit. - Enzo said. Complaining, of course. - Traffic, journalists everywhere, environmentalists....

- Why environmentalists?

- Because we probably did something wrong that made the ground collapse. Like a barbecue.

- What do we do now? - Belgium asked an important question.

Vini shook his shoulders.

- Nothing. What can we do? Get on with our lives.

It might even be true, but something in Vini wanted to know a little more about that story. I mean, a hole in the middle of the neighborhood? Oh, that had to be an interesting story, to say the least. Unfortunately, not everyone thought so, because as soon as they arrived at the school after a gigantic traffic jam on Américas Avenue, Vini wanted to know more about that hole.

- I'm not interested. - Enzo said.

- What? - Vini couldn't believe it. - Why?

- Why? Oh, where do I start! It's a hole, Vini, not the secret formula of krabby patty!

- Of all the people on the planet, I would have thought you'd be most curious to know.

- Why? No one was interested in that huge hole in Japan. Nobody wanted to know why...

- Because everyone knew why, you little idiot! It was 'cause of the earthquake.

- Oh, wow! How exciting! Maybe they'll make a movie of it!

- About earthquakes?

- No, Vini. Random holes in random places.

Vini paused for a moment to think.

- I think we are veering off the main topic.

- TLDR... - Enzo added. - Just do like in Japan and cover the hole with asphalt.

- So that's it? Don't you want to know?

Before Enzo could reply, someone turned on the television in the classroom for some nonsensical reason. And as it turned out, all the news channels were reporting the hole. Reporters from all the TVs were fighting for space on Avenida das Américas for the best shot and report. Traffic was still heavy in both directions, despite the fact that it was far from rush hour at the time. In other words, another problem in sight.

- Oh, great! - Enzo complained. - Journalists!

In fact, the topic remained hot throughout the day. There was no way out. But certain things need to be said. First, it's not every day that a sinkhole forms in the middle of a neighborhood. Second, when something of this magnitude happens, the government or important people usually come up with alternatives to solve the problem as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, however, in Brazil.... It doesn't work like that. For the first day already brought many problems and very few or no apparent solutions. And it didn't take long for residents to start showing signs of irritation on the very first day. For example, on the way home, a reporter from some TV interrupted Vini and Enzo's walk home.

- What do you think of this hole? - Asked the innocent reporter to a sulking Enzo.

- Nothing. - He replied. - It's a hole. I have one too, but you're not interested, are you?

Fortunately, Vini was not there to hear and witness that pitiful scene. In fact, although he didn't know about it yet, it wouldn't be long before he too would lose his mind as the days went by. But still, there was a subject missing to discuss.

- Hey Enzo, are you wearing my Buddemeyers? - Vini randomly asked, as he did not know how to find a moment to start the subject.

- Your what? - Enzo did not understand.

- My Buddemeyer towels.

- Why don't you just say towels? Your metonymies are very annoying!

- Metonyms? You're reading the dictionary once again, aren't you?

- No, Vini. I'm not.

It's not quite true.

- Do you remember Amanda? - Enzo recalled a name already buried.

- The teacher who wasn't ashamed to sleep with her student?

- Well...

Obviously, Vini soon suspected the worst.

- Oh, shit Enzo, what have you done now?

- Nothing. - Enzo smiled. - 'But yes, Amanda taught me that shit.

- Our high school subject that we are required to know?

- Why do you make everything so bland, Vini?

And after a great deal of useless discussion, Vini and Enzo returned to Lake, but before they could go back to their regular lives, a piece of news left them a little surprised.

- Hey, Enzo, look at this. Classes at the school have been suspended.

- Why?

- What do you mean 'why', Enzo? What happened today?

Enzo really didn't seem to remember.

- I can't think of anything. - Enzo shrugged his shoulders as he lit a cigar.

And with such an answer, all that was left was for Vini to say:

- You really need help.

Despite the chaos of that day, Belgium still managed to stop by Vini's house to see him. And when she got there, she was surprised by the emotional state of both of them in that apartment. While Enzo remained calm and oblivious to what was happening, Vini seemed to show signs of frustration.

- Those clowns built a shitty asphalt and it caved in. It could have killed someone.

- Maybe it was bad maintenance.

- But the whole asphalt falling? That's more than bad maintenance.

- What do you suggest?

- Why do you keep thinking about it? - Enzo butted in. - It's just a hole! Just cover it with asphalt again!

- I don't know, Enzo. - Vini was suspicious. - I have a feeling.

- Holy shit, I hate your feelings, Vini.

- The worst thing is that they are organizing a meeting at the association to discuss it.

Condo association meeting. The place Judas probably hatched his Machiavellian plan to betray Jesus - if condos existed at the time. Many would rather be in Hell than at one of these infamous meetings. Basically, if you look at the history of humanity, discussing problems together has never really accomplished anything. And when it comes to the residents' associations of thirty-one independent condominiums, with the most varied groups of people, thoughts, ideas and morals ... It would be a box of surprises.

And the next day, the doubts were soon allayed. Vini's aunt, Vini and Enzo were called to attend the meeting at the association's headquarters, next to the park, famous for being the spot of many affective memories of Vini and Enzo. The three of them sat in the first row of seats in the meeting room. In Enzo's mind, the closer they were placed to the door, the faster they could leave. But of course they would still have to go through some.... Let's say trials.

- Oh, fuck. - Enzo hid his face with his right hand.

Vini was distracted and didn't understand the reason for Enzo's complaint. Until he finally realized what was happening.

- Who is it?

- A girl.

- What did you do to her?

- I tried to hit on her.

- And?

- If I'm hiding. What do you think happened? Connect the dots!

Enzo had a point.

- Did it end badly?

- No, Vini, it ended so well that I'm running for cover with joy!

The girl passed them both like a train through the station. Immediately, she stopped her walk, looked Enzo in the eye and just said:

- Drop dead.

- Yes, it seems that everything turned out well. - Vini replied with a wry smile.

- Shut up, Vini.

And, of course, Vini would also have his moment of shame, because while laughing at Enzo's awkward predicament, a young girl entered the meeting room. But unlike the previous girl, she didn't seem too angry or displeased to see them again. In fact, she simply stared Vini in the eye as she chose a place to sit.

- Old friend? - It was Enzo's turn to smile as he asked.

- I doubt it very much.

- What did you do?

Vini raised his shoulders.

- I have no bloody clue.

Gradually, people sat down on the chairs in the room. And a little more than half an hour later, the hall was completely packed. And because of that, another problem quickly arose, again.

- Oh, I can't believe it. - Enzo complained.

- What? Another bitter ex-girlfriend? - Vini asked.

- See for yourself.

Wish it was, Vini thought. But the person Enzo was referring to was far from a girlfriend, but going down that road....

- She's definitely spiteful. - Vini said.

- Yes - Vini's aunt butted in. - Terrible woman. I feel like throwing her off a building.

Suzane Rodrigues. She was a retired housewife and not well liked by the association and residents of the condos. Suzane had an annoying personality, to the point of believing that all decisions had to be approved by her. The funny thing is, most of the time, that's what actually happened.

- We have 52 buildings for that. - Enzo added. - Just pick one and dump the body somewhere else. Preferably in Costabella. No one will notice. We're almost doing them a favor.

Lake residents mocking Costabella residents. Longest rivalry since Real Madrid and Atletico in Spain.

And after a few minutes of delay, after all Brazilians do not have the recognized Swiss punctuality, the meeting started. The president of the association started to talk about his administration and its achievements, as if anyone was really interested in hearing about a new tennis court at that moment, i.e. how taxpayers' money was being used. Oh, no, no. Everyone there had a bigger fish to fry. Or, in that particular case, bury.

- How are we going to do with that hole? - One of the residents asked. - Is it possible to talk to the mayor or someone at city hall?

The answer is always "yes" to that question. And, in less urgent times, requests are quickly answered. However, once again.

- This is a unique situation. - The president replied. - He has a lot of appointments.

- Too many appointments? - Enzo asked Vini. - What is he doing? A script for Disney?

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

- Considering the movies we've seen, he's not getting much work done. - Vini added.

- What caused the asphalt to crack? - Another resident asked. - And is there a chance the hole will get bigger?

Two important questions.

- We have no way of telling. - Was the answer.

- No way of knowing what's below ground? Can't we just cover the hole?

- Why not? - Enzo asked, quietly.

- So what about the flow of people?

So many questions, so many dissatisfied people and not many solutions. The meeting started to get white hot when Suzane tried to find silly arguments for silly debates. Of course everyone was stressed, the situation was very weird, but bringing apocalyptic theories did not bring anything relevant to the meeting.

- This is what happens when you pollute the canal! Nature is taking revenge on this neighborhood!

- Blow off steam! - Enzo shouted. - Fucking environmentalist bullshit!

- What a mess it is here. - Vini's aunt commented.

- It looks like it was pretty damn good. - Vini was clearly ironic. - In a few days we will have some conclusions.

- Face the music, Vini, nothing will happen. - Enzo ignored his friend's concerns. - They'll probably make a big deal out of it and then everyone will get on with their lives.

That was what Enzo genuinely thought. The problem was that Vini didn't want it to be like that. It was okay if Enzo behaved like a tantruming child. After all, that's what he was. It was quite another thing for the adults at the meeting to behave in that immature way. That was too much. It was like a confused version of the end of the world itself.

And the day after the infamous meeting, the hole remained there, untouched, like a million-dollar museum piece. Car traffic had to remain disrupted, so many businesses chose to keep their employees at home. The idea was to reduce the volume of cars on the streets and avoid further disruption. Initially, adapting to this new reality proved complicated. Not everyone could stay at home. But despite all the setbacks, the first week after the fateful day passed faster than Max Verstappen in his Red Bull.

But we still need to get back to the other plot. After all, Vini still had his doubts in his head. And to confirm the theory, he said he needed a cigar at Enzo's house. A very lame excuse, but one that Enzo accepted without much objection. As soon as he got a chance, Vini quickly made the announcement:

- I need to go to the bathroom.

- Why did you warn me about that? - Enzo didn't understand. - Are you American Airlines to keep announcing where you're going?

Well, that being said, Vini went to Enzo's bathroom. Justice be done, even though he was a moron, Enzo knew how to keep his things clean. At least that. But Vini wasn't minding the cleanliness - unless it was something really scary that could traumatize him forever. What he wanted could be in the drawers or the cupboards.

- Where had that idiot put my Buddemeyer?

Vini had no idea. There were only two possibilities: option one, the most obvious, Enzo stole the Buddemeyers from Vini's house. Or, option two, Enzo bought the Buddemeyers and was driving Vini crazy on purpose just for the sake of pissing him off. And worst of all? Both options could be simultaneously correct. And to rub salt into the wound, there was absolutely no way for Vini to find out, unless he asked Enzo directly, which would certainly be the reason for more problems than actually the solution to the same initial problems.

- Enzo, you got my Buddemeyer!

As you can see, Vini decided to take a chance and screw the rest.

- Is that a cigar?

- Cigar? No, you retard! My bath towels!

Enzo looked confused. But at the same time, he knew he could kick his friend's ass. After all, he was asking too much...

- What's wrong with your towels? - Enzo asked. Cynically, in Vini's view. - Why would I do that?

- First, because you are an idiot! Second, you always wanted to take my Buddemeyer!

- Are you talking about bath towels or a Honda Civic?

- Don't change the subject!

Vini seemed to be very angry about that situation. Which could be a problem for him.

- I won't tell you if you keep moaning like that. - Enzo announced.

Oh, no. Enzo threw the bait and Vini caught it like a fish in the sea.

- I'm telling you, Enzo! You'll be sorry!

- Ohhh, I'm so scared!

Enzo really succeeded in annoying Vini. To try to ease the tension, he simply picked up the TV remote and pressed the red button. The device made a funny noise before playing a rather relaxing and beautiful song. Vini didn't need more than four seconds to guess the artist.

- Phil Collins. - Vini said. - What a surprise.

Not that it was bad, obviously not, but Vini already knew Enzo's predictability. What did surprise him was the fact that Enzo returned to the room with a blue towel on his head. Deja-vu, Vini thought. Or is it?

- You've got to be kidding me! - Vini complained.

- What now, you idiot?

Enzo knew exactly what he was doing.

- That's my towel! It's a Buddemeyer!

- Vini, buddy, you really need a doctor. I'd recommend Dr. Hawkeye Pierce, but he's not real. Or Dr. Lecter, but he has a bit of a strange diet.

Vini couldn't take any more of that drivel. If Enzo wasn't going to say anything worthwhile, then Vini would have to find out on his own. The problem was that it wasn't going to be an easy battle, as Enzo tried his best to prevent Vini from taking the towel off his head. To tell the truth, it was nothing more than a contest of strength between two idiots, which only ceased when Enzo became curious about the images shown on the television in real time.

- Look, the TV! - Enzo said.

- Nice try, clown! - Vini replied.

- No, seriously! Look!

A reporter wearing a red dress began to speak with a microphone in hand. The news she wanted to pass on was far from positive. It seemed that the hole had become wider than before. A picture from above compared the same photo from a week earlier with the present moment. It was very clear. For some reason, the hole got bigger.

- I have a bad feeling about this, Enzo. - Vini said.

Two days later, the story gained new chapters, when a group from the association itself came up with a private investigation. There was no more new information regarding the size of the hole. However, according to the group itself, the hole had increased by ten meters in just one week. To complete the stupidity session, the group also wanted to find out the real depth of that crater for some unexplained reason.

- What a bunch of idiots. - Enzo said when he heard the news.

- Yeah... Idiots... - Vini looked very strange.

- What was it, Vini? - Enzo noticed his weird behavior and his generic answer.

- Nothing, nothing.

- Do you want to disclose anything, Vini?

And since there are no limits to misery, Belgium appeared from who knows where at the worst possible moment. And she had to ask her boyfriend at exactly that moment:

- Hey, honey, are we going on the night expedition?

- Expedition? - Enzo smiled. For a moment. Then, he complained again. - Oh, no, Vini! Please tell me this expedition is to pry into the girls' rooms at night.

Belgium and Vini stared at him for a few seconds, waiting for some complement to that dreadful sentence.

- I don't do that. - Enzo defended himself.

- Yeah, sure. - Belgium said.

- Enzo, the hole is getting bigger. - Vini justified. - We have to know what's underneath.

- Do we? I'm doing very well. - Enzo replied. - And besides, what are you going to do? Are you going to play James Franco in 127 hours?

Oh.

- Why did you remind me of that movie, Enzo? I've just eaten! My blood pressure's gonna drop.

- Like James Franco's arm in the movie.

Enzo said that just to annoy Vini. And he knew it. Still, it could be worse.

On the infamous night of the expedition, Vini began by getting angry. And for a somewhat stupid reason, at least by his standards. Despite having everything mapped out in his head, backpack on his back, cell phone in his pocket and many meters of rope, he was mad that he couldn't find his toy flashlight....

- It's not a toy! - Vini interrupted the narration of the story.

- What happened, dear? - Belgium asked.

- I can't find my flashlight.

- That toy on top of your bookshelf?

Vini grimaced in frustration.

- It's not a toy, baby.

Although she didn't say it in words, Belgium politely - and silently - disagreed. And before leaving the apartment, one last question needed to be asked:

- Are you really going to take that? - Belgium needed to ask again.

- There is no light there, Belgium! - Vini justified. - It's total darkness!

- What about the cell phones?

- What if we lose our cell phones?

Of course, those questions didn't just disappear. In fact, it took a while for the couple to finally acknowledge the reality of the facts. That expedition was just a very, very outlandish plan with no purpose at all. Nevertheless, Vini and Belgium decided to follow the group of ten other random freaks also residents of the association's condominiums towards the hole. Alone. In the dark. At night. What could go wrong, right?

- Vini? - A very familiar male voice asked.

- Oh, that's wonderful! - Vini immediately regretted it. - Enzo! What are you doing here?

- I wasn't doing anything and decided to pop in and surprise you.

- I have to say I'm quite surprised. - Vini said, sincerely. - But not very excited.

- Did Albania exhaust you? - Belgium asked a very provocative question. Fortunately, Enzo ignored it.

- Why do you have that toy flashlight? - Enzo asked.

- It's not a toy! - Vini snapped. - How many times have I said that today?

After a few pointless conversations, one of the group leaders made a sign with his hands. Maybe he was asking for something, or maybe he was just a brainiac. Either way, he attached one of the ropes to a tree and started descending into the dark hole towards the unknown.

- Where is he going? - Belgium asked.

- To the bottom. - Vini answered simply.

- And where should that be?

An important question.

- In China. - Enzo answered.

Vini was thoughtful. He knew the joke that the center of the planet was actually just a secret passage to the oriental world.

- Should we learn Mandarin before we go in? - Enzo asked another stupid question.

- You've been thinking about it all night, haven't you? - Vini felt obliged to ask.

- The riddles of my mind are a riddle.

In other words, the sky is blue and the water is wet.

- I'll pretend I get it. - Vini smiled and promptly ignored it.

Finally, Belgium, Enzo and Vini also slowly made their way down the hole. It seemed surreal what was happened. They were abseiling down into the hole in the middle of the night. What a silly plan, but unfortunately only the narrator had come to that logical conclusion. What if something went wrong? Who would rescue them? But initially, the problems were only minor. Like for example...

- Enzo! - Belgium complained as she heard the noise for the third time.

- What? It wasn't me! - Enzo defended himself against the accusations.

- Your belly is making more noise than a Chevette. - Vini teased him.

- I'm telling you, Vini, it's not gas!

- Be more polite, Enzo!

- Can you two be quiet up there? - Shouted a male voice, probably the leader of the group.

- Show-off. - Enzo complained.

Enzo, Vini and Belgium should be halfway down the long descent into the hole, which seemed to have no end. A weird feeling of fear and insecurity started to affect Vini's thoughts. Finally, better late than never, Vini realized that it all didn't make sense. It was idiotic. But before he could say anything, Belgium thought faster and said:

- Vini, I don't want to descend anymore.

- What? - Vini asked.

- I don't want to go down anymore. We need to go up. It's silly.

- What are you talking about? - Enzo was frustrated. - 'You wanted to come here in the first place!

- Okay, okay, thank you, Enzo, for reminding me. But enough.

- We're halfway down!

- Enzo, if she doesn't want to come down, she's not going down! - Vini defended her.

- Things you probably say in bed and in a cubbyhole.

- I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

But then an important question needed to be asked.

- You're going with me, aren't you? - Belgium asked.

- Vini, holy shit! - Enzo, again, complained.

- Forget it, Enzo! I'm going up with Belgium.

- Fine! I don't need you! I don't need anybody!

Despite Enzo's naughtiness, he changed his mind seconds later and started pulling the rope down. In fact, climbing up the rope was much more complicated than climbing down, but of course they didn't know that at that moment. Then a huge tremor shook them in all directions. It felt like an earthquake, but... different.

- Hold on! - Shouted Vini

- Thanks for the suggestion, Vini! - Enzo replied. - I hadn't thought of that!

Yes, it was moments like these that Enzo showed how annoying he could be for no reason at all.

Then, screams were heard directly from the bottom of the hole. But Vini was not very willing to save the others without the certainty that he could be saved first. Therefore, he grabbed Belgium's hand and pulled her to the surface, namely out of the hole. Then Vini launched himself out as well.

- Holy shit! - Vini said, his eyes wide with terror. - Belgium, are you all right?

- I think so, I am. - She replied. - Where is Enzo?

Well, not everyone managed to get out, as Enzo remained in the same place. The shaking paralyzed him completely, he felt unsafe trying to climb the rope. Soon, he called for help.

- Hey, you! - Enzo shouted into the dark void. - Why aren't you climbing?

- Look at this! - Said a male voice. - We found it!

- What? Found what? - Enzo didn't understand.

- It's beautiful!

Enzo had no idea what they were saying. But he didn't want to find out on his own. So he started climbing back to the surface, finally. And after a few seconds of no news, Enzo reappeared, all dirty with dirt and sweat, tired and panting.

- Enzo, what happened? - Vini, worried, asked. - Where are the rest of them?

A question Enzo had no means of answering. At least, nothing that made much sense.

- I don't know. - Enzo replied. - 'I went all the way down and I didn't see anything. I only heard voices. And then I started to climb.

Vini was worried by Enzo's words. Not only because of what he said, but because of the context. Which forced him to ask a frightening question:

- Where the hell could they be anyway?

The next day, Vini continued to be haunted by that unassuming statement from Enzo. And, to no surprise, it didn't take long for the gossip about the disappearance of the ten freaks from the expedition to become a gigantic deal. There was no escape. When a cat disappears without a trace, fine, acceptable. But ten people? There was no plausible justification for what happened. And that news shook our characters in different ways. While Vini showed concern about the events of that night....

- Hey, Vini, are we going to the game today? - Enzo asked unpretentiously.

- Enzo, how can you think about the game now? - Vini was surprised by the lack of consideration.

- Is there such a thing as a time to think about football?

- Have you really forgotten what happened yesterday?

To tell you the truth...

- Whatever I did, it wasn't my fault. - Enzo replied, not quite sure why Vini was complaining.

- What?

- What?

- This conversation is going nowhere apparently.

And it took quite a while for Vini to come to that conclusion.

It's true. All that chaos did mess with Vini's head a bit, while Enzo simply chose to ignore the events not relevant to his life. The funny thing is that Enzo, once again, seemed far more fulfilled with his idiotic choices than Vini. And that was where the danger lived.

And that evening, without the stupid Enzo, Vini returned to the hole. Alone, in the dark and with his toy flashlight. Yes, it sounded like an idiotic plan. And it was. But at least... Going down to the bottom of the crater again after almost losing his life could bring him some answers. At least that's what Vini believed.

Slowly, he began to descend. He tied the rope around his waist and made several jumps in a row into the empty, dark hole. He felt lonely, obviously. Of all the stupid ideas he had had throughout his life, surely that one would be in the top ranks. Anyway, Vini found himself solo, with a rope around his waist, diving into the unknown. Something told him he could find the ten missing people. And he had to do it as soon as possible.

But then, something surprising happened. Well, sort of. Just like the night before, the ground began to shake violently. Vini held on to the rope, but soon he started getting hit by chunks of earth the size of baseballs. And, for the first time, he could see the hole opening up before his eyes. Indeed, the crater was getting bigger every day, but now he had the confirmation he didn't even know he needed at that moment. But considering those circumstances, it wouldn't make much difference if he was going to die in that hole. Then he realized that his waist seemed more flexible, which could only mean one thing.

- The rope. - He said.

Yes, Vini really needed a miracle. And finally, he accepted his fate. Mentally, he said goodbye to Belgium, probably the love of his life, Mr. Banks, the best father-in-law he could wish for, and, whether he liked it or not, Enzo, for always being there, except for that very moment. Or was he? Because as he heard the sound of the rope snapping, something grabbed his hand with enough force to hold him loosely in the air. And as he opened his eyes for the first time, he had the answer.

- Enzo?

- You're such an idiot! - He said. Or rather, said the floating head.

- How come you always show up when I'm in trouble?

- Sounds like a canonical event.

Wait a minute.

- I doubt you'll tell me now what that means.

- What is it? A Portuguese class?

And then, finally, Enzo pulled him out of the hole.

- Thank you for saving my ass. - Vini said, relieved. - But don't make a fuss of it.

- It's all good. I won't.

And, to complete the bizarreness of that night, Vini noticed an unbelievable detail on Enzo, more precisely on his right shoulder.

- Hey! That's my towel! - Vini pointed to Enzo's shoulder.

- What? - Enzo did not understand.

- It's my Buddemeyer! I knew it!

- Oh, I totally forgot about that second plot. - Enzo justified himself.

- Don't break the fourth wall with me, Enzo! You took my towels and now I have confirmation!

- All right, I admit it. I did. Mea-culpa.

Enzo admitting guilt? What's going on here? Suspicious.

- What did you say? - Vini asked.

- I took it. They are soft. And beautiful. I borrowed them and didn't give them back.

Oh, Vini was not convinced.

- What did you do today? - Randomly, Vini asked.

- What did I do today? - Enzo, confused, repeated the question.

- Yeah, you little twit! What did you do today?

There was only one plausible answer.

- The same as you. - Enzo replied.

- Yes, yes, we had class in the morning. But what about before? What did you do before?

- How would I know? It's all automatic! I don't remember the things I do during the day! Only an idiot does that!

- What did you do after we got out of the hole?

- Why are you asking me all these questions, Mafalda?

And, perhaps needless to say, Vini was once again haunted by the events of the night before. He remained thoughtful during the class, as if in a state of trance and much confusion. What was really happening? His intuition told him that something was wrong, but he couldn't say exactly why.

- Hey, Vini, did they rescue Matt Damon yet? - Enzo asked randomly.

- What do you mean? - Vini didn't understand.

- Wasn't he lost on Mars?

Okay, after that question, Vini almost disbelieved his crazy theory. After all, in any reality, Enzo would make that kind of comment. But still, he needed to be sure. So once again, randomly, Vini got up from his chair, interrupting the ongoing class. And, of course, he picked up one of the tables and threw it with all his might in his arms towards the teacher's board. That scene was so out of context that not even Enzo was able to make some idiotic comment that would be able to describe that moment.

Well, if Vini had any suspicions, he'd have plenty of time to think about in the "hall of shame", a hostile environment created to punish troublemakers, an adjective that shouldn't be used to describe Vini. But... After throwing the table on the whiteboard, he was of course asked to leave. In fact, considering the antics of the school's principal - dictator - he was lucky not to meet a crueler fate, such as being thrown into the bonfire. Even so, he was forced to remain in the hall of shame for five long hours, with no contact with the outside world, no water, windows or toilet. That was indeed meant to be a punishment. Which got even bigger when Enzo randomly entered the room and sat down next to Vini.

- You must be the most intelligent human being on earth. - he said.

- What are you doing here, Enzo?

An important question.

- I just wanted to see if you were alive after your outburst.

- I am surprised I have not been thrown off the roof like the homos in Iran.

- Honestly, Vini, talk to me. I've done a lot of dumb shit... Some very questionable...

- All... Questionable. - Vini corrected him.

- No argument there. But considering recent events, holes, lost towels....

- You stole my towels.

- Whatever... What made you throw the table?

How was Vini going to tell Enzo his terrible theory without frightening him?

- I think we're in some kind of alternative reality.

Enzo was confused.

- Go on.

- I think we're in a parallel universe.

- Like the Upside Down crap?

- Like that.

- Oh. - Enzo pretended to agree.

- You don't think so, do you?

- I think you've gone insane.

- I mean it, Enzo. I think we didn't get out of the hole that night.

- Vini, that's absurd. So, in your airheaded brain, we're in the Matrix?

Surprisingly, Enzo used this reference, even though he is not a fan of the movie.

- Enzo, please think with me. Haven't you noticed anything strange? I mean, we don't have recent memories. You don't remember the day before.

- So what? I don't want to remember! I don't need to remember? It's not important.

Fine, Enzo was being a baby. But an important question still needed to be asked.

- What does all this have to do with the fucking desk? - Enzo asked.

- I figured it would have a different resolution.

Enzo grimaced with doubt.

- Different?

- Yeah, Enzo, different. I know, it was very stupid. But I needed to prove my theory.

- And did you prove anything?

- You know the answer.

- Yes, but it's funnier when you say it.

And after Vini's wry smile, he had to ask one more time:

- Why exactly did you come?

- I just wanted to annoy you a bit.

And it wasn't too hard.

After the dreary period in the room of shame, Vini returned once again alone to Lake, as Enzo deserted him at school. No, Vini didn't take it personally, in fact that was an agreement between them, after all, they are not the US Marines. And on the way, Vini had a brilliant idea. If his hole theory was correct, then what could happen if he went in there again? Nothing, right? Well, Vini hoped that there would be a time when the avenue would be less busy to return to the hole. That situation had tired him immeasurably from the first day. The hours were slow to elapse, unfortunately. As it turned out, the hole was slightly bigger, which was somewhat to be expected. But what was to come even Vini could not have predicted. Once again, he clung to the rope and began the descent into the darkness. And, without warning, the rope began to shake. It wasn't windy, or raining, something felt off once again. Then a familiar voice from above puzzled him.

- Vini?

- Belgium?

- Darling, what are you doing there? Get over here!

Well, Vini obeyed. After all, he was an obedient boy.

- How did you know I was here? - Vini asked, confused.

- Enzo told me.

What?

- What did he tell you? I didn't tell him anything.

- He said you had a crazy theory. It's crackpot, honey. Forget it.

- No, baby, there's something wrong. My intuition is never wrong. So much that Enzo actually took my towels.

- What towels?

Wait a minute.

- I told you about the towels. My Buddemeyer ones. Actually, I'm surprised you don't remember, since I mentioned it.

Then something interesting happened. Again, Vini's intuition warned him of eminent danger. But to confirm it, Vini asked a dangerous question:

- How did we meet, honey?

Belgium showed a bit of confusion with that question. In theory, it should not be difficult to answer.

- What?

- How did we meet? I always remind myself when I get scared.

- Why, at school!

Huh, that was definitely not the right answer. And Vini knew it. And not only that. He knew that Belgium knew that answer, because he had told it countless times. What could have made her forget for no reason? The answer could be simple, but unfortunately it was not.

- You're not Belgium!

- Uh, what the fuck. - Said, presumably, Belgium.

To complete the bizarre situation, Belgium's body deformed in front of Vini's eyes, a scene similar to those movies where the character falls into acid. But fortunately, Belgium did not die, her body just transformed into another person. And in that case, it regressed many steps.

- Suzane Rodrigues?

Yep, the association's insufferable neighbor popped out of the ground like a jelly in human flesh, replacing Belgium's jovial body. Well, you could say she wasn't really from this world.

- What the fuck is going on? - Vini didn't understand anything.

- Vini, I don't want to hurt you. But know that you can't go back.

- Go back? Back where?

- Home.

So that can only mean that....

- Ha! I knew it! Fuck you, Enzo!

As if that was really good news.

- So, bottom line, we're really in an alternate reality and you own the place?

- You know how it is. Redoing a whole world from scratch is pretty complicated. Not much for me on the surface.

- What? You basically just keep going from one world to another? What movie can I use as a reference?

Unfortunately, Vini couldn't think of anything to back up the argument.

- Does Enzo know anything? - Vini asked.

- Oh, no. He's here with me.

- That idiot Enzo? All right, he sells himself for little, I know that. But what did you do to convince him?

- It wasn't actually that difficult. Your friend likes to gamble, doesn't he? So, I offered a few... behind-the-scenes offerings, if you know what I mean.

Vini was mad to hear that.

- Enzo sold me out for sports betting? That mucker!

But still, one question needed to be answered. Two, actually.

- So... I didn't die?

- No - Suzane answered. - You are very well alive.

- And the 10 crazy people from the expedition?

- Oh. They died.

What a pity.

- But why can't I go back?

- Why can't I go back? Vini, do you know how hard it is to keep this world here, with everyone living in this reality? If the people here return to the surface....

- But I can't go back? Only me?

- What about Enzo?

- To hell with Enzo! He abandoned me and sold me.

And, for the first time, Suzane had compassion for another human being than herself. And Vini didn't even have to make much effort. Although initially opposed to the idea, she allowed Vini to return to her world. On one condition: that he kept his mouth shut. It seemed only fair. Soon, Vini agreed. Then, in true Mary Poppins style, Suzane snapped her fingers, a slight tremor making Vini's head spin. When the moment of dizziness ceased, Vini was in a room, seemingly alone, without much recent memory except having had the conversation with Suzane. Seconds later, Belgium appeared, naked, smiling and holding a book. Perhaps it was a gift from Suzane to Vini. Or else, some other possibility. But given the recent events, who cares? Vini smiled and ran over to his girlfriend, hugged her and pulled her into bed. They spent the whole night laughing, talking nonsense, remembering moments and, of course, the obvious.

The next day, Vini's aunt, Enzo and himself were forced to return to the association. Another meeting because of the hole. Who knows why. Well, anyway, it could be worse. And, as soon as they had chosen their seats, the trio had an unpleasant but expected surprise.

- Oh, that's great. - Vini's aunt complained. - Suzane. Nobody deserves that woman.

- She's not so bad. - Vini said, unpretentiously.

Vini's aunt and Enzo stared at him.

- Are you all right? Enzo asked.

- Yes. - Vini confirmed. - Why? Do I not look well?

Suzane walked past the row where the three were sitting. She initially ignored Vini's aunt, but smiled softly at Vini, who winked and remained quiet in his chair. After all, he was not going to reveal this information.

But before the meeting starts, another surprise. The last one, I promise.

- Hey, honey, just now I remembered. I brought your towels back. - Vini's aunt said.

- My towels? - Vini didn't understand.

- You'll never believe it. I took them by mistake when I went to wash the clothes and put them in the washing machine. They were in my room and I didn't give them back. I'm sorry.

- I told you it was me, you idiot! - Enzo complained.

Still, it could be worse.

Many kilometers away, a metallic, plate-shaped spaceship was flying over the huge blue planet, dodging some cosmic boulders and earth satellites. Inside the spaceship, two tentacled, one-eyed beings were chatting about the events of the story in a language that is private but will be translated simultaneously.

- This story makes no sense at all! - Said one of the creatures.

- Yes, very peculiar. - The other creature agreed.

- What do we do now?

- Blow up the Earth, obvious. Oh, and keep the button pressed! We don't want to cause another hole.

Then a huge laser beam appeared from underneath the ship. A single shot was fired and it went straight at an incredible speed until it hit the center of California, leading to its destruction, as well as the rest of the planet, which became mere cosmic dust in the immensity of the space we know.